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KymmieL

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It's been a pretty good day for me.  Although I am trying to live full time these days, I still have a hard time with some things- example, bathrooms…  And pictures.  I finally got up the nerve to post a profile pix.

It was a big deal for me.

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Hey there @Jandiyou are light years ahead of me and I would proudly sit with you for a ☕️ coffee or ☕️ tea. I'm 64 and just out to my wife, grown children, and their spouses. 

 

Hugs, 

 

Mindy🐛🌈🦋

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I feel for my wife and the other wives mentioned here, really. But I also feel like once I contemplated actually going through with transitioning I pretty much decided that if my marriage had to end then I was willing to pay that price. Really don't want to lose her, but also could see how resentful I would be having to put the genie back in the bottle.

 

Still together, going on five months of her learning of it. Things are ok, not great, not awful. 

 

But I really can't imagine starting this and then contemplating ending my life. I know that death will always be there waiting for me and really hope to get in some time as my true self before that happens!

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I already mentioned it's been a pretty good day.

 And then to make it even better - my new shoes came!

I might even blow my diet and go for a bowl of ice cream.

IMG_1889.thumb.jpeg.a4f2d876f2e6c16089943e8ab12f953b.jpeg

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@JandiI love the new shoes.

 

@KymmieLtake it one day at a time and work towards your goals and you will get there.  You are a lot stronger than what you think you are right now. HUGS

 

I know I don't post often but will try to get out of my shell more.

 

I had a good day as I have been trying to present more often in public when ever I have a brave and confident day. Today was such a day. I visited one of the local pet fish stores for some feed for my pets and some new plants for the aquariums. Rob, who has never met me, only the male (one) was very complimentary and accepting. We chatted for a while then I came home and then went for a short walk in the neighbourhood.

 

All in all it was good - chilly but sunny.

 

Big Canadian Hug to all

JoniSteph

 

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Other than the my middle son and Daughter in Law and the guys at work. no acceptance in the rest of my family.  nor my former best Friend  who talked me into staying with my wife after her 2nd DUI. As I have read that if they cannot support you through thick and thin they weren't really your friend. I still need to come out to my mom and my sister. Not worrying about my brother in law and my Father in law, the hell with them, the same with my wife. I'll let my wife tell her twisted truth. Once I get a job I am out of here. I cannot stay were I am no longer wanted.

 

I put in for Evidence specialist with a PD in OR. So I am expanding my searches.

 

I have mellowed some. Still upset. The big S hasn't crossed my mind. I am doing OK. Trying not to get on the computer too much not wanting to get my wife upset at me for not staying in the living room. And watching her fall a sleep. Only to Blame me for not talking to her.

 

Kymmie

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ElizabethStar

Tonight’s adventure. I’m at the emergency vet. My little 35lb Border Collie got into it with one of my brother in law’s dogs, a 90lb Irish Setter. I tell you my little boy’s got spirit but unfortunately he didn’t get out unscathed this time. He got a piece of skin about the size of a dime filleted off his face.    So here I am, it’s bedtime and I’m out getting someone patched up again. I’m also going to have to learn how to do acrylic nails on myself. I managed to break one, separating the kids, a good 1/8 inch of the nail bed is exposed. I’ve worked too hard to get them this long and refuse to cut the others to match. 

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Good Monday morning 

 

Yesterday started with tension in the air but my wife still said about going to church with me. We walked in to the Quad and she was greeted but a number of friends.  But she felt they were all wanting to know who was with her.  I left to work on the boat.  She went to see a friend that knows about me and greeted us at church.  She came home like everything was normal again.

 

Going to do some shopping today.  We need to decide on a panel for our tub surround so I can finish it. Take back a bra that is way too small.  Either mismarked or something.  And last, stop at the grocery store for some food and last minute Thanksgiving items.  Just the two of us, but it’s been that way most years for at least the last 10.  Covid or not.

 

enjoy your day

 

Willow

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Finally having drug myself from bed, I have put coffee on to brew. I suppose it's a quiet morning of playing with my aussie and boxer before I head to work. I'm feeling a green tank dress.

 

Cheers to all, and good morning!

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Heather Nicole
16 hours ago, CallMeKeira said:

Finally having drug myself from bed, I have put coffee on to brew. I suppose it's a quiet morning of playing with my aussie and boxer before I head to work. I'm feeling a green tank dress.

