Good morning All. Coffees on.

[Ticket For Epic]

@CD Rachel  My pleasure!   I'm so glad you appreciated it.  And of course...  Best of luck! 

Much luv

[Vidanjali]

Hi dear friends! Happy Friday to those of you who celebrate Friday, lol. Please forgive me if I already said this, but I've decided to quit my job. I believe I shared that my employer had been giving me the run around regarding disability accommodations. For me, that was the final straw - is it worth it to fight for this job which becomes exponentially more stressful (education in Florida, nuff said)? No. I'm waiting to get paid for something by them, then I'll get the ball rolling on my exit. I do plan to document all the HR shenanigans I've encountered and send an email to the VP of HR, and possibly cc the college President. I'm also considering attaching my lengthy grievance narrative from the official grievance I filed a couple years ago just to give them an idea of what the last few years have been like for me at work. No intention on burning bridges, but it occurred to me that if anything legal-wise comes up later, that it would be helpful to have such documentation. 

 

Since I decided to quit my job, I was flying high on a pink cloud, feeling so happy and creative. Then, I got socked with major anxiety suddenly. It got so bad, I've considered pursuing psychiatric care for the first time in many many years. I think I will pursue this because I want to document the aspect of my ptsd which is related to living with chronic illness because I plan to apply for SSD (Social Security Disability), and the more thorough the documentation, the better. Speaking of which, as an educator with an educator's schedule, all my annual doctor's appointments tend to get scheduled in the summer. I've been looking at my calendar and it seems like I'll be seeing 150 (slight exaggeration) doctors this summer. Related to that, since I've been on the phone so often getting records, labs, prescriptions, appointments, etc., I feel I've been ma'am'ed about a zillion times. Whyeeeeee? (That's a rhetorical question.) it's so gross to me to be called ma'am. I am doing well last few days. Tired, but feeling much less overwhelmed by this huge change in my life. Plus, I have been making more art, and have been getting some more opportunities in that vein. 

 

This week, I came out to my choir director. It just came up organically in conversation. It felt great to tell him. He's very open minded. Last night we had rehearsal. I noticed that he referred specifically to "SA" (sopranos and altos) when he wanted to hear us, whereas before he might have said "ladies"! That made me very happy. 

 

I also came out to a close friend this week. Again, I had not planned on it. She was telling me about some challenges in her relationship with her bf, and I just opened up and told her about challenges I'd been going through with my spouse since realizing I'm neither cis nor het. She was great - totally loving & supportive. I feel a lot closer to her now. 

 

@Ticket For Epic & @Heather Nicole I also suffer from major social anxiety, although amazingly I don't when I write here (although I used to). I think it's a testament to how genuinely supportive and compassionate this community endeavors to be. Ironically, when I disclose to friends irl how hideously anxious I am sometimes, they are amazed bc I "fake" being fine so well (until I have a meltdown, that is). Similarly, from my perspective, you two both seem so sweet, kind & thoughtful. Regardless of how you feel you're being perceived, for what it's worth, that's how I see you. A friend once told me that whenever I find myself fretting over how I've been perceived (did I say something terrible? have I unwittingly hurt someone? do they hate me now?), I should recall my true heart's intention the moment I said or did the thing I'm being hypervigilant about. When I realize my intention in that moment was loving, altruistic, vulnerable, whatever, it gives me a bit of relief - a small reality check - because I do trust in the power of intention. 

 

@Ticket For Epic that meme - to anyone who thinks trans people, especially young trans people (bc that's a growing demographic), are "choosing" trans ID just to be chic or special or something...geez, right? I mean, there are people who crave drama and conflict, and I'm to the point where I am PROUD to be trans, but why would someone "choose" to be trans given all that. To be clear, I'm contesting the incorrect notion that trans is a choice. Lol, there are less expensive and life-disrupting "hobbies" one could adopt! 

 

@Hannah Renee oh no! Is there nothing to be done? I mean seriously, they ought to consider your safety and mental health. Do you think there is someone in administration you could appeal to? I hope so. 

 

@Mmindy all my life ppl have commented on my soft skin. Now, I understand it's due to my (previously undiagnosed) Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (a genetic collagen defect). So now when someone asks me what my secret is, I tell them it's faulty genes, lol! 

