Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Good morning All. Coffees on.


KymmieL

Recommended Posts

  • Replies 23k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • Willow

    2006

  • KymmieL

    1635

  • Mmindy

    1350

  • Ivy

    1169

Top Posters In This Topic

Posted Images

  • Forum Moderator

@KymmieL good for you for realizing what it important in life and what can wait.  I hope you and your family can get back to a point of happiness.  I understand its hard.  Kymmie is still alive.

Link to comment

Hugs KymmieL.

 

Good luck back at in-person work @RhondaS

 

.Good morning.
Today weather is good to drive to IL for another large volume facial electrolysis session.  Plus a 2nd consult with my surgeon. 
I'm hopefully prepared to discuss FFS, BA, and possibly BS ;)

 

 

 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Good morning everyone 

 

I stopped posting about 3 weeks ago for similar reasons as Kimmie.  I came to the realization that I just wasn’t able to look and be the woman I wanted to be.  I wasn’t pushed into this conclusion by family issues although my wife has continued to take issue with me.  She was dealing with it and helping me.  In my case it was my own conclusion that I was not ever going to look right.  I started too late.

 

Willow

Link to comment

@KymmieL Sorry to hear your story, hope that at some point it will take a happier turn.

 

@Maddee One day this week and one day in two weeks.

 

Ran into a handful of people in my work circle....got 3 "whoa your hair"s, 1 "did you lose weight" and 1 "you look like you're 14". 

Link to comment

Kymmie, your reasons for putting yourself on hold are noble and you deserve high praise for considering your family.  I only hope your good deeds will lead to your own self-expression and happiness.  While you wait, you always have us for support.

Link to comment

Willow, I know how it feels to look in the mirror and not see the woman you feel you are on the inside.  But it's true what is said about beauty only being skin deep.  I found a way to see my inner beauty and when that happened, it I made peace with the girl staring back from the mirror.  Don't despair and don't give up on yourself, because I think you can do the same thing I did.  Look beyond the mirror to see your inner woman.  

Link to comment

I do find myself questioning my choices at times.  It has been more lately.

I sometimes wonder if there is some kind of group-consciousness involved.

 

But I don't really have family issues to consider these days.

 

I resigned myself to the possibility of never completely "passing" when I began.  And I haven't tried to hide from the world.  I admit that it would be nice, but…  that's just my reality.

 

I've always been on the edge of the bellcurve anyway, so I'm kinda used to that aspect.  Being trans is just another layer to my weirdness.

 

We all just try to do the best we can with the hand we're dealt.

Link to comment

@KymmieL and @Willow, I think Jandi has it right. We are all trying to do the best we can with what life throws at us. None of us asked for this. My wife is now good with whatever I do, but I stay just barely under the radar because of my family. Kudos to both of you.

 

Hugs,

Mike

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

I don't know @Jandi. I think we get too hung up on passing. I know I'll never have the body I want. That ship sailed back in my 20s. The mental benefits I get from running on E though? I can actually THINK clearly for once in my life. I don't think I could give that up.

 

Hugs!

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

@Jackie C. My ship also sailed many moons ago. I will never have the body that I adore. A girl can dream. Yeah, I could possibly have that body but it would cost in the 6 figure range. An still never achieve it.

 

Like I said before I am still Kym at work. And yes it makes me cringe every time someone says, Sir to me. I did have a young tech student call me Ma'am multiple times yesterday. It made me feel better. And it wasn't a sarcastic tone either. I just wonder if he has a trans person in his life. never know.

 

Hugs,

Kymmie

 

Link to comment
1 hour ago, Jackie C. said:

 I know I'll never have the body I want.

 

1 hour ago, KymmieL said:

 I will never have the body that I adore.

Something to bear in mind is that these kinds of thoughts are common among cis-women.  Even the most beautiful Hollywood/supermodel women find themselves spending obscene amounts of money trying to become... I don't know what, because these women seem like they already have it all from my point of view.  My wife warned me when I came out to be wary of toxic beauty culture - it is insidious and self-destructive.

 

I am not immune to it, by any means.  Lord knows I have my wish list of what I would love to change, but I try to counter it by paying attention to what I see i the real world.  Women with narrow hips, square jaws, broad shoulders, deep voices.  True, I'd never mistake these women for men, but it reminds me that none of my features are too masculine to be feminine.

Link to comment
2 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

The mental benefits I get from running on E though? I can actually THINK clearly for once in my life. I don't think I could give that up.

This.

One of my fears is losing my access to it.

 

Even at my age I have some physical changes.  And sure it affects my thinking.   I'm just not sure how much of that was already there.  I wasn't exactly "normal" before.  LOL

 

I have no desire to go back.

