Coming Out to Siblings

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Everyone,

Well, it looks like the fat's about to drop in the fire. I've got my coming out email all written and saved as a draft. I'm just trying to screw up my courage to hit the send icon. I've wanted to tell my sister's for some time now, but without a car, I have been unable to get to there homes to talk with them individually. So I've finally decided I'll have to do it via email. I've decided to start with my younger sister, she's the one I grew up with. She's also the one who suffered the indignity of having her wardrobe raided by me as teens. I plan on sending the email tonight. Then, begin writing the email to the next one. Yes, I'm nervous and it's scary. I would rather tell them in person, but I'm sick of living in the shadows with them. Email is better than nothing. I've been taking many baby steps in this, now I'm about to take a big one. Just knowing I'm about to stop hiding from them is giving me a little hint of liberation. I just hope that liberation isn't mingled with rejection.

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf?

[Jani]

I know I stressed about telling my sisters.  Due to where they all live, I ended doing one face to face, one by Facetime (skype) and one by email.  I don't have any brothers (and neither did they!).  Maybe I was lucky but I was well received by all of them.  My best male friends were told face to face and again, no issue.  Your gut feeling may or may not be right.  I was terrified but needed to do it to move on with my life.  You'll be all right.

Jani

[tracy_j]

A tricky one for sure as, although generally things may be better to go into things slowly and gently, it varies from situation to situation and the unpredictability of people but it is difficult to write a subtle email. In the end it is down to gut feelings and realising, as you seem to, that the time has come.

With me I have been lucky in that most people of any importance live (or have lived) close by so I could gradually change and limit sudden shocks which may seem confrontational so raising barriers. This has enabled life to go on with gradual acceptance and at least some discussion. Also being androgyne / non binary my change, at least as yet, has not been so concrete as MTF although, with the limited understanding of the subject to the general population, it appears as such to many.

You do say about your sister having her wardrobe raided. Was she aware? I say that because I feel that your email to her could be different if she has some inkling of your change. Ie just re-inforcing her inner knowledge so as not to be unexpected. I have not used email, just the telephone on one occasion, so have no experience but in the end your inner feelings will guide you.

As with Jani - You need to move on. If you feel the time is right, then it is the time. With confidence, empathy and understanding things will likely be Ok in the end

Tracy

 

[Timber Wolf]

1 hour ago, tracy_j said:

 

You do say about your sister having her wardrobe raided. Was she aware? I say that because I feel that your email to her could be different if she has some inkling of your change. Ie just re-inforcing her inner knowledge so as not to be unexpected. 

 

I did it. (taking a deep breath) And oh my gosh yes, she was very much aware. She ended up counting every item she had so she would know right away when I took something. Then she would run upstairs yelling Mommmmm! This is one of the reasons I chose to tell her first. And my email was not a form letter. It was written specifically to and for her. And now holding my breath, awaiting a response.

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf?

[MarcieMarie12]

I came out to my parents face to face, harder than an e-mail, but definitely was the better approach. I did follow-up with an e-mail though. My friends were mostly face to face, the rest were through facebook instant messaging. I did not come out on face book until a week or so before coming out at work. Some co-workers knew before others, I got a chance to tell them at a conference (the ones that knew me best, and one new employee at the time).

Their reactions really didn't matter much just getting it out there was such a relief. Almost all were supportive though.

 

 

[Briana]

16 hours ago, Timber Wolf said:

Well, it looks like the fat's about to drop in the fire.

OMG Timber!!! I'm cracking up - I've never heard that expression before.  Now I'll go all weekend looking for opportunities to use it in a sentence.  As if singing the "Say Yes to Michigan" song in my head over and over wasn't bad enough.  LOL

Seriously, reading the above I got very nervous for you.  I know that anxiety very well as do others here.  I like your approach and I did something similar with my wife (GF at the time) at the advice of a physician friend.**  For some like me, it's easier to get a conversation like that going by starting it out in writing.  In writing, we have the opportunity to organize our thoughts, share things that we may find difficult to say out loud at first, and edit and edit again till we get it right (or good enough).  Then the receiving person has the opportunity to read, and re-read, and think about it and organize their thoughts before starting that conversation.  Then hopefully you can have a better more productive constructive conversation. 