[Marcie Jensen]

7 hours ago, Mary said:

You're not missing anything. Years ago I had a Walther PPK 9mm short - the same as 007 had. Terrible ballistics. Even the guy at the gun shop wouldn't buy it off me! 😅

I know. 9mm anemic is a poor caliber. And I carry a different handgun; not a big Walther fan. BUT, there is the "rule of cool" to consider, and Bond has that (for a mysoginist jerk)...🙃

[Marcie Jensen]

2 hours ago, Ticket For Epic said:

 

Also, saw this earlier and had to share.  And no I'm not coming out yet. 

Love this. And, ain't it the truth?

[Mmindy]

1 hour ago, Vidanjali said:

I plan to apply for SSD (Social Security Disability)

Oh my, I hope you're able to find the help and relief you're needing.

 

Hugs,

 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

[Heather Nicole]

6 hours ago, Ticket For Epic said:

 

Ooh, I love this one, too!

 

4 hours ago, Vidanjali said:

Regardless of how you feel you're being perceived, for what it's worth, that's how I see you. A friend once told me that whenever I find myself fretting over how I've been perceived (did I say something terrible? have I unwittingly hurt someone? do they hate me now?), I should recall my true heart's intention the moment I said or did the thing I'm being hypervigilant about. When I realize my intention in that moment was loving, altruistic, vulnerable, whatever, it gives me a bit of relief - a small reality check - because I do trust in the power of intention. 

 

Thanks for saying so! And for the advice!

[Davie]

Way to go, @Vidanjali. I support your choice.

When I quit my last full-time job long ago, it was very scary. But looking back, it was the best thing I ever did. I stood up for myself and left what people said was a secure job. It also was toxic and abusive (not for your reasons) and it took the right few friends to support my change and to work towards a creative direction for my life.

I know you're a fine writer and we have a lot of support here on TgP.

Good luck. Believe in yourself. God's speed.

—  Davie

[miz miranda]

@VidanjaliWhen it comes to employment, follow your inner guidance. You know when it is is time to move on and it can be such a rewarding time when choose to move on.

 

I would get some legal advice about your grievances and how to document them. The HR department is there to protect the organization more so than the employee. A sympathetic HR employee may support you but HR is NOT your advocate. Whether you intend it or not, leaving an organization may burn bridges. That is part of life. You have succeeded in your employment because of your efforts and what you bring much more so than anything the employer provides.

When it comes to jobs, the only thing I regret was not leaving as soon as I knew it was time.

[awkward-yet-sweet]

@Vidanjali  Since you're liberated from your employer, you might take advantage of an opportunity to something free and creative.  I work in design (mostly advertising) and while I work with an agency, I get to be independent.  It feels good to be able to turn down stuff that I don't find interesting.  Do you have musical or artistic skills you could turn into a cool income source? 

[Ticket For Epic]

On 5/25/2022 at 6:03 PM, CD Rachel said:

I wish I could take away the pains, but since I can not, at least let me weep with you my sister.

Thank you so much.   'Sister' was nice to read as well!  It's funny (or probably not) that even curled up on my shower floor, I would not admit to being in pain, just "overwhelmed" Though I guess I just did, lol.

 

And to those who have offered support, advice or just a sympathetic ear that I have not personally thanked or reached out to.  Please forgive what might seem like an apathetic lack of response.  I am and have been a scattered hot mess and I often hop on and off the site when I only have a moment to myself and need a sense of community.  I tell myself I will remember who to respond to when I have the time but with my brain being in a contant state of explosion...  that or my socially broken butt just can't find the words. 

 

Thanks for being awesome, all of you!

 

Much luv

[Astrid]

@Vidanjali --

 

As @Davieand others have mentioned, you're writing abilities are, well, mathematically speaking, in the 99th percentile 🙂.  You not only write with clarity, you write with insight and empathy.  Heck, if you wrote a book on any topic, especially a topic I know little about, I'd buy it, because you have that magic trait of effective communication 📖, which is a hallmark of good educators.

 

Beaming supportive thoughts down to Florida as you make your transition to something as-yet-unknown,

 

Astrid

[Ticket For Epic]

10 hours ago, Vidanjali said:

that meme - to anyone who thinks trans people, especially young trans people (bc that's a growing demographic), are "choosing" trans ID just to be chic or special or something...geez, right? I mean, there are people who crave drama and conflict, and I'm to the point where I am PROUD to be trans, but why would someone "choose" to be trans given all that. To be clear, I'm contesting the incorrect notion that trans is a choice.

I know right!?  If there were such a thing a 'egg' epoxy, I'd buy in bulk! 

[MirandaB]

Good morning! 
 

