Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

How hard is passing?


Sophah

Recommended Posts

Hello dear People

How hard is passing actually? I really wonder. If i am going to the Cinema, for example, how likely will i pass? In case of rare talking, and not interacting with peoples much?

Also, are there any Situations to avoid?

Basicly, are there any Mayor important Points to look on?

 

Link to comment
  • Root Admin

Hello Sophah,

Welcome to TransPulse forums. Passing can be easy if you follow a few basic rules. Observe what others are wearing and mimic their style. Don't over dress. In other words, dress for the occasion. Don't wear excessive makeup. The less you wear is better. If you look like a painted up clown, you'll only draw attention to yourself. You want to blend in with the general populace. Also, go with friends, if possible. You can find a lot of useful information here. https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=Tips+for+passing+if+transgender

MaryEllen

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Sophah you will find a lot of information by just observing others while you are out.  As MaryEllen says you do not want to stand out in the crowd but rather blend in.  Don't wear or do things to the extreme.  Act normal.

Welcome to TransPulse!  

Jani

Link to comment

How hard is passing? To be honest it really depends on the person. 

Hair (covering the beard shadow too!!), voice, cleavage, dress, mannerisms, and my own confidence affect how well I pass. The last one is a biggy, because even if I am good for all the others, without the confidence I would not pass as well as I do. Things I tend to avoid, being alone in unfamiliar places, and when going out having other girlfriends with me. But alot of that is the same lessons cis-girls learn--being alone on an unfamiliar street late at night is not safe. Also, for the first few times out, I went out with other trans friends. They were helpful in giving me the confidence I carry to this day. 

 

 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Hi Sophah,

One of the best pieces of advice I've heard on this, which I think is very wise, is to go out with an experienced transgirl or cross dresser on your first outing or two (I'm assuming you haven't been out in public much. If I'm wrong, I apologise). If you don't know any personally, there are tranagender support groups and cross dresser social groups wear you can meet people and make friends. Having someone elses experience you can rely on the first time or two can break that ice and give you the confidence to go out on your own. Besides, it's fun going out with someone else! 

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf?

Link to comment

Passing is only highly sought-after so people could go stealth by blending into the cis community. Of course, a typical trans-gendered woman would prefer to be seen as cis-gendered by the public, and not as a transgendered person (for me, I prefer the public seeing me as cis but I like my new friends knowing I'm trans). Although the importance of passing would be far less today than 10 or 20 years ago, as being trans today is more acceptable by others - but still, there are closed-minded individuals. (Boo!)

Aside from presenting as a cis-gendered person, safety is very important. I'd highly suggest going out with other like-minded people, maybe from a support group or close and supportive friends. It's probably not very likely we are in immediate danger if you felt relatively safe beforehand. 

The biggest impact would be self-confidence. If you feel attractive or passable, you're probably going to feel more comfortable going outside dressed as your preferred gender. So it's important to practice, vocally and your appearance (make-up, hair, attitude(smile) and personality(outgoing) can help).

It sure can be scary, but with practice, in time it becomes much easier. 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

  Passing was hard at first and i was hyper sensitive. I was terrified when i first went out into the world.  I'm sure i overdressed and stood out like a sore thumb.  I remember being in a mall with a group of young girls giggling and pointing.  I was so ashamed and fearful.

In time i found comfort in simply being me.  The fear left and oddly so did the laughs.  I am accepted as myself.  I dress casually and while i wear skirts more than many cis women they are conservative and fit into the situations where i travel.  Comfort came with time and experience.  I remember going for a drive and stopping at many stores and getting little things just for the experiences.  I learned how to be a woman of the world just as other women do but had to doit as an adult which oddly may have made it harder.

