Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Good morning All. Coffees on.


KymmieL

Recommended Posts

2 hours ago, KymmieL said:

 

Still trying to decided about my transitioning at work. Being it is a male dominated business. Only good thing is that the company has my back. they have anti discrimination policies. I do intend on using them if and when the time comes. I'll discuss it with my therapist tomorrow.

It’s highly possible I’m misunderstanding things but it sounds like work may be the place where you can openly be Kymmie. 

Link to comment
  • Replies 23k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • Willow

    1973

  • KymmieL

    1613

  • Mmindy

    1317

  • Ivy

    1148

Top Posters In This Topic

Posted Images

You did it TransPulse...you helped me out big time!

 

Ok, this is kind of trivial, but it means something to me.  I haven't been getting my work done because I'm so obsessed with my personal transition, and the payload of information available now that I have time to look. 

 

I'm making this record, which is pretty cool, right?  But it's work, and I get stuck sometimes.  Like this good piece of music I have ready for words but...no ideas.

 

So I put on my striped dress, sat down to check the forum, and after reading some really inspiring stories about good experiences coming out, Boom...the song is done.

 

I've never worked as "Ann" before, and since I"m working alone right now, I've begun to.  It might seem silly, but it's awkward.  I've had to keep the two separate for so long, it's like integrating multiple personalities...but it is happening.

 

Anyway, the song wont be all finished and mixed for some time, so I figured, after all that, I would at least give you a shot of Ann recording a track inspired you.

?
 

20201015_011034.jpg

Link to comment
1 hour ago, Ann W said:

a track inspired you

Inspired by you that is to say.

 

In other news...I found out today that HRT is relatively easy for me to get where I live.  (gulp!)

Link to comment

@Ann W: Not sure where the "trivial" part is, but that all sounds fantastic!

 

And I have to say, from every pic I've seen you post, you just have the best wardrobe!!! I'm envious! Even without HRT, you look so amazing in so many things! Here I am, I only have one skirt, one feminine top that feels great but just emphasises my overweightness and physical masculinity, one dress that hasn't even arrived yet, and not a single  nice feminine shoe or sandal to speak of!

 

You are rocking it, girl! And without HRT???!? Whaaaat???

 

So glad for you!!!

 

Also: Is that a VR headset in the pic? Or just a face blank-out that happens to look like a VR headset to me?

Link to comment

Heather, thank you for saying that.  It feels so good to hear it.  I'm as scared as anyone.  Obviously, I'm more comfortable showing my body than my face (that's just a shadow from a pop filter), but I still can't believe how forthcoming I'm being with words and pictures.  I would never dream of taking photos of myself as a "her", let alone putting them online where the whole world can see them...that is, until I met you people.  This forum has really put me at ease.  I'm practicing coming out on you folks.  I guess it's easier to come out to a planet of strangers than a handful of loved ones and locals.

 

And the clothes?  I really wanted to say something after your earlier post.  One skirt, one top, and a scrunchie?  It's a start, but honey, you and I both need find a way to make some shopping money.  I had nothing a few months ago.  But the girl inside got tired of me wearing the same dull junk I had declined into enduring.  I kind of got on a shopping roll before the work dried up.  I tossed out everything I had about ten years ago (another story), so I had to start from scratch.  So far, this time I probably haven't spent more than $200 on everything I have now.  That's shoes, jewelry,  lingerie, everything.  It's mostly from Goodwill, ebay, and Walmart.  One thing I do have is what I learned from everything in that footlocker that went bye bye.  I"m realizing lately that it took years of hit and miss thrift shopping to develop the eye I have now.  I shop pretty quickly now once I get going.  That striped dress was $6.99 and I got 25% off.  Seems my bra is always showing, but it's super comfy and the stripes make me look curvier than I am.

 

I guess my point is, it's a really good time to buy inexpensive clothes, new and used, so I hope you can get some more stuff to feel good in.  The malls are jammed with heavily discounted clothes from being shut down.  I find the face mask and a hat give me some extra courage, and nobody cares anyway.  Especially at thrift stores. No matter how nervous I get, they just don't seem to care...at least they never say anything.  No matter your body type, you'll find some things you really like and some that just never work...then you know better.

