How hard is passing?

[Sophah]

Hello dear People

How hard is passing actually? I really wonder. If i am going to the Cinema, for example, how likely will i pass? In case of rare talking, and not interacting with peoples much?

Also, are there any Situations to avoid?

Basicly, are there any Mayor important Points to look on?

 

[MaryEllen]

Hello Sophah,

Welcome to TransPulse forums. Passing can be easy if you follow a few basic rules. Observe what others are wearing and mimic their style. Don't over dress. In other words, dress for the occasion. Don't wear excessive makeup. The less you wear is better. If you look like a painted up clown, you'll only draw attention to yourself. You want to blend in with the general populace. Also, go with friends, if possible. You can find a lot of useful information here. https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=Tips+for+passing+if+transgender

MaryEllen

[Jani]

Sophah you will find a lot of information by just observing others while you are out.  As MaryEllen says you do not want to stand out in the crowd but rather blend in.  Don't wear or do things to the extreme.  Act normal.

Welcome to TransPulse!  

Jani

[MarcieMarie12]

How hard is passing? To be honest it really depends on the person. 

Hair (covering the beard shadow too!!), voice, cleavage, dress, mannerisms, and my own confidence affect how well I pass. The last one is a biggy, because even if I am good for all the others, without the confidence I would not pass as well as I do. Things I tend to avoid, being alone in unfamiliar places, and when going out having other girlfriends with me. But alot of that is the same lessons cis-girls learn--being alone on an unfamiliar street late at night is not safe. Also, for the first few times out, I went out with other trans friends. They were helpful in giving me the confidence I carry to this day. 

 

 

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Sophah,

One of the best pieces of advice I've heard on this, which I think is very wise, is to go out with an experienced transgirl or cross dresser on your first outing or two (I'm assuming you haven't been out in public much. If I'm wrong, I apologise). If you don't know any personally, there are tranagender support groups and cross dresser social groups wear you can meet people and make friends. Having someone elses experience you can rely on the first time or two can break that ice and give you the confidence to go out on your own. Besides, it's fun going out with someone else! 

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf?

[Alicia]

Passing is only highly sought-after so people could go stealth by blending into the cis community. Of course, a typical trans-gendered woman would prefer to be seen as cis-gendered by the public, and not as a transgendered person (for me, I prefer the public seeing me as cis but I like my new friends knowing I'm trans). Although the importance of passing would be far less today than 10 or 20 years ago, as being trans today is more acceptable by others - but still, there are closed-minded individuals. (Boo!)

Aside from presenting as a cis-gendered person, safety is very important. I'd highly suggest going out with other like-minded people, maybe from a support group or close and supportive friends. It's probably not very likely we are in immediate danger if you felt relatively safe beforehand. 

The biggest impact would be self-confidence. If you feel attractive or passable, you're probably going to feel more comfortable going outside dressed as your preferred gender. So it's important to practice, vocally and your appearance (make-up, hair, attitude(smile) and personality(outgoing) can help).

It sure can be scary, but with practice, in time it becomes much easier. 

[Charlize]

  Passing was hard at first and i was hyper sensitive. I was terrified when i first went out into the world.  I'm sure i overdressed and stood out like a sore thumb.  I remember being in a mall with a group of young girls giggling and pointing.  I was so ashamed and fearful.

In time i found comfort in simply being me.  The fear left and oddly so did the laughs.  I am accepted as myself.  I dress casually and while i wear skirts more than many cis women they are conservative and fit into the situations where i travel.  Comfort came with time and experience.  I remember going for a drive and stopping at many stores and getting little things just for the experiences.  I learned how to be a woman of the world just as other women do but had to doit as an adult which oddly may have made it harder.

Just be careful.  Remember that alcohol sometimes makes you feel les inhibited but that also holds true for those who might be dangerous.  Bars can be dangerous.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[clair dufour]

I believe that unless you have friends who know how to do it and can help you, your best bet is what I call the Salami Method. That is work out one thing at a time in public and when you got it put it all together. One can wear plain women's jeans and tops even with a bit of top and bottom padding and few will notice. One can have long hair or a wig and few will notice. Good makeup does not show, it just produces the desired effect. Men's or women's boots with Cuban or block heels are not uncommon in EU and have an effect in looks and how one walks. The skirt is "the sacred cow of women" and requires good passing but, many women wear shorts for the same effect. To draw the eye and deal with the cold, they often wear leg warmers somewhere  between the boots and the shorts. Still, one should find people of like mind and make friends as each location not only in the USA but, in every part of the world is different.

 

[ElissaMtF]

I started passing after 7 months on Estradiol and anti-androgens ( Cyproterone Acetate ). 

My breasts were not conceilable anymore at that stage, my face was clearly not masculine anymore, much fuller than a man’s face, very defined feminine high cheekbones, plump lips,...

At that stage my hips also started showing very well. I had lots of hip bone widening.

My voice never dropped during puberty, never had any real amount of facial hair, skin was always clear even before HRT and I had no visible adam’s apple. I was also lucky with only being 5 feet 5.

