Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Is it normal to have regrets about coming out?


Imaginary Spiders

Recommended Posts

So I came out three days ago. It went very well. After I left my letter for my mother to find I sort of regretted doing so. Then I heard her flipping through it. I think it's perfectly normal to regret coming out within the first few hours, maybe the first day. Is it normal to regret coming out three days later? I have been unusually well accepted by my mother as trans and I think she sort of accepts as female, but if I could go back to the moment that I left my letter for her to find, I'm not sure I would do the same thing. I have looked forward to coming out as trans for months and being accepted. I got what I wanted, perhaps even more. I really didn't expect to feel this way about things. I have decided I am going to wait things out a few days before I talk to her again about being trans and after I have thought things out a bit I will be contacting a gender therapist. Has anyone felt this way before? Is it possible that I'm just scared?

Link to comment
  • Admin

Yes, I did feel this way, and it definitely began an adventure. For me an adventure that continues 6 years past the beginning of HRT, and 4 years beyond coming out full time, and then three past SRS. You have started the snowball rolling!! In time the "scared" becomes a satisfying ride to the next day ahead. There is no "getting a cat back into a bag" or a "Genie back into their bottle". We have gotten to the edge of the river, and have found we can run on it's water though!!

Link to comment

Thanks for your response. I thought it was really weird how I sort of regret coming out even though I got a lot luckier than a lot of people do. I guess it is fear, but I'm not sure of what.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

I don't know if i had regrets. I know i had difficulties and some hardship. I also had some doubts. It took time to become comfortable as myself. I do think that the old system of requiring folks to live in their gender before HRT or surgery had some merit. So far you have crossed no bridge that can't take a return trip. You know you have a strong famine side and can be open about that. Where you go with that knowledge will only develop with time.

Isn't that time thing a pain! I want the world and i want it....Now!!!!!

Hugs,

Charlize

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

I get the feeling with these things that it is always a bit of an anticlimax. There is always an expectation that the world will change. Whether it is for better or worse. I find that when nothing really seems to change I get somewhat worried as to whether things have gone wrong. Do not forget that for many people, things that we feel important are only side issues. I know that to you mother Laura it will be more than that but I am explaining in general terms. But yes, as Vicky said, once the genie is out of the bottle I for one have been a little scared as to whether it was the right thing to do

Tracy

Link to comment

You make a good point in saying that I have not done anything yet that I can't reverse except for the fact that I came out and my mother will never see me the same way again, but she mostly has a whatever attitude about it anyway. She has been very supportive about it and appears to accept what ever approach I will take. I guess part of the issue is that I didn't expect her to be so supportive. It still sort of feels a bit like a dream. Things don't quite seem real to me yet. Maybe that is why I am having regrets.

Link to comment

Same here, I have been out for a couple of months to my family and friends. I worry that things might go bad, people might decide they don't want to deal with me. But so far my friends have been accepting, and I've made many new friends in the DC area. I've moved out of the house and that has been a mixed blessing. I miss the constant companionship, but I enjoy my new found freedom. While I do wonder if it is going to be worth it in the end, I usually end up asking myself--do I want to go back to that state of being in denial and in the closet? The answer to that is decidely and unwavingly no. I have enough of a hard time being him at work!!

I may have worries about others reactions, sometimes feeling overwhelmed by what I am doing, and worry about the next laser hair treatment (ouch!!). But I also know that what others think is their problem, not mine. Take everything a day at a time, and the laser may hurt temporarily but it is permanent progress towards my final destination.

Link to comment

Thank you all for helping me understand that having regrets is just a normal part of the process. From age four I felt that I was the wrong gender. When I began cross dressing at age thirteen I either did it in the dark or behind locked doors when no one was around. I obsessed everyday to keep the way I felt a deep deep secret. At age thirteen if you would have told me that I would eventually be openly transgender with a few friends and my mother, I would have thought you were insane and laughed at you and then go hide of course. I have come a long long way in just a few months. So I think it is perfectly natural to doubt things a little.

Link to comment

The growing process involves taking a step forward and sometimes a step back.

There are some steps that you cant really go back on but that is times when you digest the changes you have made and rationalize then decide if you want or need to take another step forward. Or stay where you are.

I regret that i need to take steps that will conceen or hurt others but I dont regret actually taking the steps because by the time i take another step I am sure in my heart that I need to do it.

Wish you all the best.

Link to comment

I often find that it is difficult to cope with acceptance more than rejection. We are so used to the idea of being rejected, that we have coping strategies ready for how to deal, but when we are accepted it can often be confusing.
And it's also not over- which is the main thing with coming out. It's never really over. Each step in your process, whatever you decide, it another step in coming out. Each moment it becomes more real, people will have to come to grips with it.
I have certainly felt regret about coming out, but not as much as I feel for having waited so long to finally do what I have know was right for a very long time.

