I have what I won't use

[Guest (S)hE-W0lf]

Hi ladies and gents, hope you're all well.

I've not dressed up in full and actually spent more than an hour dressed up in ages. Generally I don't even under dress or play with makeup or prance around the privacy of my room in fem when I have the opportunity anymore and I suspect it's because I feel too negative about myself and because I don't have enough time.

The strange part is that I don't stop fantasising nor did I stop shopping for pretty things. In my mind I know I want laser hair removal, and I want pretty clothing and sometimes I even wish my body would magically morph into a female's biologically, occasionally it even enters a sexual zone which still kinda throws me off but none of it really entices me to get dressed anymore. Not as often as I thought it would. I know my girlfriend doesn't much care for it, she sometimes encourages and other times she discourages it but she's always helpful and willing to let me go about it if I want to yet no such feeling as yet.

I've recently uploaded some pics I took as I got things together and finally managed an outfit but it what the pics don't say is how it almost feels shallow? Why can't a man wear a dress and if he can, how does dressing up make one feel feminine? It's almost like looking pretty isn't enough. It's often easier and faster to just grab some pants and a t-shirt and just be another guy, no one cares that you don't do the effort to coordinate and such, but it leaves something to be desired inside. If a girl can wear her boyfriend's shirt and still feel feminine, why can't I? Maybe I'm just a guy who likes to dress up, which on a personal level feels strange to think about.

I can't understand how one moment all I want is to be feminine and dress pretty and own more things and when I finally have both opportunity and equipment I just don't feel it anymore. Frustrating.

Anyhow, apologies for the seemingly random ramblings.

Hugs to all

Katelyn

[Charlize]

My story somewhat follows yours certainly for long periods. I also stopped dressing at all but still thought about it from time to time. Now years later i've come to some kind of peace with myself at least today. Funny but i'm even wearing the few bits of clothing he left behind. An oversize shirt feels great but mostly the issue has seemed to fade away and i'm happy with my life.

I can only suggest that the way you feel while difficult is not unusual. I certainly remember that 'shallow" feeling. I think therapy helped with that as well as helping me find a path to comfort with myself.

Hugs,

Charlize

[Guest Kenna Dixon]

Me too, Katelyn.

At some point, it seems, some of us reach a point at which it's not mostly about the clothes. I enjoy the luxury of working at home, so one might think I'd go all out to indulge my transgender nature. Instead, I dress strictly for comfort. That means just shorts or jeans and a top of some kind.

I've almost entirely purged any guywear from my closet, keeping only token items I might need if circumstances require me to dress male. However, my day-to-day clothing is much more about the fit and feel of the fabric than any need to create a feminine appearance.

[Guest Kayla Grace]

The only thing that stands out to me (and I could very well be wrong) is your gender changes according to your feelings.

I know for dang sure that I sometimes want to just put on a t shirt and track pants and I sometimes do. I'm quite simple. I abhor makeup and very rarely use it. Even lipstick and eye shadow is a rare occurrence for me. I can get away with not using it apparently, so I do.

One thing I've always used to describe how I feel is asking myself what pronouns I prefer. right now, I'm sitting in pyjama bottoms and and his sweater, and I still like the she identification. My eye twitches everytime I'm called the male pronouns - my eye even twitched right there just typing it - so I can tell I'm undoubtedly female.

I'll take the copout route and side with Charlize when she says therapy would be a good idea. I know the common thing for therapy is to associate it with issues, but I think if you have a good therapist, it's the most enlightening experience ever. Find out more about yourself

[Guest (S)hE-W0lf]

Hi Charlize,

Thank you for the input. I've actually thought about the concept that the clothes should probably eventually lose the novelty and then return to just being clothes, even if a lot more pretty than those I normally wear. I'm only wondering if then the urge will cease, stagnate or elevate to indicate that it's not enough. I should probably look into therapy again.

Hugs

[Guest]

Oh I like your style! Yes, I have known the lulls that could last for years. Then I just had to dress conservative female just to feel comfortably normal.

The reason I like your style is: if your dysphoria ever takes off like a wildfire, clothing will not nearly be enough and you will want to experience every possible relm of female. That is when the marvel of transitioning begins to get magical. No single gender person can ever experience that.

[Guest (S)hE-W0lf]

I have thought about transitioning and will probably again but right now I don't see myself as a gender but rather just as myself. Pronouns and the works.

I've been meaning to get dressed and ask close friends and such to refer to me as female but when I think about it I feel really stupid. Though I feel kinda put off when called male if I do feel like dressing up or when I am done up. However I have makeup which often bothers me because I can't wear it, I have clothes that don't get worn just bought and I have many hair styles I'd like to try with my long hair but don't feel are worth it for a male.

I can't think of any reason why being female would be better yet I often find myself wishing I were on the other side of the gender/sex spectrum. Not to mention my girl is happy with the cross dressing and can handle the swapping around but even mentioning the idea of transition drives her to this very dark mood. I myself am unsure if I'd walk that path. Who knows where life will take me.

Thank all you ladies for sharing your sides and renting experiences.

Hugs

Lynn

[Guest]

Lynn, you caused me to remember something about myself by doing the same thing of sorts. I used to drive one therapist crazy so long ago. Had she known I was gender dysphoric we could have gotten to my problem a lot sooner. I would always speak of me as in third person, she would ask why I felt like the narrator about my life? That was just how I felt about him.

Now today post transition, I can talk about me first person always. I do that because I am me talking about me. I've always been me? He was the sham and the shell. See I still talk about him that way. Giggle. If he was a real person he could have spoken up for himself.

What does that have to do with you? Probably nothing. Speaking of your her just reminded me. It's so great to be free, free to be me. I like me. Hug. JodyAnn

[gennee]

That's just a part of the journey. There are times you feel it and other times you don't- and that's okay. I've had those times I wasn't feeling it. Last night I was REALLY feeling it!