Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Good morning All. Coffees on.


KymmieL

Recommended Posts

  • Forum Moderator
1 hour ago, Vidanjali said:

Hi all. I was away on a little road trip vacation for a few days. We returned Wed afternoon. I have Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (a connective tissue disease) and so don't do great with car trips. (Was a destination wedding, so the destination was not my choice.) Once we returned home I was dealing with some pain issues and strength deconditioning. I'm making progress, and even did some yard work and swimming yesterday, and some step cardio today. My husband and I had some intimate conversations about sex & gender during our trip. That was wonderful - I feel like we're closer and understand each other that much more. I'll fill in some details at some other point. 

 

I also think the throwing around "trans" this and that as a joke is harmful and not funny. Something occurred to me. People seem to think that if they don't "get" something, that it follows that it's not real. E.g. "I don't get this being trans thing", says a cis person. Then, their conclusion is it's fake. I don't think any cis person can really "get it", necessarily. What people need to learn is that acceptance doesn't require you to get it. It does require one to apply empathy and respect, and those are skills that are not necessarily innate, but can be learned. 

I really only wanted to quote the second paragraph here.  For some reason I couldn’t select just that.

 

i think you hit the nail dead center on the head.  They don't understand so just like the anti Vader’s, the decide it isn't a real thing.  Even those who still respect us don't get it and still think its not real.

Link to comment
  • Replies 23k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • Willow

    1973

  • KymmieL

    1613

  • Mmindy

    1317

  • Ivy

    1148

Top Posters In This Topic

Posted Images

This is the first I've heard that "joke" being dog-based. Usually it's an "attack helicopter". I guess they moved on from helicopters when they realised they could get some fat-shaming in there as well. I lost the last little bit of respect I used to have for South Park when they did a whole episode like that (only it was a dolphin and a basketball player).

 

It's nothing more than the transphobic version of "well, if they can marry, then I can marry my lawnmower." Some people just don't like to think. Nice simple "theories" for simple minds.

 

Peraonally, I love drag though. It's a performance art, and I consider kings/queens our cousins: Both groups are birth-sex nonconformists. There's plenty of trans people, too, who start out being drawn to drag and finally realize through doing drag they're trans after all. Also, a big part of the history of modern drag involves gay men saying to the homophobics, "Oh, so you think I'm effeminate and that bothers you? Well then, I'll show you just how effeminate I can be!" and just owning that.

Link to comment
7 hours ago, Willow said:

I have a question for ya’ll.  I get offended by some things which I feel are taking a shot at us.  For example, a joke on Facebook showed a fat dog and the caption was “I identify as trans slim”.  Or I don’t like female impersonators.  They are nothing like us yet they were allowed to advertise their show on on a transgender only secret website.  Am I overly sensitive?  Is it wrong to feel these sorts of things are offensive to me?  Let me know what you think.let me know if I’m being overly sensitive with things I think are slaps at us.

 

Willow

 

Hi Willow,

I think I may be the odd woman out here.  I thought the trans-slim joke was funny.  I also don't appreciate drag queens because I feel they give the public the wrong idea what trans means. JMHO.

Lauren

Link to comment
1 hour ago, LaurenA said:

Hi Willow,

I think I may be the odd woman out here.  I thought the trans-slim joke was funny.  I also don't appreciate drag queens because I feel they give the public the wrong idea what trans means. JMHO.

Lauren

This is interesting. I see what you mean, yet we seem to interpret it differently.

 

I understand that the public may get the wrong idea of what trans means when they see drag queens or women impersonators. However, in general, it is not the goal of drag queens to create that confusion about trans people. They do not pretend to be trans or deny trans people's experiences. They're just questioning the social constructs around gender identity, gender expressions, etc. They're like clowns or comedians, but their subject matter is gender and sex. Some people in the public leave those shows questioning things, whilst others leave untouched or downright confused. I wouldn't blame the confusion on the drag queens, but on the obtuse subset of the public, and especialy on the media. The media go at great lengths to make non-cis, non-het, non-binary things confusing.

