Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Recommended Posts

You and I have some history in common, Lee. I'm sure you saw in my earlier post how I took ROTC to avoid Vietnam––even if it meant a commitment to eventually service. Just starting my four years of undergrad schooling (1962), I was absolutely certain Vietnam would be long since over by the time I got my BA. Stupid me! In any event, the army sent me to Korea first, which meant I was there, right up on the Imjin DMZ, when not only the Pueblo was seized but also the North sent thirty-plus commandos to Seoul to assassinate the ROK president. We too were put on max-high alert. Although the assassination attempt was thwarted, the would-be assassins fled back to North, most of them using the valley where my battalion was situated. Those days turned out to be a great preview of what my life would be like when, a year-and-a-half later, I'd find myself in Vietnam. I too join the peace movement nce I finally got discharged (1970). ––Riannon

Link to comment
  • 1 month later...
  • Replies 228
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • Jani

    27

  • Marcie Jensen

    23

  • Ivy

    18

  • Rianon

    16

Top Posters In This Topic

Posted Images

Retired Air Force/ ANG.

1977-1981 US Navy 

1992-1998 US Naval Reserve

1998-2015 US Air Force / Air National Guard

Very busy career after 9/11

I would have enjoyed it all more had I been able to be "myself".

Thrilled that transgender is now accepted, but it will be still very tough as attitudes and discrimination will be present within the ranks.

Redefines "The men and women of the Armed Forces"

 

 

 

Link to comment

I'm curious. Among those of us who served, how did your trans self manifest itself while you were in uniform? I went into the Army in December 1967. In early December, knowing I was about to begin my three-years obligated service, I did a massive purge of all my fem stuff. I believe I honestly thought I'd never need it again. How wrong it was! As soon as I returned to the States after a year in South Korea and found myself stationed at Ft. Leonard Wood, Missouri, I began mail-ordering replacements for everything I'd thrown away. (Remember those wonderful Lane Bryant catalogues?) In a matter of weeks, I'd completely un-purged. I felt so foolish for having purged in the first place. ––Riannon 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

I was not consciously aware of being trans, or anything like it, while in uniform.  I was aware that I was not particularly macho, but I did my best to hide the fact. 

 

I quietly cringed when I heard my associates make crude comments about women, but I made sure they didn't see my reaction.  When I heard rumours from my fellow instructors that a female student was offering her instructor sexual favours in exchange for good grades, I just knew that the exchange was initiated by the instructor, not by the student.

 

In other words, I was thinking like a woman.  And I made damn sure no one noticed that.

 

*Sigh*

Link to comment

First I was in denial, so I repressed it and went about as macho as you can go in the army. (Airborne, Ranger, Infantry.) Then later, when I became an NCO and could live either off post or in the BEQ, I was able to cycle through the whole "hide and purge" thing.  It also helped that I changed my MOS into MIlitary Intelligence and wound up in a strategic level series of assignments which meant no time in the field except for operational deployments (read: Desert Shield/Storm and Bosnia). Still, I had to be VERY car4eful and was only able to come out as trans after I had retired from both the Army and Federal Civil Service.

 

You see, back in the day, being trans was grounds to revoke a security clearance, which I couldn't afford to have happen.

Link to comment

Nor was I aware of being trans. I just assumed I was gay. My needing to dress? Well, I just assumed that was something gay men did––not all, only some. I accepted that I was a gay crossdresser, pure and simple. It would be years before I heard the word "trans." Back in the States after that first overseas tour in South Korea, and once I'd successfully replenished my fem wardrobe (to include a godawful blond wig I'm ashamed today to admit I would actually wear!), I'd dress and go for long, slow (read: cautious) drives around the quieter roads on post. As I think back now on those "special" nights, I realize, although the clothes were fun, something––something I couldn't name––was missing. ––Riannon

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
22 hours ago, KathyLauren said:

I was not consciously aware of being trans, or anything like it, while in uniform.  I was aware that I was not particularly macho, but I did my best to hide the fact. 

I agree with Kathy's sentiment here.  

