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Good morning All. Coffees on.


KymmieL

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New g/f who is trans seems to be ghosting me. Or maybe she is depressed again. I would be sad if we could not hang out anymore, but relationships in general are work, then you add in all the stuff of two trans women and their temperaments and whatever hangups are lurking...

So I suspect this is part of transitioning is the friend/relationship shuffle. Generally I am fairly comfy with being single, ...but it is nice to do things with a partner, and I learn a whole lot about myself.

In the meantime, a girl I haven't seen or spoke to in over 15 years cold drunk called me and I guess saw my updated FB profile and asked me when I became a girl. To sum up, said I'd have my sister who has been sober for 30 years text you her number if you want help. Probably won't hear from her again.

Talked with my BFF from HS, she though is always there for me.

So I continue to explore and try to get to know people, like other girls in my trans groups, it's always about timing and keeping expectations low. Every one has their own struggles, the lesson being I can become softer, more empathetic and compassionate too. 

Apparently, one of the girls is doing a new facial hair technique that involves a type of waxing that comes from overseas, so I am keeping in touch with her to see how it works out. But she's a blonde so laser prob. doesn't work for her.

It's going to be sunny and 80s all week, so I am going to try to have as much fun as I can this summer, my first one out as me- despite whoever wants to join or not.

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5 minutes ago, stveee said:

New g/f who is trans seems to be ghosting me. Or maybe she is depressed again. I would be sad if we could not hang out anymore, but relationships in general are work, then you add in all the stuff of two trans women and their temperaments and whatever hangups are lurking...

Very true, relationships are hard to nurture for well adjusted cis hetero people, add all of our stuff...well lets just say that it's complicated doesn't even come close to the mark lol

 

So I suspect this is part of transitioning is the friend/relationship shuffle. Generally I am fairly comfy with being single, ...but it is nice to do things with a partner, and I learn a whole lot about myself.

I'm in the same boat except I had to learn to me ok being alone. That took about 6 months post break up. I'm finding that transitioning is all about personal growth, probably even more so than physical.  Other's see the physical, and that's hard to get through but the mental and emotional stamina that you need to develop in order to get through has been the real work. At least for me

 

Everyone has their own struggles, the lesson being I can become softer, more empathetic and compassionate too. 

I look back at  my revelation that I was trans and one thing that was obviously a big clue things were going to crack was that I had declared that January that I was going to become a softer, warmer , more emotionally available version of myself.  Especially with my staff.  I always kept people and their challenges at arms length.  I cared about people, but I just couldn't let my walls down enough to connect on a more humanistic level.  every time I was faced with a moment where I was tempted to respond in my old way I would verbally  declare- "nope, this is the year of the kinder softer Rick" so that people would understand I'm trying to change my approach.  My  psychological walls of repression were breaking down and I couldn't stand how I was going through this world from a personality trait standpoint. 6 months later is when I finally couldn't stand my physical body either which brought about the final collapse of my defensive repression of who I truly was.  I've found that the work on my personality has become so much easier without testosterone. 

 

It's going to be sunny and 80s all week, so I am going to try to have as much fun as I can this summer, my first one out as me- despite whoever wants to join or not. 

You go girl!

 

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46 minutes ago, Jackie C. said:

 

It probably would have been problematic. I mean first, I'd need someone to go with. I've always had useless lesbian energy and it does not get me dates. Second, in 1988 they were not especially cool with lesbian relationships.

 

Hugs!

I hear ya, Sister. I would have been worst for me, it was 1983. Being trans and a lesbian oh, the horror.

 

Their has been some talk about a 40 yr reunion next year in our facebook group. I would so love to go as Kymmie. The current situation kinda put a mountain in the way. 

 

Well my wife did it to me again last night. made me feel like crap. So since the military reunion is off. I changed my off time to that Saturday. As they are having a cruise in at Black Hills Harley. I figured me and the wife head up for the day. Also meet up with a military friend who is still heading up that week.

 

The town our middle son lives in has street drags yearly on their main street. I found out yesterday, it is the same day. I made the mistake of telling my wife. So, last night we are in the kitchen I am looking to fix our coffee and she is grinding extra. She turns to me with her disgusted look she has and asks me, "have you ever heard of family first?"

