Good morning All. Coffees on.

[Jackie C.]

3 hours ago, KymmieL said:

I still have to learn this. Because most of the time i don't give 2 shites about myself.

 

I DID say I was bad at it. I think it's one of the harder lessons for us to learn because we spend so much time self-loathing with certain elements of society piling on. I know approximately zero trans-people who don't or didn't have self-esteem problems. I'm getting better though. It's a frequent topic during my therapy sessions.

 

I'm sorry about your drugs too. The USPS is currently more boned than usual due to malicious destruction prior to the election (and sabotage before that from certain forces that want to privatize it). Hopefully, your drugs will come home soon.

 

As for your wife. I'm not surprised. I'm not even disappointed at this point. She can't sink any lower. She cannot escape her essential nature. That seems to be mental and emotional abuse for her spouse. I will ask though: Can you set her up with her own profile on the laptop for Zoom? Just lock everything she doesn't need down and keep it restricted to your account. Your documents and e-mail are definitely things she doesn't need. If you don't know how to do it yourself, ask around at work. I think everybody has at least one "tech-savvy" friend. Usually it's me, but I'm on the other side of the country so...

 

Hugs!

[Jackie C.]

1 hour ago, Bri2020 said:

That's my go to line nowadays. hahaha

 

I've taken to looking people straight in the eye and asking, "What are you talking about?" in my most pleasant voice. After all, they're misremembering. I've always been this way.

 

Though people I actually care about who I haven't seen in a while, I'll try to warn. Random street encounters though? I'm already messing with your head. Let's go for broke.

 

Hugs!

[Willow]

Hi, some good points here, I think I’m going to latch on to some and use them.

 

I had a good conversation with my wife last night.  The more we talk, the better things get between us.

 

it’s something that is hard to start, but if you are having issues, I highly recommend start slow but talk things out.  It’s always the unknown that scares everyone the most.

 

Willow

[Jamie68]

Willow, That's a big no sh__!  I can't tell you how many years I couldn't talk to my wife about this. It's still hard. We've gotten closer since I have been talking about it. 

[Elizabeth Star]

10 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

I've taken to looking people straight in the eye and asking, "What are you talking about?" in my most pleasant voice. After all, they're misremembering. I've always been this way.

 

Though people I actually care about who I haven't seen in a while, I'll try to warn. Random street encounters though? I'm already messing with your head. Let's go for broke.

I'm kind of looking forward to randomly running into someone from my past just to see how it goes. I can only imagine how much fun it would be to run into an ex-GF.

 

 

 

 

[Susan R]

1 hour ago, ElizabethStar said:

I'm kind of looking forward to randomly running into someone from my past just to see how it goes. I can only imagine how much fun it would be to run into an ex-GF.

Something similar to this happened to me in mid-2019. I had come out to everyone by then but a few people like my longtime friend (Ed who is 70y.o.) I had emailed him but got no response after a month.

 

On the morning my wife and I had and appointment in downtown Seattle (an hour away), he finally emails me as we are walking out the door. I didn’t have time to respond or even read what he wrote.

 

My wife and I are waiting to cross on a busy corner of a intersection and I look across the street. I see Ed across the street heading directly for us! I was obviously presenting female and I could’ve walked right by him. But I said to my wife that we should stay put. When he got to our side of the street my wife says, “Ed, it’s me Frances” He sees her and then looks at me but doesn’t recognize me yet. He responds, “Do I know...Oh! Frances!!” Then Ed looks at me again and in front of a crowd of people, he deadnames me. The crowd looks at me and is trying to figure things out. Ed says, “Deadname, you look so much taller than I remember. I respond, “Oh Ed, it just the heels!”  Ed and the crowd on the corner started laughing. We found a nearby bench and talked for another 15 mins.

 

And that was the very start of my new friendship with Ed...as a woman. It was a huge coincidence and we still talk about it every now an again.

 

Susan R?

[Audrey]

2 hours ago, ElizabethStar said:

I'm kind of looking forward to randomly running into someone from my past just to see how it goes. I can only imagine how much fun it would be to run into an ex-GF.

So I'm not the only one who wonders about this! I can only imagine what my ex-fiancée would say. It's been many years since we saw each other, or even spoken. Gender expression played a role in that breakup and it wasn't a pretty one.  Her reaction would probably be along the lines of, "You actually *did* it, (dead name)!" I have some cis male friends I've drifted from too that will be stunned.

 

@Jamie68 You definitely deserve some space for yourself in your own life! I'm glad you were able to spend some time with your grandson but I agree, making some changes to prioritize your own self-care where you can will make such a difference for you. I'm impressed by all the home improvement projects you've done in what sounds like a short amount of time.