Link to comment

And I (I'm embarrassed to say) did all I could to appear macho. I'm sure my appearance of macho-ness was just that: an appearance. I'll bet, if I had video of myself back then, I'd gag! But, of course, my crazy need to appear super-macho was nothing more than a measure of how terrified I was of having my real self come out.

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...

I deeply repressed my trans while I served, as much as possible. My femininity would emerge during times of heavy stress, but not so that I couldn't control it. I wore female underwear under my uniform in Iraq. That was not easy to keep hidden. By doing those small feminine reinforcing things I was able to manage the stress and maintain focus.

Link to comment

Hello, Sineadh. Your wearing female underwear did for you what my occasional late night drives en femme around Fort Leonard Wood did for me: take the pressure off. Since back then I still assumed I was gay, I and a gay buddy would go to St. Louis on weekends to "do" the gay bars. It was then that I realized that my needs––my "identity" needs––lay elsewhere. I remember arriving back at Ft. Wood totally puzzled. Several years were still go go by before I'd solve that puzzle. ––Riannon

Link to comment
On 7/26/2021 at 2:22 PM, Riannon said:

Hello, Sineadh. Your wearing female underwear did for you what my occasional late night drives en femme around Fort Leonard Wood did for me: take the pressure off. Since back then I still assumed I was gay, I and a gay buddy would go to St. Louis on weekends to "do" the gay bars. It was then that I realized that my needs––my "identity" needs––lay elsewhere. I remember arriving back at Ft. Wood totally puzzled. Several years were still go go by before I'd solve that puzzle. ––Riannon

I too had a similar experience with discovering not being gay. It also left me more confused than before. The military is a tough place to try and figure out one's gender. I actually went to counselling and was told to " suck it up & be a man!" I didn't push it after that session. I was worried about getting a section 8. 

Link to comment

You're right: the military IS a tough place to try to figure one's gender. I'm old enough to remember that when I was in the military none of us (or very few, and only secretly) was trying to figure out gender. Sexual orientation? Sure, many  of us were hoping to puzzle that out. As for me, my fem urges––I just figured that was part of being gay. I didn't realize that gender was something else entirely. I'm not sure when I discovered that. Many, many years later, I'd guess. ––Riannon

Link to comment

Riannon--I couldn't agree more. It was essentially the same for me.  I would add that back in the late '70s, early '80s (when I joined) that gender dysphoria wasn't even recognized, le alone understood. Especially in the military. In fact, the policy was simple, straight (pun intended) forward and direct: you were either straight or gay. Period. And if you were gay, and it was discovered, you were subject to court-martial, dishonorable discharge and physical abuse from your "comrades." This changed a bit in the early '90s when Bill Clinton implemented "Don't Ask, Don't Tell," and has evolved even further since then. One of the last vestiges of discrimination is the policy whereby a security clearance can be revoked if a person is gay or trans.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Things were the same in the Canadian military back in the 70s and early 80s.  I am happy to say that things have changed for the better.  Actively-serving gay and trans members are supported.  Security clearances are not revoked, because that policy would create exactly the security risk that it ostensibly is concerned about.  If you are open about who you are, no one can coerce secrets from you by threatening you with exposure. 

 

A good friend of mine is openly trans / bi-gender in uniform.  He wears male uniform and answers to "sir" when in male mode, and she wears female uniform and answers to "ma'am" when in female mode, all with the full blessing of the brass.

Link to comment

    Certainly many different experiences. For me joining the military was an escape. I hated gym class primarily because of the locker rooms and my parents showed me information on the NJROTC offered by the high-school and since it got my out of gym I signed up my freshmen year. All through high-school I had experienced bully primarily because people thought I was gay and I never quite fit in.  My junior I had been badly beaten by a group of boys who threatened to kill me, and yet another smaller group was constantly harassing me going as far to try and run me off the road. I deceided I needed out of Texas and I knew I would have to live at home if I went to college so I talked my mom into letting me sign up for the Navy. Having told the recruiter I wanted to leave ASAP I left for Chicago 3 days after graduation in June of 1996