I reply, yeah. She begins telling me about how she doesn't care about doing anything other that visiting our grandkids. That our plan to take our oldest grandson to cars and coffee for his 7th birthday. In grampy and grammys wagon, doesn't mean anything. 

 

That with my middle sons, middle son being a 2 yr old car nut. wouldn't it be better if I went and took him to the street drags. That because since I couldn't get a room during a car show local to them. I am not planning on going. I am a horrible grandfather. She had me almost crying.

 

 

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Today starts a new chapter in life. Wow, as I type that I realise how many new chapters have been written in the last couple of years! Holy -crap- I've got to get into a groove of stability at some point.  

 

I passed my real estate boards yesterday!  Friday I passed my course final and they submitted the paperwork electronically allowing me to take the boards. It usually takes a few days for that to process and I thought I would spend this week continuing to study while at my ladies entrepreneur beach retreat.  An hour or so later I got the authorization email to take the exam. I went to schedule it and low and behold, there was one slot left on Saturday afternoon.  I said -expletive- it, I've just studied like cray all week for my final, I might as well just take the boards and if I don't pass, I can just take it next week or so after some more studying.  Well, I passed and now I get to change my focus to finding a brokerage this week!

I'm pretty sure I'm going to have my pick of 5 or 6 firms to work with. I'm finding that there is huge differences in how they operate, commissions, support and training etc etc.  I really want to make sure my first year is with someone who can truly help me launch this career well.  It's going to be a hard decision.  

One of the things I was reading in a blog about choosing an agency to start with was the consideration of "how are you going to stand out and develop a brand identity" if you join a big national firm (which tends to have the best training and support)

I laughed out loud at that thinking, that's the one thing I'm not worried about. People will see and remember the tall, redheaded transgender woman. lol. For good or bad, I'm memorable ;)

 

This talk of proms and HS reunions is interesting.  I barely graduated HS and was a complete stoner back then.  I worked hard after HS to change that and disassociated with most of the people I was friends with because they were going down a deeper and darker path that I knew I wouldn't survive.  I'm not sure if there has been a reunion but I probably would never have gone.

As for prom. My new self would have loved that. 6 months ago at the end of the consignment shops big sidewalk sale there was a gorgeous prom dress that no one bought so I got it for $5. I think when I finish my transition I want to do a photoshoot of "prom or homecoming reimagined" in that dress. 

 

Today is going to be boring chores day. i've neglected the apartment and since I'm going away for 4 days I need to get things cleaned up and in order. Plus shopping and packing for the trip. 

I can't wait to get to the beach Monday.  It's going to be too cold and windy to enjoy typical beach activities but my plan is to get up and walk to the beach with a thermos of coffee and sit there all bundled up to watch the sunrise and do some reflection. 

I'm staying a couple blocks from the beach in this huge 12 bedroom home that use to be owned by the Dupont family as their summer home back in the 50s. Then a church bought it and converted it into a retreat center. We rent the whole place out for $450/person. They bring in a local chef to prepare three meals a day for us. So basically the days are meeting up with everyone for meal times and then the rest is up to individuals to do what they want. I think there are 14 ladies coming this year.  Most of us come with a "work" item to focus on. Some are developing programs, or a marketing plan or other things like that. SOme come just to reflect of goals for their businesses. Others come with no agenda. We will often help each other mastermind solutions or ideas for each other. Then, after dinner it's usually happy hour and a LOT of wine consumption. Games and girl talk until we have to crash. There is a beach bar/restaurant that is a big LGBTQ+ hangout a few blocks from where we are staying so I plan on grabbing some of the girls to come do a happy hour there one night. 

 

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10 hours ago, Willow said:

 My grandfather, dad, mom and sister were all gone…

…if any of them knew about me before they died, they knew before I did.

It's that way for me too.  There was one sister that knew when I first realized what was going on.  She was supportive, but was already fatally ill (ALS) at the time.

 

 

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19 hours ago, Hannah Renee said:

Yeah, but she shouldn't have to go back.

I have a few more sessions to go before it's complete. This was only my 2nd full clearing that's needed for surgery.

I see Dagmara Klos. I highly recommend her. Very professional and caring.

