Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

     

    Note, Admirers are not welcomed here.

Problematic Language


Robin Winter

Recommended Posts

I think one of the big issues comes from within the community itself.  "Boy mode"  "Girl mode"  "boy brain" "girl brain"  "Target Gender" "Preferred Pronouns" and so on.

We are not becoming our gender.  We ARE our gender.  We're (some of us) just trying to be cuter versions of our gender ^_^

I did not have a boy brain that magically turned into a girl brain with hormones.  My brain hasn't changed in any meaningful way.  Have there been some changes?  Sure.  I like ketchup now.  I cry more.  I'm still really good at fixing things, I can still disassemble a dishwasher and put it back together, replumb a kitchen sink, and change a fluorescent light ballast.  I still suck at makeup because I think it feels icky and I don't get much practice.  I still love video games.  I still love a good rom-com.  I'm still the same person I always was.  And that person is female. 

When I was wearing men's clothing because I wasn't out yet, I was not in boy mode.  Because I'm not a boy.  I was never a boy.  I was a girl wearing clothing with "men" on the tag.  It didn't make me male any more than my daughter is in "Boy mode" because she wears her "Flash" shirt and skater shorts that happened to come from the boys section at walmart.  If I was in any "mode" it was "Fear Mode".

My gender is not a target.  I'm already there, and I always was.  It's not a goal.  The goal is to have everyone else respect it, and that's really not my work to do.

My pronouns are not a preference!  They are my pronouns. Period. Mandatory.

We are not changing except in some cases (not all, you're all valid and you all freakin' rock) to align our outside with what's already inside.

You are already your gender, whether that's male, female, non-binary, demigirl/boy, gender fluid, pangender, whatever!  If you make physical changes, great!  If you don't, bloody great!  You're still beautiful, and you're still you.  So embrace who you are!  Grab it and own it!  Using language that implies you are "Changing genders"  supports the bigots in their view that we are trying to be something we aren't, that we're fantasizing or that we belong back in the DSM. 

You're all magical. 

Link to comment

Very well said, Robin! By the way, you are a very pretty lady and you have a pretty name as well.

Higs,

Brandi

Link to comment
  • Dev pinned this topic
  • Admin

I hope you don't mind, Robin.  I pinned your post to the top of the forum so it's more easily visible to new members.  It's just so well written and so on point I think it deserves as wide an audience as we can give it.  Thanks for taking the time to put it together!

Link to comment
Just now, Dev said:

I hope you don't mind, Robin.  I pinned your post to the top of the forum so it's more easily visible to new members.  It's just so well written and so on point I think it deserves as wide an audience as we can give it.  Thanks for taking the time to put it together!

 

I'm honored, thank you :)

Link to comment
  • Admin

Very well said, Robin.  Thank you for this.

 

Carolyn Marie

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

I will add my agreement as well. Very well said!

 

Tracy

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Yes I agree!  This is support for my argument that I haven't changed, it's just obvious now who I am.  

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Pronouns have certainly been powerful for me despite the fact i have always been myself.  When presenting male and trying my best to suppress my female nature i would have reacted very negatively to a" she"or "her".  Today quite the opposite.  A "he" can hurt deeply.  That doesn't mean i've changed.  I've always been myself.  My female nature has always been there no matter how much i had to hide it.  

On 6/10/2018 at 11:50 PM, Robin Winter said:

I did not have a boy brain that magically turned into a girl brain with hormones

I certainly agree with this statement and Robin's post but words have always had their power.  Maybe that is because i have too often allowed myself to be accept societies perceptions rather than my own reality.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Link to comment

Yes but that was due to a shift in your own thinking and your own acceptance.  I was upset by implications I was feminine when I was younger too, because of social pressure and because I knew they didn't mean it in a positive way. 

 

What I'm referring to is that our brains don't actually change in the way that I see some people suggesting. WE don't actually change.  We might grow, we might learn more of ourselves,  but we're not changing from male to female, or female to male, or female to non-binary.  Our gender is innate, and using language that suggests a choice is bad press, as is supporting gender stereotypes. 

 

Hormones don't make us better at some things and bad at others.  They don't change our behavior.  There are no boy things and girl things, only stereotypes.  If someone finds comfort for themselves in stereotypes, that's fine, but don't attribute it to a hormonal change, especially not in a space where people are coming to figure themselves out.  If one person claims they had all these fantastic changes from estrogen and they can't fix their car now but they can put on glamour makeup in the dark, somebody else is going to be thinking "What's wrong with me?  Why isn't this working?  Am I not trans enough?"  Using language like this can be invalidating to other identities.

Words do have power, yes, because in this context they're driven by perception.  Let's make sure people are seeing us in the best light possible.  Not just Transwomen and transmen, but the whole spectrum of gender. 

Link to comment

Yes, hormones can effect emotions, I didn't even bring that up.  I said hormones don't contribute to a change of your innate gender, and I said that one's abilities to perform stereotypically gendered tasks is not dependent on hormone levels.  Because they're stereotypes.

The point of this post was not to dispute the medical effects of hormones.  It was barely even about hormones, that was only one example in the broad scope of this topic.  It was about stopping to consider the language we use and to ensure that it represents us, ALL of us, properly.  We're people, we're valid, we're all unique. Spreading ideas to support our own fantasy of what it means to be our gender can be damaging to other people. 

Link to comment

It's ok, what you're saying is important and valid, just not really what I'm getting at with this topic.

Link to comment

Robin...  You just described exactly the place my head is in right now. When I go to doc they use my birth name because the State of California's identity law says your Insurance Card and Driver's License NAME match. No nicknames or Middle names. I go by my middle name Michael at the moment.

 

So, until July 12, when I get my "Court Odered" documents, the name on DL will be Kevin(a boy). On the 15th at DMV pronouns are in black and white and/or magnetic ink and will be honored or else!

 

ROFLMAO?

 

Nobody likes getting a "Southern Fried" tongue lashin'!?

Link to comment
  • 4 years later...

Does anyone find "passing" or "pass as" as offensive?  I used to, but to be completely honest, as a student, I have found comfort in "passing" and not having to deal with immature stares and rudeness. I know by saying this I am technically reinforcing gendered clothing and other stereotypes, so I apologize. I just have found it easier to seek "passing." 

Link to comment

Well, for me these words are simply describing a situation.  

Doesn't affect who or what I am.

Link to comment
On 6/10/2018 at 8:50 PM, Robin Winter said:



My gender is not a target.  I'm already there, and I always was.  It's not a goal.  The goal is to have everyone else respect it, and that's really not my work to do.

My pronouns are not a preference!  They are my pronouns. Period. Mandatory.

 

Well said! I have requested that my fellow educators stop using the term "preferred" and simply ask for pronouns. 

Link to comment
1 hour ago, Jandi said:

Well, for me these words are simply describing a situation.

This was in regards to the "passing" post, not the pronouns.

Link to comment
3 hours ago, DylanB1452 said:

Does anyone find "passing" or "pass as" as offensive?  I used to, but to be completely honest, as a student, I have found comfort in "passing" and not having to deal with immature stares and rudeness. I know by saying this I am technically reinforcing gendered clothing and other stereotypes, so I apologize. I just have found it easier to seek "passing." 

 

1) As a non-binary person, my end goal isn't passing; it's completely different.  It's to find the ways to express myself (physically and verbally) that allow me to feel comfortable.  There are plenty of queer people for whom "passing" convincingly as female or male is not a goal.  As one of the relatively smaller percentage of people who identify as "trans non-binary" and are on HRT, this puts me in the different situation of desiring to be more feminine, but not a transwoman, and therefore I'm not trying to pass.  The trans world umbrella includes many different gender identities.

 

2) The ability to "pass" is often a goal of MtF or FtM trans folks, but it can be hard to achieve for many who start their journey later in life and/or do not have the financial resources or insurance to pay for GRS, FFS, etc.  Also, when passing in order to make cis people feel comfortable around us, precisely the opposite is needed:  we need more accepting behavior, particularly if we're clocked (don't pass someone's expectation).  In these days of intolerant behavior on the part of many state governments and strangers who don't know us, I certainly understand the need for passing as a matter of safety. But that is for a different reason entirely. 

 

For these reasons, I personally find "passing" a complex topic!  All while fully supporting those who want and need to pass.

  

Astrid

Link to comment
  • 1 month later...

Robin you share some thoughts that have been forming in my brain. I can't stand "prefer" anything. My gender is not preferred. I am a female. My name is not preferred. My name is StephieAnd my pronouns are not preferred. They are she/her. It would sound a bit funny if an auto mechanic said their preferred occupation was a mechanic beause they actually are.

 

I admit to using "boy mode" at time, though I never like it.