Just be careful.  Remember that alcohol sometimes makes you feel les inhibited but that also holds true for those who might be dangerous.  Bars can be dangerous.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Link to comment

I believe that unless you have friends who know how to do it and can help you, your best bet is what I call the Salami Method. That is work out one thing at a time in public and when you got it put it all together. One can wear plain women's jeans and tops even with a bit of top and bottom padding and few will notice. One can have long hair or a wig and few will notice. Good makeup does not show, it just produces the desired effect. Men's or women's boots with Cuban or block heels are not uncommon in EU and have an effect in looks and how one walks. The skirt is "the sacred cow of women" and requires good passing but, many women wear shorts for the same effect. To draw the eye and deal with the cold, they often wear leg warmers somewhere  between the boots and the shorts. Still, one should find people of like mind and make friends as each location not only in the USA but, in every part of the world is different.

 

Link to comment
  • 10 months later...

I started passing after 7 months on Estradiol and anti-androgens ( Cyproterone Acetate ). 

My breasts were not conceilable anymore at that stage, my face was clearly not masculine anymore, much fuller than a man’s face, very defined feminine high cheekbones, plump lips,...

At that stage my hips also started showing very well. I had lots of hip bone widening.

My voice never dropped during puberty, never had any real amount of facial hair, skin was always clear even before HRT and I had no visible adam’s apple. I was also lucky with only being 5 feet 5.

So around the 7 month mark is when people would adress me as miss all the time, in men clothing without threading my eyebrows ?

So that’s when I slowly moved into going full-time.

This is my 3rd year on HRT. Been 2 years since I got misgendered for the last time.

I don’t really remember much from life as a male. I don’t even remember what it was to have a flat chest. I don’t recognise that person in the before pictures. I feel normal now.

I thank the creator of the universe, whoever it is, every single day that I was fortunate to transition at 19 and not having to wait years and years and years before eventually transitioning much much later.

I’m glad I could start my life in the correct sex at a young age.

 

Link to comment

passing depends from person to person or someones state of mind!!!!! what is passable ????? if you feel comfortable in your own skin when dressed and dont care what others think then thats passable

Link to comment

I used to worry about passing all the time, then I just gave up. Now I look in the mirror If I like what I see, and look decent? I go do the best I can and am happy. 

Link to comment
  • Admin
21 hours ago, ElissaMtF said:

 

I thank the creator of the universe, whoever it is, every single day that I was fortunate to transition at 19 and not having to wait years and years and years before eventually transitioning much much later.

I’m glad I could start my life in the correct sex at a young age.

 

 

Yes, Elissa, you are fortunate to start your transition early.  I am very happy for you and everyone else who starts their transition before the age of 40.

 

I used to feel sorry for myself that I could not transition early.  But these days I am grateful for every day I get to live in the body I was meant to have.  Every day is its own reward.  I don't regret or hate the life I lived.  If I hadn't lived that life, I would not now have a son I love very much, and a loving wife.

 

There are many of us late transitioners.  Most of us feel as I do.  We don't begrudge you your happiness and good fortune.  And you needn't worry about us.  We're doing just fine, thank you.  :thumbsup:

 

Carolyn Marie

Link to comment
  • Admin

I had to learn the hard, nail biting stomach churning, throat restricting, muscle shaking way that I could be accepted as Vicky even in an old pair of "his" engine grease stained coveralls on a hot day, by being my female self. 

 

As female I have almost no clothing restrictions as I did as him, but I treat people around me the way women do treat other people with care and interest , and  appropriate feelings.  I do not always physically hug people all the time if they are hurting, but I give verbal hugs easily without my feeling awkward as I did as a male.  I am friendly and respectful to young people as well as old that still says I am in charge of myself and not weak in spirit.

 

All of this was not how it was 10 years ago when I was scared and unsure of myself but it is what has happened as I forgot the old baggage and found out that very few people had a problem accepting the REAL ME as long as I accepted me.  Passing - - - who cares!  What other people think of me is none of my business!    

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
1 hour ago, VickySGV said:

I treat people around me the way women do treat other people with care and interest , and  appropriate feelings. 

