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Good morning All. Coffees on.


KymmieL

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15 minutes ago, Hannah Renee said:

Especially having the letters in hand, it's nice to dream about getting it all done - and torture, as well. Maybe I'll win the lottery and get all of us our surgeries, along with home health care nurses for those who need them. (If you're going to dream, dream big.) Maybe I'll go broke playing the lottery. Maybe I'll just take the consolation prize of an orchiectomy, and at least get rid of some of the useless baggage.

 

Every once in a great while (maybe a time or two every few months) I'll go ahead and pick up a couple lottery tickets. Even won a few times...no, not the jackpot of course. About a dollar or two. Just enough to cancel out what I paid for the tickets, lol!

 

But I like the way you think! 😉

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I just wonder what my wife would say if I was the poster girl for the first VA funded GRS. (that wasn't a needed thing) I believe i would be single.

 

Anyhoo, My Friday a day earlier. With the boss on vacation, the other manager is opening the store. Then he has Friday off so I get too open then. Well at least I am working days. Then next week back to closing. I am getting more sure that the boss doesn't like me. (a transwoman) but nothing I can prove.

 

Take care everyone. off to the grind.

 

Kymmie

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9 hours ago, Heather Nicole said:

 

Funny that the topic of genital dysphoria shows up now - it's been on my mind today.  My lower (genital) dysphoria turned out to be somewhat of a repressed one. Repressed dysphorias can be a strange thing to experience. I mean, granted, I always knew I had a fascination with what it would be like to have the other "configuration" down there, and there were also other clues (in retrospect) that it must have bothered me at least subconsciously. But I never had a conscious sense of being bothered by the lower parts I have until my egg cracked. Ever since I realized I was probably trans, I've just been hyper-aware of their existence, like I can always feel them all there down there, hanging like some kind of tumor. (Sorry...like I mentioned, it's been on my mind today...)

 

 

It feels like the further along I go in transition and the more E does its stuff, these things become more pronounced for me.

Like recently, any kind of razor or shaver on my face is REALLY not feeling right and although I disassociated with bottom dysmorphia, it's really becoming uncomfortable even tho there I have no real difficulty tucking. I always felt like my stuff was disconnected from my brain but that must have been a psychological block. Many trans women do not end up getting bottom work and I understand that women can have any parts, but I admit it is triggering to see a trans woman with stock equipment.

There is a question I suppose in the Community whether this is hetero conditioning and getting rid of "binary opression". There seems to be more movement and visibility for NB people than ever before, and I suppose cultural conditioning plays a part in identity. Myself, I am unapologetically binary. The supposed "trappings" of "trad" womanhood are actually liberating for me. 

This is prob. for another thread, but poltically, there is strong pushback against any semblance to the "opressive cis hetero white male" and for me, it feels a bit reactionary and ideological. Authenticity is an entirely personal matter.

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@Mmindy @Willow Thank you both for your kind words! I will try to work hard and remember that you motivated me! 

 

As for morning time, I will be making my coffee soon. 1st day of online classes was chaotic but somewhat average. 2nd day is today so I have most of my week in order now. It's mostly introductory readings and ice-breakers. ❤️ 

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2 hours ago, Willow said:

this one’s for you

Hahaaaa, 😅

 

🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

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Good morning from the other side of the world 😁

 

Time for some ICT-training for the rest of the week. Actually looking forward to it. Getting some well deserved distraction from my inner feelings and conflicts 👏

 

Good night to @Hannah Renee. I suppose you're about to get some sleep 😁. And of course everybody else in the western timezones.

 

Cheers, Helena

 

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Good morning, my coffee is half gone :sad:. I'll get more when I get to work.

 

I had been severely stressing over the nicotine testing for my upcoming surgery. Although, I thew out all my vaping equipment and supplies right after the phone call there always that fear something will go wrong. And, the test takes a week to perform so there's plenty of time to freak out over nothing. Got the official word yesterday, I'm good, my levels are that of a non-smoker now and there's no way I'm ever picking up that habit again.

