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Good morning All. Coffees on.


KymmieL

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10 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

 

To be fair, a woman in a tux is hot as all get out. 

 

Ahem...(points to their own profile pic). LOL, not that I'm a woman, but just sayin! ??

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17 hours ago, Elizabeth Star said:

Part of what is bothering me is my therapist seemed upset when I mentioned it to them. They literally said "you're a woman, don't do it". At least that's how I remember it.

Well there you go, work with the Therapist and go fem flannel. 
Liz, I really think the two of you will really love your time in Mackinaw.

 

Hugs,

 

Mindy??️‍⚧️?

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On 9/19/2021 at 10:24 AM, JustineM said:

All in all it was a great day. 

That’s great Justine. I’m glad it went well.

 

Mindy??️‍⚧️?

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@Lexa83 well I’m glad you found a way to work with your wife.

 

as far as voice issues, I found a voice trainer for my larynx issues that turned out to also work with mtf voice. There is a documented process that is working for me. It involves straw bubbles. Look it up.  
 

Had an appointment with my endocrinologist he wants to see my numbers since I stopped.  If my testosterone doesn’t come back up, I have no choice but to stay on hrt.  Hmm that’s interesting.

 

I do check here occasionally so don’t write me off.

 

Willow

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1 hour ago, Willow said:

If my testosterone doesn’t come back up, I have no choice but to stay on hrt.

 

Some kind of HRT. It's basically to guard against bone loss. You need SOMETHING, doesn't matter if it's E or T for good health.

 

Hugs!

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14 hours ago, Willow said:

There is a documented process that is working for me. It involves straw bubbles. Look it up.

Thanks for the tip. I was needing some tips. I've only used the voice pitch anylizer app for phone so far. I need to do a lot of work.

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Good morning!

 

Mrs., who seems to be gradually warming up to me again, wants me to accompany her to a party with friend of hers I've met a couple times...she told friend that I'm not all that social (true but less so since HRT). Friend says, he can hang out with the guys! I told Mrs that's exactly what I do not want to do. 

 

Kinda don't want to meet new people in guy mode, but also not sure how Mrs will take it if I go in my preferred vaguely feminine attire. 

 

 

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1 hour ago, RhondaS said:

Good morning!

 

Mrs., who seems to be gradually warming up to me again, wants me to accompany her to a party with friend of hers I've met a couple times...she told friend that I'm not all that social (true but less so since HRT). Friend says, he can hang out with the guys! I told Mrs that's exactly what I do not want to do. 

 

Kinda don't want to meet new people in guy mode, but also not sure how Mrs will take it if I go in my preferred vaguely feminine attire. 

 

 

Yeah, i'm with you on this. I'm a long ways from looking fem. Hopefully I can change that soon. Plan to get wig and new glasses soon, next month, I hope. It sucks being a "tweener".

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Tweener..

 

Yeah this got old.  I came out and my past associations stayed behind.  Especially after I separated from Facebook in 2014.  

 

Attempts the past several years to meet new people have been awkward at least.  There is resistance in me to get close to anyone in this tween stage.

 

Hopefully my walls are temporary.  Scheduled for surgeries that WILL change my appearance profoundly. 

Thinking then I'd try the social networks again in search of like interests.

 

Coffee now.

G'day

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1 hour ago, Jamie68 said:

Yeah, i'm with you on this. I'm a long ways from looking fem. Hopefully I can change that soon. Plan to get wig and new glasses soon, next month, I hope. It sucks being a "tweener".

 

1 hour ago, Maddee said:

Tweener..

 

Yeah this got old.  I came out and my past associations stayed behind.  Especially after I separated from Facebook in 2014.  

 

Attempts the past several years to meet new people have been awkward at least.  There is resistance in me to get close to anyone in this tween stage.

 

Hopefully my walls are temporary.  Scheduled for surgeries that WILL change my appearance profoundly. 

Thinking then I'd try the social networks again in search of like interests.

 

Coffee now.

G'day

My experience is just be you openly and the right kinda people who can appreciate the honesty and authenticity you present will be drawn to you no matter where you are in your transition.  Life’s to short to wait

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1 hour ago, Maddee said:

Tweener..

 

Yeah this got old.  I came out and my past associations stayed behind.  Especially after I separated from Facebook in 2014.  

 

Attempts the past several years to meet new people have been awkward at least.  There is resistance in me to get close to anyone in this tween stage.