This is an important point.  Smile and be caring in what you say and how you carry yourself.   Being yourself is powerful.  

 

Today at the grocery store there was a young mother with two children on the kiddie ride outside the entrance.  I smiled and waved as the kids rode around, enjoying the moment with them.  Doing that as my old self would have elicited who knows what kind of response.  

 

1 hour ago, VickySGV said:

found out that very few people had a problem accepting the REAL ME as long as I accepted me.  Passing - - - who cares!  What other people think of me is none of my business!    

Amen Sister! 

 

Jani

Link to comment
  • 3 years later...

Half of all people are in their own world, with their faces buried in their phones.  The other half still aren't pre-conditioned to expect to see a trans person.  So even if you're only semi-passable, you can usually pull it off without being clocked unless somebody really gets a good look at you from a close enough distance.  All this, assuming you're dressed to fit in and not a complete newbie with hair and makeup.

Link to comment
  • 3 weeks later...
On 8/19/2017 at 8:16 AM, Sophah said:

How hard is passing actually?

Sophah, The answer to that question really depends what your expectations are.  If your desire is to be 100% authentic in your new gender identity, that can be extremely difficult to nearly impossible.  Completely masking the physical characteristics of our birth gender is challenging, even with HRT and surgery.  However, if your desire is to express and then be accepted in your new gender identity, that is actually a lot easier.  For the latter it only takes the right mindset, whereas a complete physical transformation relies on too many factors we often can't control.

 

Knowing I could never completely hide my male physical characteristics, I opted for achieving the right mindset, which means I pass when I'm recognized and accepted by others as a trans woman.  So, ultimately, I think setting the right expectations for yourself determines how hard or how easy passing can be.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   2 Members, 0 Anonymous, 51 Guests (See full list)

    • Delcina B
    • Jamie x
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      74.9k
    • Total Posts
      695k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      8,716
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Jamie x
    Newest Member
    Jamie x
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. martin
      martin
      (43 years old)
    2. sweetgirl919
      sweetgirl919
      (43 years old)
    3. Thenewsteph
      Thenewsteph
      (27 years old)
    4. UnknownReality
      UnknownReality
      (32 years old)
  • Posts