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10 hours ago, Hannah Renee said:

My HS class has only had 2 reunions that I know of - 15 & 40. I went to the 40th, and a woman walked up to me at one point and told me that I was one of only a few guys who had aged gracefully. Surprised me, since I couldn't recall her ever having been in any of my classes. Would be interesting to hear what she might say this year.

High school reunions are very interesting and I enjoy them.

Only a few guys had a hard time understanding but the women were totally accepting  If they talked ill of me behind my back I don't know.

Last summer several of the ladies had a luncheon get together at a local upscale country club and they invited me.

I had a great time and yes there were lots of questions but all in all I had a great time.

Met one of them at a cars and coffee car show and her husband didn't seem to recall me from school.

That was fine with me because I never liked the guy LOL.

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A lot going on with you all lately, good and bad.

I hope you all have a great day today.

Happy Mothers Day !!! 🥳

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2 minutes ago, Teri Anne said:

High school reunions are very interesting and I enjoy them.

I've never been to one.

I went to the same (small) school 7th - 11th grades.   Then we moved out of state and my senior year was in a new (much larger) school.  With that, and being from a different region of the country, I never really fit in.  I don't think I even know anyone from my graduating class.

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Happy Sunday Morning 

 

Happy Mother’s Day!

 

got cold (60s) and windy so plan for another beach day today may not happen. 
 

otherwise, coffee was good and gone.

 

@Jandi I have one clue that my mother and sister might have known.  The spring before she died, I went to see her.  Rode my motorcycle.  Anyway, that’s just a side note.  During one conversation she asked me if I was happy.  I answered yes.  She continues mom and I talked that we didn’t think you were happy.  She didn’t continue that conversation and I didn’t bring it up.  That was a time when I was having undiagnosed depression and had been for a number of years so it could have been that or the might have found things when I was a teen still living at home.  I’ll never know for sure.  Even though I knew I felt ashamed at times and depressed because of it I also didn’t know I was transgender.

 

Just a side note, back when I was in high school in the 60s there was no way anyone knew of LGBTQI and in small town Ohio would not have gone well for them.  My oldest friend waited a long time after leaving Fremont before coming out as gay even though the signs were there in the 60s.

 

@Heather Nicole Toledo was my old stomping ground.  Graduated from the University of Toledo.

 

@Bri2020 congratulations on passing your boards so quickly. 
 

well, I need to take the dog for a walk   I can’t just let her go by herself anymore.  There is another dog who has moved in just last night and since it’s a pit bull I need to not let them meet uncontrolled.

 

hugs

 

Willow aka Billi (wife asked me to add a nickname and just use an “I”

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3 hours ago, KymmieL said:

The town our middle son lives in has street drags yearly on their main street. I found out yesterday, it is the same day. I made the mistake of telling my wife. So, last night we are in the kitchen I am looking to fix our coffee and she is grinding extra. She turns to me with her disgusted look she has and asks me, "have you ever heard of family first?"

I reply, yeah. She begins telling me about how she doesn't care about doing anything other that visiting our grandkids. That our plan to take our oldest grandson to cars and coffee for his 7th birthday. In grampy and grammys wagon, doesn't mean anything. 

 

That with my middle sons, middle son being a 2 yr old car nut. wouldn't it be better if I went and took him to the street drags. That because since I couldn't get a room during a car show local to them. I am not planning on going. I am a horrible grandfather. She had me almost crying.

 

 

@KymmieLI am so sorry. No one should be treated as you were. I swear sister, your wife seems to be particularly cruel toward you sometimes. I don't understand why people lash out like that. Especially toward someone they supposedly love. Reducing another person to tears is just plain mean. No other word for it.

 

Consider yourself hugged virtually.

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4 hours ago, Bri2020 said:

Today starts a new chapter in life. 

 

I passed my real estate boards yesterday!   

 

...walk to the beach with a thermos of coffee and sit there all bundled up to watch the sunrise and do some reflection. 

 

 

Congrats, this sounds very nice!

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Mother’s Day 2014 we learned that our 6 year old Granddaughter, Daphne, had cancer.  It was supposed to be a curable type of brain tumor.  17 months later she was gone.  She was a fighter and to the end always could find a smile.

 

Remember, you don’t always realize what you have until you don’t have it anymore.  