Link to comment

Wow @Elizabeth Star That study is shocking so it seems we found another good reason for our receiving E

 

@Willow As I have just started HRT (3 weeks today) a few days ago the doubt part was screaming at me that you waited to late to start this, and like you I don't really like how I look but with the help of my therapist I have calmed the doubter down a little. 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Hi everyone 

 

thaks for the encouraging comments.  I do think I need to meet with my therapist or psychologist again.  But whatever I do I won’t be publicly out as Willow anymore.  I had more stares and gawking in one week in an lgbt friendly place than I do in a state that tries to put us down, and make life difficult.  Tired of fighting I guess.  I just want a life, my life and to be happy for whatever years God gives me.  As I told my sister (a school teacher) you could walk out of school on the last day and get run over by a school bus.  I could go out on my boat and get run over by a tug pushing a barge.  None of us really know when our time is coming.

 

If you have the means, and not the direct conflict put up by family, I don’t suppose it matters when you come out and how far you go.  So give it your best!

 

Willow

Link to comment

Willow & Kymmie total respect for an excruciatingly difficult decision.
 

Before I officially came out to myself I wondered if I would be facing the same decision. After a few months on hrt I’m coming to realize that I’m actually detransitioning from the male persona I put on. I acted male to fit in. I feel free to feel like myself no matter what anyone else thinks. It’s not that I’m acting female, it’s more like I’m not acting male and I’m now in default mode, and it feels good.

 

physically from a distance I have the profile of an older athletically built woman, maybe, I hope? The closer my physical appearance becomes feminine the happier I feel. Regardless of how much progress I make or the negative comments I get from former church acquaintances I have no desire to put on a male facade to please anyone.

 

the biggest detransition hurdle is my voice, getting it from a nice baritone to a tenor or alto. I can’t just rely on the default process. I have to work at it. Oh well

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
7 hours ago, MetaLicious said:

Something to bear in mind is that these kinds of thoughts are common among cis-women.

 

Hips. In my case I'm CLEARLY talking about hips. Darn growth plates fuse in you early to mid 20s and then that's it. No hips for Jackie.

 

OK, narrower shoulders would be nice too, but I can deal with what I've got.

 

6 hours ago, Elizabeth Star said:

I get these weird ideas to look up things and stumbled across some research being done in regards to COVID. 

 

I'd read something along those lines... gosh, almost a year ago now? Where they were noticing that women in general had milder symptoms than men and were looking at hormonal links.

 

Hugs!

Link to comment
1 hour ago, Jackie C. said:

d read something along those lines... gosh, almost a year ago now? Where they were noticing that women in general had milder symptoms than men and were looking at hormonal links.

I did find a few more studies going on but I also find it interesting that none of this is mentioned in the media. 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
1 hour ago, Elizabeth Star said:

I did find a few more studies going on but I also find it interesting that none of this is mentioned in the media. 

 

It just wouldn't do to publicly acknowledge that women are naturally better than surviving something than men. Can you imagine? The very fabric of society would be torn apart.

 

1 hour ago, AgnesBardsie said:

the biggest detransition hurdle is my voice, getting it from a nice baritone to a tenor or alto. I can’t just rely on the default process. I have to work at it. Oh well

 

There is no default process. Male puberty gave us a bigger voice box and once you've got it, you've got it. Your only options are surgery, training or just leaving it where nature parked it. FtMs get the bigger voice boxes as part of their transition but MtF people like us get bupkis.

 

Hugs!

Link to comment
1 hour ago, Jackie C. said:

There is no default process. Male puberty gave us a bigger voice box and once you've got it, you've got it. Your only options are surgery, training or just leaving it where nature parked it. FtMs get the bigger voice boxes as part of their transition but MtF people like us get bupkis.

Does a tracheal shave help?

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
1 hour ago, AgnesBardsie said:

Does a tracheal shave help?

 

Nope. That just reduces the size of the Adam's apple. The voice box needs to basically be scarred shut. The tighter airway makes your voice higher. Some surgeons will only do one or the other, depending on the technique they use.

 

Hugs!

