Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Good morning All. Coffees on.


KymmieL

Recommended Posts

1 hour ago, AgnesBardsie said:

I’m actually detransitioning from the male persona I put on. I acted male to fit in. I feel free to feel like myself no matter what anyone else thinks. It’s not that I’m acting female, it’s more like I’m not acting male and I’m now in default mode, and it feels good.

 

I found this statement to be affirming. As I continue to discover what nonbinary means to me, I don't really see myself as transitioning per se, but rather as unveiling. I'm letting go of things I did to "fit in" and yes, it does feel good! Some people notice and others either don't or don't tell me. Regardless, I feel increasingly more comfortable with myself. Today, one of my students noticed my photo on my key card ID and said, you look totally different than that picture. I got a kick out of that because in my ID picture I was presenting as super femme (a la the fitting in). I still get pangs of dysphoria regarding the shape of the body, but I try to accept what I've got - whereas some trans folk feel they're in the wrong body, I feel uncomfortable in a body, period. I just try to regard it as a vehicle for the soul to sport about in, and not really "my own". That is, I try to cultivate a sense of dispassionate nonattachment to the body (as opposed to the pathological dissociation I struggled with more in the past). 

Link to comment
  • Replies 23k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • Willow

    1974

  • KymmieL

    1613

  • Mmindy

    1319

  • Ivy

    1148

Top Posters In This Topic

Posted Images

1 hour ago, Vidanjali said:

I just try to regard it as a vehicle for the soul to sport about in, and not really "my own". That is, I try to cultivate a sense of dispassionate nonattachment to the body (as opposed to the pathological dissociation I struggled with more in the past). 

Well stated! I like how you put that!

Link to comment
5 hours ago, Elizabeth Star said:

I’m sad to see people go but you have your reasons and need to do what’s best for yourselves. 

This. ?

Link to comment

Until we can accept who we are, with all of our flaws, we can never be truly happy.  Just knowing who you are Kym and Willow may be enough if you can acknowledge that you are who you are and knowing that that person is amazing, whether the world sees your true self or not. 

I've worried lately that I might be more focuses on "improving" my body and that can become a slippery slope. 

When I first admitted to myself I was transgender and allowed myself to "see" the possibilities of what hormones and surgeries can do to help me "look the way I dreamed of myself" I became hyper focused on "passing". I was lucky enough to have so many people not just support me, but lift me up on a pedestal as someone to be admired for her authenticity. I realized that passing isn't required. Being me was all that I needed. I went from being afraid of being transgender and what people would think of me to being proud of being trans!  

I guess what I am saying is, you both are to be admired for being who you are, as well as being willing to accept that maybe, just maybe, fully transitioning isn't in the cards right now.

I hope you both stay reasonably active on the forums and keep us posted about how life is going.  If you are ever in the DC area please PM me and we can do coffee for real.

 

@AgnesBardsie I love the "detransitioning" reference.  I've had some thoughts along those lines except it's more of I have so many layers of clothing on because life until recently was a cold harsh place and as Bri has blossomed, I've been shedding all the layers of Rick that were keeping me warm until the season changed.

 

Link to comment

I decided I really need a break for the house and stress of life right now so I pulled together a bunch of different rewards points and I'm flying down to Miami to watch the home season opener of the Fins vs Bills Sunday.  It's a crazy schedule. The flight leaves out of Baltimore at 5 am, I quickly rent a car and drive to the stadium for tailgating. Catch the game then return to the airport and get back to Baltimore by 9pm.  I have my FFS and Vaginoplsty consults the next morning in Baltimore so I'm just going to stay the night in a hotel rather than drive mack to Virginia and then back to Baltimore in the morning.

Back in my old personna, I was widely known down there in the crazy fans section. I have a few lady friends down there that I will be tailgating with but most of the others I used to hang with on game day don't know about Bri. It should be interesting to say the least.

So I expect you all to tune in for the game and look for me one section to the left of the goal posts in the 3rd row!