 

As I said, I don't enjoy drag queen shows, so I've been to very few. However, about a month ago I watched a series of short documentaries about some drag queens and female impersonators in my country. I was blown away! They were so intelligent and so articulate about what they do and why! It was amazing. They all spoke about how what they do is art or performance, and - above all - a political statement (and one that favors the LGBT+ community). I gained a lot of respect for them.

 

Perhaps there are bad-quality or ill-intentioned drag queens who don't do a favor to the trans community. In my very limited exposure to that scene, I haven't known that side.

Link to comment

Some decades ago, there was a lot of anti-trans sentiment in the gay community. Many felt that trans people gave the general public a wrong, and damaging, idea about who and what gay people are.

 

Of course, the real problem wasn't trans people. The real problem was a not enough representation of all types of gay and trans people so that the general public would have the opportunity to see that gay and trans are, in fact, two distinct things (even if some people just happen to be both).

Link to comment
2 hours ago, LaurenA said:

I thought the trans-slim joke was funny.

I think something can be funny, but still offensive.  I don't see the humor in this one tho.

 

3 hours ago, Vidanjali said:

I don't think any cis person can really "get it", necessarily. What people need to learn is that acceptance doesn't require you to get it. It does require one to apply empathy and respect, and those are skills that are not necessarily innate, but can be learned. 

True this 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Everyone has made good points here.  I agree that the combination of LGBTQI+ does confuse everyone.  I’m sure I’ll get chastised for this but I personally don’t think Lesbians have had it as hard as gays.  Just an opinion, I have no facts confirming or refuting that.  I believe Trans got on the band wagon because there aren’t enough of us willing to come out and fight so we attached to an existing group that was better known and started the fight for rights earlier.  I don’t know the rest of the alphabet to share any thoughts.  Clearly, transgender people have been around for many centuries just as all the others.  But we have been much slower to allow our selves to be known in the 20th and 21st centuries.  We help them so they will help us.

 

Willow

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

That's kind of my take too. In the 80's fetishization made the lesbians a bit more acceptable. Not GREAT, but they had it better than gay men who got painted as AIDS spreaders on top of the whole backlash from the straights and their toxic masculinity.

No, I'm not saying all straights and a goodly portion of the men that are yelling the loudest are probably deeply closeted gay men and trans sisters, but it's mostly a guy thing because how DARE something threaten their masculinity. Not a fan of male culture in the US.

 

The LBG's added the Ts back in the day to get the right to marry. Now that they're more-or-less accepted, some of them want to cut us loose. Also not great, but we're not going anywhere and it really is better than it used to be in the US.

 

Of course, I'm a trans-lesbian demi-sexual so I might as well be bigfoot riding on a unicorn while chasing the Loch Ness monster as far as they're concerned. As my therapist says, "I'm the whole sandwich." Order a LDT the next time you're in your favorite deli. See what they give you.

 

Hugs!

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

@Willow I agree with you on the Jokes being made by ignorant not necessarily hateful, but just ignorant of the real facts behind transgender people. My baby brother is one of the kindest soft hearted people I know, but because of his limited exposure to people outside of his construction crew. He would tell racist jokes until I confronted him about my niece who is biracial. Then he started on Gay jokes and again I asked him if he thought Vic and Nancy would appreciate those kind of jokes. He’s not hateful, he’s ignorant. I have confidence that once I come out to him, he’ll be one of my biggest supporters. 
 

@Elizabeth StarI‘m also a Jill of all trades. 

Link to comment

Thank you @Jackie C. I needed a chuckle.

"I might as well be bigfoot riding on a unicorn while chasing the Loch Ness monster as far as they're concerned."

That does it for me—you've completely ruined the slide into depression I had planned. Thanks again.

--Davie

Link to comment
3 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

it's mostly a guy thing because how DARE something threaten their masculinity.

I think trans women are seen as a threat to the patriarchal culture.  

Why would someone choose to give up male privilege?  

Link to comment
3 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

Of course, I'm a trans-lesbian demi-sexual so I might as well be bigfoot riding on a unicorn while chasing the Loch Ness monster as far as they're concerned.

 

I love this mental image. I need a framed print of it on my wall! :D

Link to comment
3 hours ago, Jandi said:

Why would someone choose to give up male privilege?  

And pockets. ?

Link to comment
1 hour ago, Elizabeth Star said:

And pockets. ?

