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Good morning All. Coffees on.


KymmieL

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8 minutes ago, Marcie Jensen said:

I understand. The same thing happened to me this past year. My E levels went, in order, from 119 to 56 to 51 to 49. Then I got my doctor to up the prescription to 3 patches and add progesterone. That seemed to stabilize me, and I am now at a pretty consistent 149 E level. Keep in mind though that everyone is different, so I would suggest you have an open discussion with your doctor about what's going on and why.

 

I guess some weirdness with E levels isn't so uncommon then. I was really puzzled last time when, after increasing my E dosage (albiet a small increase) and starting on spiro, my E levels went down from about 63 to 47. I'd even been careful to get the blood drawn at the same point within my patch cycle. My doc didn't seem especially concerned either. So after that, I'm up to 2 patches now, but I have little doubt I'll be up to 3 of them next time I go back in, in December.

 

I have an Uncle who wears a blood sugar monitor that's constantly checking his blood sugar level all day and shows him a graph of how it's been fluctuating. It's inconvenient, for sure, but sometimes I can't help wishing I had something like that for estradiol! 😜

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Well I'm kind of excited, a little bit nervous though. I finally managed to find a new potential therapist. She sounds good on paper. I have my first (virtual) meeting with her in...a little less than an hour. I've been looking forward to seeing how this goes, although any time I'm not sure what to expect there can be a bit of anxiety. Fingers crossed...

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@Willow I bet this has happened to you229acf10dc2fe74509e066de485585b0.jpg.8da5b68aa6ebee37dbc092627a1c1622.jpg

 

Well today finally got the screen door on the the back of the house done. Was my half day today, I got it mostly done before the wife got home from work. She is now painting the stairs. In mid 50 degree weather. I already got a thank you, don't think I will get a thank you kiss. Oh, well.

 

Hugs,

Kymmie

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New workplace being good to me,English teacher at a high school.Been there since August and learning about me being a crossdresser fulltime.Includes most of the students

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@KymmieL yes that has happened to me more than once.  But it’s not the only thing.  
 

not feeling much like talking right now.

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Was happy after seeing the lady that does my nails was there at the salon I go to after work.She was going through breast cancer treatments and found out she was cancer free yesterday.Knows me well,I love the blues and reds.Decided on cherry red color.She knows I am a crossdresser and loves working with the transgender people and crossdressers.

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On 10/4/2022 at 10:25 AM, Jani said:

I love that one @Mmindy!  So tasty.

❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🖤🤍🤎💖💝

 

🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

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23 hours ago, Bri2020 said:

Morning coffee in bed isn't quite as relaxing as it use to be #Dilationschedule. 

 

Suggest you commit to never missing a dilation.  Ever. 
I was laid up a couple days from another surgery and unable to dilate. Then when I got back to it, I didn’t use as much effort for depth for a few more days.  (It really was unbearable)

Missed 48hours

+ several days 1/2 effort

= Significant loss.  

V Surgery methods differ, but in my case it is most unforgiving.  
Going to be a lot of work, time, and pain to get it back.  I intend to😊
Enjoy your coffee ladies🌈🌈

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23 hours ago, Marcie Jensen said:

I understand. The same thing happened to me this past year. My E levels went, in order, from 119 to 56 to 51 to 49. Then I got my doctor to up the prescription to 3 patches and add progesterone. That seemed to stabilize me, and I am now at a pretty consistent 149 E level. Keep in mind though that everyone is different, so I would suggest you have an open discussion with your doctor about what's going on and why.

Hugs,

Marcie

Marcie

That is exactly what I plan on doing this coming Monday when I have my appointment 

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@Marcie Jensen @Billie75B my E levels tanked three months ago.  I just did blood work yesterday for new numbers. If they are still in the tank, we will change things but it’s been a fight with my endo and he’s the only one I can go to.  This state likes to make it very difficult for doctors to help transgenders.

