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3Non-Fiction Books About Questioning and Accepting Being Non-Binary
By HaraSurya
in General Forum
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By Ellie Jean · Posted
For sure! XD And indeed; my mom and I and Emily and her mom are all super mind-boggled, and when the mind-boggle wears off a little, we remember the mathematics again and our minds get blown all over again lmao. 1/200,000 people happens to be an adult baby; that equates to roughly 35,000 people on the planet out of almost 8 billion people lol. And the number of those adult babies who are also trans? Even less lol. And the number of those trans adult babies who end up living in the same town and meeting each other? Almost none lol. And then the number of trans adult babies who happen to live in the same town and meet each other who ALSO end up accidentally discovering that they're cousins? ...Probably just TWO; me and Emily lmao. My mind is exploding all over yet again as I type this lol. Definitely feels like the Universe is winking at us in a huge way. Small, crazy world indeed lol. XD -
By HaraSurya · Posted
I was diagnosed as having Asperger Syndrome back when that was a new entry in DSM-IV by my therapist at the time. (Previously, she'd diagnosed me as OCD with autistic tendencies.) It's nice having a label to hang on my behaviors and the increasing awareness of ASD has helped me in my adult life. (I worked in a school and I once told a co-worker about my diagnosis and she responded "I know, I can tell.") I will say, one of the nice things about having an official diagnosis and knowing the behaviors and thought processes behind it is that when I'm in an uncomfortable situation I can bring up my misgivings (or just say "F this" and walk away) in that context without feeling guilty for having broken some sort of social taboo. -
By HaraSurya · Posted
I'm the type who likes to read about a subject rather than watch videos or get support piecemeal in a forum. To that end, can anyone recommend some non-fiction books that can help me with the questions I have about being non-binary. I'd rather the books be more subject-oriented like a textbook or guidebook than memoirs or collections of stories (though I understand it's hard to avoid for subjects like this). For what it's worth, I read exclusively on Kindle so the book being available in that format and affordable are both big pluses. -
By HaraSurya · Posted
I can definitely relate. I'm a 42yo man who usually wears some sort of facial hair and has no issue with presenting masculine and using male pronouns in real life, but lately I've found myself deeply connecting to a female character I write fiction about and present as online. (I have a suspicion I've been working through a lot of my own gender-identity anxieties through her as a proxy.) I couldn't tell you how often I've felt I've done something traditionally masculine for no other reason than putting on a front. Meanwhile, I enjoy lots of traditionally female things that I've had to keep secret on some level because I worked in education for a few years. (One time the openly lesbian principal at a school discovered some of that aspect online and told me I needed to do a better job keeping them separate for professional reasons.) I can also relate as never feeling like "one of the guys." I get along better with women and with older people in general. I don't like most sports (baseball is OK). I like video games but not the kind "guys" are normally into. Most of my male role models growing up had, and still have, a gentle type of masculinity. (Very soft spoken, non-aggressive and thoughtful.) I find "toxic masculinity" to be both scary and hilarious at the same time since it's usually backed by insecurity and fear. -
By KatieP · Posted
@KathyLauren, For the several weeks after surgery (2 June 2020), every step rubbed my clitoral hood across my clitoris and it was HIGHLY distracting. For me as the swelling went down, so did the intensity of the rubbing. I went back for a minor revision this past October and one of the things the surgeon did was to split the clitoral hood just a bit. THAT has made a huge difference. Now, the only time I notice my clitoris is when I am "searching" for it for specific purposes... 😃 Perhaps something like this might help your situation? Katie -
By KatieP · Posted
Last June I had an MDV procedure with Dr. Stiller in Spokane, WA. My experience for pain was similar to that of @KathyLauren. I would call it near zero pain. And although I did take ibuprophen and Tylenol, I took no opiod-based pain killers at all after leaving the hospital. The 3rd day after surgery, with my leg bag attached to the catheter, I walked 5 miles. After the catheter came out on day 7, I could walk much farther. (And Spokane has the BEST river walk!) Although I took 4 weeks off of work, I could easily have been back to my (desk) job in two weeks. In thinking of MDV versus the full meal deal, personally I figured that I had no interest in male penetration, and if I really wanted to, I could choose to do the Colon or PPV vaginoplasty as a second stage. I should say though that after just a little time with my vibrating rubber friend, I had the definite feeling that men might actually have something I might very much enjoy... 😃 Katie -
