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KymmieL

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Good morning 

 

sitting here drinking my coffee.

 

Today is Transgender Day of  Remembrance .  There are local events and on line events all over.  If you can join one.  They tend to be at 6pm.  They are in honor of all our brothers and sisters who died or were killed just because.

 

Willow

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Good morning all. Had my first therapy session yesterday, went to bed with a clear head, woke up early this morning with a smile on my face for the first time in a long time, maybe ever. If that’s not confirmation of being on the right path, not sure what would be. 
 

Special thanks to all you ladies on here. Your posts have been amazing and help so much. 
 

I hope everyone has a great day. 

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Thank you Willow.  I actually have had trouble attending TGDRs as i start crying and simply can't stop.  I received a text message yesterday from an unknown # inviting me to one in our small town tonight.  I may go as so few of us are here    (that i know of) and i feel i should support the effort.  I must admit that due to the present climate of hate i made sure that the text was valid.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

 

 

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@godonohue I’m glad your therapy session helped you so much.  Keep going, you will learn all kinds of things about yourself.  I’m glad you find us helpful that’s the whole point here.

 

@Charlize I’m happy for you having a place to go to be with others. I will be following an online gathering.  The closest such gathering I have been asked to go to is 4 hours away each way.  I can’t do that right now.  And I don’t want to get too close to others I can’t risk Covid-19.

 

on a personal note, gave myself my second DEP shot this morning.  I do believe it has has already started helping (from the first shot of course)

 

My wife talked to me last night about church.  She wants to start going again and is willing to let me be me as we go together.  Quite a change from two weeks ago when she said she didn’t see that she could ever go back because of me.  With her assent I started going 6 week’s or so ago.  This is all very difficult for her but I am doing my best to not push anything.

 

Have a great day 

 

Willow

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Trans remembrance day being I don't have any trans (or other)friends outside of this forum. I will pray for those lost to violence. Even former friends who are still around.

 

Up even earlier than normal. excited about my appointment today. MMMMMaybe? So got up showered then hopped on the board to see what is going on with my friends here.

Well, I still think my wife doesn't like the idea that I am transgender. We were watching an episode of CSI:New York. Where a trans performer was killed. (Your a guy and you kissed me now I kill you.) But my wife was really quite. almost a disgust of the show. I was sitting kinda behind her. So I didn't see her face but the rest of her body language spoke volumes.  

 

Hope to have good news later I will sure post up about my appointment.

 

Have a great day everyone.

 

Kymmie

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QuestioningAmber

Good Morning,

 

Just finished my first cup of coffee for the morning, probably will be a two cup kind of day at this rate. I know it's been a little bit since I posted on this thread but I haven't been feeling great over the last few weeks. I am trying to follow my therapist's advice and not do mood driven behavior of self isolating. Things have been okay at work, just not much going on for me, and other things seem to be lining up. I feel like I have made a lot of progress, but have hit a plateau so to speak regarding transition, waiting for the physical changes to get started, and also coming out socially and at work. So I am kind of just sitting here waiting for time to pass for things to kind of happen in the background I guess.

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ElizabethStar

@Willow looks like we’re on the same schedule. I just did my second shot this morning too. It’s so much easier than those sublingual pills. 

 

I don’t have any trans friends either except you marvelous people. Oddly enough, I have friends with trans friends but I’ve never met any of them. 
 

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@QuestioningAmberI am proud of you and you are brave to understand and face your demons. I understand the want of physical changes and I am a few months ahead of you on HRT and a much older body - but I am finally seeing the effects of HRT physically and although it feels wonderful - my therapist and the recent Dr. Z PHD Gender specialist YouTube mentioned to me this week - what we have is a condition that will always be with us but HRT will help A LOT but we need to learn how to accept and live with the condition. Recognition is a major step towards that goal. I seek full transition but I know that I'll never be physically what I would love and I know having had the condition 68 years - like my Aspberger step-son - he knows what it is and it will never go away - but he can live with it, embrace it, accept it and move ahead with his life. You have made amazing strides, I am extremely proud of you, I applaud you for working through the past few weeks and I'm proud to have you as a little sister>

HUGS,

Heather Shay

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QuestioningAmber

@Shay It isn't all about taking pills to magically change anything, I just have reached that plateau in the aspect that I am waiting to come out socially and at work also so I have the confidence to do so. I am not ready to start coming out socially because that would mean coming out at work since the two are closely intertwined based on my social network. I have accepted that I am trans, and feel like I have made peace with it. I know it came as a shock to my family, but they have for the most part accepted me, though I haven't really seen that yet because I simply have seen them in general.