  I didn't know I was Transgender at the time only that I was different and needed out. The Navy gave me a place to blend in and see the world, plus I loved being out to sea. I did struggle at first but then I met Rhonda and she helped me we became best of friends doing everything together. Eventually I met my wife through her and figured out what was causing me so much grief in 2002 thanks to the internet. It helped me a lot to know that there where other people out there like me. At the time I had been dating my wife for two years and we decided to get married. After 2 years of marriage when our oldest son was 1 in 2004 I told my wife that I always felt that I was a girl and wanted to do something about it. She took it hard in the beginning but thanks to forums such as this one began to understand. For many years I lived a double life and finally retired in June of 2020 because I was tired of it. I was able to cope because of my wife and her support even though there were plenty of times the only identity I could assume was that of a Sailor being away from home so much.  I am grateful that things are changing and can only hope they stay that way for future generations, but believe me when I tell you the military still has a long way to go.  There are plenty of bigots but even more people who are simply uneducated about transgender people.

 Take care,

Jamie

Link to comment
9 hours ago, Chiefsrule58 said:

For me joining the military was an escape. I hated gym class primarily because of the locker rooms

Heh heh heh.    

Seriously though, I'm glad you made it through it.   It is great that your wife is supportive.

Link to comment

Hi, Jamie

 

This is the first I've heard of ROTC in high school. I joined as a college freshman. Today, in all honesty, I can't say why I joined. I've told some that I wanted to avoid going to Vietnam (where I ended up anyway). Others, that I wanted my four years if college to be uninterrupted (even though a draft was not yet happening). Sometimes I think I joined ROTC to learn more about how to be a man. If you remember from my earlier post, in high school I thought I was gay; although an old high school chum I'm still in touch with tells me that, as a boy in high school, I was not an "obvious" gay. That may have been true, but I privately knew (or at least felt) that somewhat about my manhood was lacking. It wouldn't be until years later when I first learned of gender dysphoria that I'd realize there wasn't something about my manhood that was lacking; it was my belief that manhood itself was my birthright that was 100% wrong.

 

Riannon

Link to comment

I have been serving in the USAF since 2016. And I genuinely love my job. For the past few years I've gradually been putting the same pieces most of yall had together, and concluded that I would be happier as a woman. So I am very excited that there is a chance I can transition and keep the job I enjoy so much. I haven't come out to anybody close to me yet, but I think about it almost every day. Just apprehensive because the process is so new, I'm not too keen on being the guinea pig. Haha. But for real, thank all of yall for your service. It's truly an honor to be a member of this forum with you.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

@Aylamac thank you for your service and I wish you luck. Can you see a therapist where you are stationed to guide you in your exploration of your gender identity? I think that would be a safe way to help learn how to approach telling those you wish to tell. I have not been in the military however my wife was in the USAF and I have a close friend who retired as a jet pilot from the U S Navy and drummer friend was in the Army. My Viet Nam era brother serviced in the Army as well.

 

Best Wishes and know you have support no matter what you decide is your particular journey. 

 

One other suggestion - if you are questioning, a wonderful workbook to help you learn more about who you are and what is right for you is "You and Your Gender Identity" by Dara Huffman-Fox, a clinical therapist. You can get it on Amazon for $14 or $15. It helped me emmensely.

Link to comment
1 hour ago, Aylamac said:

I'm not too keen on being the guinea pig. Haha.

Yeah.  I hope you can work it out okay.  

Good luck.

Link to comment

Aylamac, I wish you all the success in the world! Your story astounds me: How the world has changed! The way it was when I and many others posting on this topic would never have permitted us to even think about transitioning in uniform, let alone actually do it. Please, please, please keep us updated. We'll all be thinking of you and wishing you the very best. ––Riannon

Link to comment

Aylamac,

     I would recommend that you do your research on the policies and procedures, don't expect anyone else to be the SME. I think it's important to know also that even though times have supposedly changed there are still those that you will find are not on your side and are less than helpful. Don't let them stand in your way, that's why it's so important to know the policies.