 

@KymmieL USPS has been a disaster lately, and I hope you receive your prescription soon. Your perseverance to start HRT will feel so wonderful when you finally take that first dose - you have faced so many hardships to get to this point!

 

Love,

~Audrey.

[Chloe Cozee]

Is it morning already? Check the clock, yep. Coffee, shower and off to work. Looks like I have enough hours in to take Friday off. Wonderful a 3 day weekend!

 

Have a nice day everyone! Stay safe & healthy!

[KathyLauren]

10 hours ago, ElizabethStar said:

I'm kind of looking forward to randomly running into someone from my past just to see how it goes.

 

I haven't had this experience in real life, but I have numerous times online. 

 

There's a Facebook page for people interested in the aircraft that I flew in the air force.  It's a lot of fun, and I am quite active there.  Often, people I knew back then will show up.  I am not shy about including the dates when events happened, and anyone with half a memory will remember that women were not allowed to to be military pilots back then.  It turns out that (a) my story is pretty obvious, and (b) no one cares.  I "friended" the first female military pilot, just to see what she thought of me.  It turns out that she had figured out for herself that I was trans, and had had it confirmed by someone else that we both knew.  Similarly, one of my classmates showed up, and we talked for a while.  He had guessed that I was <deadname>, but mostly we talked about flying back in the day. 

 

It is very affirming that I don't have to hide, and that my being trans is a non-event for people that I knew.  I have thought about going to my high school class's 50th anniversary reunion, assuming they hold one, next year, just to see how they react.  But I am n ot sure it would be worth flying across the country for it.

[Jamie68]

Kathy, that's really cool that you're having a good experience with other pilots. Talking about old jobs with people who know about it is great. Hopefully I will have the same experience some day. I'm glad that I took pictures of some of the wild stuff I made as a sheet metal worker. Only another specialty industrial fabricator would really appreciate what it took to make this stuff. I remember taking 3 days to make a 14 gauge stainless chute that was 5 sided with no 2 sides the same dimension or height going to a rectangular base at a 10 degree pitch with a 3 sided food grade rubber skirt for Kraft foods. You wont find another one like it any place in the world. 

 

 On another note, had another mouse wake me up at 4:00 this morning. Have caught at least 15 in the last week. I Really don't like mice. I don't care how cute they are.

 

Watched a good movie called " Flawless " with Robert De Nero last night. One scene where the transwoman talked about her gender dysphoria brought me to tears. The movie had an upbeat ending by the way.

 

The mail brought me a registered mail delivered receipt. Either my son or his wife grabbed the mail from box and put it on the table with it on top of the other mail. It was from an order to a transgender supplement supply with their and my name plainly written on it in my writing. I saw it sitting there and decided to leave it for a while. A couple hours later I checked on it and found it moved to the bottom of the pile. It wouldn't take much to figure out what this company sold and for what purpose. No one has said anything yet.

 

I'm finding out it's not easy to find anyone to do electrolysis near here. Even getting my ears pierced is only done at tattoo shops, and by appointment only. DAM, I HATE COVID !!!!

 

Have a great day all. Talk later.

 

Jamie

[Bri2020]

1 hour ago, Jamie68 said:

 

I'm finding out it's not easy to find anyone to do electrolysis near here. Even getting my ears pierced is only done at tattoo shops, and by appointment only. DAM, I HATE COVID !!!!

 

Have a great day all. Talk later.

 

Jamie

Tattoo shops are the way to go.  They are pretty much the only ones that do it around me now as well. I had a great experience. The big ass tatted bald man doing the piercings was supper sweet. He asked why I waited till 50+ to get my first piercing so I told him I was transitioning and he was very affirming.  His best friend transitioned while working in the tattoo industry.  Also, a little girl was there trying to get her courage up and I was showing her my new "diamond" earrings and how easy it was. She said they looked pretty but I don't think she ever got the courage. lol

Point being, you wouldn't be the first transperson they've seen. 

[Kiara]

Good morning. Hot chocolate coffee has not been enough lately. I am struggling to get enough sleep and my anxiety has been oddly out of control recently. I think the last year or four has finally caught up with me. It's (mostly) over in terms of the dumpster fire that was the previous administration and the pandemic will hopefully be less of a nightmare in a few months. I'm not sure if I'm just worn down or I'm expecting something worse around the corner.

It was likely not the best time to apply for a new job, but the posting came up at work so I went for it. I have an interview tomorrow and have been freaking about it all week now. I'm absolutely terrible at interviews, but at least this one is virtual so I've been trying to work on a cheat sheet that I can keep handy. Normally I would have treated myself to a nice haircut, but the pandemic is still raging. I cut it myself last night and it's a bit shorter and not as clean as I would like, but it's not terrible.

