Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Good morning All. Coffees on.


KymmieL

Recommended Posts

2 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

I'm JUST getting to the point where hearing my deadname doesn't make my shoulders tense up.

I'm getting to the point where it does.

I used to think, Meh, so what.  But lately, please, no.

 

Just to note, I never have liked my birth name and always preferred a nickname.  But these days it's getting painful.

Link to comment
  • Replies 23k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • Willow

    2006

  • KymmieL

    1635

  • Mmindy

    1350

  • Ivy

    1169

Top Posters In This Topic

Posted Images

2 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

That's fantastic @Elizabeth Star! I was cringing RIGHT along with you while you were telling that. I'm JUST getting to the point where hearing my deadname doesn't make my shoulders tense up. I'm glad your boss is getting with the program and learning not to make you uncomfortable.

 

Hugs!

Due to my job and our clientele I learned really quick how to talk about my dead name as if he was not me. 

Link to comment
5 hours ago, LaurenA said:

I feel like I'm in the middle of another impossible decision.  My SO had a heart attach so I took a week off of work to care for her.  Then this Friday the CDC comes out with their latest guidelines.  Now I'm scared all over again of bringing home the virus and killing her.  I quit my job lat March for a year until we got vaccinated.  Now the vaccinations are not as good against the Delta variant.  Do I go back to work, wear a mask, and take my chances with unvaccinated people?  Or do I just take a chance with both my and my partners health and like.  I want to go back to work.  I gives me a purpose in life and keeps me from drinking too much.  Just to make life more interesting I'm 2 months into HRT and starting to show.  I'm pretty sure I can hide it because I' m not ready to cross that bridge.

I feel for you. My wife has no immunity either. Neither one of us can get the covid shot. It really sucks. I have to do the shopping. I stay away from people. There is no good answer. You still have to shop, pay bills, and all the other household stuff. I think you should work, try to distance yourself from others and be extra careful around your partner. I hope this helps. Best wishes for whetever you decide.

Link to comment

@LaurenA If you're vaccinated and wear a mask and take precautions (distancing, washing hands, using hydroalcoholic gels, etc.), you and yours should be quite safe. During the second Covid-19 wave in the Fall of 2020, pre-vaccine time, I was able to take care of my father who had open-heart surgery.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Hi

 

@Elizabeth Star I was also expecting a different comment with your boss’s in a different…. Congratulations!

 

@LaurenA that is a tough situation.  My wife and I are about to head out on a trip from the east coast to the west and back.  We expect to make several stops and take two weeks to get to Portland.  We are unsure as to our safety and masking. We will have our supply of masks at the ready if needed.  We are both fully vaccinated and neither of us are imunocompromised but it is definitely a concern.  I agree with the suggestion of discussing this with your doctor, but don’t expect a definite answer.  They have better information than we do but no matter what they answer it’s 50/50 whether it’s the right answer, so they just get wishy washy.

 

Willow

Link to comment

Went to the beach yesterday ('down the shore' in the local parlance), clearly I need to wear something for my boobs now as the swim shirt rubbing against them in the salt water created some discomfort. 

 

Met up with a college era friend I haven't seen in person for a long time and after accidentally sending a wrong message on the way came out to her.  

 

She's a lesbian who took a fair amount of time coming to terms with that internally and out in the world, so she didn't get into the typical discussion mode I've had with cis people...but she did ask if I was changing my name. I have a name that is kind of unisex-definitely connotes a male name when you hear it, but not always when it's looked at since mother spelled it an odd way. So far I've not come up with anything that really feels right to me, the one I use here and elsewhere just sort of was a default choice a while back. 

 

Deadnaming seems like something I'd like to delay a bit, or forever, but guessing the opposite of deadnaming would feel really good when that happens with people you know and love?

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

@LaurenA I agree with @Jackie C. you are doing amazing considering what you've had to deal with and I'm proud of you. Just wanted to let you know that.

Link to comment

On yesterday's episode of: A woman's Work is Never Done.

 

On my way how from work mt partner called to let me know her mother bought us a new back door. The original door was very old, beat up and had almost zero insulation value. We knew it had to be replaced, I just didn't want to do it "right now". I got home just in time to take five-er before there was knock on the door. In walks my MIL, FIL and BIL. Before I knew it, I was tearing out the old door. The door faces West and we're on a hill so I spent the next 5 hours roasting in the afternoon sun. Thankfully I didn't have all the trim that's needed so I was able to call it quits after the door was and frame were mounted. Plan is to get the final trim work done this morning and then back to cutting up the trees I dropped last weekend.

