Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Good morning All. Coffees on.


KymmieL

Recommended Posts

1 hour ago, AgnesBardsie said:

I’m actually detransitioning from the male persona I put on. I acted male to fit in. I feel free to feel like myself no matter what anyone else thinks. It’s not that I’m acting female, it’s more like I’m not acting male and I’m now in default mode, and it feels good.

 

I found this statement to be affirming. As I continue to discover what nonbinary means to me, I don't really see myself as transitioning per se, but rather as unveiling. I'm letting go of things I did to "fit in" and yes, it does feel good! Some people notice and others either don't or don't tell me. Regardless, I feel increasingly more comfortable with myself. Today, one of my students noticed my photo on my key card ID and said, you look totally different than that picture. I got a kick out of that because in my ID picture I was presenting as super femme (a la the fitting in). I still get pangs of dysphoria regarding the shape of the body, but I try to accept what I've got - whereas some trans folk feel they're in the wrong body, I feel uncomfortable in a body, period. I just try to regard it as a vehicle for the soul to sport about in, and not really "my own". That is, I try to cultivate a sense of dispassionate nonattachment to the body (as opposed to the pathological dissociation I struggled with more in the past). 

Link to comment
  • Replies 23.1k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • Willow

    2006

  • KymmieL

    1636

  • Mmindy

    1350

  • Ivy

    1169

Top Posters In This Topic

Posted Images

1 hour ago, Vidanjali said:

I just try to regard it as a vehicle for the soul to sport about in, and not really "my own". That is, I try to cultivate a sense of dispassionate nonattachment to the body (as opposed to the pathological dissociation I struggled with more in the past). 

Well stated! I like how you put that!

Link to comment
5 hours ago, Elizabeth Star said:

I’m sad to see people go but you have your reasons and need to do what’s best for yourselves. 

This. ?

Link to comment

Until we can accept who we are, with all of our flaws, we can never be truly happy.  Just knowing who you are Kym and Willow may be enough if you can acknowledge that you are who you are and knowing that that person is amazing, whether the world sees your true self or not. 

I've worried lately that I might be more focuses on "improving" my body and that can become a slippery slope. 

When I first admitted to myself I was transgender and allowed myself to "see" the possibilities of what hormones and surgeries can do to help me "look the way I dreamed of myself" I became hyper focused on "passing". I was lucky enough to have so many people not just support me, but lift me up on a pedestal as someone to be admired for her authenticity. I realized that passing isn't required. Being me was all that I needed. I went from being afraid of being transgender and what people would think of me to being proud of being trans!  

I guess what I am saying is, you both are to be admired for being who you are, as well as being willing to accept that maybe, just maybe, fully transitioning isn't in the cards right now.

I hope you both stay reasonably active on the forums and keep us posted about how life is going.  If you are ever in the DC area please PM me and we can do coffee for real.

 

@AgnesBardsie I love the "detransitioning" reference.  I've had some thoughts along those lines except it's more of I have so many layers of clothing on because life until recently was a cold harsh place and as Bri has blossomed, I've been shedding all the layers of Rick that were keeping me warm until the season changed.

 

Link to comment

I decided I really need a break for the house and stress of life right now so I pulled together a bunch of different rewards points and I'm flying down to Miami to watch the home season opener of the Fins vs Bills Sunday.  It's a crazy schedule. The flight leaves out of Baltimore at 5 am, I quickly rent a car and drive to the stadium for tailgating. Catch the game then return to the airport and get back to Baltimore by 9pm.  I have my FFS and Vaginoplsty consults the next morning in Baltimore so I'm just going to stay the night in a hotel rather than drive mack to Virginia and then back to Baltimore in the morning.

Back in my old personna, I was widely known down there in the crazy fans section. I have a few lady friends down there that I will be tailgating with but most of the others I used to hang with on game day don't know about Bri. It should be interesting to say the least.

So I expect you all to tune in for the game and look for me one section to the left of the goal posts in the 3rd row!

The trip is going to be crazy exhausting from a travel standpoint, but I am so looking forward to seeing my best friend and forgetting about life for a day. (oh- and watching the greatest football team EVER!)

