Getting ancient

[Guest Eve Caillard]

Hi Girls

I have just retired (early) from a life of working in libraries, and (to quote one of my users) "look forward to a life pleasing myself instead of others" (lovely words to me - and also about damn time if you asked me. 38 years of serving everyone with a smile on my face has turned me into a kind of robot). Retirement! Yay! 

Two things.

First I came back to Laura's Playground from a month out, and had real difficulty finding my old community off the entrance pages. What's going on? Are we a secret?     Surely the site should have better navigation to the Forums, especially for deteriorating old timers like me...  Come on please Laura. What's going on with the front page navigation?

Secondly, running up to retirement, I really looked forward to future days of under-dressing and cross-dressing in my new time alone at home.

Only...I've lost my mojo. Just four days into Christmas hols from leaving work and I could not care if my suspenders and stockings were in the drawer, let alone on my legs. I can't drum up "Eve". She's gone off on some kind of Christmas holiday. I've just kind of "lost her". She's gone. I feel like a bloke dressing in clothes that make me feel kind of "Oh my goodness"?  

What's going on? I know from personal experience and from what others of you have said, that the CD side waxes and wanes. But surely I ought to be hitting the high? It's a real gutting feeling that, after looking forward to the days of freedom, the whole CD thing has gone into hiding.  I feel like CD is just a fraud in me right now. It's awful - like I kind of reneged on myself. I don't want to feel like this because it feels a lie compared to who I am. But I can't stop my own experiences and feelings!!

Well, I doubt you want to hear a Christmas sob-story, but if any of you have experience this kind of crash, I'd be interested to know how it affected you and if things moved on.

Thanks, and Season's Greetings to you all!

[Jani]

Hello Eve and congratulations on retirement!  Hopefully you will find it to be a wonderful time.  It is certainly for me ( I went early too).  It does take a bit of time to get use to and maybe that's what you're experiencing.  After a lifetime of pleasing others or doing others bidding we now have time for our own selfish pleasures.  This can be overwhelming and knock the wind out of our sails somewhat.  I know a number of activities I had planned on getting back to have come completely off the schedule.  When I consider it, I am shocked at myself but I can't explain it other than they were diversions from work and now they're no longer important since I don't work!  Don't worry you'll soon settle in to being yourself again, the real you.  

Enjoy retirement. 

Jani

[Charlize]

I retired a way back.  For a period i loved the fact that i could dress but then felt the need to get out into the world.  I was no longer excited by CD.  I discovered instead that it wasn't a matter of thrill but one of simply being myself to the best of my ability.  I do still enjoy getting dolled up for special events.  Looking as good as possible for a woman of my age is enjoyable but not the thrill it once was.  Now it's just me....yawn but a contented peaceful yawn.

Ancient isn't so bad!

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Briana]

Hi Eve and congratulations!  That is quite an achievement.

Retirement is a strange thing.  For some, they can retire and just keep going right on into the next phase of their life.  For others (most?), despite all the anticipation and plans, that sudden change from 'work routine' to 'what am I gonna do today??' can throw them for a loop de loop.  It's an adjustment for sure for anyone on many levels.  Daily routine changes; like it or not perhaps some grieving over leaving a role you've done for a long time, changes in social contact, change in perspective, the realization that you're not 21 and just starting out, anxieties regarding finances...all kinds of things.

Give yourself some time, get out and about, visit that library and the people you worked with...seriously.  Just DON'T sit at home.  Actually, don't sit at all.  Stay active, talk to people, and if you feel that you're really having some issues, seek out some professional help.  But you know all that already, right?  You're gonna do great...enjoy your time; the time you've earned for yourself!

(p.s. I love libraries. I always try to visit the local library wherever I travel to.  Is that weird?  Do you think I need help?  Am I THAT person you and your staff would see coming in the door and say, "keep an eye on that one?"  LOL!!)    