 

For you amusement I included a picture, my partner took, of me while I was working and of the newly installed door.

 

 

IMG_1950.jpeg

IMG_1944.JPG

Link to comment

More of the news had a DR Zoom appointment Friday,  something in the New England Journal of Medicine  and from the research from Israel.  While no vaccine is 100 percent effective , its the non vaccinated who are at risk .   More of sources where to look .  While less of a personal touch I like the DR Zoom as no need to drive or take the T or pay to park near Fenway .  

Link to comment

Liz you're a jill of all trades it seems!

I'm done with that kinda stuff.  I know how to fix most things, but I started pawning tht out to contractors about 7 years ago.  I used my back issues as the excuse but in reality, I just don't want to do all the "fix it up" stuff anymore. (especially after a manicure haha).  I think people have also started changing their expectations of me as well.  People use to come to me for help with all the "manly trades" but no one in the last year has except to borrow a tool or something.  My neighbor didn't even ask for my help building his deck (I've built 20 by now) even though I offered to help back before my transition.  We used to help each other with things like that. It's not like he isn't comfortable with my transition, he and his wife have been amazingly supportive and his Oklahoma courtesies of "Yes Ma'am" never fail to tickle me but he is definitely not going to ask a woman for help with carpentry. haha

I find myself slipping into my feminine stereotypes more and more and I like it ;)

Link to comment
1 hour ago, Bri2020 said:

I find myself slipping into my feminine stereotypes more and more and I like it

I would be so mad if I broke a nail working on this stuff. I could hire someone to do the work but since I know what's involved I have trouble trusting other people's quality.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Good morning everyone.  Rain predicted for here in the top of Virginia today and tomorrow.

 

I have a question for ya’ll.  I get offended by some things which I feel are taking a shot at us.  For example, a joke on Facebook showed a fat dog and the caption was “I identify as trans slim”.  Or I don’t like female impersonators.  They are nothing like us yet they were allowed to advertise their show on on a transgender only secret website.  Am I overly sensitive?  Is it wrong to feel these sorts of things are offensive to me?  Let me know what you think.

 

@Elizabeth Star I was a Jack! Now Jill of all trades.  Made furniture, repaired the house and car, replaced a roof, you name it ive probably done it.  But I’m getting older and muscle mass is lessened.  My last project was definitely not up to my standard so I’m done.  Giving my stationery power tools to my son.  Gave away or sold a lot of stuff during our move out.  And will likely have more to deal with after we move in to our new place.  And my eyesight, very frustrating and upsetting when I can’t see clearly.  Nothing is ever at the correct focal distance.  
 

let me know if I’m being overly sensitive with things I think are slaps at us.

 

Willow

 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

@Willow those are legitimate gripes and I concur. Wish people would respect others differences and not try to find humor where it's not.

Link to comment

@Willow, I definitely thik the dog thing is offensive.  Not only does it show blatant disrepct for transfolk, there's an unhealthy dose of fat-shaming there as well.

 

As for female impersonators, drag queens have a disproportionate share of gays and transwomen compared to society, and are more "like us" than you may realize.  Also, I think Ru Paul is a treasure who has shown me how beautiful a man can be feminine even without transitioning.  He gives me hope.  He also has some pretty inspirational music!

Link to comment
1 hour ago, Willow said:

let me know if I’m being overly sensitive with things I think are slaps at us

I don't think you're overly sensitive.   I find this kind of thing offensive myself.  But I do realize the people that post it have no concept of actually being transgender.  Of course this doesn't make it less offensive, esspecially when it's done vindictively.

 

I am not personally a fan of the drag scene.  But whatever.  That's probably because I don't like the idea of drawing attention to myself.  

 

As for "crossdressing"…    

It was when I finally got up the nerve to try fem clothes that I busted my egg.  But I don't consider it cross dressing.  To me it's just dressing.

But I do realize there are plenty of people who are content with occasional crossdressing.  I'm not offended by that.  Sometimes it's just the situation they are in, or they may be NB.

