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Look At Some Of The Events Of My Life..

Guest Selkia

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Guest Selkia

Well..It's super late here..and i've been thinking about my life..and I decided to turn on the laptop and share some of my life..

Though I haven't really told anyone about my life..and it's events intill lately..I feel i must get some of it off my chest and in the open..sorry ahead of time if there is spelling mistakes or I seem to make no sense or trail off..I am very sleepy...

well lets make a time line first...

0 Yrs - birth

1-6 Yrs - earily childhood

6-9 Yrs - start of school

9-10 Yrs - Death of family

11 Yrs puberty and new school

11-14 Yrs events till highschool

14-15 Yrs Grade 9

15-16 Yrs Grade 10 - The missing one

16 Yrs Mentally insane..

17 Yrs ..slow and painful end

0 Yrs- Birth

Well..the start of my life i really have no memory of it neither does most people..this info came from my parents..supposly..right from the momment i exited my mother I was marked as dead...I had so many birth problems..supposly I wasn't suppose to even live..but some how i did..and I join my parent's family as their 3rd child..that accaully lived past 1 years old...they were happy to have a Son..since they already had two daughters..You see I was the only "male" child to be born in our huge family tree..I was suppose to continue on our family name..little did they know..they never had a Son..

1 - 6 Yrs - Earily childhood

I grew up..with two sisters Both of them were jealous of me..because I got my own room..my own Toys..more love from my parents then them more attention more care..soon whenever my parents would be looking the other way my sister's would trip me and pick on me..

Both of my parents worked..so my mom's mother would babysit us..of course she was paid alot..the greedy old witch..use to make my parents pay for everything..ever since my mom was young she would make her work to buy the old witch things..ah yes but back to the babysitting...the witch did not care for me..or Ashley( my eldestsister) she only cared about Jane..her little princess and she was my other sister..my grandmother would buy her toys and cloths treats cook her meals and care for her..meanwhile Ashley was locked in a closest..and I was left alone uncared for..no food no love..nothing..our grandmother babysat us for along time intill one day I was left on a rocking chair..and I fell and my lip was cut on some sharp item below..my parents came home..and my lip was gushing blood..my grandmom was just saying it was just a scratch..i ended up having to be rushed to the hosptial and got a few sitches in my lip..theres still a bump there to this day.

After that my mom no longer wanted my grandmom to babysit us..she ended up quitting her job and watching us her self..but this meant my father was the only one supporting the family..

soon I outgrew my old clothes..and had to waer handmedowns..which were my sister's old cloths..my mom said that i was always more interested in my sister's toys then the trucks and cars my dad had bought me..supposly I seemed soo happy..always smiling..my hair was also long like my sisters' hair..whenever we would go out to the park or anything..everyone thought i was a girl..and my dad would always correct them..intill one day he got mad..at people mistaking his son for a girl and he went out and bought me boy clothes..tho i never wanted to wear them..xD he would end up dressing me in them..and the next thing you knew i had taken them off and was running around the house in my undies..later on he was telling me that I should be wearing those cloths because I am a boy..and i'm not allowed to wear my sisters' clothes because they are girl clothes..

6-9 Yrs - Start of school.

the first day of school came along..and my mom said to be to pick out my fav clothes that I want to wear today because today Is a very special day..so I came to her holding a dress from my sisters' room..my took it away and told me I had to pick boy clothes because i'm not allow to wear the dress.. so I ended up getting around dress..so my mom ended up putting out boy clothes and I refused to put them on..I cryed ad cryed..intill finally..my mom Let me wear the dress..when she took me into the school I looked like any other young girl..long hair..in a dress..when I was left in the classroom with the teacher..she talked to my mom..and since my name is unisexed name the teacher just fingured I was a girl..-__- intill I had to go to the washroom...they called home..and all this stuff happened..and my mom was shun apon for dressing her Son in a dress..so from then on in no more dresses were allowed to be worn to school..I still did wear female handmedowns just nothing to feminie..as went to school I ment a friend named Evan we became best of friends..but all of that ended when his mom lied and said Evan wasn't going to have a birthday party this year..and he ended up having one but i was the only one not invited the reason was because I Whined to much..<__<; and I had a crush on Evan..my parents fingured that it was a phase that i liked boys..I was 7 when I saw this realllly cute teddy at a store..and my mom said I could buy it if i saved up my allowance which was 10 cents a day..and the teddy was 12 dollars..when I got the teddy....Oh my You would not see me without it...but..soon after a became victum to a bully named Cody...he would hunt me down every day at school and beat me up..-__- each day I would come home covered with cuts scrapes and buries..my mom and dad were starting to get worried..On day..Cody took my Teddy who I named Spot..and he pulled the tail off of him....I was crying during the whole thing....and he took spot with him...and when I got home i was crying about spot non stop..-__- the next day in crafts..Cody stabed holes in spot with a pencial...I snaped..and jumped onto the kid and keep hitting him..that was my 1st time at the prinicpals office..of course Cody got off free..after giving me the remains of spot..but lucky my mom fixed spot..and i still have him to this day.. but you see my mom at this time still allowed me to wear dresses at home..and my dad got home one day eairly and noticed me in a dress and freaked out..him and my mom got in a fight..my dad ended up telling me to not wear dresses because they are for girls..and I said I was a girl tho silly..and my dad started to shake me and yelling to me that I am not a girl I am a BOY! he ended up taking me to the barber and they cut off my long hair..-__- and all the female handmedowns and toys were put away into a closest and locked..i was forced to wear boy clothes..which I hated..

