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KymmieL

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Out of the blue I get a call. I'm retired and have to go to a business meeting.

Do not know what this about, all I know is I text back and told them, I'm wearing polka dots.

They said please come as you are.

LM♥️

 

Today31.jpg

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When I carry my purse. I usually just have my wallet, some makeup, my keys, and maybe some protection. That is about all I can fit in my purse.

 

 

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Well… 

I kinda have an interest in historical clothing.  And since we were posting purses and stuff, I thought this was interesting in regard to historical women's pockets.

 

 

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7 hours ago, Linda Marie said:

Out of the blue I get a call. I'm retired and have to go to a business meeting.

Do not know what this about, all I know is I text back and told them, I'm wearing polka dots.

They said please come as you are.

LM♥️

 

Today31.jpg

And yet another lovely outfit...lookin good girl!?

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It seems universal that the depression mostly goes away when you come out. It was the same for me. I quit all my destructive habits. Feel much better about myself and want to live now. There will be moments of depression when we see how long it takes to accomplish all the stuff that needs to get done, and especially when you see how much you have turned upside down the lives of your loved ones. My wife tells me I'm being selfish. Well, I guess I am. It's my turn now to do something for myself. It's something that I MUST do if I'm going to survive.

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1 hour ago, Jamie68 said:

It seems universal that the depression mostly goes away when you come out. It was the same for me. I quit all my destructive habits. Feel much better about myself and want to live now. There will be moments of depression when we see how long it takes to accomplish all the stuff that needs to get done, and especially when you see how much you have turned upside down the lives of your loved ones. My wife tells me I'm being selfish. Well, I guess I am. It's my turn now to do something for myself. It's something that I MUST do if I'm going to survive.

Pretty much sums up my life.

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I also agree with the above. The physical transition hasn't been the main cure. Its been letting people know that there is someone else in this shell. The real me that's been hiding and peering through my eye holes. The reason why I sometimes act odd (Well, feminine. I am odd though). Acceptance and the correct treatment of myself by others and the understanding that goes with it.  Being able to relax as myself, rather than putting on an act. Accepting myself for who I am.  

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I am pleased to hear that I am not alone in the depression lessening throughout your journeys. Not much happened on Sunday, was preparing to play some Final Fantasy XIV with a friend, but they never responded to me, hoping they are all right.

 

 I am preparing for another day at work, then I look at my calendar and it has one item on it, so that isn’t any good for my day normally. I was hoping to have more in the way of meetings and such to keep me busy. I am also (trying to be patient) waiting for the next touch base with HR, so I can get the answers that I am waiting for. Then I can setup the meeting with HR, my boss, and myself. I also need to call the clerk of courts I think to see if they can or have scheduled my hearing for the name change. Not work-related things to do, which makes me feel bad because well, I am being paid then to handle my personal life it would seem instead of doing something else. -shrug-

 

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On 4/9/2021 at 1:21 PM, Jandi said:

This is what we do when we get a few miles on us.

 

It's a trip.  I'm getting old, but HRT makes me feel like a teenager most of the time.

Jandi, this is so reassuring to hear. Congratulations on getting your court date set too.

 

Hugs,

 

Mindy???

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magic brown elixir in hand. I am also like Jamie. I think that I have been neglecting me to be someone I am not. For the longest time I cared nothing for myself only my family. Then I changed to me being #1. then recently changed back. I am way down the list again. I know I shouldn't do that but I do.

 

I have read that most crossdressers have a great fear when they first go out dressed. My first time I had none of that. I was free finally being myself. Oh, I did have fear but I sucked it up and stepped out my head held high. If you don't like it, Screw all of you I am a woman.

 

Kymmie

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1 hour ago, KymmieL said:

I think that I have been neglecting me to be someone I am not. For the longest time I cared nothing for myself only my family. Then I changed to me being #1. then recently changed back. I am way down the list again. I know I shouldn't do that but I do.

 

 

This is a really hard habit to break. I have a friend who reminds me every day that you can only love others as much as you love yourself. She's not wrong, I've become a much more loving and caring individual since I've started looking after myself and, more importantly, started loving the girl looking back at me in the mirror.