 

Link to comment

@WillowI don't feel you're being to sensitive. There's a big difference between impersonators and trans. I don't ever take take off the woman. It is who I am. I do take it personally when I hear others making comments or jokes. I know they're not usually directed towards me but trans people are not a joke. I also don't know where to draw the line sometimes. I am a woman (I know it in my soul and it say's so on my ID), so should I be quiet and let the comments slide so I don't out myself around people who don't know I'm trans? Be defensive and take a chance? Or, join in and solidify my identity? I don't see joining in as a option I would ever use but I'm sure someone somewhere has.

Link to comment
1 hour ago, Elizabeth Star said:

 so should I be quiet and let the comments slide so I don't out myself around people who don't know I'm trans? Be defensive and take a chance? Or, join in and solidify my identity? I don't see joining in as a option I would ever use but I'm sure someone somewhere has.

I'm the person who calls it out but I don't care who knows I'm trans. It's just easier that way for me.

Link to comment

Morning! Sitting here working up the energy to shower and shave. Coffee is strong and tastes like I just might survive the morning lol. Have to go up to meet with some friends to finalize wedding plans. Then home and lots of yard work and dryer fixing. Thankfully my schedule worked out with a 3 day weekend so I have more time than I thought. 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
4 hours ago, Willow said:

let me know if I’m being overly sensitive with things I think are slaps at us.

 

The dog thing? Yeah. That is absolutely a dig at trans people. There are plenty of people who take digs at us. They have the one joke, and it's not funny, but they're going to ride it into the GROUND.

 

I'm of a different mind on female impersonators and drag queens though, that's a different animal. That's theatre. Where it's being advertised is a bit distasteful, but it's part of a long and storied tradition from back when women weren't allowed to perform in the theatre. Is it dated? Yeah, probably. It doesn't offend me though as long as it's tastefully done.

Obviously "tastefully" doesn't apply to drag acts. Being over the top is kind of the point.

 

Hugs!

Link to comment

@Willow I find the dog thing offensive, it's absolutely insensitive. Female impersonators and drag queens, as far as I know, are respectful people who perform, they're fine to me. I'm not much into what they do, yet I think there might be value in it. Some of them use humor or scandal to question machist, binary and cis mindsets - and that's still necessary.

 

I've been thinking about @Linda Marie, @LusciousTheLock and @rainflower. It's been a while since they last posted. I hope they're OK and look forward to hearing from them.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
5 hours ago, Willow said:

I have a question for ya’ll.  I get offended by some things which I feel are taking a shot at us.  For example, a joke on Facebook showed a fat dog and the caption was “I identify as trans slim”.  Or I don’t like female impersonators.  They are nothing like us yet they were allowed to advertise their show on on a transgender only secret website.  Am I overly sensitive?  Is it wrong to feel these sorts of things are offensive to me?  Let me know what you think.

 

 

I definitely do not think you are being over-sensitive. 

 

I have seen that dog "joke" before on FB, and reacted with an "angry" emoticon.  Someone asked me why, and I had to explain that it promotes the idea that "trans" means pretending to be something that one is clearly not, which is very offensive to those of us who are just trying to be genuine.  The person who asked really didn't have a clue.

 

And I am not a fan of drag, either.  I can appreciate the talent that goes into a good performance.  But drag is essentially a parody ... of us.  Even a good performance is offensive.

Link to comment

Hi all. I was away on a little road trip vacation for a few days. We returned Wed afternoon. I have Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (a connective tissue disease) and so don't do great with car trips. (Was a destination wedding, so the destination was not my choice.) Once we returned home I was dealing with some pain issues and strength deconditioning. I'm making progress, and even did some yard work and swimming yesterday, and some step cardio today. My husband and I had some intimate conversations about sex & gender during our trip. That was wonderful - I feel like we're closer and understand each other that much more. I'll fill in some details at some other point. 

 

I also think the throwing around "trans" this and that as a joke is harmful and not funny. Something occurred to me. People seem to think that if they don't "get" something, that it follows that it's not real. E.g. "I don't get this being trans thing", says a cis person. Then, their conclusion is it's fake. I don't think any cis person can really "get it", necessarily. What people need to learn is that acceptance doesn't require you to get it. It does require one to apply empathy and respect, and those are skills that are not necessarily innate, but can be learned. 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Thanks to every who has or will reply.  There seems to b e a commonality to the dog joke.  Drag Queens are kind of split.  A friend who is ftm likes drag.  I was somewhat taken back because they weren’t trying to look fem, beards and other truly masculine appearance wearing makeup and a dress.  Ive seen drag before i knew i was trans, but seeing it now offends me.  Before what i saw, the drag queens tried to look like women.  These, not at all. But, i agree they are performers and that’s how they earn a living, but not from me!