The trip is going to be crazy exhausting from a travel standpoint, but I am so looking forward to seeing my best friend and forgetting about life for a day. (oh- and watching the greatest football team EVER!)

This was me when I used to hide behind a mask- now I get to be the like my best friend showing off the girls!

76D7A816-FE9A-4F3D-95A8-4668C3CA7EB8_1_105_c.jpeg

Link to comment
3 hours ago, Maddee said:

@Bri2020

 
You are a crazy high level fun person.  Love it.

I do take things to the next level. lol. I'm happy to not be wearing that costume  (or my male costume) to games anymore.  In the miami sun, starting at 10:30 and going to about 4:30 I would come dangerously close to heat stroke.  I never drink alcohol and usually drink 7-10 bottles of water but I still manage to lose about 10 lbs of water weight through sweating in that damn thing.

Link to comment

All I can do is what I can.

I'll be 50 next year, and I thought it was too late after I couldn't find avenues to transition back in '99-'01. I respect where everyone's at, and in my case I am humbly grateful to be in a position to do something now. Even if it means being compared to a generation of twomen who get treated in their teens and twenties.

 

Today:

Back at Zukowski Center Iin Wilmette. Has become familiar to me and will be much more in the next year.   Thought the sign would be clearer in the backwards photo...IIts early, forgive me :)

IMG_20210916_044913154~2.jpg

Link to comment
1 hour ago, Bri2020 said:

I do take things to the next level. lol. I'm happy to not be wearing that costume  (or my male costume) to games anymore.  In the miami sun, starting at 10:30 and going to about 4:30 I would come dangerously close to heat stroke.  I never drink alcohol and usually drink 7-10 bottles of water but I still manage to lose about 10 lbs of water weight through sweating in that damn thing.

Better than a sarlacc pit

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
6 hours ago, Maddee said:

All I can do is what I can.

I'll be 50 next year, and I thought it was too late after I couldn't find avenues to transition back in '99-'01. I respect where everyone's at, and in my case I am humbly grateful to be in a position to do something now. Even if it means being compared to a generation of twomen who get treated in their teens and twenties.

 

Today:

Back at Zukowski Center Iin Wilmette. Has become familiar to me and will be much more in the next year.   Thought the sign would be clearer in the backwards photo...IIts early, forgive me :)

IMG_20210916_044913154~2.jpg

 

The early bird, gets a cleared face ?

 

Hugs

 

C

Link to comment
16 hours ago, Bri2020 said:

Until we can accept who we are, with all of our flaws, we can never be truly happy.  Just knowing who you are Kym and Willow may be enough if you can acknowledge that you are who you are and knowing that that person is amazing, whether the world sees your true self or not. 

I've worried lately that I might be more focuses on "improving" my body and that can become a slippery slope. 

When I first admitted to myself I was transgender and allowed myself to "see" the possibilities of what hormones and surgeries can do to help me "look the way I dreamed of myself" I became hyper focused on "passing". I was lucky enough to have so many people not just support me, but lift me up on a pedestal as someone to be admired for her authenticity. I realized that passing isn't required. Being me was all that I needed. I went from being afraid of being transgender and what people would think of me to being proud of being trans!  

I guess what I am saying is, you both are to be admired for being who you are, as well as being willing to accept that maybe, just maybe, fully transitioning isn't in the cards right now.

I hope you both stay reasonably active on the forums and keep us posted about how life is going.  If you are ever in the DC area please PM me and we can do coffee for real.

 

@AgnesBardsie I love the "detransitioning" reference.  I've had some thoughts along those lines except it's more of I have so many layers of clothing on because life until recently was a cold harsh place and as Bri has blossomed, I've been shedding all the layers of Rick that were keeping me warm until the season changed.

 

@Bri2020 Thank you for this post, as I have been questioning myself if starting HRT this late was the right thing to do, this post has helped me see that I am on the right path.

Hugs

Billie

PS have fun in Miami 

Link to comment
1 hour ago, Billie75B said:

Thank you for this post, as I have been questioning myself if starting HRT this late was the right thing to do, this post has helped me see that I am on the right path.