This was me when I used to hide behind a mask- now I get to be the like my best friend showing off the girls!

76D7A816-FE9A-4F3D-95A8-4668C3CA7EB8_1_105_c.jpeg

Link to comment
3 hours ago, Maddee said:

@Bri2020

 
You are a crazy high level fun person.  Love it.

I do take things to the next level. lol. I'm happy to not be wearing that costume  (or my male costume) to games anymore.  In the miami sun, starting at 10:30 and going to about 4:30 I would come dangerously close to heat stroke.  I never drink alcohol and usually drink 7-10 bottles of water but I still manage to lose about 10 lbs of water weight through sweating in that damn thing.

Link to comment

All I can do is what I can.

I'll be 50 next year, and I thought it was too late after I couldn't find avenues to transition back in '99-'01. I respect where everyone's at, and in my case I am humbly grateful to be in a position to do something now. Even if it means being compared to a generation of twomen who get treated in their teens and twenties.

 

Today:

Back at Zukowski Center Iin Wilmette. Has become familiar to me and will be much more in the next year.   Thought the sign would be clearer in the backwards photo...IIts early, forgive me :)

IMG_20210916_044913154~2.jpg

Link to comment
1 hour ago, Bri2020 said:

I do take things to the next level. lol. I'm happy to not be wearing that costume  (or my male costume) to games anymore.  In the miami sun, starting at 10:30 and going to about 4:30 I would come dangerously close to heat stroke.  I never drink alcohol and usually drink 7-10 bottles of water but I still manage to lose about 10 lbs of water weight through sweating in that damn thing.

Better than a sarlacc pit

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
6 hours ago, Maddee said:

All I can do is what I can.

I'll be 50 next year, and I thought it was too late after I couldn't find avenues to transition back in '99-'01. I respect where everyone's at, and in my case I am humbly grateful to be in a position to do something now. Even if it means being compared to a generation of twomen who get treated in their teens and twenties.

 

Today:

Back at Zukowski Center Iin Wilmette. Has become familiar to me and will be much more in the next year.   Thought the sign would be clearer in the backwards photo...IIts early, forgive me :)

IMG_20210916_044913154~2.jpg

 

The early bird, gets a cleared face ?

 

Hugs

 

C

Link to comment
16 hours ago, Bri2020 said:

Until we can accept who we are, with all of our flaws, we can never be truly happy.  Just knowing who you are Kym and Willow may be enough if you can acknowledge that you are who you are and knowing that that person is amazing, whether the world sees your true self or not. 

I've worried lately that I might be more focuses on "improving" my body and that can become a slippery slope. 

When I first admitted to myself I was transgender and allowed myself to "see" the possibilities of what hormones and surgeries can do to help me "look the way I dreamed of myself" I became hyper focused on "passing". I was lucky enough to have so many people not just support me, but lift me up on a pedestal as someone to be admired for her authenticity. I realized that passing isn't required. Being me was all that I needed. I went from being afraid of being transgender and what people would think of me to being proud of being trans!  

I guess what I am saying is, you both are to be admired for being who you are, as well as being willing to accept that maybe, just maybe, fully transitioning isn't in the cards right now.

I hope you both stay reasonably active on the forums and keep us posted about how life is going.  If you are ever in the DC area please PM me and we can do coffee for real.

 

@AgnesBardsie I love the "detransitioning" reference.  I've had some thoughts along those lines except it's more of I have so many layers of clothing on because life until recently was a cold harsh place and as Bri has blossomed, I've been shedding all the layers of Rick that were keeping me warm until the season changed.

 

@Bri2020 Thank you for this post, as I have been questioning myself if starting HRT this late was the right thing to do, this post has helped me see that I am on the right path.

Hugs

Billie

PS have fun in Miami 

Link to comment
1 hour ago, Billie75B said:

Thank you for this post, as I have been questioning myself if starting HRT this late was the right thing to do, this post has helped me see that I am on the right path.

Hugs

Billie

I don't think it's ever too late to be who you truly are. If I only had a week to live at 98 yrs old, I would still want to go out as my true self.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

@Maddee you're even more gorgeous now. I agree with Jani - I love seeing you smile.