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This morning was stressful this morning,A couple kids in my first morning class disrupted class while I was teaching.Started with pulling on a female student's hair and then cussed me out.Both even threw a paper ball at me too.Did send them to the principal and both were suspended,Their moms were not too happy with them.Said they are going to be punished good and grounded

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On 10/5/2022 at 8:38 AM, Bri2020 said:

When I was first transitioning I had to have a hemorrhoid dealt with. Mind you I had been on HRT for like 4 months at that point and had very little development and obviously still had incongruent bottom parts. My medical chart had already been updated to female.  I felt so vulnerable and exposed when they came in addressing me as female and I had to lay on a table naked to have my lower parts closely examined.  One of the worst feelings I experienced while transitioning. (plus, get that thing drained sucked). After my boob job I gained so much comfort and confidence though. I still tried to minimize the genital appearances but even during physical exams and such I no longer felt that vulnerability because I just became more comfortable with the fact that I was transitioning. I also sneaked a peak at my chart one day and noticed that there was a declaration that I was trans female which the healthcare providers could see but the records I saw and non-healthcare providers like lab techs and such would only see female. Knowing that, I didn't have to worry about surprising doctors or nurses.  

The only other time I felt really uncomfortable and vulnerable was when I had to go to a pelvic floor PT to be assessed prior to bottom surgery and she had to stick her finger up inside me and asking me to engage certain pelvic muscles.  I will be having to go back to her soon to help me develop better control of those post op :(

 

@Bri2020Thank you for sharing this with me.  I love what they have on your chart.  Hopefully they'll do the same with me.

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Good morning. I' ve got two roofers at either end of my bedroom right now pounding away over my head where I lie in back pain—while I try to make lemonade out of it. Oh, well. Good to get it over with. I know they work fast so it won't be too long. Loud videos help. Good pain meds, too. I'll be all right—the ceiling hasn't caved in yet. See? Lemonade.

Hope your day is full of lemonade, too!

— Davie

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Glad to have students know about me more.They have been great about me being a fulltime crossdresser.Also have one student like me,she grew up as a boy that liked wearing girl's clothes starting at age 12 and went fulltime at age 14 with both parents being supportive

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Sorry to hear of your situation Davie.  Back trouble is no joke.  I speak from painful experience.

 

Mandy Jo-  I'm surprised that you haven't had trouble being so open in an education environment.  Not that it a bad thing though.  But I doubt that you could get away with it around here.

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29 minutes ago, Ivy said:

Sorry to hear of your situation Davie.  Back trouble is no joke.  I speak from painful experience.

 

Mandy Jo-  I'm surprised that you haven't had trouble being so open in an education environment.  Not that it a bad thing though.  But I doubt that you could get away with it around here.

I started there in August,co workers have been great about it and see me like any normal person

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TGIF, first Friday of the month 

 

Why? Because it’s group day!

 

@Davie is your lemonade naturally sweet, sugar or artificially sweetened?  You seem like yours is always naturally sweet.  (That was a complement in case it didn’t come through 😀)

 

We are getting more used to living in a condo.  Noises coming from above or beside us are becoming less noticeable.  They still happen but now it’s not an immediate negative reaction.

 

Still waiting on test results from both my doctors appointment and my endocrinologist labs.  I got the floor of my dinghy repaired again.  I hope it’s good this time.  Next I need to do some cleaning and reattach some parts on the main portion of it.  Once it is clean and otherwise water ready again, I’m going to repaint it with flexible sealing paint made for inflatable dinghies.  No not a certain advertised on tv product.  This is specifically made for PVC dinghies and recoats the outer layer adding life and UV protection.

 

at least that will give me something to do for a while.  And give me a usable “boat”. 
 

I will have to get a few things for the dinghy but nothing urgent.


Well, Wishing everyone a Good Friday.

 

hugs

 

Willow

 

 

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I have a friend (a sister to all of us) who had to take her some to the hospital today for a blood transfusion.  I do not know why at this time but if you are someone who prays, please keep TJ and his parents Tosh and Chrissy in your prayers.

 

I plan on leading a prayer at our group this evening.  Chrissy is part of that group.

 

Williw

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The daily slog of recovery continues. I haven't had anyone come by the place in almost 2 days except a neighbor who drop off some indian food and only stayed for 10 minutes. It was clear to her I was toast.  Most of my support people aren't around during biz/school hours and by the time the late afternoon comes around I just don't have the energy to be social.  I have had a weird 24 hours.