 

A decent portion of what is going on kind of feels like it might be my lack of feeling connected with people. I don't feel like my Zoom support groups are cutting it because I don't feel like the connection for whatever reason. I am trying to figure out how much of it is mental (I can control) and how much is chemical (something I can't control). I don't feel connected to a lot of people right now in my life, and the pandemic is kind of showing those who are actual friends and who are friends of convenience.

 

Here I go rambling again ...

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@QuestioningAmber - thank you for clarifying - I tend to be introverted - although I love playing in bands and do so as much as I can. But I also love to go in my recording studio and create - so the socializing part hasn't affected me that much. I can understand the need and desire to want to add the social transition - I do to - being in Mount Vernon (60 minutes from you) there are so many redneck types I'm afraid to dress any more than very conservative female so I don't get beat to a pulp. I was never brave enough and probably still wouldn't be to come out at work although I'm sure glad to see times changing and much acceptance. I think in about 10-20 years no one will even think twice about transitioning at work but sadly you are still in the cusp of non-acceptance. I retired from that work world that brought me an enormous amount of daily pain because I wasn't like the normal worker and couldn't relate to them nor they me - and I wasn't really part of the male or female groups. 

I am glad you voice your concerns and release some of those feelings with us but all in all I see someone who has a great head on her shoulders and is definitely equipped to weather the personal interior and external storms.

 

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Since I came out not a single problem at work. Not even a question about it. I think by now everyone is aware of it. Not even anything from my boss.  Feels good. I still have the fear though. 

 

Kymmie

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@godonohue I'm not a lady, but I am so glad you found that peace with yourself and felt the rightness of your path anyway. I can relate to that after my first therapy session too, and it has made such a difference ever since (not that it's that long).

 

@Willow Congrats on the progress of your shots! I don't know if I'm imagining it, but your posts feel more lighthearted. Great your wife is increasingly supportive too.

 

@QuestioningAmber Ramble as much as you want and then some. We are here to listen to you and I, for one, am learning from you too

 

@KymmieL That's so great to hear! Glad for you and it gives me hope

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ElizabethStar

@KymmieLso glad to hear work has been good to you. I still have some fear myself that something will go South with my job. I’ll worry about it when it happens  I’m too busy living right now. 

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@Gabriel Thanks yes I am trying to be more lighthearted in most of my posts.  We all have enough negative to deal with so some attempt at pick-me-up is past due.

 

Things are going better for me right now.  I’m trying to bolster some of those that brought me back from some pretty bad depression in early September as they are experiencing some depression now.  Holidays and darkness tend to make it worse.  I know historically no matter what, Christmas has always brought on severe depression for me.  I’m hoping it will be better this year.
 

Trumps ridiculous claims about the election results are laughable.  I think he needs to seek mental health.  lol 
 

Biden’s letters to the transgender population are refreshing.  Perhaps we will finally get some recognition and help.

 

I hope if you were able, you celebrated TDOR in some manner.

 

I moved my boat today so I can take care of some maintenance items more easily and enjoy a boat ride tomorrow.  I’m not expecting enough wind to raise the sails, but who knows.

 

Hugs

 

Willow

 

 

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6 hours ago, ElizabethStar said:

I’m too busy living right now. 

And, So you should.

 

Well just got done with my appointment. It went good. The Dr. is going to talk to a hematologist to see what we need to do with my blood clot issues. He thinks when I took some unsupervised estrogen the dosing may have been high causing the clots. So doing my happy girl dance again.:groupwavereversed: HRT maybe coming soon to a body near you. LOL.