 

I'm drifting into the fashion topic...but I am drinking coffee right now.  Gooood morning!☕

?

 

Link to comment

I had my session with my therapist last night. I you remember the director had decided the practice would no longer give GD diagnosis's due to the fear, of the possible loss, of transgender rights in the future. At this point I don't have much to lose so I cornered my therapist a little bit on the topic. I know it wasn't his decision but I wanted answers.

 

What were they going to do if the current political control stays the same? How would anyone find out?, are they going to put it up on a billboard? What am I supposed to do?, I'm past the point of no return, I can't ever use a men's locker room again. Should I just hid myself away from the world? I also mentioned that it felt a little like gate-keeping. I went on for good 20 minutes. I know he is supportive and wants to help. In the end he stated he going ask his director some of my questions and get me answers.

 

Seriously, I'm in the middle of transition. I'm being blocked from going forward and will never go back. I can always find a therapist if I need to. I just don't want to.

 

@Ann WThere is nothing trivial about letting your true self shine.

 

Have a good day everyone.

 

 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Good morning 

 

Some good conversation here .  Yes I’ve spend some money for clothes, wigs and others things.  I try to buy really deep discounted, final sale, or similar things.  I have a couple of church worthy dresses.  Some casual things and some jewelry.  
 

I think “coming out” is something we all worry about.  But once you’ve done it once without a problem it becomes easier each time.  I’m beginning to not care about being seen.  It’s more for my wife that I don’t just go full time.  She is still embarrassed and doesn’t want people to think she’s a lesbian.  I get that so we behave as two friends when out in public. And she doing pretty good and calling me Willow in public too.

 

Have a great day and a great weekend.

 

Hugs

 

Willow

Link to comment

@Ann W I work from home personally, and I have integrated Amber into my persona while working from home. It is a very liberating feeling. I also agree that coming out on the forum is a great place to get started, as this is where I went from questioning to coming out and starting HRT. This is the place to build confidence in who you truly are before going out into the wild world and saying this is who I am.

 

@Willow I am glad that you and your wife at least can be out and act like friends when you are your true self. It might take some time, she might come to accept the relationship is what it is,and embrace it, but only time will tell what will happen.

 

Had therapy yesterday, and we talked mostly about how I have been feeling calmer since starting HRT. I am anxious about dressing going out, but then there is a part of me that is accepting I am who I am. I am still feeling kind of tired, but that could just be the drop in T. I too have been doing nothing but bargain shopping clearance sections in the stores to build up my wardrobe, so it will come @Heather Nicole. I also have some body confidence issues, it is going to take some real effort I think to resolve them and also time.

 

Well it might be time to get me a second cup of coffee now, have a great day :)

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

@QuestioningAmber I'm glad for the calming effect already - that is a very good sign. Watch the tiredness - if it becomes a fatique issue check with your provider to assure dosage. I'm proud of all the progress you've made and you are moving pretty fast so be content with not wanting to move too fast - something I am guilty of and learning how to slow down now that I'm seeing more and more results physically and internally. This is not a quick process and even the feelings and enjoy being with your wife and she will certainly help you with clothes and such because it sounds like you have a very solid foundation with her and that is amazingly important.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

@Ann W You look great, love your outfit!  So you're working as Ann; I can see that would alter your mindset.  Have fun and enjoy the mood you're in.   Looks like a cool studio!!

 

Jani

Link to comment
4 hours ago, Willow said:

I think “coming out” is something we all worry about.  But once you’ve done it once without a problem it becomes easier each time.  I’m beginning to not care about being seen.

This is true.

The first time was really hard.  After nobody tried to kill me, the next time was easier.  Most people don't seem to really care.

 I do find that women are more friendly than the men tho.  Sometimes they'll compliment me on nail color, or clothing/necklace.

I do admit that I don't go places that might be problematic.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Liz, that is so sweet of her to do that.

 

Day all Just got done with a session with my Therapist. She gave me a lot to think about.

 

One big is can I continue to live in two worlds Being a male while feeling female. Is keeping this a secret from my family. Worth my mental anguish. Is it fair to my wife, letting her believe that maybe I have stopped.  Is my lie getting out of hand?