 

Hugs!

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1 hour ago, Jackie C. said:

 

This is a really hard habit to break. I have a friend who reminds me every day that you can only love others as much as you love yourself. She's not wrong, I've become a much more loving and caring individual since I've started looking after myself and, more importantly, started loving the girl looking back at me in the mirror.

 

Hugs!

^THIS!   I have been such a better spouse, friend, etc since I came to terms with who I am and loving myself for who I am.  The trick is to love your family and other, and prioritize them to, but not at your own expense.  There's a delicate balance if you want to be healthy, and have healthy relationships

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I was on the bottom of the list for the longest time. then slowly came up. but has since fallen again. Right this minute I am not important at all. right now no one is. It must be bad not even chocolate will bring it up. LOL.

 

Yesterday I had on pandora while I was playing Minecraft.  Bill Joe,l just the way you are. came on. My wife says that is how I like you. I said, I haven't changed. but I don't think she heard me. I know full well she is compromising just letting me be Kym at work.

 

Hugs,

Kymmie

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2 hours ago, KymmieL said:

I was on the bottom of the list for the longest time. then slowly came up. but has since fallen again. Right this minute I am not important at all. right now no one is. It must be bad not even chocolate will bring it up.

 

Was it good chocolate? I had a Hershey's Kiss this morning to see if it was as bad as I remember and I don't see how that waxy, nasty stuff could move ANYBODY up. Bleah.

 

Hugs!

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Well, my wife and marketing officer is pushing my "being out there" boundaries again and we are using this image in a direct mail hiring campaign. Nothing like "coming out" to thousands of strangers

923463959_ScreenShot2021-04-12at1_04_37PM.thumb.png.a65fdef129b8a0f56fa695e7ab25154c.png

 

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@Bri2020 I think you look great in that picture from the flyer! I think it will be a challenge to be out and proud for any of us at times, especially with complete strangers that you want to hopefully hire. I think you can use it as showing how you are welcoming and inclusive. Good Luck! :)

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9 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

 

Was it good chocolate? 

Nah. Just a Hershey's mini dark. It is what I had. LOL I think that i would need a whole lot more than one  piece and much better too.

 

Kymmie 

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On 4/11/2021 at 7:43 AM, AmberM said:

 

Good morning everybody.

 

I hope everyone had a good first half of their weekend. After having a good interaction with HR on Friday, I made an appointment to have my ears pierced for the first time at a tattoo/piercing shop. First, I took a friend to get their hair done at a place that I went, and they remembered me after only one interaction which was great. After that, grabbed some lunch and then I had the piercing appointment. The shop was great, and shared in my excitement in doing my first ear lobe piercing. It didn’t really hurt, which was great. Then we went and played games for the rest of the day at the friend’s house.

 

We did have a conversation that was interesting. It is an observation that my depression has improved vastly since starting to come out. After years of suppressing the real me, that may have been a source of my depression, and how now that I have been leading depression groups, I kind of feel like an imposter. Not from a gender identity perspective, but as someone who identifies also having a mental health disorder. The more that I live authentically, the better I get, and it is also the more I can apply the coping skills I have learned over the years. I feel like I might be shedding a layer of my identity which is hard for me. Has anybody else experienced this phenomenon?

 

On 4/11/2021 at 7:43 AM, AmberM said:

Yes, AmberM. I agree about the connection to happiness coming from being authentic. I like to write and last year I wrote a story about authentic music. The story had two songwriters who pledged to do that instead of chasing hit songs. In the course of writing songs together, one character gradually came out as non-binary trans to the other. I fought against the idea, because it was too "left-field." However, this experience of writing the character (Him to Her) brought it out in me. And I resisted that until I found myself feeling happy whenever I wrote new dialog from Him/Her. I had to remind myself that the theme of the story was Authenticity, so I followed along to see where it would go. That led, of course, to breaking my egg and getting a therapist, joining a local trans community, and joining TransPulse. Happy to be here now.

Thanks,

Davie

 

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Good Morning Everyone!!!