 

Hugs

Kymmie

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ElizabethStar

I know it's kind of trivial but I had a dentist appointment today. They asked me if I had a physical changes or changes in medications. It's been over a year so yeah. I giggled when the hygienist asked. I listed all my meds. Three of the 4 are transition related. So as she doing her thing she starts talking to me about how woman's hormones can cause dental issues especially during pregnancy or shark week. Of course she had he hand in my mouth so I couldn't really respond to anything. When I had a free moment I told her I going by Elizabeth. She asked if Beth would be OK, explained I prefer Liz and she went back to work. I'm gonna say over the next 10 minutes (can't tell time when someone digging in your mouth with a light in your eyes) she went on and on about how much better it is now for the trans community than was years back. she was very supportive. When she was done and filling out her paperwork she made it a point to ask for a proper spelling of my name.

 

PART 2:

A few minutes later my dentist came in and immediately addressed me as Elizabeth. No questions, no comments, just affirmed who I am. He did his thing a little poking and prodding. He did make it a point though (Might be of interest) that I should, due to hormone changes, start getting cleanings ever 4 months for a while until things even out.

 

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ElizabethStar
1 hour ago, KymmieL said:

HRT maybe coming soon to a body near you. LOL.

😁OMG that's awesome.

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1 hour ago, ElizabethStar said:

I know it's kind of trivial but I had a dentist appointment today.

That’s not trivial at all, @ElizabethStar. Those are the moments I cherish and will hopefully always remember. In a society that is just now starting to come around, it’s still a wonderful thing to be accepted. Talking openly about being trans with anyone in the general population is something that didn’t happen much back in the day. I’m happy that you had that experience at your dentist appointment.

 

Susan R🌷

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2 hours ago, ElizabethStar said:

A few minutes later my dentist came in and immediately addressed me as Elizabeth. No questions, no comments, just affirmed who I am

This is so cool

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That's great @ElizabethStar, it seems the little things can mean a lot.  We love those stories.

 

On a slightly different note, I was buzzing through the racks at Goodwill the other night when I heard someone nearby say "I don't know, I come from a place where boys are boys and girls are girls."  I've really been pushing my look lately and feeling pretty relaxed about my femininity, and I've gotten very relaxed about burning through all of the women's clothes at this store, so I think he was referring to me.  The comment didn't bother me...I just smiled under my pretty blue mask.  These people aren't going to make trouble or anything...they just don't get it.  I try to have compassion for that.  I'm not sure I get it either, but here I am, getting more womanly every day, with no desire to stop in sight.  I just wish someone would call me "miss" before apologizing...It's been a while.

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Ann,

 

That is such a great attitude to have.  There are a lot of people out there that don't get it, so if we get upset every time we heard a comment born of ignorance, we would make ourselves crazy.   Better to just assume people don't get it because to this point in their lives, trans isn't something they haven't given much thought to.    

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ElizabethStar
8 hours ago, Ann W said:

On a slightly different note, I was buzzing through the racks at Goodwill the other night when I heard someone nearby say "I don't know, I come from a place where boys are boys and girls are girls."  I've really been pushing my look lately and feeling pretty relaxed about my femininity, and I've gotten very relaxed about burning through all of the women's clothes at this store, so I think he was referring to me.  The comment didn't bother me...I just smiled under my pretty blue mask.  These people aren't going to make trouble or anything...they just don't get it.  I try to have compassion for that.  I'm not sure I get it either, but here I am, getting more womanly every day, with no desire to stop in sight.  I just wish someone would call me "miss" before apologizing...It's been a while.

Can you imagine how difficult their life must be living by those rules? I guess that's a rhetorical question. We already know.

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@KymmieL that’s great news!  I can tell it makes you very happy.  Now don’t let Debbie downer get to you.

 

@ElizabethStar that’s so great about your dental visit. I haven’t exactly had that experience yet but close with my new PCP.

 

@Ann W guess we all run into someone sometimes that is like that.  You had such a great attitude about it.  So many of us would be greatly embarrassed and shrink away.  You are showing us the way.

 

Willow

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