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I definitely binge and compulsively eat!


jae bear

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 OK, since I’m just being honest with myself, might as well just point out to everyone and myself that I definitely binge eat and compulsively eat and have done so since I was about 17. I managed to make it from 17 to 20 while being a relatively slim 145 pounds. However from 20 forward in my first marriage, I did not stay that size for very long, but at the end of that marriage I was up to 350 pounds and it was no small coincidence between that and what went straight into my face. I used to tell myself that I didn’t care, I mean after all I liked fat girls, so why wasn’t I just OK with myself, and that was pretty much the lie that I told myself all the way through. And I keep telling myself the same thing even though I’ve gotten down to close to 200 once or twice, when I was really active and racing motorcycles in 2002 I got down to 197, but that was an off a lot of muscle as well, so for me that was a decent size. I know it’s very clear, my therapist, my doctor, my Endo, My specialist, and now my wife are all telling me I need to carefully revisit my idea of how I put food in my face. They’re all correct of course, and I do realize that Im never really going to Able to wear cute clothes or look the way I want to look as myself after transition if I don’t get rid of these extra pounds, and to be honest 197 is still way to big as I have nowhere near that muscle mass now, I certainly hope I can figure this out and stop overheating so much, I love to eat at night, I don’t necessarily eat all during the day, skipping breakfast and lunch, working all the way to point I go home and have a little something to eat while I help my kid with homework, then once I’m free I raid the fridge and stuff my face like a fool, or at least possibly a foolish pig. This has got to stop now, and I think for me exercise is going to be the key, our Apartments have great little exercise rooms and I’m gonna start using them in the next week and make a routine of it, I find that as long as I have a routine I’m invested in it, and I do really well, and since I have about a year to make some changes that matter I don’t think it’s too much to ask, I just need to stick with this routine for myself on a regular basis and follow a healthy guideline with my eating habits. Wish me luck, hopefully I won’t mind posting my own avatar picture around here, rather than the chubby little bear that I find resembles me so well. I guess if I am transitioning from Jae Bear to Jae rabbit I have some work ahead of me...

Squishy hugs,

Jae

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This is something I just went through myself. A year ago I smoked a pack a day, smoked pot, ate like a fool, didn’t exercise, etc etc etc... 

when I hit 230 last June that was it for me. I decided it was time for something. So I decided to quit smoking. And I did. But I gained 15 pounds in about a month. And started smoking again after a meager 7 weeks.

Now it’s November (thanksgiving to be exact) and I’m still smoking and I weigh 245+. So I decided to start over. But this time I started with the weight. Keto diet. I set my daily carb intake to 20g or less. And lemme tell you what, it was HORRIBLE! No dairy. No pasta. No bread. No sugar. Basically everything I loved was off limits.

fast forward now to mid January. By this time I had lost 70+ pounds AND I was ordering my chantix to quit smoking because I hit my goal weight of 173 pounds! (172 this morning still too! ) I was able to add carbs back into my diet and I catalogued everything I ate. Literally everything. I figured out what I can and can’t eat, how much of what I can have including alcohol, and total caloric intake that works for me. 

I still weigh myself daily. I try to eat 30% protein 30% fats and 40% carbs. That is a very balanced diet. And if I have a “cheat” day or meal or whatever it is I can easily reverse the effect because of the work I put in already. It’s a real pain but I promise you the connection you make with yourself, the energy you’ll gain, the confidence as well and so much more makes it so worth it! 

Now I am starting an exercise routine.  I also signed up for a 5k in April for a charity and I am happy with myself. That’s half the reason I started all of this. My confidence is so high that I don’t care what people think of me. I am great. I am beautiful. I am smart. I am a hard worker. And maybe I look a little different but hey who cares. 

Whatever we all do we need to do with all of ourselves. We need to set goals and stick to them. We need to gain confidence. And we need to be who we are meant to be. 

I know you can do this. It’ll be hard. But you have a great support system here from what I’ve seen in my short time here. I offer my learned skills to you if you need anything. I’m not a professional or anything but I can help. 

Good luck. 

 

Kirsten. ??

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Jae, I commend you for making this admission to us.  I cannot personally relate but I can say that skipping breakfast and lunch is not a good habit as it sets your body up to crave once you are in your trigger zone, after homework time.  If you are "stuffing your face" with snack and other non healthy foods, ask you wife to stop buying them.  Exercise is wonderful for many reasons and I recommend putting a recurring alarm on your phone to remind you to get to the gym. Best of luck.