9-10 Yrs - Death of family..

When I was 9 my Dad's grandmother became sick with cancer...and the same with my mom's dad..They were great both of them..they loved me so much..and sadly..at the age of 10 they were both gone from my life...-__- at that time we were living at my dad's grandmother's house because we had sold the old house we grew up in..and bought a new house far out in the country but we couldn't move in intill 3 months had past..It was such a shock to me..one minute your talking to them holding their hands the next they are gone from your life...never to be seen again..but sadly I would soon grow use to this feeling..

11 Yrs Puberty

when we finally moved..I had started at a new school..and not a little bit after I had started school..then I had started Puberty..Though 11 is normally earily for boys to start puberty I had started the same time as most if the girls had...I was in grade 6 at the time..and surpizing enough that year they taught us sex ed. and I learned what was going to happen to my body...and I was scared..everynight when I got home from school I would pray that I would wake up without those parts..and would have femaleparts instead..and thats when I started to steal my sisters' stuff and putting them on me such things as her bras and i would put lotion and anything i would find....and went in sleep in it hoping that my body would change into a female body..not soon after trying on my sisters' cloths again since a long long time ago when I was very young..I went outside wearing them clothes..I stuffed the bra and people accually thought i was a girl..it was at this time...That I met a Girl..we became such best and close friends tho my life's story becomes intertwine with this girl's story...I shall not repeat anything more about her..for it brings back to many memories...

11-14 Yrs - years intill highschool..

though it may seem that this part of my life seems like not much happened..this part had more things then any other..though I shall not repeat...these times of my life..

expect a few points..

near the end of grade 8..It was nighttime...and I awoke to a moaning sound..coming from downstairs...though before I went to investagate..I quickly..put boy pjs and a t-shirt over the panties and Bra..which I always wore to bed..the only time I would only wear them was under boys clothes or while in bed..so I wouldn't be caught..so I slowly opened the door and went down the stairs..the moaning grew louder..and then while walking down the stairs i steped into something wet I thought it was just water..intill i got to the 2nd last stair before the landing and I slipped and landed into more.."water"..there was something infront of me moaning...I stood up..and turned on the light..and infront of me..laid my mother..her jaw cracked apart..so it was hanging abnormally..her legs twisted in a werid way her ankle twisted the wrong way...and her arm..was so twisted and messed up..the bone sticking out from the skin broken...and there I stood..all the way down the stairs..on the landing dripping down the stairs...was a river of her blood..and I was covered in it...I fell back down..tears in my eyes...frozen...it wasn't intill I let out a long..fearful scream..that the rest of the people in the house woke up..my dad came rushing out of his room..and saw my mom..and started to do a billion things at once..like call 911...help stop the bleeding...soon my mom was rushed to the hospital...and I spent the next few days without sleep or food or water..haunted by the thoughts..

14-15 Yrs Grade 9.

The frist semster of grade 9 I was new to a school..to a town..with no friends at all..nothing at all..with my mom still in the hospital....I was in a fearful mood that something bad was going to happen to me. Though after the frist few days people had made new friends I still stayed friendless..but on the other hand..I was doing very well with the school work a month past and I made some new friends That semester I ended up with just a few friends..no really close friends though But on the other side I had the best grades..the next semester..I wanted did the same thing and I made a very close friend...but suddenly I Went into an exmetre depression..when the death came to the girl I shall not meantion..and not a month later did I met a girl..who Looked just like her..and I suddenly became obessied with her...-___-; but still in a daze..thinking she was the other girl..depiste the akrwardness..we became very very close friends..Her name was Mandy..and she didn't have that many friends either..it wasn't intill she noticed huge gashes in my upper arms that she started asking questions about my depression..and soon she was stuck in my world of darkness and dispare..I told her one day I want you to leave me alone I don't want you to get hurt...but she anwsered she would stick with me till the end..I ended up going into such a deep depression..that I tried to take my life...-__- mandy ended up telling her mom and then her parents hated me without even knowing me.

15-16 Yrs Grade 10 the missing one

all summer me and mandy talked and got closer and closer..intill we shared our frist kiss..and I was happy for awhile..intill we got into a huge fight...and during the time we got closer I told her all about my life..mainly about wanting to be a girl..-___- I asked her one time if she would still love me If I was to turn my body into a girl's body..and she said no..I truly to this day believe she just liked me because of how I looked..well one day..after running into something of my past..I randomly..cursed everything..and ran away from the world...though I will not share the ture extent of the reasons why I ran away I will tell you this...I was full of such emotionals that..I had no idea of what I was doing...with 50 bucks in my pocket it lasted me awhile for food..I traveled by foot..farer and farer up north..I lived in the woods..in old ghosttowns...But you..see the only time my gender didn't matter to me was this time..I did not think of such things that people worry about..such as Looks,Time,Money...all I cared about was food..and water..I had not felt so free like i did then...Nothing really to worry about...The winter slowly came..and yet having almost straved and froze to death...many times..I still went on...you see people take for granted so many things..they want more..and more..you can have as many games..as many computers..as much cars houses money...but you see these things..won't do you anygood..they don;t keep you alive..Water...air..and food is what we need..yet..so many people just ruin our water our air..people say their free..they are important..because they have a big house...but they don't relieze that they are just stuck in a box..contained..they will never know freedom intill they have nothing..for all the items in the world just weigh you down....i'm sorry i'm ranting..

On we go.. after I long time..I ended up going to cities..instead of living in the woods..but by this time..no one was looking for me..everyone fingured i was dead...and it would have remained that way..intill I met this girl you see she was just like me..she had ran away..but she was 14 when she ran away..and now..she is 19..5 years she had been on the streets..and it had taken it's toll on her..she told me of her story..she told me how lucky I was...how I could amount to so much..that it was foolish..to stay here on the streets...and in the end..she is the one that conviced me to return home..

Though..I hope she is still alright..I know I will never see her again..Though People come and go in our lives we meet a few that stay in our memories..and she is one..Her name was Lisa..and yet...she was smart..girl..I could see she was beautiful before the years of harsh weather took their tolls on her..she ran away..full of emotion..she believed she could forget the problems..like I did..but..they only become wrost as time goes on..every step you make on your jounrey..should never be away from the problem...for your problems will never become sloved that way...But make every step count towards something..and soon the problem will be sloved...

-____- Oh my...i've been typing this for 3 hours now..maybe more..I'm trying to make it short I mean I haven't even wrote more then 30% of the thigns that have happened to me..so I suppose I shall finish writing this some other night..

Link to comment
Guest Elizabeth K

I don't know what to say. I am just glad you are here and sharing those painful parts of your life. Healing starts with sharing.


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Guest ~Brenda~

Dear Selkia,

I am work right now so I cannot provide you a more indepth response (have type quickly at work).

Basically, my dear, I can tell that you need to talk. Please keep posting your feelings and get them out!! If you need to PM me, please feel free to do so!! I will listen to you, and help you!!

We are all here for you my dear.



Link to comment

You have discovered one of the deepest truths in our lives - we can never run away from our problems, because we can't run away from ourselves.

It can be by drink, drugs or physically running away, when you stop running you are still there with all of the memories and pain from your past - you have to solve the problem to be free of it.

Love ya,


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  • 3 weeks later...
Guest Selkia
I don't know what to say. I am just glad you are here and sharing those painful parts of your life. Healing starts with sharing.


:) indeed it does...I accually feel alot better after sharing my feelings...holding everything inside for such a long time..pretty much makes you hallow so you no longer feel anything...

I sorta want to type out the rest of it but I never seem to have enoughtime :(

Dear Selkia,

I am work right now so I cannot provide you a more indepth response (have type quickly at work).

Basically, my dear, I can tell that you need to talk. Please keep posting your feelings and get them out!! If you need to PM me, please feel free to do so!! I will listen to you, and help you!!

We are all here for you my dear.



It's alright :) I shall continue to post my feelings ^^;..as long as people listen..

You have discovered one of the deepest truths in our lives - we can never run away from our problems, because we can't run away from ourselves.

It can be by drink, drugs or physically running away, when you stop running you are still there with all of the memories and pain from your past - you have to solve the problem to be free of it.

Love ya,


Though I have learned the lesson..I tend to still try to run away sometimes...

Wow. That's very sad and horrifying. I hope you are able to move past everything and have a happier life now. We will help you.

:) I hope I am able to move past this all..though I know truthfully these memories shall always be in my mind..hard to forget all the pain one has suffered...though I still plan on living happifully if I get the chance..

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  • 10 months later...
Guest Selkia

Sigh...looks like I will never finish writing this..so much to write.

But atleast I started this, Perhaps others might write their lifes stories as.well

for everyone has a story weither it may be happy or sad,

It shapes us all, and learning others stories may help you notice your not alone.

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