 

Willow

 

 

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   1 Member, 0 Anonymous, 92 Guests (See full list)

    • Penrose-Pauling
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.6k
    • Total Posts
      767.9k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,012
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Quillian
    Newest Member
    Quillian
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. 777fleetleader777
      777fleetleader777
      (21 years old)
    2. ArinHallm3
      ArinHallm3
      (18 years old)
    3. ITakMyTime
      ITakMyTime
      (70 years old)
    4. Jess31
      Jess31
      (40 years old)
    5. Natalie71645
      Natalie71645
      (39 years old)
  • Posts

    • Abigail Genevieve
      Bob had the night off from teaching kara-tay and they planned to spend a lot of it at Cabaret.   Once in, Taylor waited for her man to park and looked around.  There was a sign "Mary, Paul and Peter LIVE tonight" and, sure enough, three microphones were standing in the open area.  A new hostess came up to her. "Are you alone?" "Oh, no.  He's coming." Taylor was led to a table. Bob was there in a minute and managed to get in there and seat her.  She smiled. "The act will be along in a few minutes. And Congratulations! I am SO EXCITED!!" Taylor responded to his look. "I got promoted." "To what?" "Head of Marketing." "You're kidding." "Nope.  It seems the Board finally woke up to the fact that the China cash cow may come to an end and they need to do something. Did you know that the VPs on up all get over a million dollars in compensation without really doing anything?" "No." "I am supposed to figure out how to re-energize over thirty acres of factory that have laid idle for forty years or more." "Why don't they do it?" She whispered,"the head of production is the son of the previous head of production. He has never produced anything."  She explained that everything was made in China and exported back to the US and sold under different brand names. "How am I going to find someone?" He smiled. "Congratulations. Sounds like a problem.  Hey, today we were talking about problems at our Philly plant.  One, it was built before World War 2. Second the city and state are tightening regulations and the tax structure is adverse.  Third, we get protestors every day, some of whom break into the factory.  People are talking about relocating." "We are forty miles from an interstate." "That is a plus.  Makes it harder for protestors to find us if we moved here." "You are really thinking that?" "I am, right now. I can't speak for the company.  I know there is a rail line." "Spur, actually, with several sidings.  The buildings are in good shape." "Do you have about five acres we could look at? How about if I take some pictures and send them off?" "Great.  And protestors would not be tolerated in Millville.  The factory area once upon a time was the main employer and people are very protective." Two weeks later she was in Philadelphia with Gibson and a few others.  The deal was signed and by end of summer ten acres, with an option on another ten, were being upgraded and equipment was coming in by rail. Not five, but ten.  She got a $20,000 bonus out of the blue.  The company was flush with Chinese cash that they didn't know what to do with. She was developing plans. But back to dinner.  "Did I tell you what they are paying me?" "No." She told him. "That is more than I am making." "You don't sound happy." "It takes some getting used to.  You are Management and Croesus combined." "Yeah. Is this a problem?" "No.  As I said, it takes some getting used to."  The musicians arrived and were introduced: three local teenagers in Peter Paul and Mary clothing and wigs like it was the 60s.  They began singing. "They are good," she said. "They are lip-synching." "They are good at lip-synching." They listened for a while. "Work is going to be intense for a while." "I'll bet." "I won't be able to talk to you about some of it." "I bet." They had a good evening.   The high point for Bob was that she let him put his hand on hers.  The high point for her was Bob did not seem threatened by her now being Management and making more than he did with a Masters. She didn't tell him she was likely to be in on the distribution of money the Chinese sent every year to keep them fat and happy.  But she had to finish up that report, so the evening ended early.  He drove her home, checked her apartment for people and again walked away hearing her lock the door three times.  She didn't say it, but he knew she was going to have a long talk with her therapist as well.   Her therapist was a night owl.  
    • Ashley0616
      envy: painful or resentful awareness of an advantage enjoyed by another joined with a desire to possess the same advantage obsolete : MALICE : an object of envious notice or feeling
    • MaeBe
      I sit back and think, am I this person? I definitely argue, but with the willingness to alter my opinion if I find that my information is lacking. So, no? I also don't go pointing fingers in faces like a crazed person, usually I am the one to argue with that kind of person; typically because they can't see past emotion and have little concern for actual facts. Sometimes it's sport that I do this (ENTP, baby!), but usually it comes from a place of trying to inform and shift opinion--or at least get them to actually obtain facts or get their facts from objective sources.