I sure hope she takes it well and is supportive.  If so, perhaps you can recruit her help in how best to tell/write to others.  I'll keep you in my thoughts and my own fat out of the fire.

**(p.s. When I did it, there wasn't email.  I vacillated between hand writing it vs. typing it.  Yeah - we had typewriters back then.  O_O  I ended up hand writing it...very carefully...very neatly - or as best as I could. )

[Guest]

I hope you the best of luck with the responses. 

[tracy_j]

I am keeping my fingers crossed for a good response - good luck x

 

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Everyone,

The response arrived. I could not have dared hope for it to go so well! I'm almost speechless from the response. I've shed more than a couple tears of joy today after reading it. I didn't know it was possible, but I'm laughing and crying at the same time. A lot of pent up emotion coming out right now. I'm listening to music and one of the most beautiful songs I have ever heard has just started. I will never forget this day! How can I be crying when I'm so happy. All the fears and worries are just coming out and washing away.

It turns out she's had a couple transgender friends in the past. We're already talking clothes and stuff. She also said if she had the life experience as a teen that she has now, she would have shared her clothes with me. Whether she would've or not, her acceptance of me means the world and more! I love her so! I have to stop now. Just too emotional right now. Thank you for all the support with this.

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf?

[Charlize]

That is such wonderful news!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I know you were worried.  At times just letting go and hitting send can bring wonders.  I'm glad it worked out so well for you.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[tracy_j]

I am so pleased . 

Tracy x

 

[Briana]

That is sooooo awesome Timber Wolf!!!  I'm very happy for you.

(p.s.  Are you getting snow up by you?  I saw in the Michigan game it was snowing like crazy.  My family member in East Lansing said he was getting snow too.  Brrrrrrrrrrr )

[Alex Blitzen]

That is seriously wicked awesome Timber Wolf!  I'm happy for you.

[Cyndee]

Very nice to read this post Timber Wolf, congrats on your relationship with your sister, how fantastic !

Hugs

Cyndi -

[MarcieMarie12]

Glad your sister is so accepting! That is great news.

[Timber Wolf]

20 hours ago, Briana said:

 

(p.s.  Are you getting snow up by you?  I saw in the Michigan game it was snowing like crazy.  My family member in East Lansing said he was getting snow too.  Brrrrrrrrrrr )

Snow all day Saturday!!! It was beatiful!❄?

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf?

[Briana]

Awesome!  Don't tell anyone down this way cause they'll think I'm nuts; well more nuttier than they already think I am - but sometimes I do miss the snow.  Although for me it is just a short drive up into the mountains if I find myself missing it that much. 

[Timber Wolf]

Well, the fat's in the fire again. Sister number two, email number two. Or as Pavel Chekov on Star Trek would say, photon torpedo away! But wait, photon torpedo's blow things up. I don't want to blow my sister up.? Hopefully, she won't want to blow me up.?

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf?

[Cyndee]

Best wishes Timber Wolf with sister number 2 !

Sulu to captain Kirk with his head down in the wrath of Khan - "Phasers locked", just before they send the back door secret code to lower their shields...

C -

[Charlize]

Best of luck with this missile of love and it does take love to accept results regardless of response.  I think only one of my family was happy at the news and she is a very butch lesbian.  Otherwise it was only the love that relatives had for me that helped them accept me even if it took time.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[tracy_j]

Shower her with Tribbles! She can't help but love them x

 

[MarcieMarie12]

No, don't send Tribbles. They are are nothing but trouble. Romulan ale is better.

[Timber Wolf]

1 minute ago, MarcieMarie12 said:

No, don't send Tribbles. They are are nothing but trouble. Romulan ale is better.

I think she would prefer Romulan ale. The tribbles would eat up her food and fill her house! She hasn't returned fire yet. Spock assures me the shields are at 100%, and Scotty says the warp drive is good to warp 10! I just hope he doesn't say, "She can't take much more of this"!?lol.

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf?

[MarcieMarie12]

Just as long as you don't go plaid you'll be fine.

[Timber Wolf]

Ahh, the reply at last. Though not as enthusiastic as my other sister's reply, still very encouraging. She says she loves me no matter what, but needs time to process it. Next up, the one I'm a little worried about. She's very religious, more so than the others, and she's a little different minded than the others anyway. But it looks like the worst I'll be doing is 2 out of 3. So far, so good!?

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf?