Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Moving to College... and coming out?


Sam122

Recommended Posts

Hey, my name is Sam and I'm 18. I will be going to college in upstate New York. For years I have tried to come out to my mom as transgender (female to male) or even just as nonbinary/genderqueer because to be fair I don't feel 100% male...or at least what society expects "male" to mean. I genuinely want to present more masculine (binding, etc.) in college, something I could never really do at home because of how infuriated my mom would get... and the fact I grew up in a small conservative town...
Ever since I was 12 I knew that this was something I wanted to do. I am just terrified to actually do it when left to my own devices, after years of conditioning and self-preservation by doing the opposite... I finally have all this freedom, but now I'm too scared to act on it. 

Basically, what I'm asking for here is advice from anyone who has been in this situation or known anyone who has or just thinks they have something to offer. That would be ideal. Thanks! 

I'd also like to make some friends so feel free to message me : )

Have a good day/night/whenever you're reading this! 

Link to comment

Sam, 

This is certainly something I wish I'd had the courage to do years ago when I was starting college. Congrats on beginning to take that next step.

One thing I can suggest is to find whatever health center, gender center and LGBTQ clubs might be on campus and check them out. Having support as you begin this next phase in your journey will be very helpful and it's a great way to meet some like minded people that are unlikely to judge you. If you can get access to a gender therapist through the university health center that would be ideal as it's great to have someone to talk to.

Keep us posted on your plans and how things go once you get there!

Best,
Julie

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Hi Sam glad you've joined us.  As Julie mentioned many colleges have resources that can help at this time.  When i went to school coming out in any way was a dangerous proposition.  The best i did was to tell the girlfriend of a friend that i was interested in changing roles with a girlfriend.  Oddly years later just before i transitioned she asked if i had ever been able to make that change.  Wish i could see her now.

The same school now has a LGBTQ center which is quite supportive and active in the community.  A few years back they hosted an event for over 650 alumni, faculty, students and friends who were in the community.  It was amazing to see that and feel the freedom.

Enjoy your time in school!

By the way you might want to post an introduction.  Let us know how it's going.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Link to comment

You might want to check out Trans* in College by Z Nicolazzo. I saw them speak at the college where I work and it was really good. If you don't have the money to buy it, just go to the library as soon as you get there and ask for it. I think the author's perspective may be especially helpful to you because they also identify as non-binary.

 

As a librarian, I can assure you that doing a better job of supporting all LGBTQ students is one of the hot topics in librarianship right now and the library should provide you with a safe space where you can find resources and allies. I also second the advice to check out the LGBTQ center on campus right away. There is even a good chance they can help with some of the financial costs of social transition, like binder exchanges and whatnot.

 

I've worked in colleges for 17 years now and I've witnessed so many students transition. Watching kids turn into adults is my favorite part of working in higher education. It's just beautiful. College should be a time and place for you to work out your identity. All college students are doing it, yours just may be more outwardly visible. I hope you get the support you need and deserve!

Link to comment

Thank you worlds to everyone and all your detailed responses. These have all been very helpful. I shall keep you all posted on how this works out for me!!! I have high hopes. But I’m kinda terrified. But hey, sometimes being brave means doing the thing anyway, right?

Link to comment

It's totally normal to be worried, anxious and even afraid. Keep in mind that you probably won't do everything overnight.

Most of us start by taking small steps that we feel comfortable with and then taking the next one. You should feel free to take your time, understand how each little change feels to you, think about what next steps are important, and enjoy the journey.

Some steps are obviously harder than others, and thinking about doing something you've never done before can definitely seem overwhelming, but don't feel rushed or that you have to do any more than you want to. You're in charge!

Link to comment

thank you very much! I already don't regret joining this site. People here are very kind and supportive. Thanks for your encouraging words. I will do my best to keep this in mind, it was really comforting. 

 

❤️ Sam

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

I'm glad to hear you feel comfortable here.  We try hard to be supportive.  We're all on this journey together!  

