Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Good morning All. Coffees on.


KymmieL

Recommended Posts

  • Replies 23k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • Willow

    1975

  • KymmieL

    1614

  • Mmindy

    1321

  • Ivy

    1149

Top Posters In This Topic

Posted Images

  • Forum Moderator

@KymmieL good for you for realizing what it important in life and what can wait.  I hope you and your family can get back to a point of happiness.  I understand its hard.  Kymmie is still alive.

Link to comment

Hugs KymmieL.

 

Good luck back at in-person work @RhondaS

 

.Good morning.
Today weather is good to drive to IL for another large volume facial electrolysis session.  Plus a 2nd consult with my surgeon. 
I'm hopefully prepared to discuss FFS, BA, and possibly BS ;)

 

 

 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Good morning everyone 

 

I stopped posting about 3 weeks ago for similar reasons as Kimmie.  I came to the realization that I just wasn’t able to look and be the woman I wanted to be.  I wasn’t pushed into this conclusion by family issues although my wife has continued to take issue with me.  She was dealing with it and helping me.  In my case it was my own conclusion that I was not ever going to look right.  I started too late.

 

Willow

Link to comment

@KymmieL Sorry to hear your story, hope that at some point it will take a happier turn.

 

@Maddee One day this week and one day in two weeks.

 

Ran into a handful of people in my work circle....got 3 "whoa your hair"s, 1 "did you lose weight" and 1 "you look like you're 14". 

Link to comment

Kymmie, your reasons for putting yourself on hold are noble and you deserve high praise for considering your family.  I only hope your good deeds will lead to your own self-expression and happiness.  While you wait, you always have us for support.

Link to comment

Willow, I know how it feels to look in the mirror and not see the woman you feel you are on the inside.  But it's true what is said about beauty only being skin deep.  I found a way to see my inner beauty and when that happened, it I made peace with the girl staring back from the mirror.  Don't despair and don't give up on yourself, because I think you can do the same thing I did.  Look beyond the mirror to see your inner woman.  

Link to comment

I do find myself questioning my choices at times.  It has been more lately.

I sometimes wonder if there is some kind of group-consciousness involved.

 

But I don't really have family issues to consider these days.

 

I resigned myself to the possibility of never completely "passing" when I began.  And I haven't tried to hide from the world.  I admit that it would be nice, but…  that's just my reality.

 

I've always been on the edge of the bellcurve anyway, so I'm kinda used to that aspect.  Being trans is just another layer to my weirdness.

 

We all just try to do the best we can with the hand we're dealt.

Link to comment

@KymmieL and @Willow, I think Jandi has it right. We are all trying to do the best we can with what life throws at us. None of us asked for this. My wife is now good with whatever I do, but I stay just barely under the radar because of my family. Kudos to both of you.

 

Hugs,

Mike

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

I don't know @Jandi. I think we get too hung up on passing. I know I'll never have the body I want. That ship sailed back in my 20s. The mental benefits I get from running on E though? I can actually THINK clearly for once in my life. I don't think I could give that up.

 

Hugs!

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

@Jackie C. My ship also sailed many moons ago. I will never have the body that I adore. A girl can dream. Yeah, I could possibly have that body but it would cost in the 6 figure range. An still never achieve it.

 

Like I said before I am still Kym at work. And yes it makes me cringe every time someone says, Sir to me. I did have a young tech student call me Ma'am multiple times yesterday. It made me feel better. And it wasn't a sarcastic tone either. I just wonder if he has a trans person in his life. never know.

 

Hugs,

Kymmie

 

Link to comment
1 hour ago, Jackie C. said:

 I know I'll never have the body I want.

 

1 hour ago, KymmieL said:

 I will never have the body that I adore.

Something to bear in mind is that these kinds of thoughts are common among cis-women.  Even the most beautiful Hollywood/supermodel women find themselves spending obscene amounts of money trying to become... I don't know what, because these women seem like they already have it all from my point of view.  My wife warned me when I came out to be wary of toxic beauty culture - it is insidious and self-destructive.