 

Kirsten you really attacked the problem head on and you won!  Congratulations.

 

Jani

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Hi Kirsten and Jani,

Thanks for the great ideas! I have a family member on the keto diet, I was planning on borrowing some info and asking how it all works... I managed to keep my snout out of the fridge tonight, we were out setting up for a big charity event tomorrow, so my wife just ordered pizza rather than cook, I ate two slim slices and left the rest, no plans to have any more at all... My wife purposefully does not buy snack food because she knows What I will do, she will gladly keep whatever diet food I need available if I ask, she really is amazing, can’t believe she’s mine!

Hugs,

Jae

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Jae, I agree with Jani, breakfast an lunch are important. I am glad that you are taking steps to better health. I had just the opposite problem. It has taken almost 70 years to reach 160#. When I graduated high school I think I weighed less than most of the girls in my class.

Keep up the good work.

Hugs,

Brandi

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Guest Rachel Gia

I know I am one of those 12 step multiple program types but i found my recovery in OA.

I went in for different reasons than most but I found a great group of people I could relate to.

It  was and still is great1

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Hmmm...  I mean need to look into OA and see what that’s all about, I never really thought about it before. I certainly would qualify, I might find the help I need so it’s definitely worth investigating. I do really want to improve my health, I really did not take care of myself over the years, that had a lot to do with my own self image and self-worth, and we all know how it is when we’re denying ourselves and constantly beating yourself up, it really isn’t helpful for anything other than being self destructive. I’m not sure exactly what I’m going to do at the moment but I’ve had good luck in the past with being careful with calories and exercising, it’s going to be hard To exercise with only one good leg but then again I’m sure I can find a creative way to exercise, burn calories, find a little time to do some moderate cardio... I remember that I used the lean cuisine program to its full extent when I went from 350 pounds to 197 pounds, it worked fairly well for me but the sodium was rather high and those diet meals, but I figure if I drink enough water and I’m careful with the meal planning it would work but I really would rather just be disciplined and find a way to eat the regular meals we all eat here at home and if we’re out to be careful with what I eat while out, just re-planting my eating so that I don’t have to buy special food, but then again it’s really easy to do the other so I made a little of both. I really appreciate the support you’re all providing, it helps spur me on to get this accomplished, and I feel fairly confident since I have almost a full year to get this it to a workable level it should be enough time for me to see some reasonably good results if not get very close to where I’d like to be.

Squishy hugs today, maybe less squishy in the future...

Jay

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Jae just remember it’s not about being on a “diet” or finding an “exercise” routine. It’s about small steps. Simply changing when and how you eat will be a big step. 2000 calories. 3 meals a day. 12 hours between dinner one night and breakfast the next day. And healthier choices. Don’t do it all overnight. Take slow steps. Set goals. And stick to them. Your confidence will soar. Your body will love you for it. And you will be happier and more importantly healthier!! 

But if you have a bad day, just start over the next day. If you keep at it it’ll happen. 

I wish for great success for you! 

?Kirsten?

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Timber Wolf

Hi Jae,

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. If we want to not only lose weight, but keep it off as well, we have to change our minds, that is to say, out thinking. We change our diet, start exercising, and hopefully reach our goal. But if we don't change our thinking, then as soon as we reach our goal something insidious happens. Even if we try to resist it, it's like a switch flips in our mind. We start to think that we can now order that extra large pizza with extra everything, or that box of chocolate donut holes, or that bag of chips, whatever we've been craving. Then, just like a heroin addict, we're off to the races again, beating a path to the fridge. Then we become astounded that we are gaining weight more than twice as fast as we lost it. When we loose weight, the fat cells in our bodies are emptied out, leaving the empty cell casing. The fat cells are all still there. When we start eating a lot again, our bodies don't have to make new fat cells, the old ones are already there just waiting to be filled, and fill them our bodies will. This is why we gain weight much faster the 2nd time around.

 

We've got to change our thinking. I don't go on any special diets. I just regiment my meals. I plan out how much I should eat. Enough so that I'm not hungry, but no more. Between meals, if I start feeling hungry, I remind myself that it's ok to feel a little hungry and it doesn't mean that I have to run to the fridge. I occupy myself with other things.