Last night I was so swollen I seriously didn't want to dilate. Well, better to say I considered not dilating very seriously because of how sore it was already down there and my pain threshold had just about reached its limits.  My daily cycle of dilation leads to more swelling and pain which takes a while to recover from and then I have to repeat but it gets worse with each one as the day goes on.  I delayed the last one last night for 2 hours just to get the emotional strength to get through it.  The only saving grace to the last one is at the end, I just wipe up a little, throw an ice pack on a pass out for the night. 

This morning I woke up after a nightmare, more on that in a minute, and realized the coochy almost felt OK. Mind you, still swollen and full of sutures but the pain was just a trickle in the mind.  I didn't want to move. I knew as soon as I got up, made coffee, went to the toilet, brushed the teeth and got back for coffee in bed things would be inflamed and miserable and I would have to do my dilation.  I literally laid there for an hour refusing to start the process. Wasn't until 9am that I got my first cup of coffee.  

Nightmare:  So I don't remember the details but the gist of it was I was feeling somewhat "aroused" but it felt like and saw myself with an erection and my nightmare involved being confused and thinking my surgery was just a dream and I still had all of my man parts. I awoke crying and quickly turned on the lights and looked under the sheets because it still felt like I was aroused and everything was still there. Of course I was relieved to see that I did indeed have a vaginoplasty.  I think what is happening is a form of ghost pain. The nerves are relatively still intact but put into a different physical form but my brain can't tell the difference so things still feel like they did pre-op.  I'm sure my brain will reconfigure at some point but it is causing almost more dysphoria/emotional distress than when I had the old parts.  

This is going to be a longer and harder recovery than I think I anticipated.  

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Update, TJ is ok.  Further tests by a pediatric hematologist showed it was an iron deficiency.  Thanks for prayers.

 

Willow 

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Thanks @Willow@Mandy Jo @Ivyfor the good cheer.

Tough day in some ways but doing OK and scoring victories. Got Internet back on after roofers cut the cable through, so I'm here! Good to have when sick in bed. Pain not bad now, getting rest.

Great to be here. Hugs all!

— Davie

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3 hours ago, Bri2020 said:

The nerves are relatively still intact but put into a different physical form but my brain can't tell the difference so things still feel like they did pre-op.

 

Yes, that is normal.  It took me a year for my brain to remap the various nerve endings to where they ended up.  Even now, certain sensations are confusing because up can feel like up is down.

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6 hours ago, Bri2020 said:

The daily slog of recovery continues. I haven't had anyone come by the place in almost 2 days except a neighbor who drop off some indian food and only stayed for 10 minutes. It was clear to her I was toast.  Most of my support people aren't around during biz/school hours and by the time the late afternoon comes around I just don't have the energy to be social.  I have had a weird 24 hours.

Last night I was so swollen I seriously didn't want to dilate. Well, better to say I considered not dilating very seriously because of how sore it was already down there and my pain threshold had just about reached its limits.  My daily cycle of dilation leads to more swelling and pain which takes a while to recover from and then I have to repeat but it gets worse with each one as the day goes on.  I delayed the last one last night for 2 hours just to get the emotional strength to get through it.  The only saving grace to the last one is at the end, I just wipe up a little, throw an ice pack on a pass out for the night. 

This morning I woke up after a nightmare, more on that in a minute, and realized the coochy almost felt OK. Mind you, still swollen and full of sutures but the pain was just a trickle in the mind.  I didn't want to move. I knew as soon as I got up, made coffee, went to the toilet, brushed the teeth and got back for coffee in bed things would be inflamed and miserable and I would have to do my dilation.  I literally laid there for an hour refusing to start the process. Wasn't until 9am that I got my first cup of coffee.  

Nightmare:  So I don't remember the details but the gist of it was I was feeling somewhat "aroused" but it felt like and saw myself with an erection and my nightmare involved being confused and thinking my surgery was just a dream and I still had all of my man parts. I awoke crying and quickly turned on the lights and looked under the sheets because it still felt like I was aroused and everything was still there. Of course I was relieved to see that I did indeed have a vaginoplasty.  I think what is happening is a form of ghost pain. The nerves are relatively still intact but put into a different physical form but my brain can't tell the difference so things still feel like they did pre-op.  I'm sure my brain will reconfigure at some point but it is causing almost more dysphoria/emotional distress than when I had the old parts.  