 

I am not immune to it, by any means.  Lord knows I have my wish list of what I would love to change, but I try to counter it by paying attention to what I see i the real world.  Women with narrow hips, square jaws, broad shoulders, deep voices.  True, I'd never mistake these women for men, but it reminds me that none of my features are too masculine to be feminine.

Link to comment
2 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

The mental benefits I get from running on E though? I can actually THINK clearly for once in my life. I don't think I could give that up.

This.

One of my fears is losing my access to it.

 

Even at my age I have some physical changes.  And sure it affects my thinking.   I'm just not sure how much of that was already there.  I wasn't exactly "normal" before.  LOL

 

I have no desire to go back.

Link to comment

Wow @Elizabeth Star That study is shocking so it seems we found another good reason for our receiving E

 

@Willow As I have just started HRT (3 weeks today) a few days ago the doubt part was screaming at me that you waited to late to start this, and like you I don't really like how I look but with the help of my therapist I have calmed the doubter down a little. 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Hi everyone 

 

thaks for the encouraging comments.  I do think I need to meet with my therapist or psychologist again.  But whatever I do I won’t be publicly out as Willow anymore.  I had more stares and gawking in one week in an lgbt friendly place than I do in a state that tries to put us down, and make life difficult.  Tired of fighting I guess.  I just want a life, my life and to be happy for whatever years God gives me.  As I told my sister (a school teacher) you could walk out of school on the last day and get run over by a school bus.  I could go out on my boat and get run over by a tug pushing a barge.  None of us really know when our time is coming.

 

If you have the means, and not the direct conflict put up by family, I don’t suppose it matters when you come out and how far you go.  So give it your best!

 

Willow

Link to comment

Willow & Kymmie total respect for an excruciatingly difficult decision.
 

Before I officially came out to myself I wondered if I would be facing the same decision. After a few months on hrt I’m coming to realize that I’m actually detransitioning from the male persona I put on. I acted male to fit in. I feel free to feel like myself no matter what anyone else thinks. It’s not that I’m acting female, it’s more like I’m not acting male and I’m now in default mode, and it feels good.

 

physically from a distance I have the profile of an older athletically built woman, maybe, I hope? The closer my physical appearance becomes feminine the happier I feel. Regardless of how much progress I make or the negative comments I get from former church acquaintances I have no desire to put on a male facade to please anyone.

 

the biggest detransition hurdle is my voice, getting it from a nice baritone to a tenor or alto. I can’t just rely on the default process. I have to work at it. Oh well

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
7 hours ago, MetaLicious said:

Something to bear in mind is that these kinds of thoughts are common among cis-women.

 

Hips. In my case I'm CLEARLY talking about hips. Darn growth plates fuse in you early to mid 20s and then that's it. No hips for Jackie.

 

OK, narrower shoulders would be nice too, but I can deal with what I've got.

 

6 hours ago, Elizabeth Star said:

I get these weird ideas to look up things and stumbled across some research being done in regards to COVID. 

 

I'd read something along those lines... gosh, almost a year ago now? Where they were noticing that women in general had milder symptoms than men and were looking at hormonal links.

 

Hugs!

Link to comment
1 hour ago, Jackie C. said:

d read something along those lines... gosh, almost a year ago now? Where they were noticing that women in general had milder symptoms than men and were looking at hormonal links.

I did find a few more studies going on but I also find it interesting that none of this is mentioned in the media. 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
1 hour ago, Elizabeth Star said:

I did find a few more studies going on but I also find it interesting that none of this is mentioned in the media. 

 

It just wouldn't do to publicly acknowledge that women are naturally better than surviving something than men. Can you imagine? The very fabric of society would be torn apart.

 

1 hour ago, AgnesBardsie said:

the biggest detransition hurdle is my voice, getting it from a nice baritone to a tenor or alto. I can’t just rely on the default process. I have to work at it. Oh well

 

There is no default process. Male puberty gave us a bigger voice box and once you've got it, you've got it. Your only options are surgery, training or just leaving it where nature parked it. FtMs get the bigger voice boxes as part of their transition but MtF people like us get bupkis.

 

Hugs!

