The tides come in and the tides go out......

[Guest]

Triggered by a medical event about 5 months ago I experienced a strong, rapidly increasing desire to cross dress for the first time in years. I got into it to a much greater degree than I ever had previously (wig, forms, shoes, makeup, etc. ) and was really confused but comforted by the whole thing. My SO was tolerant but not overjoyed with the changes in me. She became less comfortable with my changes as time went on. I found the support of this forum very helpful as I went through these changes.

Recently I went out of town on a trip by myself and took everything with me. The first night I dressed and had a wonderful time being me in a totally comfortable environment. The next few days and evenings I found, to my surprise, that I was not attracted to dressing at all. Since I was on my own I tried dressing again but did not feel the pleasure and relief I had been experienced previously. When I got home I put everything away and have not dressed since.

I do not understand what caused the resurgence in my CD interest and increased involvement over the last 5months and I do not understand why it seems to have gone away, at least for now. I am not purging or getting rid of my fem stuff at this point and intend to just leave it alone for now. Eventually, if my feelings stay the same, I will probably get rid of it as it is kind of a social liability should anything happen to me.

I feel a little like I have abandoned the common cause of the playground. I still very much appreciate the companionship and support you have shared with me but will probably visit less frequently.

Thank you all,

Erica

[Carolyn Marie]

Erica, I can't explain your feelings any more than you can. What I do know is that the need to dress does come and go for many, for reasons that are unclear.

But please don't think that, because you aren't currently interested in dressing, you are unwelcome here or in any way a second class member. Whatever your current feelings may be, you are still a cross dresser in our book, and can post and stay here as long as you desire to do so.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Charlize]

It was my experience that the desire to dress came and went. It was certainly much stronger at times while at others it came back strong.

If you have a safe place for your 'things' i'd just store them so that they will be there if the 'need" comes again.

Hugs,

Charlize

[tracy_j]

Perhaps a little different (but we are all different) - I have found on two seperate weeks when I was on leave from work this year that I was dressing fully female one day when going on a day out and the next rejecting that completely and being fully male; this being for several days in succession during the week. This oscillation was getting me really confused as I was behaving in a similar manner too - for example, as male I was eating large meals and when female taking small portions and eating far more daintily.

At the moment things are more settled as I am falling into a more feminine lifestyle (including dressing). This has reduced the dysphoria considerably, even though it has never been as intense with me as it is for many

Tracy

[Samantha2015]

Erica, I think we all go through stages like that. I wore a beard for many years and didn't really do much dressing

at all for a period of maybe 4 years. I don't like the bearded lady look

Then last year the pink fog rolled in again. I don't know why there was no big life changing moment to trigger it.

I just felt like I wanted to dress up more.

I would advise not to purge your girl stuff especially if you have a good amount of money in it.

2 months or 6 months from now you may feel different again and want to get pretty.

I think it is a common pattern with us CDrs. Not to worry.

Wishing you all the best.

[CiCi_73]

Hi Erica,

I agree with what others have said. Things change all the time (what's the old saying "the only constant thing in life is change?"). And I don't think any less of you for not wanting to dress right now. I can't tell you how many times I purged my stuff, believing "this is the last time." And after I got married, I probably went six years without even thinking about it much ("I'm cured!"). But the need did return, as it always had. And as I've aged the need intensified. Now I'm on the other side, where life is just too depressing unless I can be my femme self. But that's me and where I'm at now. You and your situation can evolve along an entirely different path, and that's cool too. I'm glad for you no matter which way things might end up in your life, as long as you are happy!

Hugs,

Courtney

[Guest Eve Caillard]

Hi Erica

I was mightily puzzled when my desire to cross-dress faded for the first time. But it has come and gone so often that now I just accept it as being the way it is. I seem to have two months in full CD mode, then a month out of it.

All the best!

Eve

[Guest]

Don't know your housing situation, but in my home at the time I first had my clothes stash up through the scuttle in the rafters of the roof attic. Plausible deniablity, we bought from a previous owner, didn't know it was there. Later I built a secret door wall in the interior wall of the walk-in closet. It was 3'X 7' X 3.5" deep. The latch was hidden in the door lock strike plate hole. Any long thin object such as a pencil pressed in the hole popped the spring loaded latch and the wall popped open. Press the wall shut reset the latch. Spring tension kept any wall rattle from giving it away. Carefully fitted mouldings covered edges for no gaps and a flexible cloth seam over the hinge looked like a painted drywall tape corner.