I realized earlier this week that I don't have any cold weather interview clothes. I've mostly interviewed in the spring and so everything I have if lightweight and short sleeves (which was hard to find during the height of the 'cold-shoulder' trend). It's all also very feminine and I honestly don't feel like that fits me anymore. I really want to go buy new clothes, but that involves outside and people and there's a plague still raging. I'm very much an in-person shopper as I need to try everything on before I can buy it. I know I can buy online, but if I need to return that still usually involves a trip into the store so even that is off the table for now.

I was going to treat myself to a binder. I've been wanting one for months (let's be honest) years now. However I gained 10-15 pounds during the pandemic and I'm determined to get rid of it. I had gotten rid of 35+ pounds and was working my down to a  healthier weight before the pandemic. I had almost reached my goal to buy new bras. I realized it might not be the best idea to buy a binder right now. I already know I can get rid of that weight as I had already done it once before, and that could end up changing what size binder I need.

My chest has been a serious source of dysphoria for me recently. I have a love/hate relationship with my breasts. It goes back and forth between me being okay with them and wanting nothing to do with them. I do wish I could donate some breast tissue to you ladies who want more. I have plenty and have considered getting a reduction in the past. I'm skeptical a binder would even be able to flatten out this much tissue, but I'll take what I can get at this point that doesn't involve surgery. I'm about halfway to my goal of getting rid of the pandemic weight. I just have to keep working at it so I can finally buy my binder.

[CD Rachel]

 

Good morning everyone,

 

 

I got the blues this morning. Saw the wife last night as she had invited me over for a social visit. We were getting along fine just talking about all the mundane things happening in the world.  As we were talking she had some contractors in the house working late and at one point the supervisor asked her to come into the kitchen to verify some things she wanted done. We went to the kitchen and after going over the plans we were laughing and joking with him as we were heading back out of the kitchen when he commented to one of his employees that "You would never know that they are divorced",  She shot back that we are not divorced and then commented to me that she will want to keep her last name after the divorce. Well this was the first time that the word had come up between us. I thought that I was ok until the word was actually hanging there in the air between us. I was able to keep it together on the outside while I was crashing and burning on the inside. I am crying as I type this and it is getting difficult to even see what I am typing. I guess that I have been in denial and I still felt as if this was just temporary

 

I cant write any more now

 

Rachel

[Bri2020]

1 hour ago, CD Rachel said:

 

Good morning everyone,

 

 

I got the blues this morning. Saw the wife last night as she had invited me over for a social visit. We were getting along fine just talking about all the mundane things happening in the world.  As we were talking she had some contractors in the house working late and at one point the supervisor asked her to come into the kitchen to verify some things she wanted done. We went to the kitchen and after going over the plans we were laughing and joking with him as we were heading back out of the kitchen when he commented to one of his employees that "You would never know that they are divorced",  She shot back that we are not divorced and then commented to me that she will want to keep her last name after the divorce. Well this was the first time that the word had come up between us. I thought that I was ok until the word was actually hanging there in the air between us. I was able to keep it together on the outside while I was crashing and burning on the inside. I am crying as I type this and it is getting difficult to even see what I am typing. I guess that I have been in denial and I still felt as if this was just temporary

 

I cant write any more now

 

Rachel

Hang in there Rachel, I've been there and I know it sucks. I wish I could be there to offer you a hug but all I have is virtual well wishes and hugs for you.  

Bri

[Ivy]

6 hours ago, CD Rachel said:

I thought that I was ok until the word was actually hanging there in the air between us. I was able to keep it together on the outside while I was crashing and burning on the inside. I am crying as I type this and it is getting difficult to even see what I am typing. I guess that I have been in denial and I still felt as if this was just temporary

This sux.   I've been here too.   My ex was really the only girlfriend I ever had, and we were together over 40yrs.  Pulling off the ring was one of the hardest things I ever had to do.  To be honest, I was actually suicidal at that point.

But I'm still here.

[KymmieL]

HAPPY GIRL DANCE yes. I didn't realize that the E patch was so small. Better to hide my dears. My package didn't wind up in NC but was on my kitchen table when I got home. Went straight up stairs and put it on.

 

Now the fun starts,

 

Kymmie

[Jackie C.]

1 hour ago, KymmieL said:

My package didn't wind up in NC but was on my kitchen table when I got home. Went straight up stairs and put it on.

 

Glee! May your transformation be dramatic, immediate and everything you wished for!