Link to comment
1 hour ago, Jackie C. said:

There is no default process. Male puberty gave us a bigger voice box and once you've got it, you've got it. Your only options are surgery, training or just leaving it where nature parked it. FtMs get the bigger voice boxes as part of their transition but MtF people like us get bupkis.

Does a tracheal shave help?

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
1 hour ago, AgnesBardsie said:

Does a tracheal shave help?

 

Nope. That just reduces the size of the Adam's apple. The voice box needs to basically be scarred shut. The tighter airway makes your voice higher. Some surgeons will only do one or the other, depending on the technique they use.

 

Hugs!

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   5 Members, 0 Anonymous, 119 Guests (See full list)

    • Carolyn Marie
    • Mmindy
    • EasyE
    • Lorelei
    • KathyLauren
  • Recently Browsing   1 member

    • Mmindy

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.5k
    • Total Posts
      767.2k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      11,945
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Melissa_J
    Newest Member
    Melissa_J
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Amyjay
      Amyjay
      (58 years old)
    2. bettyjean
      bettyjean
    3. Breanna
      Breanna
      (52 years old)
    4. Emily Ayla
      Emily Ayla
    5. JET182
      JET182
  • Posts

    • Mmindy
      My mother's maiden name is Schwinegruber, and to say that cabbage in all forms of use for our dinner table is an understatement.   Hugs,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • Davie
    • EasyE
      So, I jumped on the "E" train last week and am about 10 days into my HRT journey. I have the tiniest patch available. I laughed when I opened it. "This little thing is supposed to give me more feminine characteristics?"   I haven't really felt much of anything so far, not that I expected to at this point. I am really, really tired but that may be other factors (like staying up too late to watch NCAA basketball every night). The one noticeable difference is that my libido seems to be a lot more subdued. Not that I am proud of this, but the big M was a practically a daily part of life for me. My daily comfort and way to get an endorphin hit or just deal with loneliness. The past week, though, has been, "meh." Is that the HRT tamping things down? Or just a normal down cycle for me? Not sure yet. Time will tell.   I have been very quiet about things overall. Only a few people know. No one in my immediate family. I fear the backlash I will get when they find out. Worst- case scenario, my daughters stop talking to me. That would kill me. I hope I can show them over time, "See, I am still me."   Met with my endo on Wednesday. He is good for me to up the dose when I feel comfortable. For now, I think I am going to stand pat and take things nice and slow. Of course, I could see myself tomorrow asking him to send in the script for the higher dose...   I keep asking myself, what is the end game with all of this. Unlike many on here, I don't have a concrete answer yet. I am not convinced I will "go all the way" and change my name and ID, etc. Part of me would love to soldier on just as I am but with a lot more feminine physical characteristics and a more distinctly feminine wardrobe. What does that make me? Non-binary? Not sure.  Again, I am just me, as unorthodox as that is...   All I know is that this is something I want to do. I am comfortable walking this path for now. Again, we'll see. As always, would appreciate any feedback the more experienced folks may have. Blessings to all!    EasyE
    • Ivy
      I grew up with it, my mother's side were Germans.  I still like cabbage.  I make a sweet/sour dish with vinegar and brown sugar, add some bacon if you have it.  And in warmer weather, slaw.  I like that better if it's a few days old, and has worked off a little.
    • Ivy
      Pity that we can't just respect each other and get along.
    • Willow
      Good Friday Morning    I will be spending a good portion of my day at church today.  I don’t know how any of my family would have been with me.  They all passed before I figured myself out.  I often think my mother and sister may have figured it out before I did but maybe it was just my depression that they saw.  I don’t know and never will.  My grandfather Young unconditionally loved me but he passed when I was 9.   Same with my wife’s parents, both gone before.  We’ve never had the greatest relationship with my wife’s brother but we do see them occasionally.  They words and actions aren’t always in sink when it comes to me.   Sour kraut or boil cabbage were never big even with my parents so that was something we were never expected to eat.  Nor was anything with mustard.  My mother hated mustard and it turns my stomach. My wife tried to sneak it into things early in our marriage but I could always tell.  She stopped after a while.   well I wave to go get ready to go to church.  I have a committee meeting at 10 and then we have a Good Friday Service at noon.   Willow
    • Mmindy