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32 minutes ago, Willow said:

Mother’s Day 2014 we learned that our 6 year old Granddaughter, Daphne, had cancer.  It was supposed to be a curable type of brain tumor.  17 months later she was gone.  She was a fighter and to the end always could find a smile.

 

Remember, you don’t always realize what you have until you don’t have it anymore.  

Willow, I'm so sorry that there is such a painful memory associated with Mother's Day for you.

 

Our 15 year old son has a congenital heart defect, and had had 4 open heart surgeries so far. I've had to resuscitate him once, and my wife and I together another time. After that one, he was on ECMO (bypass) for about 5 days, and even coded on day 2. As horrific as those episodes were, and as close as we came to losing him, I simply can not imagine if we had. When he comes to visit me, he sleeps on a mattress on the floor next to my bed. We hold hands for a while before he falls asleep. Still afraid to leave him alone.

 

As an aside, we lost our beloved German Shepherd on Mother's Day 2004. One-of-a-kind dog. Never cried so hard in my life. My maternal grandfather also passed away on Mother's Day 1962.

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Went with mom to the mother/daughter breakfast and went good.Was welcomed in very well.Met one daughter and said she is one proud mom of a 16 year old transgender daughter.Found her daughter came out a year ago on the estrogen and male hormone blockers.Met this daughter of hers and inspired me

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3 hours ago, Marcie Jensen said:

@KymmieLI am so sorry. No one should be treated as you were. I swear sister, your wife seems to be particularly cruel toward you sometimes. I don't understand why people lash out like that. Especially toward someone they supposedly love. Reducing another person to tears is just plain mean. No other word for it.

 

Consider yourself hugged virtually.

 

I don't know why she does it. but it happens frequently, thanks for the hug.

 

Kymmie

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Good evening everyone

 

yep coffee always, sweet and creamy

just would like to share a text that was on my phone this morning when i got up, from my spouse,

 

( Good morning , happy Sunday , god is great and we are blessed, happy mothers day , love you smile )

 

 i must have faith !!!!  ,,,, love can conquer all

Peace, Love N Hugs to all

       Betty

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Not a very happy Mother's Day here. Parents yelled at each other, Mom was upset and it was just a mess. 

Just... been a really crappy day.

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10 minutes ago, Sol said:

Just... been a really crappy day.

I'm sorry it was a bad one.  Hoping for better tomorrow for you.

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Mom,I was good to her and loved her gift.Two months ago she had to have her dog of 18 years,a Pomeranian put down.I took her to a good dog breeder of this breed,let her pick the right puppy.She loves her Mother's Day gift from me.Has the papers too and the shots needed already done.She loves Pomeranians

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10 hours ago, HollyNG said:

Mom,I was good to her and loved her gift.Two months ago she had to have her dog of 18 years,a Pomeranian put down.I took her to a good dog breeder of this breed,let her pick the right puppy.She loves her Mother's Day gift from me.Has the papers too and the shots needed already done.She loves Pomeranians

Pomeranians are sure cute little rascals! It was good of you to get her a new companion. @HollyNG, you are a kind and thoughtful daughter.

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17 minutes ago, Marcie Jensen said:

Pomeranians are sure cute little rascals! It was good of you to get her a new companion. @HollyNG, you are a kind and thoughtful daughter.

She was ready for a new companion

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Good morning everyone 

 

I really need the Major’s fine elixir this morning.  I can’t seem to wake up.  Interesting Mother’s Day.  I was dressed and outside before my wife.  I got wished happy Mother’s Day twice.  Every time I get a comment reserved for women it is so reassuring.

 

our daughter always works on Mother’s Day as a distraction and doesn’t celebrate the the day.  Surprise, she wished her mother happy Mother’s Day!  Can’t remember when she last did that.

 

Got rather cold and windy last night.  It’s not supposed to be like this in May here.  We have a potential tropical depression sitting off shore pulling cold air south.  Guess it’s that time of year again.

 

forgive me if I fall asleep 

 

hugs

 

Willow

 

 

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Good morning everyone,:coffee:

 

The coffee is better than normal this morning because it was brewed in my own coffee maker.

Being away on a road trip teaching at the DE State Fire School Hazardous Materials Conference.

There was so much to catch up on this morning, and I'm sure I missed some details.

 

Hugs for you all,

 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

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