 

Hugs!

[Willow]

So sorry Rachel.  
 

Happy dance for sure Kymmie.  I wish for you everything you want out of your patches.  My wife ordered some sewing supplies out of NewYork.  From Albany they went to Connecticut, sat there for days”intransit, delayed”  then back to New York, finally to New Jersey, but once again, “in transit, delayed”. Then it went to just intransit, delayed but no location all in all a trip that was supposed to be 3 days took 3 weeks.  
 

Willow

[Susan R]

1 hour ago, KymmieL said:

I didn't realize that the E patch was so small. Better to hide my dears.

Hey @KymmieL! I was wondering what the ‘physical dimensions’ of your new patches are. (Not the dose, please). I was removed from HRT for a short while and when I recently restarted Hormones, they pharmacy where I was at the time gave me E patches that are absolutely huge (2 inch circles) and I’m required to use two simultaneously. This takes up a lot of real estate on my person.

 

I was on patches back in early 2019 and they were only 1/2” x 1” rectangles with rounded edges. They weren’t very effective for me personally but I was able to use a waterproof bandaid over the top of them to allow for easy showering and the patch never came off.

 

These new patches are so large that even the largest waterproof bandaids I could find are not completely large enough to cover the entire patches. I’m still searching for larger waterproof bandaids. I have a few more refills left on this and I am going to ask for another brand that is smaller with the same prescription.

 

Congrats on getting the E!!?

 

Thanks,

Susan R?

[Bri2020]

Congrats Kymmie!

[Jackie C.]

1 hour ago, Susan R said:

the pharmacy where I was at the time gave me E patches that are absolutely huge (2 inch circles) and I’m required to use two simultaneously

 

It never occurred to me that they could come in different sizes. The ones I was given initially were about 3" x 2" in an oval shape. Two would basically be the back half of a bikini (well, a small bikini).

 

Hugs!

[KathyLauren]

1 hour ago, Susan R said:

when I recently restarted Hormones, they pharmacy where I was at the time gave me E patches that are absolutely huge (2 inch circles) and I’m required to use two simultaneously. This takes up a lot of real estate on my person.

 

The size varies a lot!  The Sandoz generic patches, which is what the pharmacy probably gives you if you don't specify otherwise are enormous.  I also had to use two at a time, and they were each several inches across.

 

I asked to switch to the Estradot brand name patches.  Mostly, I was dissatisfied with the adhesive on the generic.  It didn't stick well in the shower, and I developed a chemical sensitivity to it.  Because of the size, I could only use three areas on my abdomen, so I was re-using the same piece of skin every week and a  half, which increased the irritation.

 

With the Estradot, each patch is about 1" x 3/4".  They stick better in the shower, and they are less irritating.  And they are small enough that I don't have to re-use the same patch of skin for five weeks, which also reduces the irritation.

[Audrey]

So happy to hear @KymmieL! I'm joining in your happy dance and I hope your journey on E brings you much joy.

 

@Willow I'm happy to hear you and your wife had a positive conversation! I agree, the more my partner and I talk things through, the closer our relationship feels.

 

@CD Rachel I'm so sorry to read this. I hope you and your wife can talk through your feelings together. Stay strong, I'm sending positive energy your way!

 

Today was a pretty good day, all things considered. A lot of positive conversations at work with clients. One of them told me I had a very reassuring phone voice. So I asked her what it was she liked about my voice - she said she liked how I spoke quietly and like a "soft melody" in her words (I'm not out to any clients). I have been working on my speaking voice but this was so uplifting to hear! In other news, I was disappointed to have to send the skirt suit I recently ordered back because the jacket didn't fit right at all. Also rescheduled my next electrolysis appointment to heal more from the last one (I mentioned that in another thread). Tonight I'm looking forward to a quiet evening, I have so many shows in my streaming video queues that I may never see the end of it!

 

Love,

~Audrey.

[Susan R]

1 hour ago, KathyLauren said:

With the Estradot, each patch is about 1" x 3/4".

That may have been the brand I used a few years ago. I was guesstimating the size of my patches from back then but this sound like the same patch I once used. I will request that brand next refill unless Kymmie’s patches are smaller in size. If anyone else is using patches and they are smaller than my current 2” x 2” circles, I would love to hear from you. I was taking E caps and I sort of enjoy the freedom now of not having to take multiple daily pills....at least for now. I think my PCP like me on patches too due to my age.

 

Thanks @Jackie C. and @KathyLauren!

 

Susan R?

[Ivy]

@KymmieLCongrats. 

My patches are about 1x2".  They stay on pretty well for me.