 

Is this hurting me emotionally, you bet it is. deeply. My thought steam is at warp 9.975. Almost heading to a complete warp core meltdown.

 

I need the courage to talk to my wife about this. but I am such a chicken sh&*&t little girl. Is it wrong to wish death on someone, to help ones self?

 

Kymmie

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
1 hour ago, KymmieL said:

Is this hurting me emotionally, you bet it is. deeply. My thought steam is at warp 9.975. Almost heading to a complete warp core meltdown.

 

Then you definitely need to jettison the core before it explodes and destroys the ship. Then send out a message on subspace and call for a tow. I have no earthly idea how this fits into your metaphor. Oh wait, yes I do. It sounds like, as Captain of your personal starship, you need to decide if it's time to take action or see if your engineer can limp her along just a little longer until a new option presents itself. Probably with technobabble.

 

I can't make the decision for you, but I know which option is better storytelling. Do you want to be the bold captain that makes the call and saves his crew or do you want to wait for the author to bail you out?

 

2 hours ago, ElizabethStar said:

I got my first piece of trans-swag today. A coworker’s daughter made it for me. 

 

I adore that and your coworker's daughter. They're both lovely people.

 

Hugs!

Link to comment

Morning- er afternoon!! 

 

I just wanted to remind everyone that you have survived 100% of all your bad days!!!! So stay strong >:DD

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
1 hour ago, Aidan5 said:

Morning- er afternoon!! 

 

I just wanted to remind everyone that you have survived 100% of all your bad days!!!! So stay strong >:DD

 

You don't know that. Any number of us could be ghosts in the machine. Spider Goddess knows I'm pale enough.

 

Hugs!

Link to comment
1 hour ago, Jackie C. said:

 

You don't know that. Any number of us could be ghosts in the machine. Spider Goddess knows I'm pale enough.

 

Hugs!

 

If you are a ghost, then I am a fish! Haha, someone que the ghostbusters theme

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

@KymmieLyou state the problem and what you said suggests you know the solution.  But you don’t seem to want to follow the path.

 

I’m sorry I am being hard here but you know what to do, take off your little girl pants and grow up.  What is the worst thing that could happen?  Are you going to be killed?  Are you going to be yelled at?  Probably you will be yelled at.  And lots of crying and stomping and maybe even leaving but without communication you can’t move forward or backwards, you just can’t move.  Your core is stalled.  I know, I was there too.  One thing my therapist taught me was I had to stand up for myself and how to communicate.  Like you I didn’t stand up for myself or needs.  We’d have an argument and I’d just clam up.

 

Today, my wife and I have gone through a lot of talking and crying and work.  But we’ve made a lot of progress.  It’s taken a long time but it’s working and it can work for you too.

 

Willow

Link to comment
7 hours ago, Aidan5 said:

Morning- er afternoon!! 

 

I just wanted to remind everyone that you have survived 100% of all your bad days!!!! So stay strong >:DD

Truth!

 

9 hours ago, ElizabethStar said:

I got my first piece of trans-swag today. A coworker’s daughter made it for me. 

 

Awww, I bet that brought a tear to your eye. I love it and the gesture.

8 hours ago, KymmieL said:

Liz, that is so sweet of her to do that.

 

Day all Just got done with a session with my Therapist. She gave me a lot to think about.

 

One big is can I continue to live in two worlds Being a male while feeling female. Is keeping this a secret from my family. Worth my mental anguish. Is it fair to my wife, letting her believe that maybe I have stopped.  Is my lie getting out of hand?

 

Is this hurting me emotionally, you bet it is. deeply. My thought steam is at warp 9.975. Almost heading to a complete warp core meltdown.

 

I need the courage to talk to my wife about this. but I am such a chicken sh&*&t little girl. Is it wrong to wish death on someone, to help ones self?

 

Kymmie

I'm kinda with Willow on this. You know what ultimately needs to happen. You just have to figure out how to get the courage to do it. The double life, lies etc are toxic for you. It's not going to resolve itself. 