 

I have a lot going on with my relationships lately. Polyamory seems to be working for me. I am currently in relationships with 6 people. It's interesting how everyone seems to want someone but not all the time and definitely not in their space 24/7. No U-Hauls, no rings. life is good. There is one partner I really wish I could openly talk about. She is so amazing and our thoughts and feeling on things line up quite a bit. Could just sit there on the hood of car, with her head on my should for hours and hours, just enjoying the moment.

 

Ugh!, time to get ready for work.

 

Have a great day everyone❤️

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@Elizabeth Star good job on quitting nicotine :)

IDK if I could date 6 people and be romantically involved with all of them at once, but I am curious about trying to move outside of tradition. I guess it has to do with transparency and openness. I think I am prob. already involved with someone who could be poly but we just haven't defined it as such. Because now I am starting to see another girl and it feels more natural to me just to be open about everything. Because a lot of people the marriage template just didn't work out, and they blame themselves. 

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9 minutes ago, stveee said:

IDK if I could date 6 people and be romantically involved with all of them at once, but I am curious about trying to move outside of tradition.

I think I would like to go in this direction.   I realized awhile back that one could love more than one person at the same time.  But it's really just a thought since I'm not in even one relationship, and can't see any in the future either.  

Oh well…

 

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It would just be nice for 6 people to want to be a true friend. Oh, well the world keeps turning.

 

Finally a day off alone where I am not under pressure to get things unpacked. After a shower, I'm dressing in something comfy and maybe work on getting my hobby desk organized. May work on the custom bags for the bike. May run to the hardware store and pick up some shelving brackets to get some more storage in the garage. Maybe I'll see about picking up a ladder and putting up the new lights for the front/back door and garage.

 

Or maybe I'll just sit and drink coffee al day and veg.

 

Have a great day everyone.

 

Hugs,

Kymmie

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1 hour ago, JJ Orange said:

Coffee: made, Textbook: open, Mind: fried! 
Waiting for Pumpkin Spice to come back already. I need to get my halloween on! 💀🐛👻

Everyday is Halloween in my world!

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1 minute ago, Ryan said:

Been a while since I've been here, but I'm over 2 months on T! 

I just wanted to add, I also got all my legal documents changed! Just a few more things to get updated! 

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5 minutes ago, Ryan said:

just wanted to add, I also got all my legal documents changed! Just a few more things to get updated! 

That sounds good

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41 days till bottom surgery and I am officially freaked out.  Adding to that, I've developed a case of jock itch for the first time in 2 years. How does that work when they flip everything inside into a moist environment? Of all the things to worry about, now I'm concerned I will be constantly fighting that battle.

I saw back a few pages people were concerned about having a support person.  Check with your doctor/care manager/insurance to see if skill cared is an option for your recovery period. They might be able to arrange for a nursing assistant to be there for you for a couple of days.

Liz I don't know how you manage that many people, sounds exhausting but I am glad your life is on your terms now and you seem to be so much happier than a couple years back.  Wow, a couple years! I've been on this site now for a little over 2 years. 

My life goes into official craziness now.  in 30 days I start to isolate to avoid a positive covid test pre-op.  Between now and then I have a 5 day scuba trip, then my final trip to genital electro in Chicago, back home for 6 days then off to see my daughter in FL for a long weekend.  Somewhere in between all this I have to help a couple get their home ready for market and get that listed/sold.  Yup- officially overwhelmed.  I'm hoping I don't have to deal with any work stuff on the scuba trip, I need the break. I am doing something totally cool for this trip and going on a Blackwater Dive. Basically instead of diving on a reef, you go way out to a place with 600-1000 feet of water at night and jump off the boat. They hang some lights and reflectors off the boat for a reference but you hang out around 50 feet down and away from the lights. All the small critters like cephalopods, shrimps, baby fish/octopus and squid all come up from the deep attracted to the moon. I can't wait to see how it goes and hopefully get good macro photos of luminescent creatures!   Every so often, the open ocean sharks show up like blues, threshers, white tips etc.  If I get any good pics I will post some.

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@Bri202041 days, wow, congratulations. You're not going to forget about us afterwards are you?