I'm feeling so positive today, and I feel like today is such a great day for getting to the next level! I'm ready! We're ready!! For new waves of happiness and positivity~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~

SO MUCH LOVE, 
BRIT

Brit_coffee1.jpg

Brit_GoodMorning.jpg

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Good Morning everybody!

 

Yesterday was fairly slow for me, I am still waiting for my HR Representative to have their meeting with their boss to see what the process is for my company. I am kind of at peace, kind of just wanting the answers. I did have an interesting session with my therapist, in which we talked about how to handle people that will try to invalidate my experience as a woman. His thoughts were two-fold. First is something that I am already doing with people who I know have issues, hold them at a bit of a distance. I don’t let my mom in close because she tries to invalidate my feelings in some way, so I know to keep her at a distance, so why not keep most people at a distance until they prove themselves first? The second layer is to remind myself I don’t need external validation that I am a woman. My therapist reminded me there are women that from many backgrounds, upbringings, and statuses. They are still women, so I am no different.

 

I thought bringing up therapy today would help someone else, because it is useful to share some insights gained through therapy when it is affirming. It was also helpful in adding to my toolbox for when something doesn’t go right.

 

I hope everybody has a manageable day.

 

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I had my second shingles shot yesterday.  At my age, it is a good one to have.  The nurse warned me that the second shot would hurt more than the first.  Holy @#$%!!  Was she ever right!

 

I got up in the night to pee, and I was freezing cold and shivering.  That never happens normally.  When I woke up this morning, all my joints and muscles hurt.  And I had the worst hangover that I have had in 40 years!

 

The good news is that a reaction means that my body is making antibodies.  I am taking it easy today.

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Balmy 21 degrees out. Getting cold weather all this week. I hope it warms up soon. I need to get some stuff done on the wagon less than a month before We head to Bowling Green.

 

Been in a low mood. I think since I stopped my blockers my T has come back with a vengeance. I can barely go a day before my facial hair is feelable. 

 

Oh, well. Still smile when I put my hand on my E patch.

 

Kymmie

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Yea it's Tuesday which means pain!  (insert sarcasm emoji here). It's my Lip electrolysis day so I am trying to get myself psyched up to deal with the excruciating prep of lidocaine injections under my nose and through my lips.  It's 10 minutes of hell but it makes 90 minutes of electrolysis completely pain free.  I swear I'm getting PTSD from these experiences ;)

Progress is being made however. 

@Britany_Relia great positive message, thank you.

@KathyLaurenugh-sounds like my second covid shot.  Worth the pain though because shingles SUCK

@KymmieLoof thats cold.  I seriously hope I don't have to stop blockers until I get things cut off, I never want T floating around in my system again.  

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Not much going on in my neck of the woods today. Spent the day installing a new dish washer.

Gosh I built my house 21 years ago, had to re-do the plumbing to fit the new one. 

 

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At least the one you had lasted that long @Linda Marie.   One that I installed in 2007 when I renovated our kitchen lasted only until 2011.   I've got ten years and counting on this one. 