By HaraSurya · Posted
I've felt the same way myself. I'm learning that I'm probably bigender and have presented online as an androgynous woman for years. I'm not sure if I'd want to transition, or the the extent I'd want to, but I simply don't identify with the frilly, pretty girl-girl type. Dresses don't appeal to me, nor wearing makeup, and while I'm growing my hair out it's as much to do with hiding male-pattern baldness as it is to look more feminine. -
By Susan R · Posted
@Ellie Jean Wow, that is an incredible sign from somewhere! What an interesting story though. The odds of this type of event occurring twice is inconceivable. I agree...this was meant to happen and play out just as it did for you. Just one variable off and you might have missed the entire meeting or missed putting all the pieces together. It’s a crazy world! I congratulate you in advance for your upcoming date with destiny! I had a few smaller coincidences and key events like this happen to me along my journey that helped me know I was on the right track too. I’m glad you have found your path and I wish you the very best. If you can, keep us posted as to your progress and changes. Becoming your true self is so freeing and many here will appreciate reading about your upcoming journey of transition. Warmest Regards, Susan R🌷 -
By Susan R · Posted
Hi Colin, Nice to meet you and nice to have you onboard here on our forum. You’ve already come a long way in being open to the idea that you may be much more than what meets the eye. It took me 56 years to finally figure out who I was and at least a year to finally accept what I learned. When I look back at my search for the truth of who I was...I remember it as a very exciting time. You have found a safe place to explore yourself, ask questions, compare notes with others like youself, and hopefully, in time, come to some conclusion about who you are. Look around the site and join in the conversation when you feel the need. We are here to help you any way we can! Warmest Regards, Susan R🌷 -
By Red_Lauren. · Posted
I didn't even have it bookmarked. I moved on the night I posted what I said here. -
By Vanessa Michelle · Posted
I'm sad to see CBabe go, especially under such circumstances. I personally think we have a great group of people here and also we get out of it what we put into it. I know I sure have. I try to sow good and love into all who join and all I interact with on the forums and expect it to come back on me, and it does. I am grateful for each of you whether we have talked or not. I love reading about your lives and journeys, your joys and sorrows and lifting you up in prayer when I read that life isn't being to kind. I am newer to my identity than most here, but I am always here to pray for you and tell you someone cares for you and wants the best for you. Bless you all. You enrich my life every time I log on. ❤️ -
By Ellie Jean · Posted
Something truly amazing happened last week. Long story short, I received a trippy sign from the Universe that I'm on the right track, and I'm now significantly less afraid of starting HRT, hopefully on the 28th, just a few days away. ...Now...here's the long story not-so-short lol: It all started many months ago. I had made a friend on Fetlife who was also transgender, and we shared the same kink: We both enjoy regressing to the age of infancy, complete with binkies, bottles, baby shows and diapers lol. All my life I've question WHY I'm an "Adult Baby/Little" and had never really found any kind of answer until a couple of years ago when the dots finally started connecting in my head: Babies don't have any body or facial hair, babies don't appear to have gender, (without looking in the obvious place anyway lol), and babies appear to have an asexual stump/mound between their legs due to being diapered most of the time; the diaper which also makes babies bottoms look rounder. And suddenly it hit me: My sexist male toddler/little kid autism brain confused age with gender because I was taught by my narcissistic sociopath of a father that "girls are babyish." ...So all these years, I've felt the urge to regress back to the carefree time of babyhood because I wanted to be a girl. Now that THAT'S outta the way, lol, fast forward about a year to the middle of 2020, give or take a month or two. I meet Emily for the first time; a fellow transwoman, as well as a fellow adult baby. She was going through a pretty hard time, as she is deeply closeted with her family about the two biggest aspects of personality. Consequently, she struggles with severe anxiety and depression, so I felt she really needed a friend that understood. (I used to be deeply closeted, but I "came out of the nursery" to my parents as a teenager because I couldn't handle the stress that comes with a burdening secret. I also came out to my mom, aunt, uncle, and