 

Hopefully my walls are temporary.  Scheduled for surgeries that WILL change my appearance profoundly. 

Thinking then I'd try the social networks again in search of like interests.

 

Coffee now.

G'day

The people at work work were pretty much my only social life through the years. I was the shop foreman for about 20 years in a sheet metal shop. Been retired for 3 yrs now. I've only seen my old boss and the guy who was hired to help me run the shop since then. It's been lonely.

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1 hour ago, Bri2020 said:

My experience is just be you openly and the right kinda people who can appreciate the honesty and authenticity you present will be drawn to you no matter where you are in your transition.  Life’s to short to wait

I hope you're right. ?

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Today's the big day. We hit the road in about four hours. I didn't get nearly as much done last night as I wanted so It's going to be a bit of a mad-dash this morning. Besides the all the sight seeing, I really hope we are able regain some of the closeness that's been lost over the last couple of years. And have it be real this time not just the stupid, short lived token changes.

 

I think if anything, the drive itself will be the most helpful. It seems it's the only time we really talk. No phone calls, no TV, no loud music but I still, and probably always will, think that my feeling will be ignored. I just don't understand why it's so hard for her to grasp the concept that she married a woman. Did I lie to her about it? well, yeah, I did. And that seems to be the end her understanding. The hows, whys and decades of lying to myself become irrelevant.  So if I accomplish only one thing over the next couple days, my wish would be for her to finally see and accept me as the woman I truly am. She doesn't have to like it, just accept it.

 

Three and a half hours remaining and all I've done is write and drink coffee.

I really need to get off my butt and do something. First stop Muskegon......here we come.

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I’m a little bummed.  I had plans to go to see the Indigo Girls last night at Wolftrap which is basically a lesbian concert takeover but it was raining all day and forecasted to continue into the show so I didn’t go. We had lawn seats and I am too old for mid and rain concerts anymore lol.  
I was going to meet a whole bunch of girls from one of the Meetup groups I recently joined.   
today started early with a 7am ct scan for my new FFS surgeon. Now gotta drive an hour to drop it off.  
After that I have so work errands then I’m off to DC to have an “ intimate dinner” with 5 other lesbians at a Spanish restaurant. Another “Meetup “ event.  I’m really trying to get out and meet new people.  
then Friday night I’m doing a Meetup with about 50 transgender and CDers at an Irish pub.  I’ve never attended one of their events. DC Area Transgender Social Club.  I’m hoping they are a fun group because they have a Halloween Gala and cocktail party on Oct 30.  I’ve gotten a few rocking cocktail dresses lately that need to be worn!  
Whew, I’m exhausted just thinking about all this. Lol

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1 hour ago, Elizabeth Star said:

Today's the big day. We hit the road in about four hours. I didn't get nearly as much done last night as I wanted so It's going to be a bit of a mad-dash this morning. Besides the all the sight seeing, I really hope we are able regain some of the closeness that's been lost over the last couple of years. And have it be real this time not just the stupid, short lived token changes.

 

I think if anything, the drive itself will be the most helpful. It seems it's the only time we really talk. No phone calls, no TV, no loud music but I still, and probably always will, think that my feeling will be ignored. I just don't understand why it's so hard for her to grasp the concept that she married a woman. Did I lie to her about it? well, yeah, I did. And that seems to be the end her understanding. The hows, whys and decades of lying to myself become irrelevant.  So if I accomplish only one thing over the next couple days, my wish would be for her to finally see and accept me as the woman I truly am. She doesn't have to like it, just accept it.

 

Three and a half hours remaining and all I've done is write and drink coffee.

I really need to get off my butt and do something. First stop Muskegon......here we come.

I hope you can achieve the closeness again. Have a great trip.

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1 hour ago, Bri2020 said:

I’m a little bummed.  I had plans to go to see the Indigo Girls last night at Wolftrap which is basically a lesbian concert takeover but it was raining all day and forecasted to continue into the show so I didn’t go. We had lawn seats and I am too old for mid and rain concerts anymore lol.  
I was going to meet a whole bunch of girls from one of the Meetup groups I recently joined.   
today started early with a 7am ct scan for my new FFS surgeon. Now gotta drive an hour to drop it off.  
After that I have so work errands then I’m off to DC to have an “ intimate dinner” with 5 other lesbians at a Spanish restaurant. Another “Meetup “ event.  I’m really trying to get out and meet new people.  
then Friday night I’m doing a Meetup with about 50 transgender and CDers at an Irish pub.  I’ve never attended one of their events. DC Area Transgender Social Club.  I’m hoping they are a fun group because they have a Halloween Gala and cocktail party on Oct 30.  I’ve gotten a few rocking cocktail dresses lately that need to be worn!  
Whew, I’m exhausted just thinking about all this. Lol

Wow, you're a busy gal. I've never been that social. I want to be a lot more than I am, hopefully it will come.