So around the 7 month mark is when people would adress me as miss all the time, in men clothing without threading my eyebrows ?

So that’s when I slowly moved into going full-time.

This is my 3rd year on HRT. Been 2 years since I got misgendered for the last time.

I don’t really remember much from life as a male. I don’t even remember what it was to have a flat chest. I don’t recognise that person in the before pictures. I feel normal now.

I thank the creator of the universe, whoever it is, every single day that I was fortunate to transition at 19 and not having to wait years and years and years before eventually transitioning much much later.

I’m glad I could start my life in the correct sex at a young age.

 

[jo jo]

passing depends from person to person or someones state of mind!!!!! what is passable ????? if you feel comfortable in your own skin when dressed and dont care what others think then thats passable

[Rachael]

I used to worry about passing all the time, then I just gave up. Now I look in the mirror If I like what I see, and look decent? I go do the best I can and am happy. 

[Carolyn Marie]

21 hours ago, ElissaMtF said:

 

I thank the creator of the universe, whoever it is, every single day that I was fortunate to transition at 19 and not having to wait years and years and years before eventually transitioning much much later.

I’m glad I could start my life in the correct sex at a young age.

 

 

Yes, Elissa, you are fortunate to start your transition early.  I am very happy for you and everyone else who starts their transition before the age of 40.

 

I used to feel sorry for myself that I could not transition early.  But these days I am grateful for every day I get to live in the body I was meant to have.  Every day is its own reward.  I don't regret or hate the life I lived.  If I hadn't lived that life, I would not now have a son I love very much, and a loving wife.

 

There are many of us late transitioners.  Most of us feel as I do.  We don't begrudge you your happiness and good fortune.  And you needn't worry about us.  We're doing just fine, thank you. 

 

Carolyn Marie

[VickySGV]

I had to learn the hard, nail biting stomach churning, throat restricting, muscle shaking way that I could be accepted as Vicky even in an old pair of "his" engine grease stained coveralls on a hot day, by being my female self. 

 

As female I have almost no clothing restrictions as I did as him, but I treat people around me the way women do treat other people with care and interest , and  appropriate feelings.  I do not always physically hug people all the time if they are hurting, but I give verbal hugs easily without my feeling awkward as I did as a male.  I am friendly and respectful to young people as well as old that still says I am in charge of myself and not weak in spirit.

 

All of this was not how it was 10 years ago when I was scared and unsure of myself but it is what has happened as I forgot the old baggage and found out that very few people had a problem accepting the REAL ME as long as I accepted me.  Passing - - - who cares!  What other people think of me is none of my business!    

[Jani]

1 hour ago, VickySGV said:

I treat people around me the way women do treat other people with care and interest , and  appropriate feelings. 

This is an important point.  Smile and be caring in what you say and how you carry yourself.   Being yourself is powerful.  

 

Today at the grocery store there was a young mother with two children on the kiddie ride outside the entrance.  I smiled and waved as the kids rode around, enjoying the moment with them.  Doing that as my old self would have elicited who knows what kind of response.  

 

1 hour ago, VickySGV said:

found out that very few people had a problem accepting the REAL ME as long as I accepted me.  Passing - - - who cares!  What other people think of me is none of my business!    

Amen Sister! 

 

Jani

[jkm]

Half of all people are in their own world, with their faces buried in their phones.  The other half still aren't pre-conditioned to expect to see a trans person.  So even if you're only semi-passable, you can usually pull it off without being clocked unless somebody really gets a good look at you from a close enough distance.  All this, assuming you're dressed to fit in and not a complete newbie with hair and makeup.

[Sally Stone]

On 8/19/2017 at 8:16 AM, Sophah said:

How hard is passing actually?

Sophah, The answer to that question really depends what your expectations are.  If your desire is to be 100% authentic in your new gender identity, that can be extremely difficult to nearly impossible.  Completely masking the physical characteristics of our birth gender is challenging, even with HRT and surgery.  However, if your desire is to express and then be accepted in your new gender identity, that is actually a lot easier.  For the latter it only takes the right mindset, whereas a complete physical transformation relies on too many factors we often can't control.

 

Knowing I could never completely hide my male physical characteristics, I opted for achieving the right mindset, which means I pass when I'm recognized and accepted by others as a trans woman.  So, ultimately, I think setting the right expectations for yourself determines how hard or how easy passing can be.

[Phoenix]

On 8/20/2017 at 9:08 AM, MarcieMarie12 said:

Things I tend to avoid, being alone in unfamiliar places, and when going out having other girlfriends with me.

 

I realized that I developed the same…anti-rape spidey-sense that cis women have the night my friends and I went to see Shang-Chi. They had to leave half-way through and I stayed to finish watching the movie. I didn’t give it much thought until I walked into a dark (well dark night, but lit parking lot) by myself and saw a large pickup truck with its lights on idling between me and my rental car.

 

I was just like “? I’ve seen this movie, it doesn’t end well for me.”

 

Luckily, however, nothing happened.

 

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Also, for the first few times out, I went out with other trans friends. They were helpful in giving me the confidence I carry to this day. 