 

Managing all those people isn't as hard as it might seem. It's not like I see each one of them every day. At the moment there's only 3 that I see with any regularity. The others, it's mostly we text or talk on messenger. It's the idea of having someone else in your life that cares and will listen that can make all the difference in the world. And I do care. They message me, I message back, immediately. Not hours later.

 

I got the official word on Tuesday to stop taking my HRT meds, That includes my Progesterone and sleep aids (no NSAIDs). I really need my Tylenol PM or NyQuil Z. I literally cannot sleep with out them so I'm back on the Ambien. I took that stuff every night for 15 years and was happy to get away from it at the beginning of the year. Thankfully it's only for a couple of weeks.

 

I got pulled into a meeting with the VP at work again. Something about my skirts being too short. It probably because I started wearing then up around my waist instead down at my hips. But, I found out, despite what my supervisory told me, there is no issue or policy with wearing dresses, skirts and open toed shoes.

 

 

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47 minutes ago, Elizabeth Star said:

I got pulled into a meeting with the VP at work again. Something about my skirts being too short. It probably because I started wearing then up around my waist instead down at my hips. But, I found out, despite what my supervisory told me, there is no issue or policy with wearing dresses, skirts and open toed shoes.

 

So they're harassing you in particular? Charming.

 

Sorry to hear about your HRT though, that's going to be miserable in about two weeks. Hopefully you can get back on it soon.

 

As for poly relationships... so long as you're not everybody else's rock. I've got a poly friend who likes to save people. That's great and all, but it makes her a magnet for people that really ought to be working on themselves instead of relying on my friend. I met one of her new girlfriends yesterday and I was not impressed. She can definately do better.

 

10 hours ago, Bri2020 said:

41 days till bottom surgery and I am officially freaked out.  Adding to that, I've developed a case of jock itch for the first time in 2 years. How does that work when they flip everything inside into a moist environment? Of all the things to worry about, now I'm concerned I will be constantly fighting that battle.

 

It will hurt ENTIRELY too much for you to even notice. They're also going to disinfect the heck out of that tissue before they invert. Treat the jock itch though. You don't want an active fungal infection messing up your new gear. We're prone to yeast and bladder infections as it is and dilation is enough of a chore without a yeast infection on top of it. Best advice I got from my surgeon was, "Be in the best shape of your life." You want to be as healthy as possible going in.

 

I also feel like I should make a mushroom collector joke, but I'm much too classy for that.

 

11 hours ago, Ryan said:

I just wanted to add, I also got all my legal documents changed! Just a few more things to get updated! 

 

Congratulations! That's a big milestone! I hope you're loving it as much as I did!

 

Hugs!

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Well got some stuff done yesterday. All three of the lights are up and working great. I was even able to get more of my desk in order. Today I am going to try and find a panel and fuse block for a couple projects. Wish me luck. Will be running up to wally world for some cheap brushes so I can break out the fiberglass and work on the extended bags for the bike.

 

I now know why you see so many woman wearing yoga pants. Wore some yesterday. wow are they comfy. Well check a couple more things and off to my chores.

 

Hugs,

Kymmie

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Good morning 

 

Well, today is turning out to be a good day after all.  My lawyer called yesterday and said I’d been excused from court.  They can’t get ahold of the alleged complainant.  He will apprise me of my next court date or the dismissal which ever occurs.

 

I suppose depending upon how you define it, we all could be poly.  I certainly have multiple close girlfriends.  Some here and others on Facebook but only one in a daily face to face relationship, my wife.

 

@Bri2020 night diving can be very exciting.  You will definitely see critters you don’t see during the day time.  DO NOT shine your light at a barracuda. They are attracted to anything shiny and will come towards the light.  I used to teach diving in a very low visibility quarry.  I’ve done and lead night dives as a a scuba instructor.

 

Willow
 

 

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7 hours ago, Elizabeth Star said:

@Bri202041 days, wow, congratulations. You're not going to forget about us afterwards are you?

 

Managing all those people isn't as hard as it might seem. It's not like I see each one of them every day. At the moment there's only 3 that I see with any regularity. The others, it's mostly we text or talk on messenger. It's the idea of having someone else in your life that cares and will listen that can make all the difference in the world. And I do care. They message me, I message back, immediately. Not hours later.

