Good morning All. Coffees on.

[Mandy Jo]

My true parents told me they see me like a daughter to this day.Since they adopted me when I was 13,they seen something missing in my life and I found it when I was 18 finally.First thing I saw was I always had feminine legs like a genetic female.Even when I first transformed into Mandy Jo for the first time

[Sarah Victoria]

Hi Marcie,

 

Sadly it appears they have certain viewpoints and making it clear they want to distance themselves from you.

 

Like i have had to do, let them go and move on with your life, existing and new friends as i believe keep giong back to them will just add further to your unhappyness.

 

My best wishes and hug to you

Sarah x

[Becoming Diana]

I just got back from a family wedding.  I'm still on a high as I've just had one of the best days of my life! Last year I went to a family wedding in a man's suit and I was miserable.  I vowed I would never do that again.  This year I went in a dress.  And I felt fabulous!  The dress is full length and green and black.  I got so much love and support from most of the family.  The notable exceptions were the wife's aunt and uncle who were barely civil to me and pretty much avoided me.  Their faces made it clear what they thought of me.  That wasn't going to spoil my day though.

From the moment we arrived at the hotel I felt comfortable and relaxed.  The party afterwards was lively and fun and the wine flowed freely.  Even going to the ladies bathroom was a good experience.  There were several women in there and none of them made me feel I didn't belong in there.  A couple of them even smiled at me.  Using the ladies room has always been something I try to avoid if I can as I've heard so many stories of hostility to trans women.  

I had considered taking the 'safe' option and wearing a pant suit instead but I'm so glad I opted to wear the dress.  All in all it was a fabulous day!

[Willow]

The Chapel Hill-Durham area is much more accepting of LGBTQ than some other areas.  I started my journey with Planned Parenthood in Chapel Hill while visiting my daughter.

 

I was reading that Duke was also working with transgender teens. So both teens and adults are covered there.

@Marcie Jensen I think about the only chance for an explanation of their distancing you would be an innocent question something like “is there something new going on in your lives?” Or something like that.  If the answer is something like no everything is the same, I’d say you have your answer.  I wouldn’t be surprised if any non-commital response would be followed up with no, why? So be prepared.  My opinion not being there and not knowing your friends is that they don’t want to be the ones to end your relationship but they aren’t comfortable with it for some reason.  Sorry, just one opinion that may just be 100% wrong.

 

@Becoming Diana how great that was for you.  I guess it’s inevitable someone won’t be accepting but I try to just ignore them.  But who am I to say.  I allowed someone I didn’t know and will never ever see again to cause me to have a complete breakdown and stop everything about my transition for a couple of months last year, just by staring at me.  When I came out of it (with help) I picked right back up where I’d left off.

 

beautiful Sunday.  We went to the beach for a walk.  Got takeout chicken on the way home and ate that poolside.

 

Willow

 

 

 

[KathyLauren]

4 hours ago, Marcie Jensen said:

1. Let the whole thing pass and that I am overreacting.

2. Confront them about this, and likely lose their friendship. Something I'm reluctant to do as we've known each other for over years.

3. Just drop them like a live grenade and accept it. and the hurt that goes along with that.

 

You are not overreacting.  I think the friendship is already lost.  What you have is acquaintances that barely tolerate you.

 

I think, if it were me, I would talk to them one last time, to explain why I was about to drop them like a live grenade.

[KymmieL]

@Marcie Jensen I don't think you are wrong in your dealing with the waiter. Do your friends know he is gay. or just assumed. 

Your "friends" seem like a couple of friends I had. One was way before I had any idea I was a female. He would call and we would talk for hours. Then all of the sudden he stopped. I have emailed and even snail mailed him. Nothing. If anything I just want to know what happened to our friendship. After I had my realization my wife told me that he actually hated me. That I don't believe.

 

@willow, I don't think that my wife would go for that excuse, as it deals with HRT.

 

Kymmie

 

 

[Sarah Victoria]

Lovely words of advice Hannah.....