Well yes, quite a bit of creative work, but even the new owners don't know it's there. Giggle. Don't run to Home Depot looking for the hardware. I'm a machinist, no I don't make parts or plans. It's just brain food for those that want secrets secure.

My new life is much easier, but I dressed in phases and spurts for many years. Hug. JodyAnn

[VickySGV]

I am on the "other side" (fully transitioned and post op,) and I still go through times when I am Hyper-Femme and NEED to do it with a true vengeance, or life is crushing. Today I am going up in the local mountains to do a special service activity that will last 24 hours, and I have on nearly "male" outdoor attire, expect that I will need my nails redone on Sunday, and will have put up with a whole lot of Testosterone in the air and other male life stuff. I will not necessarily feel like "one of the boys" and I am not the only woman who will be there doing this, but how I look is not important, and I am still going to be me. To the guys I will be with, it's not how great a sex object I look like, it is how well I can put together a radio command site.

[Guest Kati]

About all I can do echo the comments of others. There are peaks and troughs. I haven't been able to figure out the relevant questions: why? how? when? is the urge to crossdress going to change yet again. Every time I think this was just a phase and isn't really you I am, the desire to crossdress hits me like a tidal wave. I wish I was a better swimmer!

[Guest BriyannaTyasia]

I Too Experience What You're Going Through, With Me Though, I Experience Shame and Guilt Afterwards.Still, The More I Try To Ignore and Pretend That I Do Not Have All Of These Needs and Deeply Rooted Desires, The More That All Of The Feelings Wants Needs and Deeply Rooted Desires Return With A Vengeance and Way Stronger Than Before Each and Every Time.

It's Such An Relief To See That I'm Not Alone, My Friend You're Fine and Girl Your Need Will Return.. Always Does,It's Definitely Apart Of Both What Make You Who and What You Are.

[Scarlett Viktoria]

I hear you. I'm currently trying to break free from a long low tide. Trying to get back into my old groups again and talk about it more. I don't work at the moment so you'd think I'd be in CD heaven. I wish I was in the mood more to dress out. But I've been keeping myself busy so I don't go insane from boredom. Plus, I grew a beard which I'm not really interested in shaving at the moment. It's hard to want to put my wig, makeup, etc on while sporting a beard. I've kept from purging since I've read so many oosts from ladies who have regreted it later. Anyway, hang in there, it's a rollercoaster.

[Guest ErIca W]

It's been a couple of months now and I still have neither the urge nor the moments of warmth I had been experiencing when I to my femme side. Don't miss the anxiety and stress however. Really curious how long this mode will sustain itself.

It's all a little strange to me.

Erica

[Guest ErIca W]

After about three months I took the opportunity to dress for a few hours today.

Wanted to see how I felt about it.

No idea why but I came away feeling relaxed and happy. :-)

Not obsessive about it as I was earlier but recognize I will probably dress again when the opportunity presents itself.

I guess I am more in the closet as I am not underdressing, removing body hair or making my SO aware of it, although I suspect she knows it hasn't gone away completely as I still have clothes in our shared closet.

Wished I understood the whole thing better but will just enjoy it when I can for now.

[Guest]

Ooh a small phase shift I went through too. That is when I started dressing for feminine comfort than the sensual. Ut oh, your girl is starting womanhood.

No telling what your timeline will be? Could be many, many years? Just be you and remember this is just a part of you. Enjoy your masculinity, enjoy your femininity! Hug. JodyAnn

[Samantha2015]

Wished I understood the whole thing better but will just enjoy it when I can for now.

I'm the same way Erica. Don't know if I'll ever understand why but I just

try to have fun with it when I feel the need to dress.

[Guest ErIca W]

Three months after my last post about feeling pretty neutral about dressing en femme I put on a nightie this morning and luxuriated in bed a little after my SO was up and downstairs. It felt indescribably wonderful.

Later today I went and bought a new nightie. Not my usual Ross X-dress-for-less compromise but a Miss Elise nylon nightie at full price from a major retailer. I wanted to indulge and splurge a little. I couldn't be more excited. Hand washed it hand hung in the back of the closet to dry. Hopefully I can enjoy it a little tomorrow. Also shaved my arms just to feel them smooth again.

Still don't understand myself at all in this regard but I'm glad I didn't purge and am enjoying this aspect of myself again.

It is wonderful to be able to share my feelings about CD-ing and my femme self on this forum. There is no one I can conveniently confide in and I feel much better and less lonely being able to share my ups and downs.

Thank you all, and especially Laura.

Love,

Erica