    • AgnesBardsie
      Thank you for your bravery in sharing your story. It is very helpful!
    • stveee
      I want to feel cute but comfy, so it's either nightshirts/nightgowns lounging around the house, or an off the shoulder top or crop top really makes me feel girly. 
    • stveee
      Hi, my name is Stevie. I started "crossdressing" in early teens, maybe before, by cutting up my clothing. My parents would find piles of them and who knows what they thought. But I just had to do it. Then when I was 16 was the first time I tried on my older sister's tops.    My father suggested I join the Army after high school. I did and would buy clothes for my girlfriends and end up wearing them. I would engage in intimacy but stopped short of sex. I felt like my genitalia was not connected to my mind and felt no pleasure through it.    While in the military I took to binge drinking and severe depression ensued. By the time of discharge, I was suicidal, had several attempts and detoxes. I was admitted into the VA hospital and the first two meds made me numb and psychosis developed. Then, I genuinely tried to take my own life. Finally, a few years later, put on disability and took prozac for around 12 years which helped a bit. I met my first transgender (older transitioned MtF) persons in the VA and basically brought up the idea: why can't I be somewhere in the middle gender? Answer I got was basically Honey, that's not how it works. So facing a transition to female, I think I was 28 at the time, seemed like what I had to do. Or at least, try to live as much female as possible. I ended up marrying because I was lonely and afraid I could not support myself, and she accepted my gender ID and crossdressing. But I was seeing no therapist, no hormones. Started electrolysis in this DIY attempt, and some kind of facial hormone cream which I didn't realize was all short-sighted. Early internet days, shoddy information, sketchy sites.  The marriage was a disaster as there was abuse, drugs, alcohol and our individual psychological issues. Finally was separated, on my own and basically just existing. Using substances to cope. Dead to the world. Continued to keep a wardrobe and just managing the "dual life".  Went through Vocational Rehab in a janitorial program to get back into work. Exterted myself and got the job I have today and making more than I ever did. A few years, tossed my wardrobe (again)...oh, except a few things of course, and thinking the dysphoria will just go away now that I am older. Nope.   Currrently: finally ready to face myself, sober, and will begin with a gender therapist who is transitioned. Questioning whether I desire or need to transition to female. Accumulating another wardrobe. Really regret tossing my shoes and I had some really cool things. I have the feeling of looking in the mirror and seeing a girl in there, buried under years of self-abuse. The fluidity is a bit precarious as the more I accept and go femme, the more alive I feel, like something is unfolding.  But I am still quite boyish and discovering what fits for me right now and the my physical limitations and working with them I guess as I am not just confined to the closet and want to be seen for who I am...which is a work in progress I suppose. There are still things about me that I very much like and don't want to change, and others which seem to cause conflict.  I get some comfort in realizing I do not necessarily have to be either one or the other gender right now, and it's more about how I feel about myself than passing or trying to live up to an ideal image. But sort of feel like a small minority as someone who has not gone through all the changes (yet?) of the transitioned, as I am still outing myself in small steps, in a small circle. I am naturally careful, but honest. I do not fear being hurt so much "out there", as I know from experience I am my own worst enemy and cause my own difficulties more than anyone could ever do.  Thank you for letting me share. I actually hope this has helped someone else who is lurking. After all, "Normal People" don't go years struggling with questioning their gender- we are all Trans here and in different chapters of the same story.  Love you All, S.
    • Vince94
      Hey, everyone! I'm on low dose T now for about 7 months, I use Testogel and, except for a few more whiskers and other very little changes, there hasn't really happened anything yet. I don't wanna say I'm not happy with what has changed but I really wish for a little more, especially after that time. My dose is really low, now I want to take twice as much and hope to get closer to my goal during the next months. But there are two things I'm a little worried about so I thought maybe someone here could help me! About two or three months after I've started HRT, I noticed that I'm losing much more hair than before. It still looks totally okay but there IS a difference. Do you think I will lose even more when I increase the dose? I mean, if that's the case I will accept it. Before I started HRT I was waaay more worried about that. Now it's not that much of a problem for me anymore but it would still be nice to know what to expect. :'D And the second thing (which I'm more afraid of): I've read that transmen on Testosterone have to have their internal female parts removed (uterus and ovaries, as far as I know) because else the risk will be higher to develop cancer. I don't know if that's true and if yes, how quickly I have to do that to prevent anything! I'm afraid I'll have less time to undergo that treatment when I increase my dose, and I don't know when I'll be ready for that. (It's not that I want to keep those parts, I just have a problem with hospitals and suffer from panic attacks when it comes to certain check ups or medical treatments...) And another question that's just coming to my mind: Will the removal of those parts have any other effects on my physical and mental health?   I want to talk with my gynaecologist about all that anyway but I'd still like to hear some opinions/experiences from other transmen (or non-binary persons on T or others who know more than I do)! I don't know how much my gynaecologist knows about the whole topic, and unfortunately, I can't talk with my endocrinologist about it because she probably can't tell me ANYTHING. I don't wanna sound mean but she's really not competent, and I'm not the only one who noticed that. Everytime I was there, I've had bad experiences. She gave me wrong information. Not to mention the assistants. But she's the only endocrinologist within my reach so I don't have much of a choice.   So, I hope someone here can share their knowledge/experiences with me; I'd be grateful for any answer!