      Good morning everyone,   @KymmieLI hope you're misreading your bosses communications. As you say keep plugging a long. Don't give them signs that you're slow quitting, just to collect unemployment.   I have a few things to do business wise, and will be driving to the St. Louis, MO area for two family gatherings.   Have a great day,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • KymmieL
      Good morning everyone, TGIFF   It seems like I am the one keeping or shop from being the best. According to the boss. I don't know if my days are numbered or not. But anymore I am waiting for the axe to fall. Time will tell.   I keep plugging a long.   Kymmie
    • KymmieL
      In the warmer weather, Mine is hitting the road on the bike. Just me, the bike, and the road. Other is it music or working on one of my many projects.   Kymmie
    • LC
      That is wonderful. Congratulations!
    • Heather Shay
      What is relaxation to you? Nature? Movie? Reading? Cuddling with a pet? Music?
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
      Having just a normal emotional day.
    • Heather Shay
      AMUSEMENT The feeling when you encounter something silly, ironic, witty, or absurd, which makes you laugh. You have the urge to be playful and share the joke with others. Similar words: Mirth Amusement is the emotional reaction to humor. This can be something that is intended to be humorous, like when someone tells a good joke or when a friend dresses up in a ridiculous costume. But it can also be something that you find funny that was not intended to be humorous, like when you read a sign with a spelling error that turns it into an ironic pun. For millennia, philosophers and scholars have been attempting to explain what exactly it is that makes something funny. This has led to several different theories. Nowadays, the most widely accepted one is the Incongruity Theory, which states that something is amusing if it violates our standards of how things are supposed to be. For example, Charlie Chaplin-style slapstick is funny because it violates our norms of competence and proper conduct, while Monty Python-style absurdity is funny because it violates reason and logic. However, not every standard or norm violation is necessarily funny. Violations can also evoke confusion, indignation, or shock. An important condition for amusement is that there is a certain psychological distance to the violation. One of the ways to achieve this is captured by the statement ‘comedy is tragedy plus time’. A dreadful mistake today may become a funny story a year from now. But it can also be distant in other ways, for instance, because it happened to someone you do not know, or because it happens in fiction instead of in real life. Amusement also needs a safe and relaxed environment: people who are relaxed and among friends are much more likely to feel amused by something. A violation and sufficient psychological distance are the basic ingredients for amusement, but what any one person find funny will depend on their taste and sense of humor. There are dozens of ‘humor genres’, such as observational comedy, deadpan, toilet humor, and black comedy. Amusement is contagious: in groups, people are more prone to be amused and express their amusement more overtly. People are more likely to share amusement when they are with friends or like-minded people. For these reasons, amusement is often considered a social emotion. It encourages people to engage in social interactions and it promotes social bonding. Many people consider amusement to be good for the body and the soul. By the end of the 20th century, humor and laughter were considered important for mental and physical health, even by psychoneuroimmunology researchers who suggested that emotions influenced immunity. This precipitated the ‘humor and health movement’ among health care providers who believed that humor and laughter help speed recovery, including in patients suffering from cancer1). However, the evidence for health benefits of humor and laughter is less conclusive than commonly believed2. Amusement is a frequent target of regulation: we down-regulate it by shifting our attention to avoid inappropriate laughter, or up-regulate it by focusing on a humorous aspect of a negative situation. Interestingly, amusement that is purposefully up-regulated has been found to have the same beneficial physical and psychological effects as the naturally experienced emotion. Amusement has a few clear expressions that emerge depending on the intensity of the emotion. When people are mildly amused, they tend to smile or chuckle. When amusement intensifies, people laugh out loud and tilt or bob their head. The most extreme bouts of amusement may be accompanied by uncontrollable laughter, tears, and rolling on the floor. Most cultures welcome and endorse amusement. Many people even consider a ‘good sense of humor’ as one of the most desirable characteristics in a partner. At the same time, most cultures have (implicit) rules about what is the right time and place for amusement. For example, displays of amusement may be deemed inappropriate in situations that demand seriousness or solemness, such as at work or during religious rituals.
    • Heather Shay
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...