[CD Rachel]

13 hours ago, Betty_B said:

an online co, called Plume was an idea given to  me ,, so much to consider and ponder ,, any thoughts are welcome ,,

 

@Betty_B I have been using Plume for a year now. I would say that I am mostly happy with the service. If there are any questions that you have that you think I may know please private message me and we can talk about my experience with them.

 

I would be happy to help you in any way that I can.

 

~Rachel

 

[Mandy Jo]

Get to see a therapist tommorrow after work.Wife notice signs I am having anxiety issues.Been having things from my past,how my bio parents treated me before I was removed at age 13

[Maddee]

1 hour ago, Mandy Jo said:

Get to see a therapist tommorrow after work.Wife notice signs I am having anxiety issues.Been having things from my past,how my bio parents treated me before I was removed at age 13

Good luck tomorrow.

May your anxiety and it’s entrapment be lifted during  the session,✌️

[Aggie1]

8 hours ago, Marcie Jensen said:

I started thinking about some things that have been happening for a couple of years now. These include, but aren't limited to I'm no longer welcome in their house and they have declined every invitation I've extended to them to come over to mine. We used to spend lots of time together, so this has struck me as odd.

@Marcie Jenseni think you know the answer. Maybe not the exact reason but I think you have some intuition regarding it. I’ve been through similar situations. Sometimes a person grows into a new circle and their old circle is no longer compatible with it. Pretty crappy reason I know. Sometimes friends turn into acquaintances over time. Or vice versa. Depending on common interests. I changed schools as a kid a few times snd moved a few times in my life, and friends have passed into memory over time. Friendship can sometimes have a shelf life based on circumstances. 
 

Friendship can’t be one sided though. It has to be mutual. 

 

The only advice i can offer is to grow a new circle of friends. 

[Marcie Jensen]

Thank you everyone. Especially @Ivy, @Hannah Renee, @Willow, @KathyLauren, @KymmieL, @Katie23 and @Aggie1(I hope I didn't forget anyone). Your advice and words of support are greatly appreciated. You've given me a lot to think about, and TBH, I'm leaning toward letting them go and moving on, but giving them an explanation first. That seems to be the closest to being the "right" thing to do. Again, I appreciate everyone and everything. It helps. 

 

And, in a different area, @Betty_B, like @CD Rachel, I've been with Plume for about two years and my experience has been pretty good overall. My provider has always been cautious with not over prescribing, which is better than the other way 'round I think. Overall, I would recommend them to anyone.  Keep in mind that Plume does not operate in all 50 states, so be sure to check their location map before subscribing to their services.

[stveee]

9 hours ago, Marcie Jensen said:

 

 

:ater, I started thinking about some things that have been happening for a couple of years now. These include, but aren't limited to I'm no longer welcome in their house and they have declined every invitation I've extended to them to come over to mine. We used to spend lots of time together, so this has struck me as odd. Additionally, Kim, the male half, and I would get together for coffee a couple of times a week for coffee before he had to go to work--he works from home so he had no commute of fixed time schedule. This is now down to once a month with a duration of one hour. They have imposed time and day restrictions when I can text (I'm not allowed to call them per their wishes.) I'm the only one who initiates contact with them and it sometimes takes days for them to respond. And there have been other incidents as well.

 

Bottom line is that I believe I've become their token "trans friend," in a way similar to my late parents' used the phrases "This is XXX, my black friend," and "Meet XXX, my Jewish friend." I've got to admit this makes me angry. SO, it looks like I've got limited options here and I don't know which way to go. These options are, as I see it:

1. Let the whole thing pass and that I am overreacting.

2. Confront them about this, and likely lose their friendship. Something I'm reluctant to do as we've known each other for over years.

3. Just drop them like a live grenade and accept it. and the hurt that goes along with that.

 

So, I'm stuck. Each option isn't particularly good, but I don't see any onthers.

 

ANy advice?

I have found myself in sort of the same emotional situation and after about a week of stuffing it, decided living authentically also means being honest with myself and others because in the end it's more of a burden to carry living in fear of the consequences of losing friends (also "friends") than to just put it out there, right or wrong.