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DOB.  No periods, just the letters.  04-03-2000. That was correct. Nice they kept the zeros so these things would be consistent. F.  She stared at that.  F.   The next line was MICHAELS A.  That was her doctor.  The F could only be gender.  He was some kind of a specialist in the field of sex and he had called her F.  Her drivers' license and medical insurance and Social Security card and birth certificate, even her Voter ID, had M.  She went over and over it.  There was no M anyway that would indicate gender. Only F. 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The other documents would be easy to change. She waited in a waiting room.  They gave her lunch at noon, and at 2:00 the discharge papers finally arrived. "I will need some way to get home." "He's downstairs in the lobby.  You can meet him there." "Great." ----------------------------------------------------- "What are we going to do about Marketing?"  this was the Chairman of the Board.  He had been asking this for years. This Saturday afternoon the Board had dropped their golf game in light of the sudden drop in sales.  This was not quite an emergency, but close. 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She had Taylor confused with someone else.  Will you forgive us?" Quite the start.  "Sure." "In 2015 I was the youth pastor at Hutton Church." [Hutton is a little village outside of Roosevelt, consisting of a church, half a dozen houses, a gas station and a Dollar General Store. The kids go to Roosevelt schools.] "Small world." "I remember there was a terrible assault on one of the youth at the high school, and there was a prayer campaign for that boy. He made a full recovery.  I recall a number of  news articles even though the family requested privacy.  I remember a Bob being mentioned as a close friend of the assaulted.  You strongly resemble him, and I am puzzled by your companion. She looks like the boy a lot.  That is why I kept looking in your direction.  Not in accusation." "She was him." "Really." "This is the same Taylor people are talking about - who changed from male to female?" "I think she was never a male, actually." "Really.  Well, I didn't build this church by accusing anyone or making anyone feel bad, and I think both those things happened with you and - Taylor.  I want you to know you are welcome here.  If there is anything I can do to help, let me know.  Did you know that over half this church came forward Wednesday night with sexual issues of one sort or another?  You are not alone. Excuse me, that is presumptuous, that you have such issues. I have no right to pry.  But thank you for coming back."   Not bad, Bob thought. Not bad at all.    A quick fast food lunch and he was at the hospital.  Was she being discharged? He was her ride, so they were willing to tell him. He could wait. And he did.        
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      The tornado called Taylor ripped through Bob's apartment. After a trip to a laundromat, two trips to grocery stores for cleaning supplies and what Taylor opined were Basic Staples, everything was scrubbed within an inch of its life.  A new dish  drainer with a new hand towel and dish cloth were by the side of the scrubbed out sink; motorcycle parts were in a box under the newly made bed.  Floor, shower, toilet, sink had been hit in the bathroom and new towels hung there the way Taylor liked them. "I don't recognize the place/" "So move out." Taylor was sitting on one of the new kitchen chairs.  There were four of them around the little wooden table.  In the middle was a flower arrangement.  Bob had made his last trip to the dumpster.  Not a pizza box remained. A row of card board boxes with books had been replaced by shelves full of neatly arranged books. "Look at this." "I am not going to do this all the time.  You clean your own place from now on. I am bushed." "Many thanks, babe." "No problem, Big Guy." "Hey, I wanted to talk to you about exercise.  Karate in particular."  He pronounced it ka-ra-tay. "I am a second Dan black belt and there is a certain obligation there to teach other people." "Kara-tay? I don't know." "A friend of mine runs a dojo here and needs my help. He talked to me already.  Tuesday and Thursday night and Saturday mornings." "Oh.  So you will be there then." She looked disappointed. "I'm hoping you will be there." "Sounds dangerous.  But I could use the exercise." "And self-defense would be good. It might help." "It might. Huh.  Saturday morning?" "8 AM I need to be there. Classes run until noon. I don't need to be there the whole time." "Is there an intro class or anything?" "Yes. 10 to 11." "How about if I try that."  She was not very enthusiastic.  Punches and kicks and stuff.   Saturday morning they arrived together.  She wanted to watch the Green Belt class that met then just to see what she was in for. Sensei Mark came to the front of the room, before the big American and Japanese flags. Between them was a picture.  "I am honored to introduce to you Sensei Bob.  He is a second Dan black belt.  He has actually beaten me in tournaments.  I have known him through tournaments.  