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1 hour ago, Elizabeth Star said:

She doesn't have to like it, just accept it.

 

My spouse and I had a bout of this, there was a lot of, "You make a better woman than *I* do." I think on some level she's still convinced that I'm going to run off with a younger woman. I'm not sure why she thinks that. I mean, what would we talk about? She was upset to hear that I'm not cleared for intercourse for the next two months, so I'm taking that as a good sign.

 

@Bri2020, I did the same thing you did. I've been joining every LGBTQ+ meetup group in my area that will have me. Super warm welcome from the late in life lesbians crew and I'm having a thing with another group Saturday night, then a dinner party next Friday. Busy busy. With my social anxiety, I am both elated and terrified.

 

Hugs!

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3 hours ago, Bri2020 said:

 

My experience is just be you openly and the right kinda people who can appreciate the honesty and authenticity you present will be drawn to you no matter where you are in your transition.  Life’s to short to wait

You are right.

Life is too short to wait.  Which is why I have taken action and  put myself out there authentically and consistently.

 

@Jamie68

 Work is totally my social life.  I take any overtime I'm offered.  Bring around people has saved me after so much social distance.  I get along well with almost everyone there.  I think I'm well liked.  Guess I'm just hoping for more, like people including me in conversations or even out-of-work activities.  It will happen.  I am not young but am  learning and growing.?

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3 hours ago, Elizabeth Star said:

Did I lie to her about it? well, yeah, I did. And that seems to be the end her understanding. The hows, whys and decades of lying to myself become irrelevant.

Oh yeah, I've had a lot of this myself.  Didn't seem to matter that I was telling myself if was just a phase like some kind of mantra and trying to push it away and that in doing so I was causing myself a lot of problems, it all boiled down to the fact I didn't tell her up front 20 years ago...  In the meantime I've been doing the best I can to show her that the "whole" me is a better partner than the "partial" me she had married.

 

I hope you have a fun trip!

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3 hours ago, Elizabeth Star said:

 but I still, and probably always will, think that my feeling will be ignored. I just don't understand why it's so hard for her to grasp the concept that she married a woman. Did I lie to her about it? well, yeah, I did. And that seems to be the end her understanding. The hows, whys and decades of lying to myself become irrelevant.  So if I accomplish only one thing over the next couple days, my wish would be for her to finally see and accept me as the woman I truly am. She doesn't have to like it, just accept it.

 

Liz, that is my wish too. I think deep down my wife is afraid of being seen as a lesbian. She said that she may be able to accept and live with me as a woman. After a few years apart but she did really know.  If the big D ever comes that is it for us. I think the only time I will see her is when she is put in the grave. If she goes before me. I don't know. My emotions are on overdrive again.

 

Kymmie

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On 9/22/2021 at 3:39 PM, Willow said:

I do check here occasionally so don’t write me off.

Willow, we would never write you off. Your valued insight on life is priceless.

 

Hugs,

 

Mindy??️‍⚧️??️‍??

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So the mobile doggie spa, “You Dirty Dog” visited Panda, our Giant Schnauzer today, and while she was getting the beauty treatment I painted a rock for the groomer. She needed it after hiking 40 miles around central Oregon last week!

C820FE63-3A61-4549-9792-B02D798AC945.jpeg

6CB99DDD-DD0E-4FC9-B181-9CD14AD23631.jpeg

46DC7001-9A1D-48F3-8CDE-B50CFC720F85.jpeg

14A83B4A-7987-4FDA-9702-4F31CF7863F0.jpeg

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19 hours ago, Maddee said:

 Work is totally my social life.  I take any overtime I'm offered.  Bring around people has saved me after so much social distance.  I get along well with almost everyone there.  I think I'm well liked.  Guess I'm just hoping for more, like people including me in conversations or even out-of-work activities.  It will happen.  I am not young but am  learning and growing.?