And to quote gollum, just “what does it have in its pocketses?”

Link to comment
6 hours ago, Willow said:

I’m sure I’ll get chastised for this but I personally don’t think Lesbians have had it as hard as gays.

I think you're spot on, @Willow!  And I believe it's because cis-het males think being gay is "gross" while thinking that two women being together is "sexy".  Ultimately, it's a part of the cis-het male fantasy to watch two women making out (before the male "intervenes" to show them how it's done), whereas gays don't have any allowance for  heerosexual male to insert themselves without expressing any gayness themselves.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

First you talk about male privilege like it’s this great thing.  And pockets.  Well, I’ve discovered purses.  I think Seinfeld was on to something with the murse. I find it handy.  And doctors will tell you, don’t sit on a wallet.  But most men do.  Then you wonder why your hip hurts.
 

 What is Male privilege?  Did that start with the strongest cave male grabbing the female of choice and continued in some form through the dark ages?  And even the first half of the 20th century.  In western civilization today don’t we have laws that are supposed to end any and all forms of male privilege?

 

Yes, I think a lot of men and boys think it’s exciting to see two women together, emphasis on boys.  I think a lot of those same people think seeing two men kissing in public is disturbing.  Men and boys are groomed to be anti gay biased.  But not anti Lesbian.  When I was growing up my mother pointed out a gay man and told me to stay away from him.  He may have been gay but he wasn’t a child molester.  When I was 19 I worked with him and another gay man.  They just wanted to be left alone.

 

Willow

Link to comment
6 hours ago, Heather Nicole said:
8 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

Of course, I'm a trans-lesbian demi-sexual so I might as well be bigfoot riding on a unicorn while chasing the Loch Ness monster as far as they're concerned.

 

I love this mental image. I need a framed print of it on my wall! :D

How about this?!

3439F50A-499F-4165-9C33-9280D5783715.png

Link to comment
2 hours ago, AgnesBardsie said:

How about this?!

3439F50A-499F-4165-9C33-9280D5783715.png

 

Ha ha, I love it ?

 

As for the other discussion, all I know is this: Growing up believing myself to be cishet male, I thought I had a handle on the while "cishet male attraction to lesbians" thing. Then I realized I wanted to be one of those lesbians so badly. Then I realized I didn't care who or what appealed to me as long as I could be female. So that threw a heck of a big 'ol wrench in my self-assured brain, and all I know now is that I don't know anything, I just know I love femininity.  ?

Link to comment
22 hours ago, MetaLicious said:

@Willow, I definitely thik the dog thing is offensive.  Not only does it show blatant disrepct for transfolk, there's an unhealthy dose of fat-shaming there as well.

I agree. I can laugh at myself and take a joke, but there is nothing funny about someone taking a stab at something so personal. Transgender, weight, looks, stuttering, or whatever. It's just plain cruel. I stuttered some when I was little, sucked my thumb till I was 7. Got made fun of. There is no excuse for cruelty, especially as adults.

Link to comment
14 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

That's kind of my take too. In the 80's fetishization made the lesbians a bit more acceptable. Not GREAT, but they had it better than gay men who got painted as AIDS spreaders on top of the whole backlash from the straights and their toxic masculinity.

No, I'm not saying all straights and a goodly portion of the men that are yelling the loudest are probably deeply closeted gay men and trans sisters, but it's mostly a guy thing because how DARE something threaten their masculinity. Not a fan of male culture in the US.

 

The LBG's added the Ts back in the day to get the right to marry. Now that they're more-or-less accepted, some of them want to cut us loose. Also not great, but we're not going anywhere and it really is better than it used to be in the US.

 

Of course, I'm a trans-lesbian demi-sexual so I might as well be bigfoot riding on a unicorn while chasing the Loch Ness monster as far as they're concerned. As my therapist says, "I'm the whole sandwich." Order a LDT the next time you're in your favorite deli. See what they give you.

 

Hugs!

I totaly agree. Acronyms are confusing to me for the most part, but most of the LGBTQI one describes me. 

 

As far as lesbians being more accepted than gays goes, social media seems to have promoted this for a long time. How many movies have you seen where two women kissing each other was supposed to be a big turn on to men.

