The inescapable hell of gender dysphoria

[BrandiBri]

Hi Aiice,

I'm not sure that I would be so quick to judge your psychiatrist. She may have made an honest mistake. As an example, a few weeks back, I needed a prescription filled, ( not related to HRT; my primary provider  also provides my HRT), but when I went to pick it up. the pharmacy had no record of it. However, between the time I found out about that and called her she had sent me a letter about my spiro, my T level was way high. She sent the script for the revised prescription, but she said that she thought I had a slight infection and was including a script for an antibiotic. That script was not in the letter, so I had to go pick it up at the office. She apologized and said that they were extremely busy that week. Bottom line, doctors are human too; they sometimes make mistakes. I do understand your anger and I hope my post here helps to work through your anger.

49 minutes ago, Ravin said:

 

On the other hand, you're bound to have to tell your mother sooner or later.

I agree that you are going to at some point tell her. Maybe if you were to tell her now it might alleviate some of your own dysphoria. That is just my thought. 

 

Hugs,

Brandi

 

[Nihil]

Hi BrandiBri, 

 

Things are different because her mistake could cause me very disastrous consequences to me. I mean, she should have been much more careful with that because I told her thousand times not informing my mother to what I intended to do was capital for me for the time being. When you're living with an openly transphobic mother who's quite transphobic (I could even be homeless knowing her), I have the right to be angry. 

 

Besides I already informed my mother I was transgender three years ago. That's why I know exactly how she will react. She didn't accept me at that time. 

[BrandiBri]

You are right, you do have the right to be angry, but at least try to forgive her. It is not good to harbor anger inside, both mentally and physically. I am sorry that your mother is not supportive, but that's her personal problem, it has noting to do with you. I did not tell my parents at all. I was 11 at the time and was afraid of the consequences, real or perceived, so I understand your fears. 

 

I encourage you to keep moving forward, each step in the right direction gets easier.

 

Hugs,

Brandi

[Nihil]

Well, I don't know if you realize it or not, but she has done something I call a professional fault. I am supposed to wholeheartedly trust a psychiatrist that isn't supposed to compromise me especially when I am in difficult circumstances. 

[BrandiBri]

I do understand. Maybe you should consider a different therapist. You mentioned that you are seeing another psychiatrist, maybe you could tell him/her and work with your gender issues as well as the rest of your issues, after all they are related. If nothing else, the therapist might be able to refer you to a gender therapist. You need to be comfortable with your therapist.

 

 

[Ravin]

It was certainly a breach of trust to communicate with your mother, but it sounds like it was inadvertent? Do you know exactly what information was given to your mother? Medical professionals are still human beings capable of mistakes. A mistake is different from a deliberate act, though. I hope you are able to get a clear picture of what actually happened in order to run necessary interference with your mother--again, you don't have to tell her why you were talking to the psychiatrist. Just "I think I need a change in my medications" could be enough.

[Nihil]

It wasn't my psychiatrist who called my mother. But the endocrinologist (my psychiatrist sent her number unbeknownst to me) who literally called her. I am perfectly aware that medical professionals are capable of making mistakes. However I am quite skeptical especially when I told her thousand times to specifically not to call this phone number. I lied to my mother and pretended it was nothing but a mere mistake. She's still quite dubious though. 

[BrandiBri]

Did your endocrinologist have your correct number before she made the call? If she only had the wrong number then I would say that she did no wrong. If she did then it still could have been a mistake. I suggest talking to her with an open mind. You can and must work this out if you want to continue working with her.

[Nihil]

She had my correct number, yeah. But I am not holding against her. It's against my psychiatrist I am very angry at.