Good morning All. Coffees on.

[Marcie Jensen]

5 minutes ago, SheenaT said:

Just popping in to say hello. Surgery recovery went well. As for the rest just following the status quo. 

I'm SO glad your surgery recovery went well. YAY!

[SheenaT]

1 minute ago, Marcie Jensen said:

I'm SO glad your surgery recovery went well. YAY!

I don't know why but not having a prostate anymore is kind of exciting. It may just be a coincidence but some of my desires/feelings have lessened. I feel a bit more myself. Is that weird?

[Jani]

Best of luck to you both, @KathyLauren & @Mary

[SheenaT]

7 minutes ago, Vanessa Michelle said:

@SheenaTYay! So glad to hear that! 

🤗

[Vidanjali]

On 6/22/2022 at 11:10 AM, Mmindy said:

Good morning everyone,

 

My coffee maker has no filter.

 

Behold, the power of suggestion. This is how I read the first bubble for a second. 😆

 

[Vidanjali]

Today is my Transpulse-iversary! One year ago today, I joined this community. In the last year, my life has drastically changed for the better, and this community has been absolutely pivotal in that. I am happier & more confident, my relationship with my spouse is better and freer than I could have dreamed. I am a more integrated, expressive and genuine individual because of your friendship and support. I love you and appreciate you all more than I am able to express. Bless you all. 

[Davie]

44 minutes ago, Vidanjali said:

Today is my Transpulse-iversary! One year ago today, I joined this community. In the last year, my life has drastically changed for the better, and this community has been absolutely pivotal in that. I am happier & more confident, my relationship with my spouse is better and freer than I could have dreamed. I am a more integrated, expressive and genuine individual because of your friendship and support. I love you and appreciate you all more than I am able to express. Bless you all. 

Hey @Vidanjali Happy Anniversary! Great to hear. In community we find strength.

— Davie

[stveee]

So I was going to sign a contract today and make a significant purchase but ever since around 3 months HRT, my intuition has seemed to be heightened, or I am more aware of it. It happened my last relationship with red flags early on and I didn't listen. Seems only takes me about a day to meditate on something and my gut pretty much knows what decision i will make.

 

So I just kinda felt like i was PMSing or something this morning as I went to check out a school. The admissions woman actually asked me when I started transing during interview which was a plus. Cool, that's out of the way. Affirmed.

But she was really pressuring a fast, hard sell. I got three texts within 2 days about confirming my appt. And I was thinking if she was that concerned about getting my signature, she would at least use proper pronouns and use my preferred name.. I understand not everyone has gender training, but it also made me reappraise if i wanted to commit right now.

So that reminded me of what they say in the 12 step program about avoiding major decisions in the first year of sobriety if you can because your body is going through changes and not to put yourself in an unnecessary crisis. It feels more natural to me to go slow and take my time with things. When things are rushed, it usually has to do with impatience, and impatience is rooted in fear.

The school's possible fear is interest rate hike, costs going up and keeping that cashflow positive.

 

I already feel better now by putting it behind me. So I guess I am not ready for the extra load right now.

There was another thing I was thinking of doing which would be fairly major and permanent and it came down to giving it time and patience. I really feel and see the HRT changes happening. I am holding on to these 12 hour shifts as long as I can then I guess i will decide where to go next if I can't do it anymore. 

[Ivy]

If you're not comfortable with something, there's usually a reason.

[Ticket For Epic]

Hey all, 

 

I hate it when I'm off site for a while, come back and have NO idea what's going on with the y'all.  I hope pride month has been joyous all around.