    • Ashley0616
    • Ashley0616
    • Ashley0616
    • MaeBe
      How exciting! Have a glorious evening!
    • Adrianna Danielle
      I will be meeting her wife tonight
    • Betty K
      Thank you Vidanjali that is so great to hear. I'm glad the joy comes across even though the subjects are dark, and especially that my voice is pretty! This was really a breakthrough for me, and I revelled in the entire process. Never had creating music been so effortless from start to finish.
    • Charlize
      The thoughts and suggestions above are certainly excellent!  I might also suggest that you continue to reach out to the trans community where your feelings are understood through experience.  I have found that helpful.  The is especially true when i try to help another in distress, not to look for a fellow sufferer but to help another find a path to self acceptance and peace.  Funny how helping another can pull me out of my own funk. We are here to help as we can.  Remember you are not alone in your feelings.   Hugs,   Charlize
    • Vidanjali
      This is great, Betty. Your voice is so pretty and soothing. I listened to both tracks on your channel. The messages are clear and there is a very effective tone for the content you are portraying as it neither sounds antagonistic nor overtly facetious, but rather empowered and joyful. 
    • Vidanjali
      @FinnyFinsterHH I am sorry to hear you're struggling so much. I'll start by saying I understand how this feels because I too have had episodes where I've gotten very upset about my chest to the point of panic or depression. So, I will offer what advice I can, but understand I know it's not easily done, though there are ways through it. Gradually think about whether someone you know can help get you a binder. Until then, because you feel this way when you realize your chest is there, you can work on developing mental techniques to get your mind off dwelling on your chest. You'll realize your chest is there throughout the day, of course, because the chest is a prominent part of the body.   First, think about addressing the physical reaction. Drink a glass of water and take several deep breaths. This can help to calm your body.   I strongly recommend mindfulness and meditation practices. You can practice techniques throughout the day, wherever you are. For example, say you catch a glimpse of yourself in a reflective surface and begin to feel sick, seeing the chest. Take a moment and instead cast your glance on anything around you, preferably something in nature like looking up at the sky or at a tree. Describe the object you're viewing in neutral terms meaning describe the color, texture, shape, borders, patterns, etc.; but avoid personal or emotional description such as, "It makes me feel..." or "It reminds me of...". This will redirect your mind away from dwelling on your body shape and calm the nervous system. There are many more mindfulness practices you can find online.   You can also try using a CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) journal app. In such an app will guide you to describe what upset you, the feelings, thoughts, and beliefs involved, analyzing and reframing them.    Finally, consider developing a regular meditation practice. This will strengthen your mind and gradually you will find yourself less prone to feeling consumed by upsetting events.    I should also mention, if you are artistic, consider channeling your experience into artistic expression. This has worked for me before - I've created a few art pieces addressing my experience of gender dysphoria. in such a way that felt empowering - like I owned it instead of it owning me.   None of these things is a quick fix. Nor should they be because what you're dealing with is a deep issue. But will sustained effort you can find your way to living with more peace and comfort.
    • VickySGV
      I am a little different in my angle of approach on this one, but my skepticism on the "Phishing Trips" the AG's are taking is that they have gone into these investigations with the idea that illegal actions are occurring regularly.  They are going in on the information of unharmed third parties who have imagined fantastic "theories and plots of harm".  What is going to happen when the institutions turn over information that has NONE of this fantasy outcome in it.  Proof of a negative is impossible under standard logic and even most Laws of Evidence.  Just because the records do not show it happened will not in their minds equate to harm not having happened, just that someone is lying to them or covering up something that they know from their personal fantasies.  The problem is that they have made a public face of wisdom and social courage against the fantastic, they have their "glorious Quest"" and like Don Quixote will be tearing up windmills looking to justify their private images.
    • Ivy
      This sounds really good.  Good luck with it.
    • Ivy
      It's (questionably) legal terrorism, in my opinion, to scare people out of transitioning.  But that is the goal, isn't it, to eradicate transgender people. They know what they're doing, and so do we.
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...