 Not trying to be too negative because there are plenty of people who do and will support you. Also I caution you to be careful about to whom you come out and Do not do it until you are ready. I recommend that you check and see if there is an LGBT support group where you are stationed.  if so consider joining, it could prove to be a great resource for you. I wish you luck, take care.

 

Jamie

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   6 Members, 0 Anonymous, 124 Guests (See full list)

    • Carolyn Marie
    • Ivy
    • Erica Leigh
    • April Marie
    • Andrea D
    • Hannah Renee
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.5k
    • Total Posts
      767.2k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      11,940
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Raelyn
    Newest Member
    Raelyn
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. **Angela Charlotte **
      **Angela Charlotte **
    2. Carlie
      Carlie
      (63 years old)
    3. Cbxshawn
      Cbxshawn
      (49 years old)
    4. HannahO
      HannahO
      (31 years old)
    5. JustKatie
      JustKatie
      (40 years old)
  • Posts

    • Ashley0616
      I have shared my doses and levels a lot and no one has said anything. Yeah I put alarms on my phone to make sure I don't miss a dose. I tend to forget a lot of stuff on what needs to be done. I have been also using the calendar on my phone a lot. I missed an appointment because I didn't put it in my calendar. 
    • Ashley0616
      Feeling better than I did yesterday
    • MaeBe
      It's official. My doctor wants me retested after the last results (too high). The test, that she scheduled, was likely too close to the dose. She did tell me to keep the increased dose instead of reverting to my old one, probably because my "too high" wasn't that high. I don't know what the forum's stance is on results, knowing full well the rules against sharing dosage, so I'll keep those under wraps until I know if it's OK to share those. Less to say, it was over the range she feels comfortable with by about 50%, but taken a day earlier than the midpoint value she was expecting. Grains of salt everywhere!   Of course I messed everything up too, missing my dose for the first time, yesterday. I had to re-reschedule the lab I setup yesterday to Monday from Saturday after taking my shot this morning to avoid the same issue with the testing. I woke up and thought, "Thursday, what do I have to do for work today? OH -crap-, IT'S THURSDAY! I missed my shot yesterday!"   Anyhoo. Question for the ladies: does anyone else get a mild zen-like high after their shots/doses? My brain feels lighter and I'm happier and I feel a lot more girlie this morning. 💃
    • MaeBe
      I'm into my fourth month of HRT and just titrated up in dosage after my last checkup. This is my life. 🤭   I have yet to grow out of my B cup bras, but I have noticed more fullness, having started with gynecomastia. I am seeing less gapping in bras with my right breast, which has always been smaller than my left. My areolae are slightly pronounced/projected now, that are larger but not vastly greater in circumference, and I have noticed little to no nipple changes beyond their painful sensitivity.
    • Ashley0616
      @Ivy that is a great point! Great post!
    • Ashley0616
    • Ashley0616
      -It's not a sprint it's an endurance.  -It won't happen overnight. -Seek a gender therapist. -You might lose a lot of support but hang in there. If they truly loved and cared about you they would stay. -Retail therapy helps and plus it builds your wardrobe and shoes. -Makeup is an artwork. It takes lots of practice to do it right and watch YouTube videos on how to put it on or someone who is knowledgeable. -You are going to have roller coaster emotions so don't rush anything. 
    • Ivy
    • Ashley0616
      thrilled:  :extremely pleased and excited
    • Ashley0616
    • Ashley0616
    • Ashley0616
    • Ashley0616
      You have grown more breast tissue than most some only get one size and that is it. I went from 42C to 42DD but I'm also taking supplements. It's risky to take the supplements but to me it's worth the risk. 
    • Timi
      I'd echo some of the advice in Imma Asher's letter in the book To My Trans Sisters:   Take your time.  See yourself. Be proud.  Be strong. Indulge in the transformation.  Read more.  Put down the brow pencil.  Live.  And be happy.
    • Ashley0616
      I hope that there is some kind of justice. It's very sad and it doesn't even mention the family and I could only imagine how they feel. 
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...