Hugs, Jani

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   2 Members, 0 Anonymous, 163 Guests (See full list)

    • Heather Shay
    • April Marie
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.6k
    • Total Posts
      768.2k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,020
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Tami
    Newest Member
    Tami
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Bebhar
      Bebhar
      (41 years old)
    2. caelensmom
      caelensmom
      (40 years old)
    3. Jani
      Jani
      (70 years old)
    4. Jessicapitts
      Jessicapitts
      (37 years old)
    5. klb046
      klb046
      (30 years old)
  • Posts

    • Heather Shay
      First mammogram Friday, looking forward, smiling
    • Heather Shay
      Satisfaction   Satisfaction. The feeling when something meets or exceeds your expectation. You feel satisfaction when you expected to get something, and then got it.
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
    • April Marie
      Wearing a dress is so freeing!
    • April Marie
      Good morning, everyone! I've finally pretty much finished with this head cold. I actually got 5.5 hours of straight sleep last night without taking any cold medication...or waking up to pee. I feel amazingly rested!!   Oh, @Willow, you are in my thoughts and prayers that your throat issue becomes less of a problem over time and not more.   I'm, hopefully, going to get our grass cut today. It takes me somewhere between 2.5 and 3 hours on the zero turn mower but the ground is still so wet that I'll have to slow down a bit. At least it's supposed to be sunny and around 60.   Have a wonderful day!!
    • April Marie
      This is all such wonderful news!!!! I can feel the happiness in your words.
    • VickySGV
      We have had some real dillies come out as the initiative sort of thing, but as @Carolyn Marie said, very few make it out of the petition signing seasons.  I am not surprised at the origin site of this thing, it is probably one of only 3 regressive leaning counties we have in the state. We actually had one of these initiatives started to make it mandatory for police to shoot dead on site any Gay behaving individuals wherever they found them.  For the most part the matters are poorly written in ways to be unenforceable even if enacted.  Thus most never become law or get to the voters.
    • Carolyn Marie
      You make some good points, AYS.  But there are usually already too many ballot propositions each election, so the proponents know it's best to wrap it all up into a nice package.  Plus, it's easier for the signature gatherers.  Otherwise they have to have a separate clipboard for each proposition.  Too much paperwork, dontcha know?   This kind of proposition is a loser in CA, so the only possible way the proponents can succeed is to give it the scariest title imaginable and try to put one over on the voters before they get wise.  Bottom line; an ice cube on a hot summer sidewalk has a better chance of success.   Carolyn Marie
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Reading that article, it seems like the attorney general gets to call it whatever unless its an outright lie.  Given the nature of politics in CA, it seems like one side has the bully pulpit for sure.  Labeling it "Restricts Rights" vs "Protects Kids" is very much a matter of perspective.  Unfortunately, that matters since many voters don't bother to read.  Perhaps a better (unbiased) way to handle it would be to simply give the ballot measure a number with no title, forcing folks to read it.    I think it would have been better to handle the various issues covered by the ballot measure separately, rather than all at once.  For example, issues relating to disclosure of medical and social information to parents.  That could be its own ballot measure, rather than lumped in with everything else.  Besides, shorter and more succinct measures are more likely to be read completely. 
    • Carolyn Marie
      https://calmatters.org/education/k-12-education/2024/04/trans-youth/     Yup, the existing title sound perfectly appropriate and accurate to me, too.   Carolyn Marie
    • Adrianna Danielle
      Seen my hrt specialist this morning and nothing but good news,estrogen levels looked good.Boyfriend was with me and I admit he has been learning well about my transition showing his support.Our relationship is going great and we both see each other much happier now.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      This reminded me of an individual who, due to child sexual abuse, lived as a woman for 15 years, detransitioned and noisily insists that all trans people have his story.  His name comes up fairly often because it fits the narrative.   I don't know that anyone actually has been railroaded.  People may say it, they may look back at what happened and decide that happened.  It's a he said / she said, but it feeds a narrative that is useful for those who are already convinced that trans people are abuse victims first and foremost.  That the detransition rate is so low tells me that railroading is not actually a problem, and I regret giving the impression that I thought it was.  That so few detransition is a success story.   What is pertitent at heart is that people hear and believe all the stories out there, and the story we have to tell is not heard, because TG folk are, after all, untrustworthy in their view and unworthy of an audience.  Somehow it needs to get out there as to what the real situation is. 
    • Ashley0616
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...