    • Vince94
      (Nevermind, I think I've found the right place to post it!)
    • Vince94
      Hello, Carolyn, thank you for your kind words! I've actually found the answer to my question (regarding the profile-pic) about a minute before I've seen your reply, haha. But thanks! I guess I'll wait then. My question is about effects of testosterone when I increase my dose. Do you have any suggestions where to post it?
    • Carolyn Marie
      Welcome to Trans Pulse, Vincent.  It's nice to meet you.  We don't have many members from Germany so a special welcome to you!  I visited there a few years ago (river cruise) and I loved the towns and the people.   You can find the answer to your question HERE.  Just remember that you need to have a few posts under your belt first, and your pic needs to be of a small enough pixel size.   Please look around and post whatever questions you have (you didn't mention yet the question that brought you here).  We'll do our very best to answer them.   HUGS   Carolyn Marie
    • Carolyn Marie
    • Vince94
      Hello everyone! I'm Vincent, 27, FTM and from Germany. I can't really classify myself as one thing, I identify as both genderqueer (sometimes feeling a little more feminine, sometimes more non-binary but most of the time way more masculine) and transgender and my goal is not to be mistaken for a woman anymore.  I must admit, I only signed up here to post a question I originally posted on another website. I didn't get any answers there so I hoped I'd have more luck in a transgender-forum and googled 'FTM Forum', and then I found this. 😂 But now that I'm here, maybe I'll have some nice conversations and get to know cool people, haha.   (Btw, can someone tell me how to change my profile-pic? I didn't find the option/button yet. 🤔
    • Teri Anne
      Gosh I wish there was a like button. Everyone looks fab.  
    • stveee
      To "decide" to start HRT would suggest you had some kind of dysphoria.  I agree, dyphoria is much more than a dissonance between my mind or Self identity and it's container. It's my Self's relation to both outer (and inner) environment. Sometimes it's very subtle, sometimes glaring. 
    • Kelly2509
      I haven't seen significant changes and I've been on HRT for 9 months with decent Estrogen and testosterone levels since May.  If patches were used, my guess is the doc started with very low doses which means much slower results.  My doc advised me against patches because they are generally low dose and for most transwomen he's dealt with who've gone that way they had to use multiple patches at a time to get the dosage needed.  Also my doctor said changes in body hair is approximately a 2 year process, assuming good hormone levels in the blood, so a few months to see results seems optimistic at best.  And of course facial hair isn't affected by HRT so there's that.   my advice would be if you haven't already to get her estrogen and testosterone levels checked and consult with the doc to see if she's in or near the target range.  I've been told by many that you can expect the entire first year to mostly just be the doc dialing in the proper dosage, so get the blood tests and work with the doc to make sure the proper adjustments are made.  Then I would advise patience, which is probably the hardest part of transition in my opinion.
    • Carolyn Marie
      Jazz-Per, why don't you try using our Resource Locator, found Here?  It is not a definitive source, so you can also try through LGBT centers or the state's professional associations for licensed therapists.  I wish you luck.   HUGS   Carolyn Marie
    • KathyLauren
      It is very common to start transition for some reasons that don't include body parts, and then to become aware of one's dissatisfaction with their body parts later in the process.  That was certainly the case for me.   I know a lot of people reserve the word "dysphoria" for dissatisfaction with body parts, but I think it applies to other areas of life.  Social dysphoria is very common, possibly more common than body dysphoria.  To be honest, I cannot see someone starting transition, including HRT, unless they were experiencing some kind of (what I would call) dysphoria.   In my case, I experienced strong social dysphoria.  I could not stand relating to others as a male and wanted to relate to them as a female.  On that basis, I started HRT and transitioned socially shortly thereafter.  Well after that process started, I became more aware of my body dysphoria and set the process in motion to do something about that.  That is a very common path.   However, I am not going to tell you how to describe your experience.  If you prefer to reserve the word dysphoria for dissatisfaction with your body, then yes, what you describe is very common.  It doesn't indicate a mistake.  It just indicates a difference in terminology.  
    • Jandi
      Looks like beautiful country.     Went uptown to see the Chalk Fest.  They do it every year on the sidewalks around the court square.     Just wore some of my go-to things
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...