 

As far as drag queens go, they bother me. I'm pretty accepting in general. I don't care for people flaunting their personal stuff in public just get a reaction. I suppose it could be a good thing though, because it does make the public aware that we do exist and gives them an opportunity to learn about us and accept us for who we are. Double eged sword.

Link to comment
11 hours ago, Elizabeth Star said:

And pockets. ?

No joke about "pockets". I just bought my first purse. Got tired of not having anywhere to put things.

Been wanting one for a long time. My wife was against it. Of course she likes what I picked out and wants one like it lol.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
11 hours ago, MetaLicious said:

Ultimately, it's a part of the cis-het male fantasy to watch two women making out (before the male "intervenes" to show them how it's done), whereas gays don't have any allowance for  heterosexual male to insert themselves without expressing any gayness themselves.

 

Like I said, fetishization. Also, it hadn't occurred to me that gayness increases logarithmically. So gayness can be expressed as TOTAL GAYNESS (TGAY) = GAY^(number of gay people (NumG) - number of straight people (NumS)). So my wife and I are gay squared where as if we added a third, we'd be gay cubed. Good to know.

 

8 hours ago, Willow said:

First you talk about male privilege like it’s this great thing.  And pockets.  Well, I’ve discovered purses.  I think Seinfeld was on to something with the murse. I find it handy.  And doctors will tell you, don’t sit on a wallet.  But most men do.  Then you wonder why your hip hurts.

 

A bigendered friend of mine, when I expressed my desire to transition, said, "But your privilege?!?" I prefer my purse to pockets, though the pants I get from Avenue have usable pockets in them. The wallet thing causes more back pain for me than hip pain, but yeah. Of course now my wallet is huge so it's not going in ANY of my pockets.

 

Though in all fairness, I still find two women together appealing. It took me a while to figure out that I wanted to be one of them, but I eventually got there.

 

Love the picture @AgnesBardsie!

 

Hugs!

Link to comment

I love my purse.  It is just big enough to squeeze my Mac/air into it when I want.  But it's not too big for everyday stuff.  

 

Pockets are nice of course, but there is that sitting on it thing.  When I was still riding my bike (as a guy) that fat wallet and chain could get pretty damn uncomfortable after a few hours.  

 

Still, it is nice to at least have a place to slip in a cellphone, or perhaps some reading glasses.  Some of my favorite skirts have those neat pockets in the side seam.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
18 hours ago, Willow said:

Everyone has made good points here.  I agree that the combination of LGBTQI+ does confuse everyone.  I’m sure I’ll get chastised for this but I personally don’t think Lesbians have had it as hard as gays.  Just an opinion, I have no facts confirming or refuting that.  I believe Trans got on the band wagon because there aren’t enough of us willing to come out and fight so we attached to an existing group that was better known and started the fight for rights earlier.  I don’t know the rest of the alphabet to share any thoughts.  Clearly, transgender people have been around for many centuries just as all the others.  But we have been much slower to allow our selves to be known in the 20th and 21st centuries.  We help them so they will help us.

 

Willow

Well stated Willow,

 

Coffee was early, because I’m driving from Indy to Frederick, MD to teach at the Fire Academy Tuesday through Thursday. 
 

Best wishes, and positive energy,

 

Mindy??️‍⚧️?

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   6 Members, 0 Anonymous, 99 Guests (See full list)

    • April Marie
    • Adrianna Danielle
    • KathyLauren
    • Ashley0616
    • MaryEllen
    • Ivy
  • Recently Browsing   2 members

    • KathyLauren
    • Adrianna Danielle

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.5k
    • Total Posts
      767.2k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      11,940
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Raelyn
    Newest Member
    Raelyn
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. **Angela Charlotte **
      **Angela Charlotte **
    2. Carlie
      Carlie
      (63 years old)
    3. Cbxshawn
      Cbxshawn
      (49 years old)
    4. HannahO
      HannahO
      (31 years old)
    5. JustKatie
      JustKatie
      (40 years old)
  • Posts

    • Ashley0616
      Wow that is a high number for Estradiol good grief! Testosterone levels are better than mine. I don't remember my Estradiol level but testosterone was 80. To me that is really high but it was in the two hundreds the check in before last one. 
    • Ivy
      I don't understand why this would make a difference being a "dad" I mean, as far as how they would grow.
    • Ashley0616
      I don't see why not. I have worn forms since I came out. 
    • MaeBe
      I have never worn breastforms, but I assume as long as they don't aggravate your nipples you could.
    • MaeBe
      Every week I've been excited to take my shot, so it's never been an issue. Yesterday, however, I woke up and started my usual "slow roll" and then suddenly realized I had breakfast plans that I had to rush out the door for. After, it was straight into work calls, and then I got the notification from the doctor about things being too high and all the while my mind had completely slipped that I needed take my shot.   Given that I am not asking for medical advice, but sharing my journey, I will note my results: Estradiol at 447 pg/mL and Testosterone was 23 ng/dL, up and down from 26 pg/mL and 526 ng/dL respectively before treatment. Almost flipped the bit! The doc would like my Estradiol closer to 300 pg/mL, so we'll see what Monday's tests state.   Oh, and I teased the dinner with old soccer teammates and never updated the thread! It went well. There were a couple funny moments. One guy, who I was worried about their response, greeted me with "Hey, you've lost some weight!" 😎 And a friend who lives near me picked me up on the way to dinner exclaimed, after we learned one of the invitees might show up with a date, "Wait! We could have brought women?!" To which I instantly responded, "You kind of did, bringing me!" Everyone got a good laugh out of that. 😁
    • Ashley0616
      To me there isn't that much difference other the measurement, which side the zipper is on and men's pants have bigger pockets. 
    • missyjo
      I hope this is not stupid question..I have yet to start n not sure if doc will approve..but once you start growing buds n such, can you still wear forms to get to the size you were?   I'm a dad, so when I start blossoms they will be smaller for a long time n probably need surgical augmented..that's fine. I don't want to go ddd to aa to ddd..   any ideas?   thank you
    • missyjo
      April sounds fun..I keep some boy jeans to visit mom in..fir now   hugs
    • Ivy
      I like them too.  We had them growing up.  But my father's family were Swedes.
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Oh my!  I guess it just goes to show how different tastes can be. Since we don't live near the ocean, Seafood is a rare luxury. We absolutely love pickled herring! Especially my husband and my GF, I guess it's a Ferman/Russian cultural thing.  But most of the kids like it too, and a jar wouldn't last in the pantry for long 😆
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      I think the key to that is just not minding eating the same thing repeatedly. Since we produce a lot of our own food here, we end up eating what is in season at the moment. So, when the yellow squash is ripening, we end up fixing squash 20 different ways. When the strawberries are ready, we eat lots of strawberries. It's kind of a different mindset to eat in season when it has become such a part of American culture but the grocery store has everything we want all the time. Like grapes in December.  My family does even things out a little bit by having a greenhouse so we have some fresh things in the winter, but it's not a 100% fix.
    • KathyLauren
      My brothers and I had to eat what was on the plate.  All of it, and nothing else.  Pickiness was not tolerated.  Some of our least favourite were liver and onions, sauerkraut, and especially rollmops (pickled herring).  We finally protested enough to persuade our mother not to serve rollmops, though she kept a jar in the pantry for years afterwards, as a threat if we didn't behave.
    • Carolyn Marie
      I'll go first.  My favorite team is the Yankees.  Loved them since I was a kid.  I was born in NYC so, yeah.  I know everyone loves to hate them, and that's OK.  I just love baseball in general.  It's a game of traditions, strategy, power, grace and skill.   Play Ball!!  ⚾   Carolyn Marie
    • Ashley0616
      I guess you do have a good point. It's just hard to try and not have the same meals over and over again. 
    • Willow
      Hi   I’ll weigh in on being picky about food.  Yes, and I was brought up that way.  We didn’t have to eat everything our parents ate.  They had a number of things they ate that they figured we wouldn’t eat, an acquired taste things or one or the other didn’t like them too.   even as an adult there are many things I won’t eat.  In my defense, there are different things my wife won’t eat.   the weird thing is that after being in E, my tastes have changed.  Sweet, sour, salty or bland, if I eat or drink too much of any one thing and I have to counter act it.   Willow
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...