This is going to be a longer and harder recovery than I think I anticipated.  

Oh honey that sounds awful 😞 I’m on the fence about vulvo v vag. I talked to a social worker from Kaiser about it yesterday and said I thought it would be cool to go all the way but at my age not sure if I wanted all the maintenance that comes with it. She put me in for a vag in the letter. Consult won’t be a while so I have time to think about it. I’m pulling for you to come through this experience with flying colors! 
 

one of the questions the SW drilled on was a support system which I currently have. I can’t imagine the distress you must be feeling at this critical time. A tip she mentioned to me to get through it was to remember to breathe into the stomach. Not sure if that related in your case. 
 

you’ve got this! You can do it!

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Found a great hair salon that actually treated me well and did a good job.The stylist that did mine said they get mtf crossdressers and transgender women in and listen which I saw right away

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1 hour ago, Aggie1 said:

I’m on the fence about vulvo v vag. I talked to a social worker from Kaiser about it yesterday and said I thought it would be cool to go all the way but at my age not sure if I wanted all the maintenance that comes with it.

 

I scheduled a couple of sessions with my therapist to talk about exactly that.  After talking about it for a while, she summarized by saying that the only reason for me to get the full vaginoplasty was (1) if my current marriage ended, and (2) if I met and dated another woman, and (3) if she wanted me to have a vagina to play in.  I agreed that that was an accurate summation, and that it was a very long shot.  It wasn't worth the more extensive surgery and the upkeep, just for that very specific long shot. 

 

So I got the vulvoplasty, and I am happy I did.  If that long-shot circumstances ever occurs, I'll have some 'splaining to do.  But then it wouldn't be the first thing I'd have to explain, so no big deal.

 

I'm not suggesting what you should do, just how I resolved the decision, in case it helps you.