It very well is the possibility it's a problem of perception, too. But generally I am apt to be forthcoming about what's going on with me, *provided* I am also open minded about the possibility I could be off in my judgment, owning my feelings without blaming them. So we start of with "I feel..." and not You did this and You did that because this will immediately put them on the defensive.

Ultimately, I think it's a more courageous thing to make yourself vulnerable and explaining you are feeling distanced and are concerned about the future of the relationship, but also this is under the assumption that most people give very much thought about anything other than their primary relations under their own roof.

Keep meditating on it and talking about it if you have other friends to bounce it off with. Sometimes it just takes time. Try to see past the initial temporary hurt to the bigger picture.

Sometimes we want to fix things quickly instead of sitting awhile with our feelings and discover what underlying stuff they are trying to tell us.

But generally, eventually the decision will at a point seem unavoidable, like the decision makes itself. There is also an aspect of faith, too, that no matter what, I was going to Be Okay which goes back to the foundation of my own journey.

[Mandy Jo]

2 hours ago, Maddee said:

Good luck tomorrow.

May your anxiety and it’s entrapment be lifted during  the session,✌️

I believe it was after I was diagnosed with pituritaty dwarfism at age 7.They did not accept it putting me through a lot.Luckily my real mom understands,she has dwarfism too.I also have a loving and supportive wife that is normal height as well.

[rachel w]

8 hours ago, Marcie Jensen said:

Thank you everyone. Especially @Ivy, @Hannah Renee, @Willow, @KathyLauren, @KymmieL, @Katie23 and @Aggie1(I hope I didn't forget anyone). Your advice and words of support are greatly appreciated. You've given me a lot to think about, and TBH, I'm leaning toward letting them go and moving on, but giving them an explanation first. That seems to be the closest to being the "right" thing to do. Again, I appreciate everyone and everything. It helps. 

 

And, in a different area, @Betty_B, like @CD Rachel, I've been with Plume for about two years and my experience has been pretty good overall. My provider has always been cautious with not over prescribing, which is better than the other way 'round I think. Overall, I would recommend them to anyone.  Keep in mind that Plume does not operate in all 50 states, so be sure to check their location map before subscribing to their services.

this happened to me with My sisters, 3 of them, Hang in there it still bothers me with my sisters it what it is, just sad 

[MirandaB]

Good morning,

 

Did a hike with a local LGBT group, the group was almost all cis Ls, one other T. We introduced ourselves and gave our pronouns, all of us were "She/her"! There was a small reaction to that *yay*, then about half an hour later I got misgendered! What the heck?

[Willow]

Happy Native Americans day.

 

well we all called this day Columbus Day, but I think there is sufficient proof that Columbus was not the first European to find this continent.  There is a lot of evidence that the Vikings were here long before Columbus.  And Columbus wasn’t all that friendly to the original inhabitants bringing disease, and trained military with weapons the natives had never seen.  Taking their treasures and bringing slavery.  No, I spite of all the Columbus history believed to be true for several hundred years, I truly believe he had reason to know that this land was here and that he wasn’t finding something new.

 

well I’m pretty sure I have fixed the floor of the dinghy providing it holds up with added weight on it. That remains to be seen.  Next I need to get the main flotation part of the dinghy out of my car and start sealing that.  Once all leaks are sealed it will be time to consider coating the entire dinghy with a coat of dinghy paint. That will preserve the pvc and fill in areas where the outer layer of pvc is gone.

 

I mad3 a pot of coffee today instead of my usual single cup.  I’m enjoying that.  We went to the beach yesterday to walk and see Ian’s damage.  The pier where we went was closed but that was to replace boards not whole sections.  The next pier south could be seen, it was mostly gone.  The next pier north looked open and intact.

 

We didn’t go but the local group, T-Time was having their fall picnic at the park where we went.  Since I know the leader I went over and said hi.  The attendees weren’t expected yet she and three others were just setting up.

 

nothing else going on, just a quiet day.

 

Hugs

Willow

[Bri2020]

On 10/8/2022 at 11:45 PM, Aggie1 said:

I’m still getting “knowing” looks from people when I’m out walking, but it’s not an unpleasant feeling

You look great. I think the if you got your eyebrows shaped by a threader or waxing person that would make a difference. Other than that your face is looking more feminine than some posts posts from 6 months go or so!  Your lips and cheek structures are beautiful!