On a trip to San Francisco, enjoying seeing all the rainbow and even trans flags flying all over-and that’s before a possible visit to the transgender district. And loved seeing the slew of books on trans issues at City Lights books-I finally picked up “Whipping Girl” there. 

[Davie]

15 minutes ago, RhondaS said:

Good morning! 
 

On a trip to San Francisco, enjoying seeing all the rainbow and even trans flags flying all over-and that’s before a possible visit to the transgender district. And loved seeing the slew of books on trans issues at City Lights books-I finally picked up “Whipping Girl” there. 

Good morning, @RhondaS!!! You're in a scene out of my dreams today. San Francisco rainbows, trans flags, and City Lights. Planning to be there again soon. July or August, I think. Say hi to it all . . . and the Pacific Ocean.

(Is Cliff House still there?) 

Hugs y buen viaje,
Davie

[stveee]

13 hours ago, Hannah Renee said:

I just got a call back from local HR. It seems to be the policy of the host company that all access badges require a person's legal name. She has elevated the issue to corporate, but likely won't have an answer until Tuesday.

 

I am thinking maybe it has to do with emergencies, like if you were indisposed because of an injury or unconscious, or ended up in the ER they would want to have everything match up with records, to verify your identity, etc. Something along those lines...

 

 

@CD Rachel

I think it's great you are moving forward coming out. The incongruency for myself the longer it goes on just feels like the sensation of being trapped and too much like the old days. Basically, the only person we are actually "hiding" from is ourselves IMHO.

 

Well my name change got approved yesterday, so as soon as I get the papers it's legal and official... I am Stevie Ophelia!

The the last outing left- work, so I can now start that process. Not even worried about it anymore, how it's all going to play out...there's no sitting still. Either I am moving forward or going backward, and there is no going back for me.

[Mmindy]

16 hours ago, Hannah Renee said:

When I got my ID photo taken yesterday on site, I was told I had to wait until legal name change. I don't know if it's an internal company about face, a policy of the host company, or what. I am going to try to find out what.

Oh my Hannah,

I hope HR is able to help you straighten this out.

 

Hugs

 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

[Mmindy]

57 minutes ago, stveee said:

Well my name change got approved yesterday, so as soon as I get the papers it's legal and official... I am Stevie Ophelia!

The the last outing left- work, so I can now start that process. Not even worried about it anymore, how it's all going to play out...there's no sitting still. Either I am moving forward or going backward, and there is no going back for me.

Yea Stevie! That's great news and a wonderful attitude. Keep moving forward............>

 

Hugs,

 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

[Willow]

Good Saturday morning y’all

 

Well, yesterday was an interesting day.  We met with the lawyer.  I hired him.  Much better narrative than the first on I talked to.  We were about half way home when we get a phone call.  I answered over the car, he asks for my wife so she spoke while I continued driving home. Turns out he wants to deliver our bed!  This wasn’t supposed to be delivered until next week!  So I turn around and we go back and wait.  Very nice person helps as much as he can.  We take about half of it to our storage units which are the next building down come back and get the other half. Now there are two frames as this is a split king.  Each frame weighs 180 pounds!  We managed.  But we are dead today.  Sure hope this isn’t too big for our bedroom.  
 

everything appears to be done on our unit.  Walk through next week and schedule of closing.

 

I was going to take the boat out today but life happened and yesterday changed all our plans.  Besides this weekend is not the best time to be on the ICW. Too many inexperienced boaters charging around.  And even though I am slow, I’m probably twice the size and a lot heavier so I can’t avoid very well.  
 

speaking of life happening, I’m sorry about everyone else’s issues mentioned yesterday,  very unfortunately there were a lot.

 

I finally got my preliminary estrogen level. It’s down 60 points.  That’s not good as far as I’m concerned but I won’t get anything from my endocrinologist until next week.

 

please honor our military hero’s this weekend. All who served to keep our country free and great.  
 

Willow
 

 

[Ivy]

6 minutes ago, Hannah Renee said:

Outing me via policy should not be allowable.

You're right.  But…

Outing is going to happen sooner or later.  Some will do it deliberately, some by accident.  Sometimes we just FU and do it ourselves.

[Ivy]

1 minute ago, Jandi said:

Outing is going to happen sooner or later.

I guess I'm just trying to say we have to be prepared.