You will listen to him as you listen to me.   Sensei Bob, take the class. The two sensei bowed to each other.  Sensei Bob pointed out that Sensei Mark had beaten him, as well. Taylor was sort of standing against the back wall, scrunched up, a mouse in her crisp new beltless gi.  Her t-shirt was off white underneath it and she was hoping no one would notice. "I am Sensei Mark. You are Taylor." "Yes, sensei!" she stood at attention and shouted it. He laughed.  "This is not Cobra Kai and we are not in a Karate Kind movie.  You do that here only between bows.  Bob tells me you are a complete beginner." "That is an understatement." "Here, let me fix your gi."  She had it on a little incorrectly.  She drew back. "What's the matter?" "I am pretty touchy." "Okay.  Untie the straps in front and tie them the other way, like mine." "I don't have a belt." "There. That is right. You will get a belt after three months and passing tests on kata, kumite and karate knowledge." "I don't know what that is." "And we touch a lot here.  Not romantically. You see how Sensei Bob is going around and adjusting people's stances and arm locations." "Yes, I see that." No enthusiasm. "You are Sensei Bob's girl, right?" "Yes.  What is important to him is important to me, so here I am."  He wished her well and told her to go see Margie, who handled registration at the little table. "Hi, I heard about you." Margie began. "What does that mean?" "It means we treat everyone here with respect.  That was the wrong way to start." "I'll say. Try again." "Good morning. How can I help you?" "I want to register for the beginner class." "You are Taylor, right?" "Right." "Sensei Bob paid for your lesson today." He would. She gave name, address, age, height, weight, and they came to gender. Margie asked it twice. "Put down female." "The only other choice is male." "Then that is it." "Earlier I was thinking about tournaments, which are big here. The rules are that boys fight boys and girls fight girls - there are Men's and Women's Divisions.  I know you look like a woman, but they go by the birth certificate." This was awkward.  Really awkward.  Down at the other end of the room they were moving in unison when Bob said HAI!, turning, punching, kicking, etc. "I don't plan to go to tournaments.  One step at a time, shall we?" "Okay.  And I meant it when I said respect.  We bow to each other.  You will see. As a sign of honoring other people." Margie bowed slightly, sitting down.  Taylor returned the bow and smiled. The class moved into sparring, breaking into twos and practicing moves against each other.  Bob was moving among the pairs, adjusting positions of hands, hips, feet.  Taylor was unsure about someone touching her like that, her hips particularly.    The green belt class ended as new students came in for the beginners' class. Down at the other end the brown belt class began.  The room was large enough you could do two classes at the same time.   The other beginners, nervous, lined up at Margie's table.  People got into gis, the men in their big area and only woman in the little restroom that was for them.   Sensei Mark greeted them and showed them where to stand: on the little x's on the floor. He explained the School Code.  They would recite it at the beginning of class and they needed to memorize it for the white belt test, at which time they would, of course, receive a white belt. He explained some terms.    They warmed up with some basic, easy stretches.   They learned a kata called Taikyoku Shodan, involving blocks, punches and some movements. This was not bad.   She was now paired off with Judy.  Things were going well and this was not too bad. Judy was sixty years old and had been told to exercise by her doctor.  Taylor said her boyfriend was teaching the other class, which was impressive, and he wanted her involved.   "You remember the gedan barai - downward block?"  They did. Everyone showed him and he went around and made sure everyone had it down. "And the lunge punch?"  They did. "Now we are going to put them together. One of you will punch and the other block it. Okay?"   Taylor squared off against Judy.  Her heart was pounding.  She practiced her gedan barai as Judy practiced her lower lunge punch.  Then they faced each other. "Okay, first partner, lunge punch.  Second partner, lower block.  Slowly.  Go!" Taylor saw the punch coming at her, but instead of blocking it her eyes welled up with tears and she dropped to the floor, weeping uncontrollably. "Oh God, Oh, God, Oh God, make it stop, make it stop" she shouted to parties unseen. Fetal position, rocking back and forth. Crying hysterically. "I didn't go near her," Judy said, bewildered. "Taylor?"  this was Sensei Bob.  Both classes had stopped and were looking at her. She kept crying. "I am here, "Bob told her, not touching.  "Oh Bob you need a wife who can be a real woman to you. I am making you into a monk or something." And she continued crying at full volume. "You need someone better than me, someone who can give you kids." Everyone could hear this.  They were turning away, trying to pretend they could not hear this. "I need to get her out of here and take her." Bob said, and he and Mark bowed to each other. He scooped her up and she bawled into his shoulder.  