 

It's been a month on my end.  My girlfriend, who coincidentally is my oldest friend, has come to the conclusion that she is straight, which though disappointing was oddly validating.  It was expected and in no way came as a shock, I have a feeling she couldn't help but see her old friend "dead name" in women's clothes and for a long while couldn't separate the "man" she'd known for almost 20 year from the woman I am...  until she did and I think I know the moment too.  We were talking about past relationships and experiences and she just went on this tangent (a very complementary tangent) about how I'm not like "other guys" and all the ways I'm not like "other guys", rattling off a laundry list differences, emotional availability, openness, communication style,  consent and reaffirming consent...  All the while misgendering me (to be clear, I've never specifically asked her to gender me properly) and there I am in women's clothes,  nail polish and a touch of make-up, just waiting.  Then it happened... she looked up at me, we locked eyes, I cocked my head, she nodded silently and everything changed. 

 

I didn't hear from her for a couple weeks then got a kindly worded "dear jane" text explaining that she isn't gay.  I replied that I knew this was coming, that there were no hard feelings and that when she got things sorted and separated in her head that I'm still in the market for "girlfriends".  She responded that I was right, that she would need time to sort things out.  It's been months now and nothing... ghosted.  I really didn't expect that, I know it's not my transness (is that a word?) As she dated a trans man in her youth and is both progressiveand an ally.  

 

I miss my friend, not only is she my oldest friend, she is the only friend I have in the area.

 

On the bright side, I'm visiting my sister for pride in NYC!  YIPPEE!!!  The one down side is, and I'm quoting her here.  "I'm going to have to ditch you Saturday night for a girls party."  Ouch!  My fault for lying to her but I'm just not ready.  Why do I feel like the most important person to me will be one of the last to know?

 

I'm sure these ramblings belong elsewhere on the forum but I'm not really looking for advice, I just wanted to share.  Besides, I always feel like I'm doing something wrong/bad when I create a new topic.

 

much luv

[Marcie Jensen]

1 hour ago, Jandi said:

If you're not comfortable with something, there's usually a reason.

Too true! Wisdom for the ages there.

[Elizabeth Star]

4 hours ago, Vidanjali said:

Today is my Transpulse-iversary! One year ago today, I joined this community.

Congrats. Another milestone.

 

1 hour ago, Ticket For Epic said:

went on this tangent (a very complementary tangent) about how I'm not like "other guys" and all the ways I'm not like "other guys", rattling off a laundry list differences, emotional availability, openness, communication style,  consent and reaffirming consent...

I can relate. I've had some exes and friends show up in life over the last couple years and they were all like "well, now it all makes sense."

 

1 hour ago, Ticket For Epic said:

It's been months now and nothing... ghosted. 

I've also had a lot of this happen. I can think of five friends off the top of my head but I'm sure there's more.

[Mmindy]

10 hours ago, SheenaT said:

Surgery recovery went well. As for the rest just following the status quo. 

That’s great Sheena, 

 

Listen to your body, as you recover.

 

Hugs,

 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

[Mmindy]

5 hours ago, Vidanjali said:

 

Behold, the power of suggestion. This is how I read the first bubble for a second. 😆

 

😄😂🤣😆😁❤️

[Willow]

Good morning?

I had store brand dark roast, black coffee this morning..  we e had it before.  I need to find our remote controls. I am very limited in my ability to control our devices.  We want to get hooked up to a streaming service but my Apple TV is not able to properly connect without its remote.  Frustrating to say the least.  I also need to get the bottom half of our China hutch over here.  If I do that, the dining area would be pretty close to done.not being able to put away the kitchen is a killer.  I can’t believe how many boxes say kitchen on them.

 

I finally slept all night.  Not sure about my wife, but she is still asleep.  I don’t want to wake her up.  She’s had a few pretty rough nights.

 

I suppose I could find a few things to do in the meantime.  
 

I’ll check back later.

 

Willow

[Vidanjali]

@Elizabeth Star & @Davie thanks!! 

 

@SheenaT glad you're recovering so well. 

 

@Jaycie always beautiful to hear a cheer of euphoria! It boosts us all, I believe. 