 

I love a nice tank dress :)

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Hi everyone 

 

Bad night last night. Kept waking up. When I actually got to rem or deep sleep I had a bad dream.  It’s the kind of dream I’m sure we all live at times.

 

in my dream:

 

I was rejected by my friends and family

 

i was alone wishing I had someone 

 

I went to the store to try to get sanitizer, turned out to be Costco.  I found the sanitizer got yelled at by a woman whom I was apparently blocking.  Looked at the price, couldn’t afford it left the store and thought to myself, I ought to walkout in front of a car.  Woke up.

 

now you have to understand I haven’t been completely rejected by family. My children talk to me but don’t acknowledge my situation.  They did yell at me for not keeping them informed.

 

My wife was laying next to me in bed although she is not always accepting.  The dog doesn’t seem to mind.  
 

I hate the holidays.

 

hugs

 

Willow

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@Willow I'm sorry you didn't sleep well. If it's any consolation, neither did I. Woke up twice. That dream sounds rough. Hang In there

 

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Erica Gabriel

I’ll join ya’ll on the no sleep train. I’m fighting a virus that may or may not be the dreaded Covid. I’m eagerly awaiting my test result. I hate missing work, but I now have more time to practice with makeup.

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@Willow @Erica Gabriel I suffer from both lack of sleep and strange dreams often. Luckily most of the dreams I can't remember. Just that I had a weird one.

 

Well I got it. I am the proud owner of a 2020 Ford Ranger Lariat FX-4. Shadow black with black leather interior. I finally got my get away vehicle. I am taking it with me when I leave. MY wife had already told me that she'd turn in my MKZ if we split up. not expecting anything less with the Ranger.

I am thinking she was not 100% into getting the truck. She loved the comfort of the Lincoln. a couple times she teared up while we were waiting.

Oh, Well.

 

Have a great day everyone.

Kymmie

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Good morning everyone,

 

It's rainy and cold by Indianapolis norms. The coffee was Dark Roast Hot, Strong, and Black.

 

@WillowI'm taking Primidone for my central tremors and the side effects make you drowsy in the early doses until your body adjusts to the medication, as well as weird dreams. I use to only dream if I laid down for a nap or fell asleep while watching baseball or football on TV. That all changed when I started the Primidone, now I dream some of the weirdest dreams in the early AM after my routine 05:00 need to go potty. They are never frightful but very weird involving my wife most of the time, or my business partner on occasion.

 

My wife and I are attending Thanksgiving Day at our Son's house less than a half mile from our home. It's the smallest Thanksgiving gathering my family has ever seen. My late mother's birthday is Nov. 24th, and was cause for my four siblings all of their offspring and my own to gather in a reception hall for Thanksgiving and mom's birthday. Non of my siblings are gathering with each other this year.

 

Hugs,

 

Mindy🐛🌈🦋

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On 11/21/2020 at 9:03 PM, KymmieL said:

Right now I am still on the verge of water works. And yes the S came to mind. It was fleeting but it was there.

 

You are better than this. You need better than this. There is absolutely nothing wrong with demanding better than this. What good does catering to someone else's desire provide you, if there can be no hope of getting the same in return. Look at all the grief you have over how this is affecting her, when you seem to clearly see that you are not being respected. If it was me, which it is not, I would already have told her to figure herself out while she packs. That's just me and I know that is hard. I've done it. I have my days, when I'm sitting here alone, that I wish none of this had ever happened. It's easy to fall into the same old rut of blaming myself for all of the things that went wrong. Then I remember those times where I was minding my own business and doing chores around the house and she just would suddenly start yelling at me over nothing or cussing at our kids for being in the room while she watched television. I eventually said to myself that if I was going to ever find my own happiness, that I would have to stop putting everyone else's first. It's been a little over a year and things aren't perfect but, I am happier knowing my ex has to actually take responsibility for herself now and it's no longer my problem. I get to live the best I can for me now. Hopefully you will get that too, whatever shape that takes is your choice.

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On 11/22/2020 at 7:23 PM, ElizabethStar said:

I managed to break one, separating the kids, a good 1/8 inch of the nail bed is exposed. I’ve worked too hard to get them this long and refuse to cut the others to match. 