 

Yes hormones did not change who I am. I have always been a female. I was just blind of it for too many years. Hormones don't make me a female although Social Security requires a letter from your treating physician stating you have had the appropriate treatment to be you gender. 

 

From the outside looking in I am just a feminine version of myself. But inside which they could not see and the times I couldn't see I was still a female.

 

The thing about hormones they have help aligned my body to it true gender. I would say hormones and emotions and a strange mixed. First because a female type and male type are fluid and are not exact. For myself I found myself paying more attention to my intuitions, which is very useful. It keeps me alert to dangers and when and if I should share something personal. Yes they do take a cognitive appraisal for a reality check. But the intuitions start the process. I think recognizing myself as female allowed me the social permission to pay attention to them where males are not encourage to do so. The crying thing at first maybe had more to do with low thyroid. But, it is always focused on something. Of late it has been opiate detox. I am wondering how much crying will completely remove my mascara (lol).

 

I appreciate you article, as a writer I am always looking to learn better ways of expressing things. I wrote in a blog that I was an uppity woman. Someone pointed out that was disrespectful to woman of color as it implies they are just bossy. So, I have drop it. After a blog worth of thought I feel that I am a self-confident woman fits well (https://stephiegurl.home.blog/2021/09/14/how-do-i-explain-a-prime-characteristic-of-my-womanhood/). 

 

I intend to read it again to make sure I didn't miss anything.

Thanks, Robin

All the best Stephie

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   9 Members, 0 Anonymous, 54 Guests (See full list)

    • FelixThePickleMan
    • MariChelan
    • SilasG
    • Audrey
    • AllieJ
    • Carolyn Marie
    • MaeBe
    • dysprodyspro
    • Graceful Curves
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      82.3k
    • Total Posts
      786.6k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      9,080
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Lirex222
    Newest Member
    Lirex222
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Beedzilla
      Beedzilla
      (25 years old)
    2. Bobbi-BI
      Bobbi-BI
      (76 years old)
    3. doni
      doni
      (65 years old)
    4. Eliott
      Eliott
      (19 years old)
    5. fawn
      fawn
  • Posts