 

@Ticket For Epic perhaps your ex needs time to process. Doesn't feel so good, the ghosting - obviously any communication would be preferable. I hope you have super fun at pride! So, your sister will be your companion at pride, but you are not out to her? What is her interest in attending pride? Doesn't it feel like the stakes are soooo much higher when considering telling people you're close to? I've had an easier time mentioning it casually and spontaneously to people I barely know or see. But those who are closer to me? Very few know. Who knows - maybe pride will inspire you. I was struck by your comment that you feel wrong/bad for starting a new thread. In doing so, you assert yourself to some extent. I just want to affirm that you are assertable (a word I made up just for you, lol). We WANT to see you & hear from you; you are worthy, valid & beautiful. 

 

Related to coming out, I was discussing, via text, my top dysphoria with my friend, T, whom I recently came out to. She said she completely understood how it relates to gender ID. I asked, you do??? She said that when I told her I'm trans, she'd actually known that about me for a long time & it was no surprise to her when I told her. She validated how stressful and potentially devastating ordinary things like putting oneself together to leave the house could be. I was like, wow. It's a beautiful thing when someone really sees you. I told her that for years while I was trying my darndest to be a "normal" woman, that I tried to convince myself that all women routinely had complete borderline psychotic meltdowns while fixing their hair or getting dressed, but I didn't really believe it - I always felt like an imposter, alien, monster. I mean, I did have some hideous PMS, but these instances were not necessarily "periodic". Live and learn. Last night, I was telling my husband that these days, I care much much less what others think about the way I look, but that the key to that is increasingly accepting and liking how I look, myself. I'm no longer trying to squeeze myself into a ill-fitting mold. 

 

 

[SheenaT]

20 hours ago, Mmindy said:

That’s great Sheena, 

 

Listen to your body, as you recover.

 

Hugs,

 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

🤗👍

[Willow]

Gooooood eeevenning

 

Well, we got the bottom of the china hutch here and set it up.  Brought over a number of boxes, bathroom things, wife’s clothes, shoes and purses and more kitchen boxes.  I found some remote controls but not all  still haven’t found the Apple TV remote.  Guest room is just missing one item.  Oldest granddaughter has asked to come down the first week of August.  We have some family heirlooms that really need to find new homes.  I have a spinning wheel that has been passed down since the early 1800s.  My wife has a beautiful secretary  that is around 100 years old.  We want to keep both going in the family.  Our daughter has requested the secretary and I’m hoping our oldest granddaughter will want the spinning wheel.  We have other antiques in the 100 year old range that will go to someone someday but not yet.

 

Politically speaking we all could be in for some rough times.  It would seem that the SCOTUS isn’t done with taking away rights and freedom we currently enjoy.  Which ever side you are on the next two elections could be extremely important so be sure to vote.

 

Personally I don’t know when I’ve been so relaxed and happy as I am now.  Living here seems like a long vacation.  And being myself all the time makes it that much better.  Yes I have gotten some pushback but nothing that I think will ruin this.  
 

time to take the dog for a walk.  See you tomorrow.

 

hugs

 

Willow

[Ivy]

2 minutes ago, Willow said:

Personally I don’t know when I’ve been so relaxed and happy as I am now.  

Glad to hear your life is getting settled down a bit.

[Heather Nicole]

8 minutes ago, Willow said:

Personally I don’t know when I’ve been so relaxed and happy as I am now.  Living here seems like a long vacation.

 

You deserve it, especially after all that boat-living time and work you put in!

 

It's so nice to hear about you finally being in the new place! I'm sure the process of moving in is quite a lot of work (it always is), but it sounds like it must be very satisfying for you at this point.

[Elizabeth Star]

I was on the fence about telling my new friend that I'm trans but did it anyway. Turns out she's an allie and supporter which is why she never said or did anything to make me suspect she knew. We're planning to meet up for lunch on Sunday.

 

Today is also my name change anniversary but it's hard to be happy about it considering that other thing that happened today.