 

I got the official word on Tuesday to stop taking my HRT meds, That includes my Progesterone and sleep aids (no NSAIDs). I really need my Tylenol PM or NyQuil Z. I literally cannot sleep with out them so I'm back on the Ambien. I took that stuff every night for 15 years and was happy to get away from it at the beginning of the year. Thankfully it's only for a couple of weeks.

 

I got pulled into a meeting with the VP at work again. Something about my skirts being too short. It probably because I started wearing then up around my waist instead down at my hips. But, I found out, despite what my supervisory told me, there is no issue or policy with wearing dresses, skirts and open toed shoes.

 

 

Liz you have to stop your HRT for top surgery? OMG!

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6 hours ago, Willow said:

night diving can be very exciting…  …DO NOT shine your light at a barracuda…

LOL. I first read this as "night driving" - I used to know a girl that drove a barracuda.

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He heard her lock the door, no surprise.  Absolutely clean. The laptop on the corner desk had its cover closed, and there was a thick Excel workbook beside it.  Printer.  Wall calendar with cats.  A sunflower wall decoration.  Love seat. Coffee table that was clear.  A Bible underneath it and some books from high school days: John Powell's Why Am I Afraid to Tell You Who I Am topped one neat pile, and Success with Seasons: How To Look Your Best headed another, with geometric perfection. He could see into the kitchen.  There were a few clean dishes in the dish drainer but the sink was clean. Around the corner, behind the entrance door, was the laundry room and he could see the dress she wore last night hanging there. She had washed it after wearing it once? Wow.   Now she was out: figure-hugging jeans, knee-high boots, a pretty pink top, her hair pulled back with a band. She smiled at him, grabbed a cross-body bag and proclaimed herself ready. "I didn't leave my phone here, either. Let me try something." She went to the computer and logged in, entered a website, entered a number.  "This should GPS my phone but it is dead. Very strange. Like someone stole it." "Do you want to report it missing?" "No. I have a feeling it will turn up tomorrow  Probably in my desk, lower drawer, at the back, the batteries out. I have a co-worker who would think it is funny." "I'm not amused." "Likewise.  Oh. Church. Bible.  She grabbed a worn ESV from a shelf and flashed a smile at Bob that lit up his world from head to toe and said, "Ready." It was a fast food restaurant with a limited menu.  She had ordered quickly last night.  But now she stood and stared at the menu.  Several times she went up to the counter and asked questions, and finally was handed their Nutritional Fact Sheet. It was twenty minutes from the time they entered to when she ordered a side salad, a small cheeseburger (no pickle, no mustard, no ketchup, but BBQ sauce and no onion rings) and iced tea.  He paid for both meals. "Let's say grace." "Okay, now that we are going to be church people, we should."  He did, and they ate. "You are beautiful." "Focus, Bob, focus." He smiled.  "How was your day?" "I love the roses, but don't do it again, please.  The women in my office are terrible." "Okay. Saves me some money." "That's what I love about you." They laughed.  They pulled into the parking lot of Community Church.  It was a friendly crowd dressed as they were and they fit right in. They buried themselves in the middle of a pew towards the back.  The Worship Team cranked up and they could feel the vibrations throughout their bodies.  They went through a number of high-paced songs.  "Uh-oh," Taylor whispered, and gestured.  The offering was being taken by the hostess who got fired the previous night. "Should we leave now?" "I should talk you into Thursday evenings.  We are talking about not backing down.  Not hiding." The ex-hostess prayed over the offering , eyes closed, and opened them.  Somehow she was looking right at Taylor. She stared for a moment, and then said "Brother Mike, time for the Word."   As he came on stage she whispered something to him.  He turned, scanned the crowd until he found Taylor, and stared at her for ten seconds or so. "You sure you don't want to leave?" "I want to crawl under my seat.  But I would not respect myself in the morning." Brother Mike began with a long prayer about sin in the camp.  Society was degenerating. Men were thinking they were women and women men. He had been meaning to address this issue since he had heard about sin coming even to their own city, and now was the Kairos, for the devil was among them tonight. "Now would be a good time to go." "Ssssh." "In the beginning God made them male and female. Amen?" He got a big amen.  Bob and Taylor amen-ed along with the rest of them.  Brother Mike was surprised.  He continued. This was off the cuff.  