Good morning All. Coffees on.

[Vidanjali]

1 hour ago, AgnesBardsie said:

I’m actually detransitioning from the male persona I put on. I acted male to fit in. I feel free to feel like myself no matter what anyone else thinks. It’s not that I’m acting female, it’s more like I’m not acting male and I’m now in default mode, and it feels good.

 

I found this statement to be affirming. As I continue to discover what nonbinary means to me, I don't really see myself as transitioning per se, but rather as unveiling. I'm letting go of things I did to "fit in" and yes, it does feel good! Some people notice and others either don't or don't tell me. Regardless, I feel increasingly more comfortable with myself. Today, one of my students noticed my photo on my key card ID and said, you look totally different than that picture. I got a kick out of that because in my ID picture I was presenting as super femme (a la the fitting in). I still get pangs of dysphoria regarding the shape of the body, but I try to accept what I've got - whereas some trans folk feel they're in the wrong body, I feel uncomfortable in a body, period. I just try to regard it as a vehicle for the soul to sport about in, and not really "my own". That is, I try to cultivate a sense of dispassionate nonattachment to the body (as opposed to the pathological dissociation I struggled with more in the past). 

[Aggie1]

1 hour ago, Vidanjali said:

I just try to regard it as a vehicle for the soul to sport about in, and not really "my own". That is, I try to cultivate a sense of dispassionate nonattachment to the body (as opposed to the pathological dissociation I struggled with more in the past). 

Well stated! I like how you put that!

[Bri2020]

5 hours ago, Elizabeth Star said:

I’m sad to see people go but you have your reasons and need to do what’s best for yourselves. 

This. ?

[Bri2020]

Until we can accept who we are, with all of our flaws, we can never be truly happy.  Just knowing who you are Kym and Willow may be enough if you can acknowledge that you are who you are and knowing that that person is amazing, whether the world sees your true self or not. 

I've worried lately that I might be more focuses on "improving" my body and that can become a slippery slope. 

When I first admitted to myself I was transgender and allowed myself to "see" the possibilities of what hormones and surgeries can do to help me "look the way I dreamed of myself" I became hyper focused on "passing". I was lucky enough to have so many people not just support me, but lift me up on a pedestal as someone to be admired for her authenticity. I realized that passing isn't required. Being me was all that I needed. I went from being afraid of being transgender and what people would think of me to being proud of being trans!  

I guess what I am saying is, you both are to be admired for being who you are, as well as being willing to accept that maybe, just maybe, fully transitioning isn't in the cards right now.

I hope you both stay reasonably active on the forums and keep us posted about how life is going.  If you are ever in the DC area please PM me and we can do coffee for real.

 

@AgnesBardsie I love the "detransitioning" reference.  I've had some thoughts along those lines except it's more of I have so many layers of clothing on because life until recently was a cold harsh place and as Bri has blossomed, I've been shedding all the layers of Rick that were keeping me warm until the season changed.

 

[Bri2020]

I decided I really need a break for the house and stress of life right now so I pulled together a bunch of different rewards points and I'm flying down to Miami to watch the home season opener of the Fins vs Bills Sunday.  It's a crazy schedule. The flight leaves out of Baltimore at 5 am, I quickly rent a car and drive to the stadium for tailgating. Catch the game then return to the airport and get back to Baltimore by 9pm.  I have my FFS and Vaginoplsty consults the next morning in Baltimore so I'm just going to stay the night in a hotel rather than drive mack to Virginia and then back to Baltimore in the morning.

Back in my old personna, I was widely known down there in the crazy fans section. I have a few lady friends down there that I will be tailgating with but most of the others I used to hang with on game day don't know about Bri. It should be interesting to say the least.

So I expect you all to tune in for the game and look for me one section to the left of the goal posts in the 3rd row!

The trip is going to be crazy exhausting from a travel standpoint, but I am so looking forward to seeing my best friend and forgetting about life for a day. (oh- and watching the greatest football team EVER!)

This was me when I used to hide behind a mask- now I get to be the like my best friend showing off the girls!

[Maddee]

@Bri2020

 
You are a crazy high level fun person.  Love it.

[Bri2020]

3 hours ago, Maddee said:

@Bri2020

 
You are a crazy high level fun person.  Love it.