This time around (long story) when I switched my public presentation to female, going out with two of my non-binary friends really helped me.

 

So did wearing these shoes. They got tooooons of compliments:

[KathyLauren]

An old thread, but always a relevant topic.  The secret to passing is to not draw attention to yourself.

 

Wear what other women wear in whatever situation you are in.  Don't dress like a drag queen unless that is the look you are going for (but in that case, passing probably isn't an issue).  If you use makeup, use it sparingly.  In these covid times, I get out less, so I tend to dress i little bit more upscale: I will wear a skirt to the grocery store instead of jeans.  But don't over-do it.

 

On the other hand, don't try to hide.  Hiding is not normal behaviour, and it attracts attention.  If you behave like prey, others will behave like predators.  That is when you get "read".  You are less likely to attract unwanted attention if you are out in the open, behaving like everyone else.

[Jackie C.]

9 hours ago, Phoenix said:

So did wearing these shoes. They got tooooons of compliments:

 

As you should, those are really nice shoes.

 

Anyway, I feel that. I've hit a couple of situations... and you have to understand that I am NOT small. I'm 5' 11". I carry myself like I own the place and, while my muscles aren't "rippling" I'm reasonably certain I'm capable of separating a scrotum from it's owner... so with that in mind, I've run into a couple of situations where my lizard brain has realized I'm surrounded by BIG men and said, "Whelp, this is how I die."

 

Hugs!

[Phoenix]

7 hours ago, KathyLauren said:

In these covid times, I get out less, so I tend to dress i little bit more upscale: I will wear a skirt to the grocery store instead of jeans.  But don't over-do it.

Same same. A significant portion of my brand new wardrobe is a bunch of skirts. I have, I think, 6 skirts and 5 or six pairs of skinny jeans. And the jeans were purchased primarily because my new clothing all came from target and I’d already bought as many different styles of skirt as they had… not to mention every pair of max-opacity M/L black tights they had.

[Phoenix]

7 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

As you should, those are really nice shoes.

Thanks! I discovered them by accident after wearing some flats that were a size too small all day. However, despite my natural ability to effortlessly walk in even 4” heels, I quickly learned those are definitely not “every day” shoes. In fact, I’ve discovered they’re a on e per week kinda shoe. Any more than that and my feet actually look up at me and say “You must be outside your mind!”

 

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Anyway, I feel that. I've hit a couple of situations... and you have to understand that I am NOT small. I'm 5' 11". I carry myself like I own the place and, while my muscles aren't "rippling" I'm reasonably certain I'm capable of separating a scrotum from it's owner... so with that in mind, I've run into a couple of situations where my lizard brain has realized I'm surrounded by BIG men and said, "Whelp, this is how I die."

 

I’m 5’ 11” too, but my near shut-in nature has left me woefully out of shape. So while my spirit and attitude would likely make me fight… I have to be honest about my chances.

 

And it’s those chances that cause concern when the alarm bells go off in my head.

 

Needless to say, I plan on getting in shape soon… for safety reasons as well as surgical recovery reasons. 

 

[Aggie1]

On 7/14/2018 at 6:03 PM, Jani said:

Today at the grocery store there was a young mother with two children on the kiddie ride outside the entrance.  I smiled and waved as the kids rode around, enjoying the moment with them.  Doing that as my old self would have elicited who knows what kind of response

I feel so much more comfortable with this nowadays. I've always had the instinct to do it but have always checked myself for the same reason. 

[Phoenix]

On 7/14/2018 at 8:03 PM, Jani said:

Today at the grocery store there was a young mother with two children on the kiddie ride outside the entrance.  I smiled and waved as the kids rode around, enjoying the moment with them.  Doing that as my old self would have elicited who knows what kind of response.  

I’ve noticed something similar. I can go up to a random woman and compliment her outfit, shoes, or whatever, and it’s not perceived as a threat. Often times they are in the middle of complimenting my outfit or shoes as well.

 

Heck one weekend I saw a girl at the mall in a ball gown and was curious, so I asked what the occasion was. It was her quinceanera dress. I told her it was gorgeous and she thanked me and we went our separate ways.

 

As the old me… I wouldn’t talk to a female even if she was standing in my way for fear of how I’d be perceived.

 

Coming out and finally being the real me is freeing in so many ways… some expected, some not.

[Carly Hughes]

like others have said, i think passing is different with every person, but dressing to blend in, looking like a normal woman going about her business is the best way, so dressing for the situation, appropriate make up, and not being to overboard with everything is the way to go, well its the way i have always tried to go, id also say that confidence is also key, looking like you belong and not giving anyone a reason to check you out twice or more is another important factor, like somebody said above, most people are preoccupied in what they are doing, so not giving anyone a reason to look at you twice is the way to go, so no 5 inch heels, no drag queen make up and if your out an about daytime, appropriate clothing

[Ivy]

13 hours ago, Phoenix said:

As the old me… I wouldn’t talk to a female even if she was standing in my way for fear of how I’d be perceived.

 

Coming out and finally being the real me is freeing in so many ways… some expected, some not.

I've noticed this also.