Saving someone from drugs is killing ME

[hmillerrr]

Okay I know this is a serious category of discussion and I don't mean to take away from that by talking about someone else but I guess I came here bc you guys have given me so much comfort and, I know this is lame, but I really do trust all of you like my friends...

okay so I have a twin and she is the absolute most important thing I have in this world and lately she's fallen to drugs (meth, Xanax, Percocet) and my entire head is wrapped around it and I would even say a bit traumatized by it all (I won't get into that story tho) how can I make someone see they are worth more than addiction? (I don't mean to offense at all in this post by the way) how do I cope? I've felt a lot of things in my life and I consider myself a pretty good writer. I can come up with words to describe all that I know and feel  quite easily; but I can't even begin to describe the feeling I get when I hear she's been using.... I feel like pieces of my heart are being taken away every time SHE takes something... I don't know. What helped you guys? (if you got sober also if you didn't please don't give up) what can I do to help her? I don't want to live if I have to live without her, on everything. Thank you for any feedback and advice on this

-Trevor

[VickySGV]

It sounds very much like you are a Co-dependent on her and there is help for you.  CODA (Codependents Anonymous) or although she is not your parent (although that may be where her actions started) Adult Children Of Alcoholics may be an idea as well.  They will not be able to help her, but they can help you to take care of yourself until she is ready to get help.  I know that sounds terrible, but addiction does act that way.  It can be heart breaking I actually know from both sides of the addict and co-dependent world. My mother died from alcohol addiction when I was 25, and by 36 I was an addict myself.  If you have health insurance here in CA, your health insurance will cover some counseling for you.  Until she sees the problem, you may have to do some things to avoid enabling her, and a counselor can help you recognize those things, hard as they are.  It may work two ways for you though, my drug dependency therapist turned into my Gender Therapist. 

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Trevor,

It always breaks my heart to hear this question, because the answer is not what you are hoping for. You desperately want some way to help your sister get off drugs. 

 

I am a recovering addict with 12 years clean time, so recovery can be done. That's the good news. Now the bad. Until the addict is ready to recover on their own, they're not going to listen. Addiction is a disease of the mind, and one of the things it causes is denial. I know this sounds harsh to you. But countless times have desperate loved ones tried to intervene in an addicts life to no avail. Oh, they might be able to guilt them into going to rehab, or use great emotion to do so, but in the end, they use more drugs again. It's a vicious cycle that she has to decide for herself to get off from. All you can do is tell her you love her, and tell her it hurts you to see her this way. Support her if she tries to find recovery. Harsh as this may seem, don't enable her.

 

A resource you may find that helps you is narcinon (the spelling may be wrong). They're the narcotics version of alinon. They help family members of addicts.

 

If your sister does ask about getting help, you might suggest Narcotics Anonymous. NA is where I've found recovery. Just google them and you'll get all the resources they offer, including meeting lists.

 

Sorry I don't have a magic formula to give you to get your sister off drugs. But if I told you one, I'd be lying.

 

Lots of love and a big hug,

Timber Wolf?