I do take things to the next level. lol. I'm happy to not be wearing that costume  (or my male costume) to games anymore.  In the miami sun, starting at 10:30 and going to about 4:30 I would come dangerously close to heat stroke.  I never drink alcohol and usually drink 7-10 bottles of water but I still manage to lose about 10 lbs of water weight through sweating in that damn thing.

[Maddee]

All I can do is what I can.

I'll be 50 next year, and I thought it was too late after I couldn't find avenues to transition back in '99-'01. I respect where everyone's at, and in my case I am humbly grateful to be in a position to do something now. Even if it means being compared to a generation of twomen who get treated in their teens and twenties.

 

Today:

Back at Zukowski Center Iin Wilmette. Has become familiar to me and will be much more in the next year.   Thought the sign would be clearer in the backwards photo...IIts early, forgive me

[Maddee]

1 hour ago, Bri2020 said:

I do take things to the next level. lol. I'm happy to not be wearing that costume  (or my male costume) to games anymore.  In the miami sun, starting at 10:30 and going to about 4:30 I would come dangerously close to heat stroke.  I never drink alcohol and usually drink 7-10 bottles of water but I still manage to lose about 10 lbs of water weight through sweating in that damn thing.

Better than a sarlacc pit

[Cyndee]

6 hours ago, Maddee said:

All I can do is what I can.

I'll be 50 next year, and I thought it was too late after I couldn't find avenues to transition back in '99-'01. I respect where everyone's at, and in my case I am humbly grateful to be in a position to do something now. Even if it means being compared to a generation of twomen who get treated in their teens and twenties.

 

Today:

Back at Zukowski Center Iin Wilmette. Has become familiar to me and will be much more in the next year.   Thought the sign would be clearer in the backwards photo...IIts early, forgive me

 

The early bird, gets a cleared face ?

 

Hugs

 

C

[Billie75B]

16 hours ago, Bri2020 said:

Until we can accept who we are, with all of our flaws, we can never be truly happy.  Just knowing who you are Kym and Willow may be enough if you can acknowledge that you are who you are and knowing that that person is amazing, whether the world sees your true self or not. 

I've worried lately that I might be more focuses on "improving" my body and that can become a slippery slope. 

When I first admitted to myself I was transgender and allowed myself to "see" the possibilities of what hormones and surgeries can do to help me "look the way I dreamed of myself" I became hyper focused on "passing". I was lucky enough to have so many people not just support me, but lift me up on a pedestal as someone to be admired for her authenticity. I realized that passing isn't required. Being me was all that I needed. I went from being afraid of being transgender and what people would think of me to being proud of being trans!  

I guess what I am saying is, you both are to be admired for being who you are, as well as being willing to accept that maybe, just maybe, fully transitioning isn't in the cards right now.

I hope you both stay reasonably active on the forums and keep us posted about how life is going.  If you are ever in the DC area please PM me and we can do coffee for real.

 

@AgnesBardsie I love the "detransitioning" reference.  I've had some thoughts along those lines except it's more of I have so many layers of clothing on because life until recently was a cold harsh place and as Bri has blossomed, I've been shedding all the layers of Rick that were keeping me warm until the season changed.

 

@Bri2020 Thank you for this post, as I have been questioning myself if starting HRT this late was the right thing to do, this post has helped me see that I am on the right path.

Hugs

Billie

PS have fun in Miami 

[Jamie68]

1 hour ago, Billie75B said:

Thank you for this post, as I have been questioning myself if starting HRT this late was the right thing to do, this post has helped me see that I am on the right path.

Hugs

Billie

I don't think it's ever too late to be who you truly are. If I only had a week to live at 98 yrs old, I would still want to go out as my true self.

[Jani]

@Maddee your smile says it all!  

[Heather Shay]

@Maddee you're even more gorgeous now. I agree with Jani - I love seeing you smile.

[Jamie68]

On 9/10/2021 at 11:08 AM, Jamie68 said:

I just ordered this today.

Just got this today. ? it fits. The band runs a little small, and the shoulder straps are extended all the way to make it fit. The cups are right. I'm thrilled ?, finally have my first real bra. Makes me feel much better about myself. 