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      The tornado called Taylor ripped through Bob's apartment. After a trip to a laundromat, two trips to grocery stores for cleaning supplies and what Taylor opined were Basic Staples, everything was scrubbed within an inch of its life.  A new dish  drainer with a new hand towel and dish cloth were by the side of the scrubbed out sink; motorcycle parts were in a box under the newly made bed.  Floor, shower, toilet, sink had been hit in the bathroom and new towels hung there the way Taylor liked them. "I don't recognize the place/" "So move out." Taylor was sitting on one of the new kitchen chairs.  There were four of them around the little wooden table.  In the middle was a flower arrangement.  Bob had made his last trip to the dumpster.  Not a pizza box remained. A row of card board boxes with books had been replaced by shelves full of neatly arranged books. "Look at this." "I am not going to do this all the time.  You clean your own place from now on. I am bushed." "Many thanks, babe." "No problem, Big Guy." "Hey, I wanted to talk to you about exercise.  Karate in particular."  He pronounced it ka-ra-tay. "I am a second Dan black belt and there is a certain obligation there to teach other people." "Kara-tay? I don't know." "A friend of mine runs a dojo here and needs my help. He talked to me already.  Tuesday and Thursday night and Saturday mornings." "Oh.  So you will be there then." She looked disappointed. "I'm hoping you will be there." "Sounds dangerous.  But I could use the exercise." "And self-defense would be good. It might help." "It might. Huh.  Saturday morning?" "8 AM I need to be there. Classes run until noon. I don't need to be there the whole time." "Is there an intro class or anything?" "Yes. 10 to 11." "How about if I try that."  She was not very enthusiastic.  Punches and kicks and stuff.   Saturday morning they arrived together.  She wanted to watch the Green Belt class that met then just to see what she was in for. Sensei Mark came to the front of the room, before the big American and Japanese flags. Between them was a picture.  "I am honored to introduce to you Sensei Bob.  He is a second Dan black belt.  He has actually beaten me in tournaments.  I have known him through tournaments.  You will listen to him as you listen to me.   Sensei Bob, take the class. The two sensei bowed to each other.  Sensei Bob pointed out that Sensei Mark had beaten him, as well. Taylor was sort of standing against the back wall, scrunched up, a mouse in her crisp new beltless gi.  Her t-shirt was off white underneath it and she was hoping no one would notice. "I am Sensei Mark. You are Taylor." "Yes, sensei!" she stood at attention and shouted it. He laughed.  "This is not Cobra Kai and we are not in a Karate Kind movie.  You do that here only between bows.  Bob tells me you are a complete beginner." "That is an understatement." "Here, let me fix your gi."  She had it on a little incorrectly.  She drew back. "What's the matter?" "I am pretty touchy." "Okay.  Untie the straps in front and tie them the other way, like mine." "I don't have a belt." "There. That is right. You will get a belt after three months and passing tests on kata, kumite and karate knowledge." "I don't know what that is." "And we touch a lot here.  Not romantically. You see how Sensei Bob is going around and adjusting people's stances and arm locations." "Yes, I see that." No enthusiasm. "You are Sensei Bob's girl, right?" "Yes.  What is important to him is important to me, so here I am."  He wished her well and told her to go see Margie, who handled registration at the little table. "Hi, I heard about you." Margie began. "What does that mean?" "It means we treat everyone here with respect.  That was the wrong way to start." "I'll say. Try again." "Good morning. How can I help you?" "I want to register for the beginner class." "You are Taylor, right?" "Right." "Sensei Bob paid for your lesson today." He would. She gave name, address, age, height, weight, and they came to gender. Margie asked it twice. "Put down female." "The only other choice is male." "Then that is it." "Earlier I was thinking about tournaments, which are big here. The rules are that boys fight boys and girls fight girls - there are Men's and Women's Divisions.  I know you look like a woman, but they go by the birth certificate." This was awkward.  Really awkward.  Down at the other end of the room they were moving in unison when Bob said HAI!, turning, punching, kicking, etc. "I don't plan to go to tournaments.  One step at a time, shall we?" "Okay.  And I meant it when I said respect.  We bow to each other.  You will see. As a sign of honoring other people." Margie bowed slightly, sitting down.  Taylor returned the bow and smiled. The class moved into sparring, breaking into twos and practicing moves against each other.  Bob was moving among the pairs, adjusting positions of hands, hips, feet.  Taylor was unsure about someone touching her like that, her hips particularly.    The green belt class ended as new students came in for the beginners' class. Down at the other end the brown belt class began.  The room was large enough you could do two classes at the same time.   The other beginners, nervous, lined up at Margie's table.  People got into gis, the men in their big area and only woman in the little restroom that was for them.   Sensei Mark greeted them and showed them where to stand: on the little x's on the floor. He explained the School Code.  They would recite it at the beginning of class and they needed to memorize it for the white belt test, at which time they would, of course, receive a white belt. He explained some terms.    They warmed up with some basic, easy stretches.   They learned a kata called Taikyoku Shodan, involving blocks, punches and some movements. This was not bad.   She was now paired off with Judy.  Things were going well and this was not too bad. Judy was sixty years old and had been told to exercise by her doctor.  Taylor said her boyfriend was teaching the other class, which was impressive, and he wanted her involved.   "You remember the gedan barai - downward block?"  They did. Everyone showed him and he went around and made sure everyone had it down. "And the lunge punch?"  They did. "Now we are going to put them together. One of you will punch and the other block it. Okay?"   Taylor squared off against Judy.  Her heart was pounding.  She practiced her gedan barai as Judy practiced her lower lunge punch.  Then they faced each other. "Okay, first partner, lunge punch.  Second partner, lower block.  Slowly.  Go!" Taylor saw the punch coming at her, but instead of blocking it her eyes welled up with tears and she dropped to the floor, weeping uncontrollably. "Oh God, Oh, God, Oh God, make it stop, make it stop" she shouted to parties unseen. Fetal position, rocking back and forth. Crying hysterically. "I didn't go near her," Judy said, bewildered. "Taylor?"  this was Sensei Bob.  Both classes had stopped and were looking at her. She kept crying. "I am here, "Bob told her, not touching.  "Oh Bob you need a wife who can be a real woman to you. I am making you into a monk or something." And she continued crying at full volume. "You need someone better than me, someone who can give you kids." Everyone could hear this.  They were turning away, trying to pretend they could not hear this. "I need to get her out of here and take her." Bob said, and he and Mark bowed to each other. He scooped her up and she bawled into his shoulder.  She clung to him.  First hug ever. Death grip, more like it. "Judy, would you get her things?" "I did nothing," Judy said, and moved towards the restroom, stunned.  "Nothing." "I know what she was wearing," Margie said, and got them. "I've got a gym bag. It 's red and it says Roosters on it. Can you get it? Mark got it.  He accompanied them to the car.  Taylor was non-stop crying deeply, clinging to him for dear life. Mark unlocked the car and together they managed to pry Taylor off of him, even though it took both of them to do it.  She was in the car seat and they managed to buckle her in it. "I am going to take you to your apartment," he said. "No. Emergency room," she said. "Maybe the psych ward."  He didn't doubt it. She calmed down in a few minutes on the way. "Well, that was embarrassing." "Everyone remembers their first day of karate class." "Bob, what I love about you is your sense of humor." "I love everything about you." "Even this?" "Yes. Even this." She managed to walk into the ER.  They were both still in gis. "Karate accident?" "No. I am Taylor and I am a nut. I wear a gi all the time. I make my boyfriend wear one, too." "She had a triggered event.  She's had some difficult times." "I see. Do you you know are bleeding?" "No."  Her crotch was wet with blood and the blood was seeping down both legs. She was wheeled away. "Sir, please wait here." He did.  He had no legal right to see her right now. After a while a nurse came out and said he could come on  back. There she was in a hospital gown.  "Seems like old times." "yeah.  We gotta stop meeting like this." The nurse buzzed around and left them. "They are running tests." "I bet they are." "I got an MRI. On a Saturday morning, too."  First ever. "You rate.  But why?" "They figure some of the old scar tissue - you know, from the- from the past - ripped open and they need to see what is going on." "We know what is going on,"said a doctor, stepping in. He looked at her. 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    • April Marie
      These arrived in yesterday's mail. I'm out working in the yard today so just old clothes. I'm looking forward to wearing this t-shirt dress when the weather warms up a bit more.  
    • missyjo
      Ashley I've known busty girls who wore b nice bras tl work n such then like a sift sports bra to lounge or sleep in hugs
    • missyjo
      your nails b hair came wonderful  congratulations  enjoy
    • Willow
      The one thing about this position, if you want more hours just wait and be flexible.  I’m now working until 7:30 pm instead of 4:30.  
    • Ashley0616
      I hope your head cold goes away soon! Sorry you have to cut grass with that.   Love the new t-shirt   I love that one.    What Jeep would you want to get? That is awesome about your wife getting better!
    • Ashley0616
      Welcome Mattie! I would recommend the first step is finding a gender therapist and see if you are or aren't. Then one of the biggest steps if you are do you want to start hormone replacement therapy. The decision should be thought long and hard. There are irreversible effects. Looking forward to your next post! Take care!
    • Ashley0616
      Congratulations on being able to pick up a cancellation! I hope to hear more updates about your transition. 
    • Ashley0616
    • Ashley0616
      Getting a dog maybe next month
    • Ashley0616
      Spending time with my kids and eventually will be adopting a dog next month. 
    • KymmieL
      Well every girl needs a play toy. I just happen to have 7 of them.   My hoses finally came in. have the passenger front installed. Now trying to figure out how to do the drivers side when the tire is still on and there is no room to do it.  I'll figure sumthin out.  I is smrt.   Well have the wife home with me. She wound up falling back asleep after turning her alarm off. I woke her up at 6:20. She is due to work at 6. She decided to just call in.       MaeBe that is what this thread was started for. A chat place to share our days and thoughts for the day.   Hugs   Kymmie
    • Ashley0616
      simplicity:  : the state of being simple, uncomplicated, or uncompounded : lack of subtlety or penetration : INNOCENCE, NAIVETÉ : FOLLY, SILLINESS : freedom from pretense or guile : CANDOR : directness of expression : CLARITY : restraint in ornamentation : AUSTERITY
    • MaeBe
      @Willow, it's great to hear about your wife's progress! It's also fun to hear about day-to-day stuff, like work. It's nice to think of this thread as a kind of morning chit chat place to go, like if we had a big table at The Daily Grind and were just listening and sharing over our morning brews.
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