Link to comment

Well I couldn't wait for morning coffee to post and here I am awake after 11pm because I had some evening coffee at a wedding I attended in full female mode tonight. It was my first social event as Bri.  It was a small affair, maybe 30 people. Everyone was super nice and I had a great time with the other ladies (and my wife) out on the dance floor.  It was such a great time. I felt totally natural and comfortable. I didn't even kill myself dancing in pumps! The only challenge was it was out doors in the foothills of the blue ridge mountains and it was COLD. They had some heaters out and a fire pit but with my limited wardrobe choices I was not nearly dressed enough. I guess I need a fashionable formal coat ;) 

 

It got me thinking how fast things have gone for me. I only figured out I was trans back in July and three months later I'm living full time and on HRT.  What's next year going to look like?

 

PS: of course I developed areola sensitivity from the HRT the day I needed to use an adhesive bra. lol. I'm excited I've felt the first physical change, not so excited by the pain and timing. ;) 

Link to comment

Evening everyone, too late or coffee.

 

I finally got to go out on a service call as Liz today. I wasn't sure how they felt about sending me out on service calls for obvious reasons. Even in my transitional state they still respect and treat me as one of their top senior techs. Besides, it was nice to get away from the phones for while. I was know for never wearing my ID before but proudly wore it today with my name Elizabeth ....... displayed for all to see.

Link to comment
2 hours ago, ElizabethStar said:

I was know for never wearing my ID before but proudly wore it today with my name Elizabeth ....... displayed for all to see

 That's a very nice image to imagine!  And an uplifting day to bouy your spirits (and ours). 

 

Thanks for sharing jt!

 

Astrid 

Link to comment
20 hours ago, Ann W said:

Obviously, I'm more comfortable showing my body than my face (that's just a shadow from a pop filter), but I still can't believe how forthcoming I'm being with words and pictures.  I would never dream of taking photos of myself as a "her", let alone putting them online where the whole world can see them...that is, until I met you people.  This forum has really put me at ease.  I'm practicing coming out on you folks.  I guess it's easier to come out to a planet of strangers than a handful of loved ones and locals.

 

I feel the same way. :)

 

20 hours ago, Ann W said:

And the clothes?  I really wanted to say something after your earlier post.  One skirt, one top, and a scrunchie?  It's a start, but honey, you and I both need find a way to make some shopping money.

 

Amen to that!

 

20 hours ago, Ann W said:

So far, this time I probably haven't spent more than $200 on everything I have now.  That's shoes, jewelry,  lingerie, everything.  It's mostly from Goodwill, ebay, and Walmart.

 

Impressive! Goodwill and Walmart probably wouldn't be much help for me, I'm a pretty big girl: I have a hard time finding clothes that fit in the men's section of most physical stores! But I've learned from the people here that ebay is magical for finding large sizes at amazing prices. The shipping times from china can be agonizing, though!

 

 

Link to comment

Wow, a double whammy of inspiration tonight.  Both of your stories make me happy...and a little nervous.  Weddings always sparked my longing to be in the other line...it's like a dream come true.

Love the name badge thing too.  You both are easing the fears of others.

?

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   8 Members, 0 Anonymous, 127 Guests (See full list)

    • awkward-yet-sweet
    • Ashley0616
    • Lorelei
    • missyjo
    • Ivy
    • April Marie
    • MaeBe
    • KathyLauren
  • Recently Browsing   1 member

    • Ivy

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.5k
    • Total Posts
      767.2k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      11,940
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Raelyn
    Newest Member
    Raelyn
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. **Angela Charlotte **
      **Angela Charlotte **
    2. Carlie
      Carlie
      (63 years old)
    3. Cbxshawn
      Cbxshawn
      (49 years old)
    4. HannahO
      HannahO
      (31 years old)
    5. JustKatie
      JustKatie
      (40 years old)
  • Posts

    • missyjo
      I hope this is not stupid question..I have yet to start n not sure if doc will approve..but once you start growing buds n such, can you still wear forms to get to the size you were?   I'm a dad, so when I start blossoms they will be smaller for a long time n probably need surgical augmented..that's fine. I don't want to go ddd to aa to ddd..   any ideas?   thank you
    • missyjo
      April sounds fun..I keep some boy jeans to visit mom in..fir now   hugs
    • Ivy
      I like them too.  We had them growing up.  But my father's family were Swedes.
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Oh my!  I guess it just goes to show how different tastes can be. Since we don't live near the ocean, Seafood is a rare luxury. We absolutely love pickled herring! Especially my husband and my GF, I guess it's a Ferman/Russian cultural thing.  But most of the kids like it too, and a jar wouldn't last in the pantry for long 😆
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      I think the key to that is just not minding eating the same thing repeatedly. Since we produce a lot of our own food here, we end up eating what is in season at the moment. So, when the yellow squash is ripening, we end up fixing squash 20 different ways. When the strawberries are ready, we eat lots of strawberries. It's kind of a different mindset to eat in season when it has become such a part of American culture but the grocery store has everything we want all the time. Like grapes in December.  My family does even things out a little bit by having a greenhouse so we have some fresh things in the winter, but it's not a 100% fix.
    • KathyLauren
      My brothers and I had to eat what was on the plate.  All of it, and nothing else.  Pickiness was not tolerated.  Some of our least favourite were liver and onions, sauerkraut, and especially rollmops (pickled herring).  We finally protested enough to persuade our mother not to serve rollmops, though she kept a jar in the pantry for years afterwards, as a threat if we didn't behave.
    • Carolyn Marie
      I'll go first.  My favorite team is the Yankees.  Loved them since I was a kid.  I was born in NYC so, yeah.  I know everyone loves to hate them, and that's OK.  I just love baseball in general.  It's a game of traditions, strategy, power, grace and skill.   Play Ball!!  ⚾   Carolyn Marie
    • Ashley0616
      I guess you do have a good point. It's just hard to try and not have the same meals over and over again. 
    • Willow
      Hi   I’ll weigh in on being picky about food.  Yes, and I was brought up that way.  We didn’t have to eat everything our parents ate.  They had a number of things they ate that they figured we wouldn’t eat, an acquired taste things or one or the other didn’t like them too.   even as an adult there are many things I won’t eat.  In my defense, there are different things my wife won’t eat.   the weird thing is that after being in E, my tastes have changed.  Sweet, sour, salty or bland, if I eat or drink too much of any one thing and I have to counter act it.   Willow
    • Ashley0616
      I have shared my doses and levels a lot and no one has said anything. Yeah I put alarms on my phone to make sure I don't miss a dose. I tend to forget a lot of stuff on what needs to be done. I have been also using the calendar on my phone a lot. I missed an appointment because I didn't put it in my calendar. 
    • Ashley0616
      Feeling better than I did yesterday
    • MaeBe
      It's official. My doctor wants me retested after the last results (too high). The test, that she scheduled, was likely too close to the dose. She did tell me to keep the increased dose instead of reverting to my old one, probably because my "too high" wasn't that high. I don't know what the forum's stance is on results, knowing full well the rules against sharing dosage, so I'll keep those under wraps until I know if it's OK to share those. Less to say, it was over the range she feels comfortable with by about 50%, but taken a day earlier than the midpoint value she was expecting. Grains of salt everywhere!   Of course I messed everything up too, missing my dose for the first time, yesterday. I had to re-reschedule the lab I setup yesterday to Monday from Saturday after taking my shot this morning to avoid the same issue with the testing. I woke up and thought, "Thursday, what do I have to do for work today? OH -crap-, IT'S THURSDAY! I missed my shot yesterday!"   Anyhoo. Question for the ladies: does anyone else get a mild zen-like high after their shots/doses? My brain feels lighter and I'm happier and I feel a lot more girlie this morning. 💃
    • MaeBe
      I'm into my fourth month of HRT and just titrated up in dosage after my last checkup. This is my life. 🤭   I have yet to grow out of my B cup bras, but I have noticed more fullness, having started with gynecomastia. I am seeing less gapping in bras with my right breast, which has always been smaller than my left. My areolae are slightly pronounced/projected now, that are larger but not vastly greater in circumference, and I have noticed little to no nipple changes beyond their painful sensitivity.
    • Ashley0616
      @Ivy that is a great point! Great post!
    • Ashley0616
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...