Hugs

Billie

I don't think it's ever too late to be who you truly are. If I only had a week to live at 98 yrs old, I would still want to go out as my true self.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

@Maddee you're even more gorgeous now. I agree with Jani - I love seeing you smile.

Link to comment
On 9/10/2021 at 11:08 AM, Jamie68 said:

I just ordered this today.

bra.jpg

Just got this today. ? it fits. The band runs a little small, and the shoulder straps are extended all the way to make it fit. The cups are right. I'm thrilled ?, finally have my first real bra. Makes me feel much better about myself. 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Well, the question seems to have come up. Am I happy with stopping. No, but I love my family. I can care less about myself right now. 

Yesterday, I sent a message to our oldest, asking if my wife had told him that I stopped. Only thing I got back was , Yeah, She did. Nothing else. I going to let it be in his court. I know that he will be in for it, from his brother and sister in law. If he doesn't come to Thanksgiving and bring his family.

 

I still get upset at being called Sir at work. I grumble to myself and roll my eyes. Then carry on.  Yesterday the same young man came in, It was Ma'am. which made me feel good.

 

Kymmie

 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
15 hours ago, KymmieL said:

I still get upset at being called Sir at work. I grumble to myself and roll my eyes. Then carry on.  Yesterday the same young man came in, It was Ma'am. which made me feel good.

 

So... "You can Miss me with Mister because I am a Ma'am?"

 

Hugs!

Link to comment

Good morning all.

 

I got to bind at school yesterday which was really good for me. I also got to hang out with some friends at a thing after school which was a bit outside of my comfort zone, but ended up being really fun anyways.

 

I have woken up anxious the past two days which I'm not a fan of. I'm thinking it might be dysphoria because yesterday when I was binding it eased quite a bit, but today it's been incredibly persistent.

 

In really good news my mother might let me get a bowl cut after senior pictures. I'm not out to my parents so I wasn't sure how asking for one would go. So hopefully that'll be in October that I get to do that. :3

 

Anywho, hope you're having a wonderful day!

-Jasper

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Well played the snoop today. My wife left her phone home charging. So I checked her message to our oldest.

 

"Your dad and I had it out again on Wednesday! OMG, he took his hormone patch off. I'm not saying this is going to solve things but it is going forward. Maybe you can talk to him? He still loves his big boy!!! Love you"

 

I am not sure how to take it. I guess I will wait and see.

 

Kymmie

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

@KymmieLThat's hard to read, I don't know how long you've used patches, but you know stopping hormones and then having your body have to adjust to that, could be bumpy. 

 

Take care of yourself

 

Hugs

 

C

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
1 hour ago, Jazz-per said:

I got to bind at school yesterday which was really good for me. I also got to hang out with some friends at a thing after school which was a bit outside of my comfort zone, but ended up being really fun anyways.

 

That's an important lesson there. If you never step outside your comfort zone, you never get to grow as a person. Gotta try new things, y'know? If you don't like them, cool, but you still tried.

 

Dysphoria can team up with anxiety and depression sometimes. Those days are awful and something to talk to your therapist about. On the plus side, things do get better.

 

1 hour ago, KymmieL said:

"Your dad and I had it out again on Wednesday! OMG, he took his hormone patch off. I'm not saying this is going to solve things but it is going forward. Maybe you can talk to him? He still loves his big boy!!! Love you"

 

First off, we do not snoop on our loved ones. That was a private conversation. Shame on you.

 

Now that that's out of the way, the conditional love to control you thing that your wife (and older son) does is appalling. That sort of behavior is unacceptable. We do not bully the people in our lives until they do what we want.

I grew up with that nonsense and it has a lot to do with why I'm being treated for PTSD. That is NOT how we treat people we care about.

 

As for me, I joined another meetup group in my never-ending quest to find more queer friends. I'm still on light duty from surgery so I'm going to go run some errands in a bit. I need a new bulb for my spouse's passenger-side headlamp and as long as I'm out, I'm going to pick up some more protein bars.

 

Hugs!