Best wishes on your journey.

peace

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

I haven't had any regret but I have had several "what now" moments. As Leigh says it's not over, you've just taken the initial public step. You've lived with this in your head for a long time, now its out in the real world and this is where we all live. Are you scared? I'm certain you are. With a change like this you'd be crazy not to feel a little fear. But get over it and plan your next steps. Enjoy life. You only get one!

Hugs,
Jani

Link to comment

Throughout my journey there has been a bit of a rollercoaster of what have I done, what should have I done, why did I need to do it? I still don't know all the answers. I lay here writing this knowing that for me, I did all the right things, all be it some mistakes along the way.

In the beginning there was much more turbulence than peace. I'd say you are having normal feelings.

Link to comment

I'm starting to see that those are just normal feelings for this step. I just thought it was a bit weird how a couple of days after I came out it sort of hit of me that I really just did that and I began to question if I really needed to. The answer is of course yes. Things are starting to look up for me now. I'm coming closer to doing what I need to do and getting the help I need. I don't regret it right now. I sort of tipped my whole world upside down. I guess it sort of takes time getting use to things. As Leigh said prior to coming out we are use to rejection or at least the idea that we are being rejected. I'm sort of surprised that my mother has been so accepting. I thought maybe she would sort of accept, but perhaps not completely. Instead she appears to fully accept me.

Link to comment
Guest Kayla Grace

I definitely have. I think it's perfectly normal to regret coming out because who is really ever ready to hear such things? Are you really ever ready to tell someone you're really a boy/girl respectively?

Link to comment

My only regrets from coming out were the "overshares" with people who I didn't know that well- I was so excited, and people asked why I was so happy, and I just kinda dumped it all on them! They were actually very gracious, but it was awkward.

Aside from that I found it a relief to come out.

Link to comment

I think I'm done regretting it for the moment. I just very recently realized that I have made a huge steps towards something that I have always wanted which is to be a woman. How can I regret that?

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   5 Members, 0 Anonymous, 90 Guests (See full list)

    • Susan R
    • awkward-yet-sweet
    • Ashley0616
    • Betty K
    • Stefi
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.5k
    • Total Posts
      767.2k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      11,942
    • Most Online
      8,356

    taxicab
    Newest Member
    taxicab
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Amyjay
      Amyjay
      (58 years old)
    2. bettyjean
      bettyjean
    3. Breanna
      Breanna
      (52 years old)
    4. Emily Ayla
      Emily Ayla
    5. JET182
      JET182
  • Posts