He went down the same list that Aggie liked to send her, which amused Taylor.  Taylor amen-ed all of them.  "Oooh, now, tonight there will be DELIVERANCE in the house of the Lord!" AMEN "Freedom from bondage in the Name of the LORD!" "Amen!" "You once were slaves, but Christ has set you free!" This continued for some twenty minutes.  Brother Mike wiped the sweat off his forehead with a towel someone gave him. "Any SINNERS tonight who need DELIVERANCE? Come on down!" Bob and Taylor watched as a few people made their way to the front.  Brother Mike looked directly at Bob and Taylor. "There are more tonight for the  harvest of the LORD!" He looked at them again.  People in this section!" That was the front right.  And here!" That was the section they were in.  About twenty people around them responded and went up front. "We have a mighty harvest here tonight! Altar workers, come Fooorwaaard and minister to God's children."  Several older people, clutching Bibles and wearing vests that said ALTAR WORKER on the back, came forward. "Pray for mercy! Oh, sinners do you feel the mercy of God in the House of the Lord tonight!" He looked at Bob and Taylor, now sitting in a large area of otherwise empty seats.  Ahead of them and behind them and on the other side of the main aisle there were a lot more people.  "There are more sinners here tonight. I can feel it. Isn't the grace of God tugging on your heart?" "I like the grace of God tugging on my heart part, but no way am I going down there." "Agreed." After a while no one else came forward.  Brother Mike took one more last look at them and signaled for the Worship Team to come up and do a closing number. "Ready to leave?" "No, I'm not." "What are you waiting for, Taylor?" "I'm not sure.  We might have an interesting conversation." "Here?" "Yes." "I want to hear your definition of an interesting conversation sometime." They sat and watched as those up front diminished in number.  Other people slipped out.  Brother Mike looked at them several times, but he was mainly praying for people. The last worship number ended.  People were still up front praying. "Well that was fun," Taylor said in the Wrangler. "Strike that one off the list of churches to go to."  Someone was running up to them. "Wait a minute!  Y'all are first time visitors?" "Yes, we are."   The guy smiled.  "Here is a complimentary coffee cup for each of you.  Sorry we missed you earlier.  God bless.."  With that he was gone. They looked at the cups. Community Church, Millvale.  Have a Blessed Day. "Something to remember it by." "I don't think I will forget. I wonder what second time visitors get?" "I am so not interested. "   The next day her phone was exactly where she thought it would be.  Something would have to be done, but she was not sure what.  In the meantime her phone and purse would be in the drawer, and the drawer would be locked whenever she was away from her desk.                  
    • KymmieL
      Oh, I can take you to some fun trails, mild to wild. Doing boulders the size of Volkswagen's.  Doing a trail were crossing a lake is part of it. ( my best witches cackle) It would be great for you to stop by for a visit. I'll get you stuck?   @Ashley0616 our Explorer is a 1994 Explorer XLT, 4 in lift, 33's basically build for the trail.   Just waiting on my brake hoses.   Kymmie      
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    • Abigail Genevieve
      Taylor came back from a meeting to find a dozen red roses on her desk. "They're from BOB," Karen tittered.  Nothing indicated that until Taylor pulled out the little note from the envelope.  "I had a wonderful evening.  I beseech the honor of calling you again after work and I would like to eat a quick meal and check out Community Church.  Thank you again.  Later, Bob"   The note had been read and replaced.  Everyone here went to church on Wednesday evening and Sunday morning unless you are a militant atheist, of which there were a few.  But that meant only the fast food places were open.  Taylor had delayed joining a church, so necessary for social standing here, because she had been afraid if she showed up alone. With Bob there was no fear.  There were seven churches in town they would possibly consider: three Baptist, one Catholic, one Presbyterian, one Lutheran and one independent charismatic.  Community Church was the last.  Knowing Bob, she expected he wanted to visit them all before deciding.  She didn't think he went for charismatic theology, but they had not discussed it.  In Roosevelt they had been raised in the loosely Presbyterian Roosevelt Church.  She missed church, which she had not attended since high school, when Bob and she had been in Youth Group together, more fun than anything else. The name of the church told her how to dress, anyway.   She looked at Karen. "I would appreciate it if you would not violate my privacy."   Karen said she was sorry but didn't sound like it. "You must have had a good time in the hay last night." "Leave me alone" "Okay, okay, okay, Miss Sensitivity. Okay. I won't tease you about it." "Thank you."