 

[Bri2020]

So much important stuff happening here in the last 36 hours or so.  @Marcie JensenI think you have received great advice. Personally I would message them with your concerns only if you think the relationship is salvageable and worth it. To me, it boils down to "limiting access" to their lives. I would say something like, "hey guys, we've been great friends for so many years and gone through a lot together but I have noticed a change since transitioning, specifically you imposing limits on my acess to you all as evidence by not being invited over anymore, not accepting invites to my place, no longer meeting for coffee and imposing time and date limits on when I can call or text.  This seems incongruent with our established relationship. Since you have not confided in anything else that might explain this, my assumption is that you all are no longer comfortable being my friend. I regret this, but if that's so, I do wish you all a happy life. I welcome a response if I am misinterpreting, but none needed if I am on target."  

 

I'm having a slight regression in my recovery. I didn't think I have doing much. Most of my time in med or on the couch but I do have to get up to doing simple things like make meals and get various things to take care of oe entertain myself.  That said, I popped a few stitches and have some dehiscence of the suture lines at the bottom of the vagina. My Dr read me the riot act for either bending (sitting) to much /being up and about and active too much. Told me to keep myself horizontal the majority of the time.  I had sent him a pic of the situation and he says things should be less swollen by now which lead him to the conclusion I am not resting enough. It does appear that the swelling hasn't gone down much at all since I was in the hospital.  

I have to admit this has crashed me emotionally. While I do have people stopping by once or twice a day, I am alone and get restless and lonely.  The idea of waiting until people get here just have someone bring me stuff from the fridge or another room is very hard for me.  

This has retriggered my issues with being alone after my break up last year. 😭

 

[Ivy]

Bri- Sorry you are having issues with your surgery.  I can see where it would be hard to go through recovery while living alone.

Don't get discouraged.  

[Mandy Jo]

Seen the therapist this afternoon,I have anxiety and it is a good start on this diagnosis.A couple students in my class said I am one cool teacher. They have been learning well about my pituritary dwarfism and learned they watched I Am Shauna Rae whom also has this

[KymmieL]

@Bri2020 The message that you posted for Marcie is great. We should all keep a copy of that for use at a later time.

 

Sorry that you are having some set backs in your healing. I prey that everything gets back on track.

 

Hugs,

Kymmie

[Willow]

Good morning 

 

coffee is starting to cool, but it was good none the less.

 

we will be going away later this week so I may miss a couple of days.  We are going to Virginia to see our youngest granddaughter perform at her high school.  She is the Captain of the rifle squad.  On the way there we are going to stop to see a friend whom I haven’t seen in a while. I met her at the Myrtle Beach group and she introduced me to the Wilmington group where I go now when I go.  I can’t always get there.

 

There are other friends I wouldn’t mind seeing but there isn’t time for that.  It’s just a quick up and back, with only this one extra stop.

 

@Bri2020 I hope everything gets straightened out and you get healed up.  
 

take care, I’ll check back later

 

Willow

 

 

 

[Aggie1]

On 10/10/2022 at 9:06 AM, Bri2020 said:

You look great. I think the if you got your eyebrows shaped by a threader or waxing person that would make a difference. Other than that your face is looking more feminine than some posts posts from 6 months go or so!  Your lips and cheek structures are beautiful!

 

(*blushing*) thanks so much!

 

I’m definitely a work in progress. I’m working on retraining the facial muscles especially around the mouth. I googled pouting and apparently there are exercises you can do to make it look more natural.  Did you know that models use a trick during photography shoots-they say the word “blue” under their breath to position the lips just right. Who knew!

 

The eyebrows have always bothered me. I do get them waxed every couple of months. I’m overdue for sure. I wish there was a way to make them less prominent.

 

now as to your predicament young lady! Listen to the doctor! Let’s not drop any more stitches shall we!?

[Mmindy]

Good morning everyone, 

I hope you have a great day, and are able to see the positive energy in your life. You are worthy, valued, and loved. 
 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋💖