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starting with a fairly deep voice


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I'm new to this forum, and new to reaching out to others in this in general.

I have a fairly deep voice. And I have trouble consciously controlling it. I'm not monotone, more the opposite, it can be all over.

Really it's difficulty physically training any part of my body for any activity. Whether it's limbs for sports, or voice muscles of singing or character voices. I suppose it's an issue of patience and practice.

My personal picture on the world very much includes the sense of hearing, so the human voice is an important thing to me. I had some vision injuries  as a child and my senses shifted more heavily on sound. So, it's kinda the voice aspect of transition that is a bigger thing to me. My currently deep male voice is always there, reminding me, no matter if anyone is around to hear me. It's also the vibrations of it on my neck and chest. It's an insecurity of mine.

How have others coped with a voice they feel is too deep and bugs them? I've read mixed reports on what sort of effect hormones have. And with proper coaching, does it become second nature? I have a tendency to become impatient with myself.

I also know what I hear in my head, is not the same as what everyone else hears. I get too freaked out by recordings of myself to even get an idea.

I'm new, I don't know if I'm asking something that's been asked a million times here or not. I haven't ever even done anything in voice related to coaching or anything like that, I never perform or do radio or anything. I'm not even very social, so I don't even use my voice much for regular conversations. It's really a part of my body I have no idea how to operate properly.

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My personal experience was about a month or so of voice training in the car, Basically singing along to songs like this is my fight song, girls just want to have fun, and any others that had a female voice in it. Along with trying to say a few words recording them and getting them to sound right since I know what I am hearing is not what others are hearing. I also know more than a few trans girls who have gone to voice training, either one or one or as part of a group. They said it has been very helpful to them. I don't know anyone though that has gotten surgery.

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I've been watching TV shows with headphones on, imagining the voices of female characters coming from my mouth.

Kind of a visualization exercise.

I've noticed that the exact words I choose and the content can greatly effect the tone of what I say. May be my hypersensitivity to sound can be used to my advantage in this as I learn about voice in general.

here's the thing about 'singing along' for me. I don't process music like that. My brain doesn't get the lyrics of songs very easily. I pay far more attention to every other aspect of the song. I could hear the same song 1000 times and never know the words. 

I just don't do singing, it feels extremely awkward and uncomfortable. I don't understand singing in general why someone would want to make words more difficult to understand by distorting them to a melody and tempo. I don't understand why people would just "burst out into song.", or even why anyone would want to get up on to a stage and perform.

I am definitely going to need surgery at some point.

My confidence in my ability to overcome this voice thing is not good at all.

I'm not much of a "talker", I'm not a "wordy" person. verbal things are not my thing. I'm a visual artist. I do not relate to the word in terms of the actual words (something many do not seem to understand at all). I'm not illiterate by a long shot, I just don't like words and verbal things are difficult and confusing for me. I'm a pictures person.

I don't even really like songs with lyrics, I prefer instrumentals.

This just seems like a really difficult obstacle to climb for me. I won't even do anything public because I don't sound ANYWHERE remotely near female. And I have no people at all in which I can practice a different voice, no friends in local, physical space at all. Totally alone, no social life, and poor social skills in finding one.

 

many time I see this as an absolutely futile task and i get very, very depressed.

My voice is my only male quality that I can't ever "tuck away", it's always there reminding me of a life I do not want, with every word that comes out of my mouth.

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BTW, I make a fair amount of typos and spelling errors, apparently, there is no way to go back and edit my posts. that is unfortunate. And I'm too new to PM a mod and ask how to edit posts of mine.

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  • Forum Moderator

If you have an issue you wish to change please contact a Mod.  We can fix things as you wish but once you make a post it stands without help.  You now have enough post to use the PM system.

Voice is definitely an issue for many.  You are in the right forum to loo at various methods.  There are no simple methods but that doesn't mean you can't have a passable voice.  I pass sometimes on the phone but with visual clues there is no doubt.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

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  • Admin

You are showing 7 posts which is two over the lower limit to PM folks.  Go for it.  I can't sing worth a darn, and yet I am an active member of a Trans* Chorus group as their sound tech.  When I try to sing I am in the deepest tenor range, not quite to baritone, but I don't care. 

Women have voices at all pitches of the sound spectrum, some even nearly bass, what you should be looking at is word choice at first.  There is a musical rhythm to women's speaking that men lack, and a woman uses about twice as many words as a male does.  My suggestion though is to listen to women, just listen, and if you speak, smile as you do it. 

It may be hard, but it is not impossible if you do have socialization issues.  I have a wonderful Aspie friend who speaks very little but is very much her female self when she is with us at some functions which push her comfort levels a bit.  Her voice is relatively deep, but she is never taken as male by "outsiders".  She has her Tribe which respects her limits and loves what she does with and for us all at the same time. 

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Guest Ladyinker

Hi Laura,

A fellow Oregonian, what part of the state do you live in? I too have a deep voice, and i am conscience of it in public as I know it outs me. Practicing every day helps, and if you have the money voice training. There is a surgeon in the Portland Oregon area that does voice surgery to make your voice higher, but the cost is totally out of pocket.

 

Erin

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  • Forum Moderator

Voice is sure a problem but I too have major issues remembering lyrics to songs as I seldom really listen to them. more rhythm.

My approach is to take every opportunity I can (at least when I remember, or feel in the mood!).

I sing along to songs I remember and talk back or mimic the sat nav in the car. I sometimes repeat the names of truck companies as I am driving and see the trucks. I answer nuisance phonecalls (we get lots here) with my best feminine voice, pretending to be a wife (good for being a dumb blonde :D ).

Really it is a full time ocupation (as is being a woman). I don't have training although I know it would help but the main thing to have is determination and confidence. Just don't try too hard. Be yourself.

Tracy

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4 hours ago, VickySGV said:

and a woman uses about twice as many words as a male does.  .........................and if you speak, smile as you do it. 

a. So I'm not verbal enough to be a woman? huh? women are supposed to be more wordy?

 

b.....ugh.....smile? I can't do that unless I am genuinely happy and not thinking about it, something that does not happen much at all..... 

 

I give up......... I can't do this.

I'm gonna go away and smoke cigarettes until I die ..........and do not tell me to quit smoking, and how that hurts the sound of my voice, CAN'T quit..... NOT going to happen)

 

anyway, not being able to go back and edit typos and spelling errors myself is a del breaker for me & this web site, it's a bad system to have, user MUST be able to edit their own posts in ANY forum. I shouldn't have to PM a mod every time I make a typo.

BYE.

 

"help" fails again, the curse of my life. (which hopefully will not be long)

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Not being able to change this voice of mine for me is a total deal breaker on everything. If I can't have a nice soft feminine voice, the rest of it does not matter one bit to me. The rest of you may feel the way you do about your voices, but I can't stand mine in any form.

And I really don't think there is any way to fix it. part of the problem is that I am just too unhappy of a person, that will never be fixed.

I give up. I just sit and wait for an early death. I can't do this anymore :(

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  • Forum Moderator

I can certainly understand your frustration.  It would be lovely if when we started HRT we were blessed as FTM men are.  It takes us work but it seems there are some surgeries being used now that can help as well.

If you need to talk to someone about depression please visit the chatrooms.  The frustration levels get very bad at times but real time chat often helps.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

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(embarrassed by my behavior).....

Still pre-occupied on this voice thing.

It seem in order to overcome this I will need to become a singer, and learn the ability to "smile when I talk".

I don't do singing, one bit , not-at-all. I don't even enjoy the human voice as an instrument. Don't really even understand most lyrics of songs, that is not the part I pay attention to. Singing is not a kind of music I enjoy to listen to.

But all the voice training stuff I see and read seems to be in the context of learning how to "sing"..... UGH.

I do not even understand why anyone "sings". Why they would burst out and make their words unintelligible like that. It makes no sense to me.

 

...and then the smiling, and "acting happy" sorry, can't do that. I express how I feel, I say what I think many times. Can't contain that. can't put on some "happy" front if I am in a bad mood, which is most of the time. A thing some people say "act as if.." that's nonsense if you can't act at all.

 

So I guess until I can become this singing, naturally happy person, I will never have a female voice.

That doesn't make sense.

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No...it doesn't make sense.  But you can still do it.  It just takes work and lots -o- practice.  And even then, it may not be where you want it.  I know at this point in my life mine isn't but it's workin pretty good for me so I'm good with it.  And I still keep trying to improve it.  Also remember as others have said, there are various ranges in both male and female voices so you have that going for you too.  You may just be a natural lower end bedroom sexy alto type voice.  Really, working just as much on cadence and sentence structure & flow can be just as important.  Sometimes it's not the number of words used; it's how it's phrased or put together.   Mostly don't grunt...  That's a dead giveaway.  ;-)  Or use your skill in theoretical physics to develop a model explaining voice pitch and then using experimental physics you can make the changes you want happen.

And Laura, as for being unhappy - take to heart what Charlize said above.  Getting some help for that can be a real good thing and starting with someone trained can be a really good way to get on a better path.  Most of all, you're a good person so don't let bad moods and not being happy take you down.  None of us are perfect - no one is.  We've all done dumb things...bad things...made bad decisions.  Take stock in what you have and what is right, and seriously enjoy life.  It passes all too quick and sometimes suddenly and unexpected. 

Try this to get yourself started... 

public class AHappierLaura  {

     public static void main (String [ ]args)  {

          System.out.println ("I'll look into what Charlize said.") ;

           }

}

...or something like this.  LOL!  (Sorry...just being silly.)  
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Kinda the way I understand how voices work is that the underlying attitude and emotions behind that speech is everything. That affects word choice. negative words are unpleasant sounding no matter what gender says them.

Truth is, it isn't so much about the destination voice specifics, it's how the original voice that I have now bothers me so much. The voice I'm looking for is........ "different from this one in a pleasantly feminine direction, high or low", I won't be picky actually, I just don't want it like this one I have had since I was 17, it's about soft texture, positive words are softer, negative ones are rough. It's the roughness of the negative words spilling from my depression that produce that bothersome low vibration in my chest and neck.

I'm mostly concerned about what I hear, when I am alone doing the normal "talking to one's self" everyone does. That's the one I hear all the time, the one I can't avoid.

My voice can actually be all over the place. I'm not monotone. It's just more subconsciously driven by my emotions. I have a lot of difficulty detaching  my voice from my emotions and applying conscious control. This actually can result in a whole world of sounds. If I actually allow myself to express myself openly and confidently, who knows what will come out! I totally lack a filter, I could really get myself in a lot of any type of trouble.

I have when I have tried to be social and outgoing. I trust people too much and that gets taken advantage of. I have been burned many times in the past trying to be social and outgoing. I have very little trust left.

I guess this is actually more about my internal self dialog. That surfaces through actual speech. It takes a lot of work for people to cover that up.

And hey, I dream all the time about being all happy and outgoing, bubbly. I'm just terrified to do that because so many have taken advantage of me when I have tried over the years. It's just that I'm more of a dancer than a singer. remember the cute movie "happy feet"?... one of my all time favorites!

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Hi Laura, 

A number of universities have speech and language programs with clinicians that specifically focus on voice feminization. For example, in northern California where I live, I found a program at California State University Sacramento in their TRANSitions Voice Clinic

Perhaps there's something similar at U of O, OSU or some other Oregon school near you? As others have said above, it's definitely possible to do this on your own, but I thought I should mention the formal approach as well.

I've been in the class for only a few weeks and it's very helpful so far. There's been no singing or smiling required, but they do use some exercises that are also used by singers in order to warm up the voice, develop pitch range, strengthen the muscles used for speaking, etc.

I've learned that this isn't a quick process and requires a lot of practice, but that almost everyone can get there. 

Don't let this get you down! There are many paths to where you want to go, you just need to find the one that's right for you. :stir:

Hugs, 
Julie

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