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Bob was euphoric at first, but the more he thought about, the worse he felt.  He should have been more assertive with the hostess. Or less.  He hadn't talked about that with Taylor; they both had ignored it.  He had pulled her chair out and seated her and acted like a gentleman - what if she didn't like that stuff? Had he been too assertive? Not assertive enough? Maybe he should have asked more questions. Was she just being polite and that last kiss on the hand was a 'farewell, I never want to see you again'?   What if it bothered her that he was only interested in her after her transition?  But he had never seen her as a guy, she had never been much of one, in girl clothes growing up whenever not in school.  It wasn't a transition as much as a coming home to what she always was.  And he was definitely not interested in guys that way. Or in most women, either.  Those he had dated had reminded him of her. He had dated no guys. Never wanted to. The old accusation about their relationship had no merit.   Why had he moved here?  It was for her.  No other possible reason.  He had moved halfway across the country when he had heard she had transitioned.  Was he barking up the wrong tree?  Everything seemed fine; this was a new and improved and better Taylor than he had thought he would find.  He examined his every move and contemplated six ways she probably had hated it.  Probably she never wanted to see him again after this disaster of a first date.  Would she want to go out with him again, be seen with him? There was a risk here.  But he must take it, even if his heart was broken as a result. Was his heart breaking even now? No, but he must be prepared for that.   He could not afford to lose her.  He had to think of the exact right time to call her tomorrow and see when she was available.  If she was available.  Maybe she had four other boyfriends.  She hadn't said anything, and she was so sweet, poised, charming, intelligent, beautiful and lovely in every way that it was entirely possible. He examined every word.  No. Nothing either way. He examined everything.  It was a delight to think about her, to remember her face, and he spent the rest of the evening doing just that. Who were these guys? He knew few people here, but there were some single guys.  He would have to deal with the competition. Get ahead of them.  Who were they? He thought of one guy he knew.  Was he Taylor's type? Did they know each other?  Small town, everyone knew everybody.  How could he win her back?   Probably he had already lost her.  But he would try to call her tomorrow and see what happened.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Taylor leaned against the closed door and listened to Bob's footsteps and then his car drive off. Then she could exhale.   No, he had not come to say he was marrying someone else. She realized she had been very, very afraid of this.  Totally illogical, or that he had moved here and taken her out to tell her he didn't like her.  Or he found someone else. Or he was gay after all, something he was afraid of because he was attracted to her.    Yes, they both had just gone with the assumption they would get married.   They would get married.   They would get married.   The old fire was still there.  It was if there had been no interlude since that summer between high school and college.  At the end of the summer, because she liked him so much, she had decided she was actually gay and had cut her hair and had a disastrous two years in college that way before deciding that was wrong: she was transgender.  Most gay men like men who look like men, not like someone who doesn't. So she started in a trans support group in college, and since it was likely she could not get a job as a newly trans person, she had gotten a job as a guy and that had been miserable until November 1.   They would get married.   He was staying.  He would protect her.  People would see this massive guy never hesitated to protect her and she would be safe.  They both were interested in no one else.  They were a couple.  Automatic date.  Safety.   They would get married.  She had wanted to marry him since junior high but it would never happen.  Could not happen.   They.would.get.married.   Makeup was running down on to her new dress.  Her wings were ruined.  She blotted things up and in a flash, after checking the directions, the dress was in the washer with the proper soaps and additives.  She slipped into shorts and a cami top and opened up her computer.  She shook her head back so her hair was in back of her shoulders.  It was time to respond to Aggie. She found the latest clobber verse Aggie had sent and began, Dear Aggie......
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