I break my nails from time to time and I never cut the rest back to match my short one. I just keep working on my cuticles and generally file the rest to keep them neat and smooth until the other one catches up. I doubt acrylic would make me very happy and if they are not done by a professional they tend to fall off pretty easy. If a pro does do them then I would imagine they last longer but the cost seems outrageous for normal day to day life. Maybe if it was a special occasion or something. For anyone that doesn't mind doing their own nail polish, I recently got an led dryer and it makes a world of difference for sure. The polish dries to a hard enough shell within a minute and a half that I can touch something and not feel like I'm going to ruin the finish, plus the polish seems to dry in a smoother coat so they look so much better. Just an fyi. The one I got was only $25 and worth every penny.

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2 hours ago, Mmindy said:

My wife and I are attending Thanksgiving Day at our Son's house less than a half mile from our home. It's the smallest Thanksgiving gathering my family has ever seen.

My Daughter in law invited my to their place.  It's about an hour and half drive.  But I'll be driving by myself.  And they are pretty far out in the country.

 I reluctantly turned down a ride with one of my daughters to visit the other son and new grandchild.  But that would have been a much longer trip, northern Virginia - a good day's drive one way.

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3 hours ago, Mmindy said:

Primidone

I was prescribed this medicine and I lost track of several weeks in time. I was forgetting when or if I even took the medicine and eventually I fell asleep behind the wheel of my car. I almost killed myself and lost one of my jobs when that happened. Be very careful with this. I refuse to take it now. I'd rather have the tremors than how that almost went.

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I told my wife about my dream and we talked about it particularly the no friends or family part.  She said about all the friends I have here and on Facebook.  I value all my friends here but no offense it’s not the same as having a friend I can call up and go have a coffee or beer with.  I don’t have friends that live near us that know about me.  I pointed out she too has face book friends but more importantly she has friends that live here and that she can go out to lunch with and talk face to face.

 

well thanks all of you for being here and being my friends.  We should meet up for coffee.

 

hugs

 

Willow

 

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Heather Nicole
1 hour ago, Abi said:

I recently got an led dryer and it makes a world of difference for sure.

 

Those are for gel polishes, right? Or it is also for any liquid polish?

 

3 hours ago, KymmieL said:

Well I got it. I am the proud owner of a 2020 Ford Ranger Lariat FX-4. Shadow black with black leather interior. I finally got my get away vehicle. I am taking it with me when I leave. MY wife had already told me that she'd turn in my MKZ if we split up. not expecting anything less with the Ranger.

I am thinking she was not 100% into getting the truck. She loved the comfort of the Lincoln. a couple times she teared up while we were waiting.

 

I know things are difficult, but I'm very glad to see you taking steps to have some much deserved freedom on the horizon. I'd be the last person to feel I have room to give anyone relationship advice, but everyone deserves to be surrounded by people who accept them, not by frenemies, and I'm glad that you're working to have a much less toxic environment in your future. You deserve that.

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1 hour ago, Heather Nicole said:

Those are for gel polishes, right? Or it is also for any liquid polish?

Yes, for gels and gel base or top coats. The majority of polishes are gel so it works real well for me.

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@KymmieLI'm glad you'll have a reliable vehicle once you're out on your own.

 

@AbiWow, I'm glad you survived the Primidone events. I've been on it for a year now and other than the late AM dreams, I'm pleased with the results. I take a large dose in the morning with my other daily meds. and breakfast, later in the early evening I take a small dose to carry me through to bedtime. My tremors are now under control enough that I can eat soup with a spoon in public again.

 

@Willow, I feel your pain of not having anyone to talk to other than your wife and counselors. While my daughter is a supporter of my transition, she's unavailable to visit with because of how strict she is with COVID compliance. She and her husband have two boy that we haven't seen other than through their picture window since June.

 

Hugs for y'all,

 

Mindy🐛🌈🦋

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Hi all,

Just put my tiny holiday tree up in the window, have my (electric) stove on with a fireplace scented candle burning which smells sooo good, and am watching the snow fall outside my window. 

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf🐾

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1 hour ago, Mmindy said:

My tremors are now under control enough that I can eat soup with a spoon in public again.

I am really glad that your experience has helped you. I think it actually made me have them worse at the time but I've been off of it for month's now. Still having tremor's and happy I don't dream much.

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