[Marcie Jensen]

35 minutes ago, Hannah Renee said:

What really started hitting me about this late last night, as in trying to go to sleep,is this:

 

The first shift supervisor with whom I worked my first two days is the only one who's supposed to know. That's because he has to understand the dynamic of the different names during site in-processing. I've been treated very respectfully, name and pronouns, restrooms, no questions, and no one else knows any differently. What is wrong is that the host company policy, which I'm told may have something to do with building security, compromises my security and my right to choose when and to whom I come out. Outing me via policy should not be allowable.😬

@Hannah Renee, I agree with you completely about being outed by "policy." That seems to me to be an excuse or code for "I don't know." Or worse, "I don't care." I'm glad you've been treated with respect, etc., and hope that continues. The thing that puzzles me though is the question over security concerns. If there is a legitimate security issue here, it almost makes sense. That said, I assume your badge has a photograph on it, which ought to obviate the need for legal names; unless the host company is dealing with federal government classified documents or similar items. Otherwise, the badge should show your preferred name.  I'm sorry you're going through this as it has to be nerve wracking.

[Vidanjali]

Thanks so much, everyone, for the kindness and support regarding me leaving my job. Y'all are truly family to me. 

 

@miz miranda point definitely taken. It's not that I'm seeking the advocacy of HR, but rather taking the opportunity to report in writing some incorrect/illegal things I was told verbally in previous disability accommodations meetings. I don't expect any particular response from them. I appreciate your thoughts. I will look into how to document such things before I exit. I'm acquainted with an employment attorney - perhaps I'll see if she has a moment to offer insight. 

 

@awkward-yet-sweet yes! I am "coming out" as an artist. (I also have musical abilities, but that's more of a hobby than a potential income source.) I have not had the time or space to realize and fully express that part of me. Now, I am experiencing creative energy and feel excited about being able to make things. I actually have some projects going on right now. I've been asked to make portraits of local Black pioneers whom we'll be honoring at a Juneteenth celebration. I'll be showing a few pieces at an art show hosted by the church where I sing. And, I hope to create a couple pieces and have time to get the image printed on stickers to hand out at the Stonewall Pride festival. Thanks for asking about this - I'm very excited! Speaking of which, I found this tee-shirt which I'm thinking of getting for the festival:

 

@Davie & @Astrid thank you so much for highlighting my writing ability. I love to write, and I hope to be able to do more of it - my cognitive functions are pretty burnt out at the moment - I hope as I get more rest that I'll be able to write as fluidly as I have in the past. @Astrid I have written an algebra book, lol, and I recently had lunch with a former-student-friend who told me he never once had to crack open the textbook for calc 1 & 2 because the supplemental packets I wrote were so clear and thorough. I have dreamed of writing either a memoir or some semi-autobiographical fiction - queer stories! I also desire to write advocacy & visibility centric articles - use my teaching skills to endeavor to dispel ignorance & illuminate new perspectives in other aspects of life.

 

@Ticket For Epic aw geez, egg epoxy. "Use in a well ventilated area!"

 

@stveee CONGRATULATIONS! Your name is beautiful. 

 

@RhondaS that is so cool. I started reading "Whipping Girl" I guess over a year ago, but got distracted by work/stress. I found it fascinating, though. Thanks for mentioning it - I'll have time to immerse myself in it soon. 

 

@Hannah Renee I hope you're able to persist to get this issue resolved. You're advocating not just for yourself, but for any other trans employees, and for culture at large. No pressure, lol. I just want you to know I'm sorry this is such a ridiculous hassle, I hope you'll have the energy to see this through & I hope you'll connect with someone in power who sees clearly how inappropriate this policy is. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Ticket For Epic]

Morning all,

I have to drop in on my employer today, so u have to go full on 'boy mode'...sigh.  I don't really present in public but I do little things... a touch of mascara, slightly feminine hair or head piece.   By the way, I don't think men are likely to notice light mascara, but women definitely will!

 

On the bright side, I found this yesterday!

I've been looking for a way to signal to those in the know without outing myself and I think this might be my answer...  Thoughts anyone?

 

[awkward-yet-sweet]

@Vidanjali Awesome!  Glad you already have projects, and celebratory ones at that.  Cute shirt too!  If I was a bit bolder I'd totally wear one ☺️

[Astrid]

8 hours ago, Vidanjali said:

yes! I am "coming out" as an artist.  ...  I love to write, and I hope to be able to do more of it -

 

@Vidanjali--

 

Wait!  You're talented as an artist...and you're certainly a talented writer.  So...I've got a new career direction for you!

Drum roll...ART CRITIC!!

 

(Ducking to avoid the first object near to you that you're throwing at me when you read this 🤪)

 

Have fun as you discern what lies ahead!

 

Astrid