Link to comment
On 9/10/2021 at 11:08 AM, Jamie68 said:

I just ordered this today.

bra.jpg

Just got this today. ? it fits. The band runs a little small, and the shoulder straps are extended all the way to make it fit. The cups are right. I'm thrilled ?, finally have my first real bra. Makes me feel much better about myself. 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Well, the question seems to have come up. Am I happy with stopping. No, but I love my family. I can care less about myself right now. 

Yesterday, I sent a message to our oldest, asking if my wife had told him that I stopped. Only thing I got back was , Yeah, She did. Nothing else. I going to let it be in his court. I know that he will be in for it, from his brother and sister in law. If he doesn't come to Thanksgiving and bring his family.

 

I still get upset at being called Sir at work. I grumble to myself and roll my eyes. Then carry on.  Yesterday the same young man came in, It was Ma'am. which made me feel good.

 

Kymmie

 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
15 hours ago, KymmieL said:

I still get upset at being called Sir at work. I grumble to myself and roll my eyes. Then carry on.  Yesterday the same young man came in, It was Ma'am. which made me feel good.

 

So... "You can Miss me with Mister because I am a Ma'am?"

 

Hugs!

Link to comment

Good morning all.

 

I got to bind at school yesterday which was really good for me. I also got to hang out with some friends at a thing after school which was a bit outside of my comfort zone, but ended up being really fun anyways.

 

I have woken up anxious the past two days which I'm not a fan of. I'm thinking it might be dysphoria because yesterday when I was binding it eased quite a bit, but today it's been incredibly persistent.

 

In really good news my mother might let me get a bowl cut after senior pictures. I'm not out to my parents so I wasn't sure how asking for one would go. So hopefully that'll be in October that I get to do that. :3

 

Anywho, hope you're having a wonderful day!

-Jasper

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Well played the snoop today. My wife left her phone home charging. So I checked her message to our oldest.

 

"Your dad and I had it out again on Wednesday! OMG, he took his hormone patch off. I'm not saying this is going to solve things but it is going forward. Maybe you can talk to him? He still loves his big boy!!! Love you"

 

I am not sure how to take it. I guess I will wait and see.

 

Kymmie

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

@KymmieLThat's hard to read, I don't know how long you've used patches, but you know stopping hormones and then having your body have to adjust to that, could be bumpy. 

 

Take care of yourself

 

Hugs

 

C

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
1 hour ago, Jazz-per said:

I got to bind at school yesterday which was really good for me. I also got to hang out with some friends at a thing after school which was a bit outside of my comfort zone, but ended up being really fun anyways.

 

That's an important lesson there. If you never step outside your comfort zone, you never get to grow as a person. Gotta try new things, y'know? If you don't like them, cool, but you still tried.

 

Dysphoria can team up with anxiety and depression sometimes. Those days are awful and something to talk to your therapist about. On the plus side, things do get better.

 

1 hour ago, KymmieL said:

"Your dad and I had it out again on Wednesday! OMG, he took his hormone patch off. I'm not saying this is going to solve things but it is going forward. Maybe you can talk to him? He still loves his big boy!!! Love you"

 

First off, we do not snoop on our loved ones. That was a private conversation. Shame on you.

 

Now that that's out of the way, the conditional love to control you thing that your wife (and older son) does is appalling. That sort of behavior is unacceptable. We do not bully the people in our lives until they do what we want.

I grew up with that nonsense and it has a lot to do with why I'm being treated for PTSD. That is NOT how we treat people we care about.

 

As for me, I joined another meetup group in my never-ending quest to find more queer friends. I'm still on light duty from surgery so I'm going to go run some errands in a bit. I need a new bulb for my spouse's passenger-side headlamp and as long as I'm out, I'm going to pick up some more protein bars.

 

Hugs!

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
1 hour ago, Cyndee said:

@KymmieLThat's hard to read, I don't know how long you've used patches, but you know stopping hormones and then having your body have to adjust to that, could be bumpy. 

 

Oh yeah, this. As someone who went through this for surgery not that long ago. The hot flashes start after about two weeks. They come with night sweats. Both suck.

 

Hugs!