 

Exercise is very important for loosing weight. Probably even more important than our diet. Without exercise, loosing weight is torturously slow. We can suffer horribly for a week, weigh ourselves and discover to our dismay that we've only lost one pound. But add exercise to our regime, and the pounds start shedding like crazy! For the purpose of loosing weight, muscle building exercises are ineffective. You need exercises that involve constant motion. There's a name for these, but I just can't think of it right now. Walking is a simple and extremely effective weight loss exercise. I've started taking the bus to work because the bus stop is almost 1.5 miles from my work. That's a nice walk each day! 

 

About goals. I actually do not set goals for weight loss, except to loose weight each month. Just so long as I'm going in the right direction.

 

As to which meals I eat each day, I eat all 3. I just eat in moderation with a pre planned meal. I also take a multi vitamin each morning with my breakfast.

 

I do allow myself one toaster strudel for desert after supper. That way I don't feel completely deprived of sweet stuff, while still keeping it under control.

 

My bigest effort is in changing my thinking, my outlook. Loosing weight is not done with the stomach, it's done with the mind!

 

Good luck Jae!

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf?

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Oh yes, Timberwolf, I could not have said it better myself as I have been down this road more than once, but as I have in the past I fell back off and went down the I don’t care path. Then again I wasn’t taking good care of my old boy body, surprise surprise, but things are different and I have new girl goals, so with that in mind I do have a plan and it is a mindset change, but I need to set things down on paper I’m very good with that and I like to see a list and check off boxes, I love the endorphins from the checkmark. Timing is a lot of importance to me, I simply don’t do well if I eat past 7 PM so I plan things accordingly and a sensible breakfast and something for lunch is going to have to be in the plan that’s the way it’s worked for me in the past, and a modest exercise routine will certainly get me where I need to be. I’ll let you all know how it pans out but I am starting this as of today, sadly I did eat a donut this morning that was available to me at home since my wife is bringing donuts to work, oh well one last fling I guess.

hugs,

Jae

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Stay focused Jae and you'll succeed.

 

Jani

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  • 2 weeks later...
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So far so good! I have continued working out on the stationary bike for a solid hour every day now! Just veggies, salad and simple protein making it past the lips (in modest quantity) and the pounds are starting to drop! I feel very invested in the process, but I need to stop at a bicycle shop today and get some padded bike shorts, my tail is fairly sore!

Hugs,

Jae

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If the seat is just a rudimentary saddle you might consider a better one.  

 

Jani

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 Sadly I don’t own the equipment, or maybe it’s good that I don’t since I don’t have to find a place for it in the apartment, but it is a very nice piece of equipment and well built but it does have a rather small bicycle seat. I did already have a gel slip cover that is pretty nice that I tie on top of the seat and I did manage to find a good pair of bike shorts with a gel padded tail, the combination is pretty good, but then again I really don’t have much padding back there to begin with, which really kind of bums me out as I’m quite jealous of anyone that has any amount of prodigious rear. Dysphoria rears its ugly head again, or maybe tail in this case, I’m really not very excited about my boy body but I’m working on it and with any luck I won’t see it in the mirror anymore given enough time.

hugs,

Jae

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  • 3 weeks later...
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Well I’m still moving along just as planned day by day, I’ve maintained my one hour spin work out daily since the beginning of this post, and I feel I am making fairly good progress. So far the lowest I’ve seen so fae is 214 pounds but I did start at 233, so definitely making headway. things did slow down a bit and I need to just stop daily weighing myself and keep on my schedule eating properly and maintaining my spin workout regimen. I definitely feel better, it’s like you don’t Know that you were feeling bad until you feel better, in my case that is definitely true. I Feel like maybe I have just a little bit more energy, and I really do feel much better mentally after working out even if I’m sore and tired, but for whatever reason it’s a good feeling...?

Hugs,

Jae

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Timber Wolf

Good for you, Jae!

It doesn't have to be a race, just as long as you're going in the right direction.

 

Lits of love,

Timber Wolf?

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Good progress.  Keep it up.

 

Jani

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  • 3 months later...
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 I’m just posting an update here, I’m now down to 190 and waiting to tip into the 180s !!!  I took a couple weeks off of exercising due to poor planning while talking with friends, it was easy to talk so much that time slipped by and I needed to go to bed rather than exercise. I wasn’t losing any weight during this time. But I wasn’t gaining any either even though I was eating very carefully. I do find that I still want to over eat at night  but I simply don’t have anything but healthy choices in my small apartment, so baby carrots and sugar snap peas are my crunchy snack of choice, even if sometimes I kill the whole bag  while watching Star Trek I don’t feel too bad about it !   A very good friend of mine has been growing a small garden at their house, and his tomato plants have gone insane so I got a big bag of tomatoes which add to my salad or just pop a handful as a snack, with the last of them I made a big caprese salad even though I was missing the onions and greenery it was delicious!

I’ve gotten back into my exercise bicycle routine and I feel amazing once again, endorphins are so awesome I can’t believe everyone isn’t an exercise junkie! The only bummer being I’m blowing through clothes sizes very quickly, But I think it will take another 10 pounds before my women’s size 14L jeans become loose...  my workout gear is starting to get a bit loose but I don’t think that’s a problem since I’m not trying to make a fashion statement at the gym, my padded rear end bicycle shorts are starting to get a touch to Mobil for my taste and it is getting hard keeping the built-in cushion in the right place all the time.  I have fallen into my regular vitamin routine of vitamin A, vitamin E, Cal citrate calcium supplement and super B complex  that includes a plethora of regular vitamins that I need plus biotin to get my hair growing. I find that the biotin is also getting my nails growing like mad, but for whatever reason when I get a bit more than 1/8 of an inch growth on my nails they become fragile at the edges, and I can never quite figure out where the last place I left my finger nail trimmers was!

Hugs,

Jackie

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Good news!  Love the new avatar.  

 

Jani

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Wow Julie, you look fantastic! Keep up the good work!

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SugarMagnolia

Good for you, Jackie! I'm quite impressed and happy that you're making your vision happen. It takes a lot of discipline to take of pounds like that and you're doing it the good way: exercise and a nutritious diet. 

Congrats,
Julie

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 wow, thank you everybody, I was feeling a bit lazy after taking a couple weeks off to see if anything would redistribute, and I did notice my hips have changed a bit! But I really want to boil off all the boy fat down to about 160 pounds, then I’ll just let things ride for a while.  It’s always encouraging to hear you girls have positive things to say, someday I’d really like my avatar to be a picture of me with no app alteration whatsoever, I was thinking of going to  Carla’s  social club to get my make up and hair done really nice and take some pictures, I was hoping to go with some friends when I do but it’s going to be months away I believe. Still it would be great to see what I look like at this point before FFS so I can compare it later post FFS and then again post augmentation !

 Hugs, 

Jackie

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I think the biggest part to training yourself into a new diet, exercise regime or even your changing body is to listen! Take the time to connect with your body. Set aside some time just for you and your body. I found yoga and tai chi to be extremely helpful in connecting with my physical self. Poor diet can literally high jack your brain and shut off the natural sensors inside you. Vegan tends to require supplements but can do tremendous repairing to damaged sensors and flush out the toxins from processed foods. Ketogenic has been the most beneficial for me but every body is different. 

 

Another complication is trying to change too much all at once. I know the desire to have quick results is strong but don't let impatience trick you into taking on the world! Make small changes and fully integrate before adding more. "have to walk before you can run" 

 

Please keep those updates rolling in, you're doing great!! 

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Sorry about the name, Jackie! I had a brain fart I guess.

 

Hugs,

Brandi

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 Hey Lexi, 

 I could not agree with you more, you make excellent points about being careful with your routine. Sometimes I do worry about getting enough protein but I love fish and often have sardines with my dinner salad, and while I used to have two eggs every morning I’ve switched to tofu scramble as I am going vegan-ish. It’s so funny I was cubing the tofu and didn’t know how people made their tofu scramble looks so good, then my friend mentioned I should just crumble it with my fingers and,  voilà, there was my pretty plate of tofu scramble looking just like scrambled eggs!  Honestly the cubed tofu looks prettier in pictures but this morning’s tofu scramble with half an avocado on my plate tasted just right, I’ve got the amount of black salt and yellow curry down to a science with just a little vegan butter  and a sliced up vegan hotdog it is an amazing approximation of scrambled eggs, then again it is perfectly valid in its own form as a tofu scramble, I feel it almost takes something away to try to make the comparison to scrambled eggs. I think of vegan food as more of a cuisine rather than an ideology, it’s just good food, it tastes good and matches my need for healthy food choices, and I combine it with the proteins of choice when I want, I don’t limit myself to one cuisine and not others, I just want to have a long-term healthy dietary goal...

 Hugs, 

Jackie

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