 

I'm still chipping away at purse project. I had to, yet again, redesign some parts but now it's just endless hours of printing out and assembling the pieces. As long as my supply of filament holds out I should have it done by next weekend.

[SheenaT]

23 hours ago, Vidanjali said:

@Elizabeth Star & @Davie thanks!! 

 

@SheenaT glad you're recovering so well. 

 

@Jaycie always beautiful to hear a cheer of euphoria! It boosts us all, I believe. 

 

@Ticket For Epic perhaps your ex needs time to process. Doesn't feel so good, the ghosting - obviously any communication would be preferable. I hope you have super fun at pride! So, your sister will be your companion at pride, but you are not out to her? What is her interest in attending pride? Doesn't it feel like the stakes are soooo much higher when considering telling people you're close to? I've had an easier time mentioning it casually and spontaneously to people I barely know or see. But those who are closer to me? Very few know. Who knows - maybe pride will inspire you. I was struck by your comment that you feel wrong/bad for starting a new thread. In doing so, you assert yourself to some extent. I just want to affirm that you are assertable (a word I made up just for you, lol). We WANT to see you & hear from you; you are worthy, valid & beautiful. 

 

Related to coming out, I was discussing, via text, my top dysphoria with my friend, T, whom I recently came out to. She said she completely understood how it relates to gender ID. I asked, you do??? She said that when I told her I'm trans, she'd actually known that about me for a long time & it was no surprise to her when I told her. She validated how stressful and potentially devastating ordinary things like putting oneself together to leave the house could be. I was like, wow. It's a beautiful thing when someone really sees you. I told her that for years while I was trying my darndest to be a "normal" woman, that I tried to convince myself that all women routinely had complete borderline psychotic meltdowns while fixing their hair or getting dressed, but I didn't really believe it - I always felt like an imposter, alien, monster. I mean, I did have some hideous PMS, but these instances were not necessarily "periodic". Live and learn. Last night, I was telling my husband that these days, I care much much less what others think about the way I look, but that the key to that is increasingly accepting and liking how I look, myself. I'm no longer trying to squeeze myself into a ill-fitting mold. 

 

 

Thank you! Just wish it had been GCS.

[Willow]

Hi

 

we took it easy today unpacked some previously moved boxes.  Bought a new coffee maker.  Choice of making a single cup or a pot.  I think that solves some issues we were having with either not enough or too much.  Also bought some pillows and a small teak table for the porch.  
 

it’s a beautiful evening on the porch  just cool enough to be comfortable but warm enough to enjoy.  Tomorrow we will have to bring some more things to the condo. I need to find my big iMac.  We have one more piece for the guest bedroom to bring and a 4 piece wall unit which will divide the dining room from the living room.  I will also use a desk that is part of it.  I do need to find my cords and cables. I brought over our printer but discovered it does no good without the power cord which wasn’t with it.  The number of not found things is becoming annoying.  
 

@SheenaT I still have my prostate but I’ve had two prostate surgeries.  I know they weren’t fun and you have to take it easy for a while to let things heal.  Yes, it’s too bad it’s couldn’t have just been combined with a GCS.  

 

@Hannah Renee whether you Don’t have to be at court or not, I would think it would be in your best interest to be there “just in case”. I’m learning things the hard way about courts and even though my attorney said I didn’t have to be there unless he tells me differently I’m pretty sure I’m going to go to each scheduled hearing.  Until it’s resolved.  
 

have a great evening and a good night.

 

hugs

 

Willow

[Ivy]

24 minutes ago, Willow said:

The number of not found things is becoming annoying.

This describes my life.  Sigh.

[MirandaB]

Good morning!

 

Had my fifth cut and color (I think) since I started the coming out mode, second one at the place I found on strandsfortrans.com.  I kinda thought I'd be getting over the emotional reaction to getting the hair done, but nope.  A few tears again, and a hug from the stylist. Maybe next time it'll be just another hair cut.