    • SilasG
      @awkward-yet-sweet I’m happy you GF is going to be okay. I’ve never heard or thought I’d ever hear a “Heart Attack” being called minor. You’ve got the right to be upset with her. She should pay more attention to what she’s eating and take better care about herself. Not only could it be worse than it was, doesn’t she understand the negative impact it’ll have on you and her loved ones if it were more serious. I pray this will be an eye opener for her to take better care of herself. I’m happy she’s going to be okay she’s lucky to have you.    Silas
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Well, I'm sitting at the hospital tonight.   GF and I were beginning to prepare dinner this afternoon, and she started to get chest pain.  She had a heart attack back in 2021, 2 days after giving birth to her last child.  So, if she has chest pain we take it seriously.  Took her to the ER, and she had a "minor" heart attack.  IDK how any heart attack can be called "minor" but that's what the doctors said.  And she's got an obstructed artery.  So she's having surgery this evening to put a stent in.    Girl just won't learn.  She is so stubborn!  She was told years ago that she eats too much junk, drinks too much, that she ought to have an anti-cholesterol medicine, etc.  She's not really overweight, but her arteries are not in good shape, and she's got heart issues.  But will she change her lifestyle? Oh, no, God forbid she actually live to age 40   I love her, I'm glad she's going to be OK, but I'm also kinda mad at her. 
    • AllieJ
      I'm back!  Such great discussion while I slept!  The right has presented us with a gift in basing their oppression around the term "Gender Ideology" in that it does give us a more concise target to argue. Sadly, while some great points have been raised, we still don't have something powerful to take to a debate.  The APA management admitted part of their reason to place "Gender Dysphoria" in the DSM-5 was to maintain a stream of funding in the US health system, but if the current trend of erasure continues, that funding may disappear. The WHO cleverly re named Transgender as Gender Incongruent, and removed it from their list of mental disorders to be described as medical under Sexual Health as a condition within the normal range of human experience. Trump doesn't like the WHO. Maybe our adherence to DSM-5 is part of our undoing with regard to "Gender Ideology"?   We are a varied community, basing our views on science, art, spirituality, and ideals, but Sally made a great point by saying we need to be a chorus if our song is to be heard. We need to decide which arguments would be most effective in debating "Gender Ideology" to convince, not us, but the viewing public. I roughly divide the public into right/conservatives 30%, left Progressives 30% and those in the middle who vote on the price of eggs 35% this totals 95%, and the remaining 5% are LBGTQIA. If we can win support of the left and middle (and maybe half of the LBGTQIA don't understand us) we have 65% of the public on our side, which should be enough to sway political thinking. Our song needs to win this section of the community, and the danger is that if we don't challenge "Gender Ideology" it will become rooted in our society, so there is a lot at stake!   "Gender Ideology" is garbage, we know that, so we should be able to debunk it!   Hugs,   Allie
    • AinsleyTG
      Just had luch with 3 friends from school at my apartment and now it's time to head to the mall. Shopping with other girls - that a new one for me. 
    • Ivy
      https://www.instagram.com/p/DFtXNNFp0ef/?hl=en    
    • Ivy
      I wasn't sure where to post this, but I thought it was worth a read.  If the Mods want it somewhere else, that's cool.   https://www.motherjones.com/politics/2025/02/hidden-history-transgender-affirming-health-care/?utm_source=mj-newsletters&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=daily-newsletter-02-07-2025   "There is a common, ironic, and false justification for restricting transgender health care for youth: that it is “new” and “experimental.” Jules Gill-Peterson, a historian of transgender medical care and an associate professor of history at Johns Hopkins University in Maryland, spoke with Mother Jones about how old gender-affirming medical care is—more than a century—and how that history informs the attacks we see today."    
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      This is why we have state's rights.  It preserves the wishes of people in various places.  Texans and Californians, for example, seem to generally have different ways of doing things.  So it makes sense that they get to do as they prefer in the places where they live.  And it also makes sense for people to move to a state where they feel most comfortable.  Choice is a good thing.
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Sleep, definitely.  If the world is treating my like crap, I just curl up in my nest and everybody can leave me alone.  I also relax with physical affection from my partners.  I need a lot of touch regularly, just for emotional maintenance.  More if I'm stressed.
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      @Carolyn Marie Interesting how they are particular about words.  Slimy like lawyers.    I favor an approach based in personal freedom.  Crush the medical establishment completely, and remove any perception of "authority" they have currently.  We, and humans in general, won't be free until the folks in white coats resume the role of paid service providers.  A lot of incumbent politicians, professors, and "experts" of various fields will need to be permanently removed from their positions and told find some sort of productive labor where they aren't acting as enemies of the people.    If it is my car, I get to choose the mechanic, choose what I want to fix, choose any customization that I want done, and if I don't like it the mechanic can take a flying leap and I'll pick a different one.  The mechanic doesn't get to have a say in my choices, what other mechanics I get to see, how I drive my car afterwards, or anything about other aspects of my life.  The only thing a mechanic is allowed to do is tell me what physically is or is not safe or possible with my car, and what services they offer.  The government doesn't have to subsidize my choices with taxpayer funds, and prices for mechanical services are reasonably affordable.  I can have anything I want, if I pay for it.  The same should be true for my body. 
    • Audrey
      Dear @Birdie, I am dismayed to hear about the latest developments at the day center you are attending. Egregious moments like these will sadly become more common and acceptable if "gender ideology" becomes the basis for policymaking at all levels. I suppose it never occurred to the center's leadership that there are 49 states other than Texas.   About "disorder" vs. "condition" distinction that @Carolyn Marie raised earlier. I wish the health care system could divorce itself from the disease model. I believe part of the intent of DSM-5's "gender dysphoria" replacing DSM-IV's "gender identity disorder" - to address stigma. But since 2013, the vitriol leading to terms like "gender ideology" has increased regardless of what the medical and psychological community has said. I agree that health insurance coverage must be maintained with parity for the treatments we seek. "Gender ideology" seeks to reverse that.   All hope is not lost though. The other day I was heartened by a glimmer of hope that my own insurer has moved breast augmentation out of the cosmetic category and into the medically necessary category.   Love, ~Audrey.
    • Birdie
    • missyjo
      I hope all of us receive such sprinkling of kindness n ..love. they make us feel..human n valued.   hugs to all who want them
    • Ivy
      Why don't these people just come clean and admit that they're bigots?  The self-deception is staggering.  They'd probably feel better if they'd just stop the gaslighting BS. I mean, I can accept that they are.  It's just something we have to live with.
    • Ivy
    • KymmieL
      This mostly goes for nicer weather. I get out and ride. get out on ether the Street glide or the Fatboy. Always helps me relax.   Kymmie
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...