    • Susan R
      The experience was the same for me @April Marie. I slept much deeper and I woke up each morning feeling so much more restful sleeping with forms solidly in place. For me, wearing breast forms at night started when before I was a teenager. I had no access up to modern breast forms and certainly no way to buy mastectomy bras back then. I wore a basic bra my mom had put in a donation box and two pairs of soft cotton socks. I have some crazy memories of things I did in my youth to combat my GD but regardless, these makeshift concoctions helped me work through it all.   All My Best, Susan R🌷
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Colorado isn't exactly a Republican place, and won't become one anytime soon.  I think those folks might be better off not spending their time playing Don Quixote.    We certainly have our share of California "refugees" moving into where I live, so I wouldn't be surprised to start seeing Coloradans too.  I suspect the trend over the next few years will see the blue areas getting more blue and the red areas getting more red as anybody who can relocate tries to find a place where they fit better.   
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Well, at least it'll be a place some folks could choose.  Options are a good thing.
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      My family would have gobbled that jar up in a minute or two.  When we do have pickled herring, its usually for Christmas.  I didn't grow up with that particular dish, but I grew up in a Greek family so I like just about any kind of fish if I can get it.  However, ocean fish and freshwater fish taste so different.  We usually have more catfish and tilapia to eat than anything else.    What I can't quite get used to is the tons of cabbage my GF insists on eating.  When you live with a Russian, there is always cabbage soup.  Always.  When I first moved in with her, breakfast was "shchi" for soup and either bread or "kasha" which is a bowl of boiled buckwheat with butter and salt.  Those dishes can be made in any number of ways, some are better than others.  In the winter, it can even be salty and sour like kraut.  Not exactly sauerkraut, but packed in tubs with vinegar and salt so it keeps partially for the winter.  But I drew the line when the cabbage soup included pieces of fried snake one day.  😆
    • Ashley0616
      Good evening to you as well @Mmindy   That is awesome that you have support from her side. My dad has communicated with me once and that was because he was forced to. His new wife wanted to spend time with my kids. He hated me so much he was in the process of taking my rights away as a parent to my two boys. He was talking to a lawyer and I called him out on it. I don't love him at all. I'll respect him because I wouldn't be here without him but I wished I had another father. My uncles don't talk to me and unfriended me on Facebook. Almost all cousins except for two are still Facebook friends but they don't give me any support. My mom said she won't support me with that but she has said that she loves me. I have nieces and nephews that are still Facebook friends but they have yet to talk to me. I have one sister that supports me out of three. The other's disrespect me by deadnaming me. They have never called me their sister. I think for them they think it's still a phase. They don't ask questions about me being trans. I have to bring it up and on the look of their faces they don't look comfortable about it. 
    • Mmindy
      Good evening @Ashley0616,   I just got offline with HP tech support trying to get my printer tool box icon locked to my tool bar. This is one of the most important features of my printer that I like because it keeps track of ink, paper, and scanned documents. I'm diffidently not a computer geek.   I'll catch up with the other bookmarks next week. We leave to go home for the Easter Holiday with our families. Saturday with her side, and Sunday with my side. What's odd about that is I'm out to more of her side and they're reluctantly supportive. My side on the other hand are less supportive, and my sister just under me in age will not acknowledge my being there. She will be constantly moving to keep from dealing with me. I'm dead to her.   Hugs,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋  
    • Ashley0616
      I used to follow baseball and the team I would cheer for is Boston Red Sox. My favorite player was Papi. He was an awesome guy and even held a child during the National Anthem. I haven't watched baseball for a long time. It just died off to me. 
    • Ashley0616
      That stinks that nothing transferred, and no bookmarks were saved! 
    • Ashley0616
      I'm doing patches for now but I think soon I'll go to shots because it's hard to alternate when you are doing two xx patches at once. Unless she gives me Estradiol and progesterone
    • Sally Stone
      Go Cleveland Guardians!  I love baseball and I loved playing it when I was younger.  
    • Sally Stone
      My view is we are "dependent" on government, because as a society, we are too lazy to stay actively involved. So, we let politicians do our bidding for us.  I think we'd be in a better place government wise if we policed the actions of our politicians.  We elected them; they work for us.  Sadly, we are allowing them to run amok.  We are where we are because we have chosen to let politicians make all decisions without us.  Remember "by the people, for the people?" That was the intent of our democracy.  Today, however, it is "by the politicians, for the politicians," the people be damned. 
    • Mmindy
      "Play Ball! Batter Up!" is the closing line of the National Anthem as far as I'm concerned. It's the call of the Home Plate Umpire and signals the start of the game. I grew up in the TV and Radio broadcast of the St. Louis Cardinals. Harry Caray, Jack Buck, Tim McCarver, and Mike Shannon, were the voices on my transistor radio. KMOX 1120 AM pushing 50,000 watts of Class A clear-channel non-directional signal. It could be picked up all across MO, IL, IN to the East. KS, OK, CO to the West. IA, MN to the North, and KY, TN, AR to the South. There has always been a rivalry against the Chicago Cubs, in the National League. As for the American League, I have to pull for the Kansas City Royals. I've also been a Little League Umpire, and fan of everything the Little League stands for. Going to Williamsport, PA and seeing the Little League World Series is in my top 10 things to do on my bucket list.   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • Mmindy
      Good evening everyone,   I don't think my mother ever cooked a meal that I didn't like. We also had a kitchen where mom fixed the food, dad filled your plate, and you eat it. It wasn't until our baby brother was born that we could have Pop-Tarts for snacks. Before that all snacks had to meet mom's approval, and in her opinion wouldn't prevent you from eating supper.   Well my day started off on a good note, but has become frustrating because my IT person didn't transfer my saved videos I use for teaching. Then I found out that they didn't save any of my book marks for websites I use frequently.   Best wishes, stay motivated,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • MaeBe
      The number is relative to method of deliver, the time of the dose, and when the blood is drawn. However, I do want to keep away from DVT and other potential issues. I assume I may be getting backed down from my current dose, but my doc told me to stick with the higher dose, so? I also wonder if this has anything to do the my breast growth and mental changes that have been happening over the past few years, like I have some estrogen sensitivity so a little goes a long way or something? I don't have enough data to postulate, but who knows!   With weekly, subcutaneous, shots you expect to see big swings of serum level estradiol from shot to peak to trough. My doctor is interested in mid-week testing (for E and T levels only), which would be post-peak blood serum levels but they will be higher than trough. Most, if not all, resources I've seen online is to measure at trough (which I might do just to do it next time) along with a SHBG, LH, and other metrics.   This is from transfemscience.org for Estradiol valerate in oil, which is very spiky compared to some other estradiol combinations. It's also for intramuscular, which will have a slower uptake and is usually dosed in higher volume due to the slower absorption rate from muscles. They don't have subcutaneous numbers, which I would expect to see similar spikes but higher levels at similar doses due to the relatively higher absorption rate direct from fat.   Are you doing pills, shots, or patches? And when you do get your levels checked are you getting that done when your levels are lowest or some other time?
    • Willow
      Both of my parents were from the “North Shore” of Boston.  My mother Lynn and my father Swampscot.  They had an early 1900s Scots-Irish New England diet.  My sister and I were born in the 40s in Ohio well away from New England seafood and in an area where food was more German and Polish.  My first experience with liver and onions was during basic training.  They ate salt cod but never forced us to eat it same with oysters.  My dad ate oysters but my mother wouldn’t.  Anyone who ever ate an oyster can figure that one out.  I grew up eating lamb.  My wife won’t touch it. I love brazed ox tail, again no way. And the list goes on.  
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...