She clung to him.  First hug ever. Death grip, more like it. "Judy, would you get her things?" "I did nothing," Judy said, and moved towards the restroom, stunned.  "Nothing." "I know what she was wearing," Margie said, and got them. "I've got a gym bag. It 's red and it says Roosters on it. Can you get it? Mark got it.  He accompanied them to the car.  Taylor was non-stop crying deeply, clinging to him for dear life. Mark unlocked the car and together they managed to pry Taylor off of him, even though it took both of them to do it.  She was in the car seat and they managed to buckle her in it. "I am going to take you to your apartment," he said. "No. Emergency room," she said. "Maybe the psych ward."  He didn't doubt it. She calmed down in a few minutes on the way. "Well, that was embarrassing." "Everyone remembers their first day of karate class." "Bob, what I love about you is your sense of humor." "I love everything about you." "Even this?" "Yes. Even this." She managed to walk into the ER.  They were both still in gis. "Karate accident?" "No. I am Taylor and I am a nut. I wear a gi all the time. I make my boyfriend wear one, too." "She had a triggered event.  She's had some difficult times." "I see. Do you you know are bleeding?" "No."  Her crotch was wet with blood and the blood was seeping down both legs. She was wheeled away. "Sir, please wait here." He did.  He had no legal right to see her right now. After a while a nurse came out and said he could come on  back. There she was in a hospital gown.  "Seems like old times." "yeah.  We gotta stop meeting like this." The nurse buzzed around and left them. "They are running tests." "I bet they are." "I got an MRI. On a Saturday morning, too."  First ever. "You rate.  But why?" "They figure some of the old scar tissue - you know, from the- from the past - ripped open and they need to see what is going on." "We know what is going on,"said a doctor, stepping in. He looked at her. "I am Doctor Michaels.  They called me in.  I just happened to be in the building and they wanted me to see this and take the case.  My specialty is Disorders of Sexual Development. But what I am seeing is little in the way of disorder.  Look at this." They looked at the image. "This is a perfectly ordinary uterus." "Uterus?" "Yes, your uterus." "What?" "That is not all.  This is a cervix, and this is a vagina." "It's blocked up." "Yes.  It looks like you had surgery to do exactly that when you were an infant.  They used to do that." "This is me?" "You." "Really?" "I imagine this takes some getting used to. "Can it be undone?" "Absolutely. I mean, I cannot guarantee it, but it is more than likely. I would like to run some tests." "And the bleeding?" "It looks like the hormones you have been taking have kicked of a regular monthly cycle. Then you did a whole bunch of exercise.  Not surprising." "What?" "I want you to come to my office next week for follow-up.  Have you ever had a genetic test of any sort?" "No." "Well, your testes - one looks at first glance more like an ovary." "Ovary. Can I have kids?" "Too soon to tell.  You look happy." She did.  "Bob, you look stunned." "I am." "Given what happened earlier today we want to keep you overnight for observation.  I understand you are a trauma victim and something triggered it." "I got a punch thrown at me in kara-tay class, is all. I am a wimp." "Well, I will let you two talk for a minute and they will come and get you shortly.  No bad news here." "They are coming to take me away, hah-hah, they are coming to take me away," Taylor chanted. "Bob, I am not done with kara-tay.  I want to at least finish a first class. I mean, you paid for it and I want you to get your money's worth." "I think I got that." "Kiss me, you fool,"  she said, and he did, with energy.        
    • April Marie
      These arrived in yesterday's mail. I'm out working in the yard today so just old clothes. I'm looking forward to wearing this t-shirt dress when the weather warms up a bit more.  
    • missyjo
      Ashley I've known busty girls who wore b nice bras tl work n such then like a sift sports bra to lounge or sleep in hugs
    • missyjo
      your nails b hair came wonderful  congratulations  enjoy
    • Willow
      The one thing about this position, if you want more hours just wait and be flexible.  I’m now working until 7:30 pm instead of 4:30.  
    • Ashley0616
      I hope your head cold goes away soon! Sorry you have to cut grass with that.   Love the new t-shirt   I love that one.    What Jeep would you want to get? That is awesome about your wife getting better!
    • Ashley0616
      Welcome Mattie! I would recommend the first step is finding a gender therapist and see if you are or aren't. Then one of the biggest steps if you are do you want to start hormone replacement therapy. The decision should be thought long and hard. There are irreversible effects. Looking forward to your next post! Take care!
    • Ashley0616
      Congratulations on being able to pick up a cancellation! I hope to hear more updates about your transition. 
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