Work wasn't just my social life but also my life preserver. Pretty much the only time I could get away from my mental torture was when I was working and listening to music. A survival technique, keep the brain busy so you don't slip into that deep dark hole of dysphoria and depression. It worked until after I retired. I kept busy working on my house, but when that slowed down I fell in.

I really feel it was divine intervention that saved me. That's when I came out to my spouse. It hasn't been easy for either of us, but it's improving. I am slowly being able to be my true self now. I'm not young either, but I feel reborn now that i'm on the right path. Hang in there. It will happen. ?

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It’s been one year since I came out to my wife and finally began unwrapping the woman inside of me. My current tasks are to continue the ever-ending battle of changing my name on everything and enjoying the clarity and changes of HRT. I’d like to thank everyone here who helped and encouraged me this past year.

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But with work and two teenage boys in the house, getting to be Sally was a challenge.    The biggest issue in this regard were my sons, as they didn’t know about my feminine side.  My wife and I discussed, in great detail, whether or not to tell them.  If they had known about Sally, it would have been much easier to actually be Sally when I wanted to.  But I still didn’t know exactly where my transgender journey was going to take me, and this uncertainty was the primary reason my wife and I decided it wasn’t the right time to tell them about Sally.  Except for the convenience it would afford me, we didn’t think it was fair to burdened them with such a sensitive family secret if it wasn’t absolutely necessary.  If at some point things changed and it looked like I might be heading towards transition, my wife and I agreed we would revisit our decision.   Despite having to tiptoe around the boys I was able, with my wife often running interference for me, to significantly increase my girl time.  The nature of my variable work schedule meant that often days off occurred during the week when the boys were in school, and on those days, I took full advantage of the time.  Additionally, I had discovered a new trans friend through a local support group, and my wife, ever and always accommodating, ensured I had time for outings with my new friend.    Willa, my new friend, quickly became my best friend, and after only a short time, she and my wife became quite close as well.  With Willa’s help, I would soon discover that Pittsburgh was a very trans friendly city.  Together, she and I made the town our own.  We attended the theater, the symphony, we went out to dinner regularly, and I think we visited every museum in the city.  With Willa’s support and friendship, I was actually becoming quite the girl about town.    Willa and I had a lot in common.  We loved to shop, we had similar feminine styles, and we had similar views and feelings about being trans.  In fact, our frequent and deep discussions about transgender issues helped me begin to understand my transgender nature.  Having Willa as a springboard for all topics transgender, was probably as effective as regularly visiting a therapist.  I would never discount anyone’s desire to seek professional help, but having an unbiased confidant, can also be an effective method for self-discovery.    Exploring the city as Sally and spending time with Willa was instrumental in helping me understand my transgender nature, and would begin shaping my transgender objective.  My feelings about the kind of girl I was and where I wanted to go began to solidify.  Being out and socializing as Sally in a big city like Pittsburgh, taught me I could express my femininity without issue.  I honestly felt confident I could live my life as a woman; however, remaining completely objective, I just couldn’t see giving up the life I’d built as a man.   At that time, I was being heavily influenced by the concept of the gender binary, which had me thinking I had to choose between being a man or being a woman.  It was Willa who reminded me there were no rules requiring gender identity to be binary.  During one of our deep discussions, she posited the idea of enjoying both genders, something she was doing, and a concept that made a lot of sense to me.  I was already living the life of a part-time woman, so I simply started paying more attention to how that was making me feel.    One characteristic that was dominating my feminine self-expression (and it continues to this day) was that when I was Sally, I was “all in.”  When I became Sally, it was such a complete transformation that I truly felt like a woman.  The feeling was powerful, and if I had to describe it another way, I’d say it was akin to an actor, so into the part, they actually become the character they are portraying.  That was me, and I discovered that this level of depth was extremely fulfilling, and that feeling tended to last long after transitioning back to my male persona.  Part-time womanhood it seemed, was actually working for me.    Eventually, a job change forced me to move away from Pittsburgh, but the enlightenment I experienced while living there has shaped the nature of my bi-gender personality to this day.  Even after leaving, Willa and I remained the best of friends.  We had many more adventures, some of which I will detail in later posts.  Sadly, Willa passed away two-years ago after contracting a prolonged illness.  Her loss was hard to take and I miss her dearly.  However, I have so many fond memories of our times together, and because her support helped shape me, she lives on in my heart.   Hugs,   Sally
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