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Eve,

I have a tendency to blow expectations out of proportion in my mind, only to have them hit with a dull thud. Earlier this year I had planned a trip to my home in the north woods for vacation. I could hardly wait. When I got there, thud, "Hey, where are the fireworks?" I felt let down and disappointed. It took a few days for me to let go of my high expectations, then the joy of being there returned. So often I will look forward to a new thing with sky high expectations, and thud, I feel let down. Sometime later, I try it again not expecting much, and it's great! Perhaps this could be a piece of the puzzle that's happening with you. If so, rest assured, the feeling will return. Just patiently let it come on it's own, don't try to force it.

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf?

[Amanda May]

Retirement is a work in progress.  As I have learned here so many of the feelings we have are the same feelings everyone has.  When I retired I lost my identity, moved to another city and started transitioning.  Everything was so confusing so I took a deep breath and started reinventing myself and looking for what I enjoy and how to be happy.  One step at a time so I start exercising which helped my emotions a lot.  What I see is all retired individuals experience this retirement surprise.  Happy retirement is how a person deals with it and stay connected with people. It has taken me awhile, but I am finally happier and I see it continually improving. Good luck, you are not alone.  Amanda

[tracy_j]

Congratulations Eve

I have recently finished as well. I went slowly so just over a year ago dropped from full time working to just a couple of days a week. For anyone contemplating retirement I would recommend doing that as it helps the body / mind to readjust to the change. I think such a change is really traumatic in subtle ways. The shorter time working actually helped me to plan as I retired early and so no government pension so the reduced income did give me time to do financial planning etc.

My feeling is that it would be very easy to just stop and vegitate. I think that is what happens with many people. The lucky ones among them realise or are pushed into being more active. The others just progressively slow down to the detriment of their health. I have been told by many people I know who have already retired that they wonder how they ever had time to fit work in. I can now believe it!

In many ways I have felt similar to you Eve as I have not approached things with the same relish as when working. I don't know what it is but I suspect it was the sudden shock of moving from a high stress situation to sudden relief. I feel the same with other things too, and really have not felt much like leaving the house at times (although it is a miserable winter ). A fundamental difference with me though is that I am dressed female almost all of the time anyway so cannot let things slide. I think that is what happens to many cis women at certain times in their lives as well, and at these times they take far less care of their appearance. With males it is less obvious but you don't have to look too close to see it.

Following on from the good advice above, I would say that you really need to fill the void in your life. With me it is my art and other hobbies. If you have other friends in a similar position compare notes and help each other. Do not worry too much about the dressing as it is the shock of retirement on the system, I think,  that is the problem to address and not cross dressing which may only be a symptom. It will take a while, and as it is only early days for me, I don't know whether I am fully Ok yet to describe things fully but I am getting there.

Good luck for 2017

Have a happy and prosperous New Year Eve

Tracy x

 

 

 

[Guest Kenna Dixon]

I guess I tried to retire at age 67, when I sold my share of a small business to a partner by allowing him to pay me in increments as a consultant.  But shortly thereafter, he ran into problems with the IRS and they made him renege on that arrangement.  So...

I delivered auto parts for about a year and a half until I found some data entry work I could do at home.  But that project died on the vine after a while and the money dried up.  So...

After answering countless ads to no avail, I managed to get hired full time as office manager at a small, family-owned Ferrari repair facility.  Their books were a mess, and they were already undergoing an IRS audit for 2012.  I put in a few months there, dug into the books and got them sorted out for the subsequent three years and in the process saw some financial shenanigans going on that I didn't want to be part of or liable for.  Plus, the owner had severe anger management issues.  So...

I was having some success writing on a part-time basis and decided to build upon that while looking for "real" work.  Surprisingly, I was able to generate sufficient income from the writing alone, and I now have settled into a routine working on a freelance basis for two regular clients.  So...

I guess retirement's not in the cards, but I like what I'm doing and see no reason to stop.  Approaching age 75 some months ago, I scaled back my outreach efforts and at the same time realized that my lifestyle made presenting as female seem like something I was doing for the benefit of others.  I know who I am, and I don't feel any need to make a real effort to demonstrate it.

Having to stop using estrogen made no difference, but I have noticed that forgetting to take anti-androgen for a couple of days allows the dysphoria to boil up.

 

 

 

[VickySGV]

Well, at nearly 69 years old I have reached a decision to go back to school for a Masters Degree that will have me doing specific volunteer work as part of it.  I retired 5 years ago and for the foreseeable future will not have any real money problems with my pension so this is possible for me, and is something I have wanted to do for a good many years. 

I am not CD, as you can see from my signature, I am post GCS, and the clothing aspect is down to androgynous T-shirts and leisure slacks or jeans most of the time.  Most days I do not put on makeup other than sunscreen, but I do like having my hair and nails done once a month.  I have party clothes and "business" clothing which I wear at the times they are appropriate, but the urge to "girly up" that I had before I retired has gone from iron melting hot to lukewarm tea levels.  I suspect that some of this is the fact that during our high male activity days that dressing up was also on the stress to relieve stress sort of thing that we shoe horned into our lives, and the dressing was symbolic of our urges to put the one stress aside for a SHORT TIME where we needed to get it all out in that limited time frame.  Now with the one stress gone, the other is not as attractive or as great an impact on us.  

[Guest Eve Caillard]

Hi Girls

Gosh - what wonderful and helpful replies! I am honoured and grateful. Thank you!

There's a lot to take in - buckets of sensible experience and ideas.

I'll think your wise words over and see how I go. Now, I feel I am armed with some knowledge of how things may be.

One thing I will stress: this is no "sit back and go to sleep retirement." I've many things I want to do and I doubt I'll be sitting still for long. At work I called it "Phase 2" when speaking to colleagues. It's not retirement to me: it's freedom and I already call it "Catching up with the life I wanted to have". So I'll be pretty active!

It's just, I had hoped being CD would be a big part of being active and it suddenly went flat. But I think like you say, it's because I have too much happening right now. So I'll relax and see how things go, let it all develop as and when.

Many, many thanks for taking the time out to help, and for such sensible, wise advice! 

Big hugs!

Eve

[Guest sandra6sandy9sand]

Hi Eve, congratulations on your recent retirement. I have been retired for over ten years now and enjoyed almost every minute of it. 

I don't remember a slowdown in my desire to cross dress when I retired but I can tell you that I'm fully dressed almost all the time now and enjoy my feminine life style very much. 

I guess my advice is to keep busy and enjoy every day while taking care of yourself. 

Have a great retirement filled with love. 

Hugs

Sandra

[Guest]

Hi Eve, welcome back. I totally agree. I had to have someone walk me from the normal area to the forums, or I had to do a lot of looking around for the forums. These days, I just create a bookmark and/or remember/forums on the end.........

[Guest Eve Caillard]

Well, I am now 6 months in to my retirement and the cross-dressing drifted back in perfectly naturally. So that was good! In the cooler months it surfaced as "under-dressing", and I don't think I have worn men's underwear for ages, now. I am a suspender and stocking fan and I bought myself some lighter stockings for the warmer months, which turned out to be a good idea.

My family come and go a lot, so a solid day of being cross-dressed is generally out. But I have done what I can and feel good about it.

The daft thing is, I am still buying clothes as if there is no tomorrow...!

I'm way more relaxed and settled now, and enjoying retirement immensely! The only fly in the ointment has been osteo-arthritis which is becoming a real irritant. I had intended to take a daily walk for fitness, but find I can only manage half a mile before lower back ache and stiffness forces me to stop for a while. Anyhow - I don't want to bore you with that.

Thank you for your support! It was hugely encouraging. I think I simply got hit my a lot of emotions over Christmas and now that I have had time to settle down, things are getting back to normal.

Hugs and thanks,

Eve