[Maddee]

@Cyndee
I look like the mumps now ? Face IS noticeably clearer these days. 

@Shay

 Thank you sister

 

[Maddee]

@Jani

 
Thank you hugs sister

[KymmieL]

Well, the question seems to have come up. Am I happy with stopping. No, but I love my family. I can care less about myself right now. 

Yesterday, I sent a message to our oldest, asking if my wife had told him that I stopped. Only thing I got back was , Yeah, She did. Nothing else. I going to let it be in his court. I know that he will be in for it, from his brother and sister in law. If he doesn't come to Thanksgiving and bring his family.

 

I still get upset at being called Sir at work. I grumble to myself and roll my eyes. Then carry on.  Yesterday the same young man came in, It was Ma'am. which made me feel good.

 

Kymmie

 

[Maddee]

Being maam'd is validation in this moment for what we walk through in a lifetime.

 

Put a warm smile in my cold heart.

[Jackie C.]

15 hours ago, KymmieL said:

I still get upset at being called Sir at work. I grumble to myself and roll my eyes. Then carry on.  Yesterday the same young man came in, It was Ma'am. which made me feel good.

 

So... "You can Miss me with Mister because I am a Ma'am?"

 

Hugs!

[Jazz-per]

Good morning all.

 

I got to bind at school yesterday which was really good for me. I also got to hang out with some friends at a thing after school which was a bit outside of my comfort zone, but ended up being really fun anyways.

 

I have woken up anxious the past two days which I'm not a fan of. I'm thinking it might be dysphoria because yesterday when I was binding it eased quite a bit, but today it's been incredibly persistent.

 

In really good news my mother might let me get a bowl cut after senior pictures. I'm not out to my parents so I wasn't sure how asking for one would go. So hopefully that'll be in October that I get to do that. :3

 

Anywho, hope you're having a wonderful day!

-Jasper

[KymmieL]

Well played the snoop today. My wife left her phone home charging. So I checked her message to our oldest.

 

"Your dad and I had it out again on Wednesday! OMG, he took his hormone patch off. I'm not saying this is going to solve things but it is going forward. Maybe you can talk to him? He still loves his big boy!!! Love you"

 

I am not sure how to take it. I guess I will wait and see.

 

Kymmie

[Cyndee]

@KymmieLThat's hard to read, I don't know how long you've used patches, but you know stopping hormones and then having your body have to adjust to that, could be bumpy. 

 

Take care of yourself

 

Hugs

 

C

[Jackie C.]

1 hour ago, Jazz-per said:

I got to bind at school yesterday which was really good for me. I also got to hang out with some friends at a thing after school which was a bit outside of my comfort zone, but ended up being really fun anyways.

 

That's an important lesson there. If you never step outside your comfort zone, you never get to grow as a person. Gotta try new things, y'know? If you don't like them, cool, but you still tried.

 

Dysphoria can team up with anxiety and depression sometimes. Those days are awful and something to talk to your therapist about. On the plus side, things do get better.

 

1 hour ago, KymmieL said:

"Your dad and I had it out again on Wednesday! OMG, he took his hormone patch off. I'm not saying this is going to solve things but it is going forward. Maybe you can talk to him? He still loves his big boy!!! Love you"

 

First off, we do not snoop on our loved ones. That was a private conversation. Shame on you.

 

Now that that's out of the way, the conditional love to control you thing that your wife (and older son) does is appalling. That sort of behavior is unacceptable. We do not bully the people in our lives until they do what we want.

I grew up with that nonsense and it has a lot to do with why I'm being treated for PTSD. That is NOT how we treat people we care about.

 

As for me, I joined another meetup group in my never-ending quest to find more queer friends. I'm still on light duty from surgery so I'm going to go run some errands in a bit. I need a new bulb for my spouse's passenger-side headlamp and as long as I'm out, I'm going to pick up some more protein bars.

 

Hugs!

[Jackie C.]

1 hour ago, Cyndee said:

@KymmieLThat's hard to read, I don't know how long you've used patches, but you know stopping hormones and then having your body have to adjust to that, could be bumpy. 

 

Oh yeah, this. As someone who went through this for surgery not that long ago. The hot flashes start after about two weeks. They come with night sweats. Both suck.

 

Hugs!