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   5 Members, 0 Anonymous, 155 Guests (See full list)

    • Ashley0616
    • KathyLauren
    • MaeBe
    • Abigail Genevieve
    • MaryEllen
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.6k
    • Total Posts
      767.9k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,011
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Kayla93
    Newest Member
    Kayla93
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. 777fleetleader777
      777fleetleader777
      (21 years old)
    2. ArinHallm3
      ArinHallm3
      (18 years old)
    3. ITakMyTime
      ITakMyTime
      (70 years old)
    4. Jess31
      Jess31
      (40 years old)
    5. Natalie71645
      Natalie71645
      (39 years old)
  • Posts

    • Ashley0616
      envy: painful or resentful awareness of an advantage enjoyed by another joined with a desire to possess the same advantage obsolete : MALICE : an object of envious notice or feeling
    • MaeBe
      I sit back and think, am I this person? I definitely argue, but with the willingness to alter my opinion if I find that my information is lacking. So, no? I also don't go pointing fingers in faces like a crazed person, usually I am the one to argue with that kind of person; typically because they can't see past emotion and have little concern for actual facts. Sometimes it's sport that I do this (ENTP, baby!), but usually it comes from a place of trying to inform and shift opinion--or at least get them to actually obtain facts or get their facts from objective sources.
    • Ashley0616
    • Ashley0616
    • Ashley0616
    • MaeBe
      How exciting! Have a glorious evening!
    • Adrianna Danielle
      I will be meeting her wife tonight
    • Betty K
      Thank you Vidanjali that is so great to hear. I'm glad the joy comes across even though the subjects are dark, and especially that my voice is pretty! This was really a breakthrough for me, and I revelled in the entire process. Never had creating music been so effortless from start to finish.
    • Charlize
      The thoughts and suggestions above are certainly excellent!  I might also suggest that you continue to reach out to the trans community where your feelings are understood through experience.  I have found that helpful.  The is especially true when i try to help another in distress, not to look for a fellow sufferer but to help another find a path to self acceptance and peace.  Funny how helping another can pull me out of my own funk. We are here to help as we can.  Remember you are not alone in your feelings.   Hugs,   Charlize
    • Vidanjali
      This is great, Betty. Your voice is so pretty and soothing. I listened to both tracks on your channel. The messages are clear and there is a very effective tone for the content you are portraying as it neither sounds antagonistic nor overtly facetious, but rather empowered and joyful. 
    • Vidanjali
      @FinnyFinsterHH I am sorry to hear you're struggling so much. I'll start by saying I understand how this feels because I too have had episodes where I've gotten very upset about my chest to the point of panic or depression. So, I will offer what advice I can, but understand I know it's not easily done, though there are ways through it. Gradually think about whether someone you know can help get you a binder. Until then, because you feel this way when you realize your chest is there, you can work on developing mental techniques to get your mind off dwelling on your chest. You'll realize your chest is there throughout the day, of course, because the chest is a prominent part of the body.   First, think about addressing the physical reaction. Drink a glass of water and take several deep breaths. This can help to calm your body.   I strongly recommend mindfulness and meditation practices. You can practice techniques throughout the day, wherever you are. For example, say you catch a glimpse of yourself in a reflective surface and begin to feel sick, seeing the chest. Take a moment and instead cast your glance on anything around you, preferably something in nature like looking up at the sky or at a tree. Describe the object you're viewing in neutral terms meaning describe the color, texture, shape, borders, patterns, etc.; but avoid personal or emotional description such as, "It makes me feel..." or "It reminds me of...". This will redirect your mind away from dwelling on your body shape and calm the nervous system. There are many more mindfulness practices you can find online.   You can also try using a CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) journal app. In such an app will guide you to describe what upset you, the feelings, thoughts, and beliefs involved, analyzing and reframing them.    Finally, consider developing a regular meditation practice. This will strengthen your mind and gradually you will find yourself less prone to feeling consumed by upsetting events.    I should also mention, if you are artistic, consider channeling your experience into artistic expression. This has worked for me before - I've created a few art pieces addressing my experience of gender dysphoria. in such a way that felt empowering - like I owned it instead of it owning me.   None of these things is a quick fix. Nor should they be because what you're dealing with is a deep issue. But will sustained effort you can find your way to living with more peace and comfort.
    • VickySGV
      I am a little different in my angle of approach on this one, but my skepticism on the "Phishing Trips" the AG's are taking is that they have gone into these investigations with the idea that illegal actions are occurring regularly.  They are going in on the information of unharmed third parties who have imagined fantastic "theories and plots of harm".  What is going to happen when the institutions turn over information that has NONE of this fantasy outcome in it.  Proof of a negative is impossible under standard logic and even most Laws of Evidence.  Just because the records do not show it happened will not in their minds equate to harm not having happened, just that someone is lying to them or covering up something that they know from their personal fantasies.  The problem is that they have made a public face of wisdom and social courage against the fantastic, they have their "glorious Quest"" and like Don Quixote will be tearing up windmills looking to justify their private images.
    • Ivy
      This sounds really good.  Good luck with it.
    • Ivy
      It's (questionably) legal terrorism, in my opinion, to scare people out of transitioning.  But that is the goal, isn't it, to eradicate transgender people. They know what they're doing, and so do we.
    • Jani
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...