friends about being transgender towards the start of this year, sooo yeah, I have some experience with confronting fears that are far larger in the imagination than they are in reality lol.) Emily and I continued chatting off and on and emotionally supporting one another for months; occasionally trying to set up a time to meet seeing as we live in the same town, but our schedules didn't really line up right until last week, when we FINALLY got around to meeting up for milkshakes at a little cafe. She's 6 months into transition, but is still presenting as a boy in public it would seem, (she has a bust, but covers it up with baggy clothes). We talked for about an hour before starting to walk back to my mom's place, because my mom is all we had for wheels to get back to Emily's place lol, (Mom gave us a ride from Emily's place to the cafe.) While walking to my mom's place, Emily and I continued getting better acquainted with one another; we were both kinda tripping out over how much we had in common; both the same height, about the same weight, same pale skin, both with long hair, not even to mention the big similarities between our gender identities and ageplay kink lol. Later on in the walk, Emily was talking about her family and remarked that her mother's last name was Boothman and she grew up in Libby, Montana. "Omg!" I exclaimed conversationally, "My mother's last name used to be Boothman too when she lived in Libby," I continued, not thinking much of it, "she was married to Bob Boothman like 50 years ago lol." Emily also seemed amused by the coincidence...but in retrospect, I think she figured things out faster than I did and just didn't say anything until we got to my mom's house. Emily then had some questions for mom lol. Apparently Bob had a lot of brothers and sisters; one of them named Rocky. Emily then asked tentatively, "...How tall was Rocky?" And mom said, "Like SEVEN FEET tall!" Emily kinda freaked out then; my brain's gears had also started churning and my jaw was about to finish dropping. My MOM is the Great Aunt of EMILY'S mom; Pam, who my mom knew as a baby when she was called Pamela; a baby with cerebral palsy, and Emily's mother ALSO has cerbral palsy, and that's how all the dots got connected: Emily and I are cousins. Born THOUSANDS of miles apart from each other. (I was born and raised in Alaska; I've only lived in Montana a few years now.) We then both started freaking out; me in a GOOD way, Emily....not-so-much. ...I later learned by accident that she was hoping to get laid when we first met, BEFORE finding out we were literally FAMILY. But now she thinks it's SUPER cool that we're cousins, and the ASTRONOMICAL odds of it all...the mathematics are truly boggling my mind still... ANYWAY...I took all that to be a sign from the Universe that I'm on the right path, there's nothing to fear, everything that has happened or that will happen was meant to happen. It's like, KISMET, or serendipity or fate or whatever lol. Oh, and my therapist who has never met Emily just happened to direct me to the EXACT same HRT specialist that Emily is seeing, because none of the others in the Flathead Valley accept medicaid, (or they aren't as sensitive or understanding). Just another one of the MANY super astronomical coincidences that Emily and I have in common lol. So yep...I gotta date with destiny in a few days, and after everything that's happened, I think a lot of my fear has kinda vanished. I'm still a little nervous of course, but there's no longer any doubt in my mind that I really am trans, this isn't a mistake, or just some kind of phase I'll grow out of; these feelings have been a part of me all my life and it's time to make things right. ...It's literally in my blood lol. -
By Cheyenne skye · Posted
@Red_Lauren.I know which forum that is from your screen shot. I started my journey on that forum but soon realized it really wasn't for me. I haven't been on there in very long time. Just remove that bookmark from your browser and move on. -
By Red_Lauren. · Posted
Ive been around the internet for a while now. There is bad and good sites for every thing. You can typically tell how bad it is if the forum is full of banned members. I usually avoid trans related stuff. I've learned a lot of it is full of hatred, or nothing good at all. With the uprising of the trans movement. It seems like now unless you started at 15 yeas old, and didn't have mommy, daddy, or some one else pay for you're operations, and care. You are viewed 180 of what a trans person is. Same can be said for these famous trans people. Just because they are rich, and can afford operation's now. Don't mean I can or want the same operation's. -
By Susan R · Posted
Hello @Sarahtoraven, A pleasure to meet you. It’s always nice to see those two sentences together. Too often that is not the case. Your journey should be much smoother having an ally in your spouse. I’m looking forward to reading good things about your transition to womanhood. I wish you the very best! Warmest Regards, Susan R🌷
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