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Of High Heels and Silk Ties


Chris

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Her best friend describes her as:

 

“too boyish to be girl, too female to be male” forever caught between two worlds, forever the struggle between high heels and silk ties.

Growing up a girl, she always felt more at home with the boys.

With the girls never feeling quite right, even being intimidated by the site. She never wanted to do girly things.  Girls bored her all through the night.

The duckling grew into a swan, into Barbie to be exact, but that was all, what horror was that.   Her feelings had never changed. Anything to do with femininity makes her feel strange.

But now this swan couldn’t fly, as the boys only saw her one way, the way they wanted to see her from outside.  Sitting there with the guys, the mirror would shatter and break each time a boy would look at her as a toy.  Can’t they just see her as she was…. wanting to wear a silk tie.

That world now locked, she tried to overcompensate and be that swan everyone saw.

So convincing was her act they dubbed her Barbie.  But she laughed out loud and cried inside every time she heard that name because it was the furthest from her mind.

In reality she’d love nothing more than to kick off her high heels and put on a silk tie.

Yet she longs also to be what they see, crying in her husband’s arms, wishing she could be free, being for him what he deserves… girl inside as out. Forever without the struggle between high heels and silk ties.

She has a daughter who she is proud of.  A girly girl no doubt, but wonders how that could  have come about. 

So old it's gotten to be asked each day if she were gay, just for putting on a silk tie.

Always she will envy the boys, they are something she can never achieve.  Her heart breaking, as they will never quite let her be a part of the Bromance and Camaraderie.

Forever the struggle between high heels and silk ties.

One day she reads an article and someone stated he feels intrinsically feminine. No… do not mock me!! how can a guy not feel like a man!  She felt betrayed, for he stands for everything she has only ever felt she should be.

She never thought there was a flip side to her coin!

But then, suddenly, she did not feel so alone. Was there really someone who would want what she had? Could he want her high heels? Could she have his silk tie?

She’d have so many questions to ask…What? Where? How? And why? 

 Laughing at the thought, would there be a zap if they shook hands…

Wouldn’t it be perfect if we could just align and switch as easily as exchanging high heels for a silk tie? 

 Forever caught between high heels and silk ties.… But somehow the thought that she has something someone else wishes they could be, makes her feel a bit better and more proud of who she might be.

Between you and me... She'll always wish she could kick off her high heels and wear a silk tie.   

But would it really matter at all, if all wrongs were right?

Forever wishing she could end this internal struggle between high heels and silk ties.

 

 

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  • 3 months later...

And denim and lace. 

 

I love this Chris. From one on the other side of the spectrum, i hear you and know the conflict. I would gladly give up all my silk ties in exchange for those high heels.

 

And the world continues on...

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  • Forum Moderator

This poem is indeed beautiful.  

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

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  • 5 months later...
  • Forum Moderator

I strongly invite you to come shake my hand.

 

Maybe a hug too-

Jae

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