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Missing for a while, but still here!


Guest Eve Caillard

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Guest Eve Caillard

Hi Girls

I have not posted on this forum for a while, but I am still around.

Last December I retired from my working life. I envisaged a future full of cross-dressing, plus the fulfilment of a few other "interests".
(See my personal interests column and work on from there...)

Well, it turned out not to be.

Although my wife knows my cross-dressing history, she is not amicable to it. Score -1 on that.

Our 18+ kids do not know about it.

And what I have found since I retired is that our home life is far more 'fluid' than I realised.
My only snatches of CD are when I carry my trousers around with me when I wore a skirt.

It is so frustrating. I want to be my true self, but the family prevents me.

One solution would be to "come out" to our kids. Our daughter, who is 21, would be the most amenable.
She has a gay friend, and another who is FTM transitioning. For her it is "totally normal".
Our son - well, I have no idea. But I get the impression he is defined by his "male" father even though he is most unusual for a 19 -year-old teenage boy in that he loves to hug, and tells me he loves me every day. (I see the feminine nature inside him that I have).

So, here I am. Rather stuck, snatching hours of cross-dressing when I can and frightened of discovery.

I do "under-dress" all the time, now. So that's a help.

So, OK, I have been missing off the forum for a while. It's been a difficult time. Regardless, you girls are my inspiration! Please keep up your inspirational posts...

I am still around and wish you all the best!

Hugs

Eve

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  • Forum Moderator

Hello Eve and welcome back.  It certainly sounds as if its time to tell your children as they are adults now.  I would imagine your son will be accepting as well since he seems from your description to be a caring person. 

Time to get back in to the conversation!

Jani

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Guest Eve Caillard

Yes, Jani. I'm beginning to think that myself. Coming out to my children (young adults) would be a weight off my mind and free me to relax in how I dress and present around our home.

But I don't think I am ready, or have enough courage, to do this...!

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  • Forum Moderator

Eve it is amazing how the right amount of courage is alway summoned when needed.  It's in you.  Its always has been.  We just never know how deep the reserve is.  I've never run out and I've had a life that's required a ton!  

You may actually find it is a total non issue with your children.  The question I would be asking myself is whether to do it individually or all at once.  Since you believe your daughter would be easily on board, she might provide enough positivity for your son too.  Obviously you would follow up with each separately to gauge their state of mind about the news. 

Tell your wife, then do it.

Jani

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I'll be thinking of you.  Let us know how it goes. 

Jani

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Eve i don't know if you are seeing a gender therapist but when i discussed my issues with my wife she was the one who said i should go.  I had read about them here and was happy to have the opportunity to discuss issues with a person who was not judgmental.  My therapist helped me in the process of coming out to my family as well as being myself with my wife.  If necessary your children can attend with you at some point.  It might help both you and the family.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

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Guest Eve Caillard

Thanks Charlize

Gender Therapist? I am not sure we have these in the UK. (I just looked it up - there are one or two mentioned in the UK but not a lot, and most treat it as a "problem" rather than support.) The system here is very obscure, I would need to talk to my General Practitioner (GP) first to be referred into "the system" (I get 10 minutes with the GP - as you can imagine, not a good start).

My past experiences with the counselling side of UK healthcare is (to put it very mildly) bitterly disappointing. I don't think I can tolerate another bout of it right now.

Anyway, since my earlier conversation with Jani, I've decided to put any coming out on hold. It felt good 24 hours ago. However, after some thinking about it, I decided it has a potential for a lot of disasters that, quite frankly, are not worth the hassle.  Yes, I feel bottled up and frustrated, but my family are important to me and I don't want to damage what we have by being selfish.

Thank you for your advice! Much appreciated.

Hugs

Eve

 

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Hi Eve

I had a very slow start with my son, but it came Ok  in the end. Luckily his (now) wife was very open and compliments me on some of my feminine attire.

There is an NHS system (as you may know).

http://www.nhs.uk/livewell/transhealth/pages/transhealthhome.aspx

Apparently progress is very slow, with the usual waiting times etc, but someone else here who had been referred through to a clinic  did get a prompt answer and date (not next day though :() when they enquired as to progress.

Tracy

 

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Guest AshleighP

Hi Eve, and welcome back! I took a bit of a hiatus myself a short while ago. Like you, I missed the support and encouragement found with like minded people on this forum. It is good to be back.

you and I share many of the same struggles regarding spouses who know about, yet don't accept our need to cross dress. Stealing a few minutes or hours here and there is the best I can hope for at this time. Underdressing daily helps.

i have also recently come out to a coworker which has been extremely beneficial for my mental health. She and I have many discussions about fashion, makeup, and other topics that are not safe to discuss with my spouse. This site is very helpful, but having a real live person to confide in face to face is amazing.

i know you will make the right decision about coming out to your family, when the time is right.

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