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   2 Members, 0 Anonymous, 99 Guests (See full list)

    • Betty K
    • VickySGV
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.6k
    • Total Posts
      767.9k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,014
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Quillian
    Newest Member
    Quillian
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. l.demiurge
      l.demiurge
  • Posts

    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Well, HIPAA is basically useless for keeping government out of your medical stuff.  It doesn't seem to prevent employers from making workplace medical demands either.  About the only thing it seems to do is keep somebody's sister or spouse from having the tools necessary to help you when you're in trouble.  As usual, government made things worse and added unhelpful red tape.  I really doubt HIPAA will be any use in the area of trans rights either.    Honestly, I don't see anything good will come of this no matter how it goes.  If some state AG's win on this, it will cause issues for trans folks.  If the Feds win on this, it'll be a precedent to stomp on states' rights even more than has already been done.  And I'm not sure which way things go will make a difference when it comes to officials from one state trying to do nasty things to people who have left that state and gone elsewhere.    What a crap sandwich... and no matter which plate it gets served on, "We The People" get to eat it. 
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      At least you tried!  Something equivalent or better may come up, and the waiting could be worth it.  Just keep trying and you'll eventually get what you need and want.      For me, having somebody to love was the most important.  Everything else follows after that.  I waited a long time to find somebody...and she ended up leading me to more than I ever thought possible.    Actually, I'm feeling pretty good right now.  I have something work-like outside of my home responsibilities to do for the first time in about 18 months.  Nobody seems to mind the real me.  And this evening, my husband said something that just really made me feel special.  He was rubbing my back, shoulders, and chest while we talked, helping me relax.  He told me that he thought I was really cute in my girl form, but that he thinks my boy form might even be cuter.  And that he's proud of his "smart little Pocket Fox."    For me, the combination of those sweet words and the physical affection was exactly what I needed. 
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Hi!   That was probably hard to write and then read and say, did I really write that?  Been there.   I'm glad you call it a journey.  It is.  One step at a time, and sometimes two steps forward, one back.    Abby
    • April Marie
      Welcome to the forums, Violet! We glad you found us! No one here will judge you. Each of us is unique yet we all share some similarities. And many of us are in the relative early stages of self-discovery.   Take time to wander the sections of the forums. You’ll find lots of information and ideas.   Ask questions if you feel comfortable. You will find lots of people willing to share their experiences.   Is it possible for you to possibly work with a gender therapist? Many of us have found that to be extremely helpful in finding our identity and out true selves.   Just jump in. We don’t bite! We’ve all been in some version of where you are.
    • April Marie
      Literally. 
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Shameless plug for my "Taylor" story down in Stories You Write.  I am not Taylor and the experiences she goes through are not what has happened to me, but there is an emotional expression that I think is the best way to say some things that I don't know how to say otherwise.  I am not Bob, either.  But you might find out some things about me by reading it.  And I hope it is a good read and you enjoy it.  I am not done with it.  If you would like to comment on it, I would appreciate it.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Tuesday night.  They had a quick supper together at a fast food place.  Bob went off to teach karate and Taylor locked herself inside her apartment and worked on her hiring plan.   First the web site problem.  The two guys who ran it were self-taught and knew little.  It currently had three pages, the Home page, the About page and the Contact page,  She asked them to work with Karen in terms of redesigning it and she needed three designs to show Gibbs tomorrow.  The problem was three fold: the two guys and Karen.  Millville was a small town and all three were relatives of members of the Board.  Millville, Millvale. She was doing it.  People here called it either way, sometimes in the space of a few seconds.  She thought it was Millville.  All three had complained about the work, because the two boys regarded it as done and untouchable, even though they actually had not worked on it at all for months.  Like a number of people, they showed up and collected generous pay checks and did nothing.  She had looked at a number of websites and she had been told the company wanted one both internal and external customers could log into.  Her chief difficulty at the moment there was that there was very little content.  She decided to send the three complainers out tomorrow to take numerous pictures of the thirty acres  Or was it forty?  No one seemed to care. She cared, because she needed to get it right.  She debated outsourcing the website to a company, but first she needed something to outsource, and before then she needed to decide whether to keep these people.  She didn't need to mess with them.  So she decided to recommend they hire an experienced website developer with management skills. Would such a person come to Millville?  The schools were good, because the company had poured money into them, and the streets were well paved.  The company had bought all the abandoned houses and maintained them, hoping someday they would be filled again. Millville was crime-free.  People did not lock their doors. Neighborly. Very conservative, but in a good way.  Hard working, ethical, honest. Maybe the Chinese money was corrupting the town?  Not sure.  So she thought they would hire someone, even if it were a remote position.  She would rather have them here, but she would take what she would get.  That would move the website out of her hair. Secondly, she needed an effective presenter.  She could not do all these presentations herself.  She had natural talent but a lot could be passed on. She needed another Mary and another Brenda, or their understudies, effective hardworking people.   Bob. Was he okay with this?  He said she was Management.  Was that a problem?  And she was now earning a ridiculous salary, which she put down to company dysfunction more than anything she had done.  Was that a problem? She was not sure.  He was highly competitive and he had that male ego.  She did not.  A feeling of guilt rose.   Her therapist had brought up her feelings of guilt about not making Dad's expectations, never being the man Dad wanted her to be.  She never could, and this physical evidence backed that up.  What would the doctor say?  She thought about it, and that her therapist said she needed to find a sexual assault survivor's group more than a transgender group right now. Was there one here?  She thought about serving in a women's shelter.  There was one here, oddly enough connected to the church they had visited.  That F on her drivers' license would help.  She was waiting until after she talked to the doctor again to move on that stuff.   Was Bob really buying 160 acres near the old air strip on speculation?  Much of the land around Millville had been for sale for a long time.  That land was being offered at a dollar an acre, the owners having inherited it and now living out of state. Common knowledge.  They would take the first offer, and it had been for sale since the airstrip closed twenty years ago. Airstrip.  That would help.  Not tonight. Focus, girl, she told herself, and read over her notes to do so, which were making less sense the further down she went. It was eleven, and she gave up and went to bed.
    • violet r
      .my name is violet. I'm new here and thus is my first try at forums. I'm 45 and just recently having came to terms of who I really am. Thought a lot of self discovery since I stopped drinking. Drinking was my coping mechanism to hide a lot of thing. There were plenty of signs though the years. As I look back. That i hid inside. Now really sure what made all of this bubble to the surface at this time in my life.  Mabye it was waiting for me to be open minded and ready to accept that I am trans. I have a very unhealthy environment at home that is anti trans. I really don't know what else to say but hi. I hope everyone here will be accepting of me and me work through my journey of finding the real me. I know that since I accepted it I have been much happier than I can remember. Being to real me makes me happy. I hate having to hide this all the the time at home. I work retail management and have no idea if I could even stay in this business if I am to fully come out. Wow that was scary saying all that. It's a first for me
    • Ivy
      It is a lifesaver for a lot of us.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Thanks.  What I do as a man is what a woman would do if she were a man.  There is just something feminine about the way I act as a man.  It's not that being a woman is actually better, or something to aspire to, but it is just that I am one, while not being one.   If beating my head bloody to get rid off this stupid dysphoria would fix it I would find the nearest wall, but I know that if I did that, when I woke up, it would still be there.   If I did not have this struggle I would be someone else and I would be less of a person than I am.  They say an oak tree growing in an open field is far stronger than one in a forest.  The storms come and go and I stand.   This forum is the first time I have interacted with other people struggling with the same struggle and parallel struggles. It helps.
    • Ashley0616
      I'm sorry! :( Hopefully something better will come up
    • Ashley0616
      Thank you! Did great with the kids
    • Sally Stone
      That's me too, Mae.  I don't think it's me as much as it is the camera (that's my story anyway).  Cameras hate me.  I never met one that liked me.  I often wish I was photogenic; sadly, not so much.   However, you look terrific in that selfie! 
    • Sally Stone
      April, I'm so glad things went well when you came out to your spouse.  So often, things can go sideways.  It's a hurdle we all have to jump at some point.
    • violet r
      I totally understand what you just said. I can relate to this very well. I have a lot.of similar feelings.
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...