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
1 hour ago, Cyndee said:

@KymmieLThat's hard to read, I don't know how long you've used patches, but you know stopping hormones and then having your body have to adjust to that, could be bumpy. 

 

Oh yeah, this. As someone who went through this for surgery not that long ago. The hot flashes start after about two weeks. They come with night sweats. Both suck.

 

Hugs!

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   3 Members, 0 Anonymous, 119 Guests (See full list)

    • Carolyn Marie
    • Evelyn J
    • Miss Cormac
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.5k
    • Total Posts
      767.2k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      11,942
    • Most Online
      8,356

    taxicab
    Newest Member
    taxicab
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Amyjay
      Amyjay
      (58 years old)
    2. bettyjean
      bettyjean
    3. Breanna
      Breanna
      (52 years old)
    4. Emily Ayla
      Emily Ayla
    5. JET182
      JET182
  • Posts

    • Susan R
      Love it! This is great news. We need more of this to combat the excessive hate-filled rhetoric and misinformation. 👍
    • Susan R
      The experience was the same for me @April Marie. I slept much deeper and I woke up each morning feeling so much more restful sleeping with forms solidly in place. For me, wearing breast forms at night started when before I was a teenager. I had no access up to modern breast forms and certainly no way to buy mastectomy bras back then. I wore a basic bra my mom had put in a donation box and two pairs of soft cotton socks. I have some crazy memories of things I did in my youth to combat my GD but regardless, these makeshift concoctions helped me work through it all.   All My Best, Susan R🌷
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Colorado isn't exactly a Republican place, and won't become one anytime soon.  I think those folks might be better off not spending their time playing Don Quixote.    We certainly have our share of California "refugees" moving into where I live, so I wouldn't be surprised to start seeing Coloradans too.  I suspect the trend over the next few years will see the blue areas getting more blue and the red areas getting more red as anybody who can relocate tries to find a place where they fit better.   
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Well, at least it'll be a place some folks could choose.  Options are a good thing.
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      My family would have gobbled that jar up in a minute or two.  When we do have pickled herring, its usually for Christmas.  I didn't grow up with that particular dish, but I grew up in a Greek family so I like just about any kind of fish if I can get it.  However, ocean fish and freshwater fish taste so different.  We usually have more catfish and tilapia to eat than anything else.    What I can't quite get used to is the tons of cabbage my GF insists on eating.  When you live with a Russian, there is always cabbage soup.  Always.  When I first moved in with her, breakfast was "shchi" for soup and either bread or "kasha" which is a bowl of boiled buckwheat with butter and salt.  Those dishes can be made in any number of ways, some are better than others.  In the winter, it can even be salty and sour like kraut.  Not exactly sauerkraut, but packed in tubs with vinegar and salt so it keeps partially for the winter.  But I drew the line when the cabbage soup included pieces of fried snake one day.  😆
    • Ashley0616
      Good evening to you as well @Mmindy   That is awesome that you have support from her side. My dad has communicated with me once and that was because he was forced to. His new wife wanted to spend time with my kids. He hated me so much he was in the process of taking my rights away as a parent to my two boys. He was talking to a lawyer and I called him out on it. I don't love him at all. I'll respect him because I wouldn't be here without him but I wished I had another father. My uncles don't talk to me and unfriended me on Facebook. Almost all cousins except for two are still Facebook friends but they don't give me any support. My mom said she won't support me with that but she has said that she loves me. I have nieces and nephews that are still Facebook friends but they have yet to talk to me. I have one sister that supports me out of three. The other's disrespect me by deadnaming me. They have never called me their sister. I think for them they think it's still a phase. They don't ask questions about me being trans. I have to bring it up and on the look of their faces they don't look comfortable about it. 
    • Mmindy
      Good evening @Ashley0616,   I just got offline with HP tech support trying to get my printer tool box icon locked to my tool bar. This is one of the most important features of my printer that I like because it keeps track of ink, paper, and scanned documents. I'm diffidently not a computer geek.   I'll catch up with the other bookmarks next week. We leave to go home for the Easter Holiday with our families. Saturday with her side, and Sunday with my side. What's odd about that is I'm out to more of her side and they're reluctantly supportive. My side on the other hand are less supportive, and my sister just under me in age will not acknowledge my being there. She will be constantly moving to keep from dealing with me. I'm dead to her.   Hugs,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋  
    • Ashley0616
      I used to follow baseball and the team I would cheer for is Boston Red Sox. My favorite player was Papi. He was an awesome guy and even held a child during the National Anthem. I haven't watched baseball for a long time. It just died off to me. 
    • Ashley0616
      That stinks that nothing transferred, and no bookmarks were saved! 
    • Ashley0616
      I'm doing patches for now but I think soon I'll go to shots because it's hard to alternate when you are doing two xx patches at once. Unless she gives me Estradiol and progesterone
    • Sally Stone
      Go Cleveland Guardians!  I love baseball and I loved playing it when I was younger.  
    • Sally Stone
      My view is we are "dependent" on government, because as a society, we are too lazy to stay actively involved. So, we let politicians do our bidding for us.  I think we'd be in a better place government wise if we policed the actions of our politicians.  We elected them; they work for us.  Sadly, we are allowing them to run amok.  We are where we are because we have chosen to let politicians make all decisions without us.  Remember "by the people, for the people?" That was the intent of our democracy.  Today, however, it is "by the politicians, for the politicians," the people be damned. 
    • Mmindy
      "Play Ball! Batter Up!" is the closing line of the National Anthem as far as I'm concerned. It's the call of the Home Plate Umpire and signals the start of the game. I grew up in the TV and Radio broadcast of the St. Louis Cardinals. Harry Caray, Jack Buck, Tim McCarver, and Mike Shannon, were the voices on my transistor radio. KMOX 1120 AM pushing 50,000 watts of Class A clear-channel non-directional signal. It could be picked up all across MO, IL, IN to the East. KS, OK, CO to the West. IA, MN to the North, and KY, TN, AR to the South. There has always been a rivalry against the Chicago Cubs, in the National League. As for the American League, I have to pull for the Kansas City Royals. I've also been a Little League Umpire, and fan of everything the Little League stands for. Going to Williamsport, PA and seeing the Little League World Series is in my top 10 things to do on my bucket list.   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • Mmindy
      Good evening everyone,   I don't think my mother ever cooked a meal that I didn't like. We also had a kitchen where mom fixed the food, dad filled your plate, and you eat it. It wasn't until our baby brother was born that we could have Pop-Tarts for snacks. Before that all snacks had to meet mom's approval, and in her opinion wouldn't prevent you from eating supper.   Well my day started off on a good note, but has become frustrating because my IT person didn't transfer my saved videos I use for teaching. Then I found out that they didn't save any of my book marks for websites I use frequently.   Best wishes, stay motivated,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • MaeBe
      The number is relative to method of deliver, the time of the dose, and when the blood is drawn. However, I do want to keep away from DVT and other potential issues. I assume I may be getting backed down from my current dose, but my doc told me to stick with the higher dose, so? I also wonder if this has anything to do the my breast growth and mental changes that have been happening over the past few years, like I have some estrogen sensitivity so a little goes a long way or something? I don't have enough data to postulate, but who knows!   With weekly, subcutaneous, shots you expect to see big swings of serum level estradiol from shot to peak to trough. My doctor is interested in mid-week testing (for E and T levels only), which would be post-peak blood serum levels but they will be higher than trough. Most, if not all, resources I've seen online is to measure at trough (which I might do just to do it next time) along with a SHBG, LH, and other metrics.   This is from transfemscience.org for Estradiol valerate in oil, which is very spiky compared to some other estradiol combinations. It's also for intramuscular, which will have a slower uptake and is usually dosed in higher volume due to the slower absorption rate from muscles. They don't have subcutaneous numbers, which I would expect to see similar spikes but higher levels at similar doses due to the relatively higher absorption rate direct from fat.   Are you doing pills, shots, or patches? And when you do get your levels checked are you getting that done when your levels are lowest or some other time?
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...