Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Good morning All. Coffees on.


KymmieL

Recommended Posts

It's been a pretty good day for me.  Although I am trying to live full time these days, I still have a hard time with some things- example, bathrooms…  And pictures.  I finally got up the nerve to post a profile pix.

It was a big deal for me.

Link to post
  • Replies 7.5k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • Willow

    644

  • KymmieL

    637

  • Jani

    360

  • Jackie C.

    330

Top Posters In This Topic

Posted Images

Hey there @Jandiyou are light years ahead of me and I would proudly sit with you for a ☕️ coffee or ☕️ tea. I'm 64 and just out to my wife, grown children, and their spouses. 

 

Hugs, 

 

Mindy🐛🌈🦋

Link to post

I feel for my wife and the other wives mentioned here, really. But I also feel like once I contemplated actually going through with transitioning I pretty much decided that if my marriage had to end then I was willing to pay that price. Really don't want to lose her, but also could see how resentful I would be having to put the genie back in the bottle.

 

Still together, going on five months of her learning of it. Things are ok, not great, not awful. 

 

But I really can't imagine starting this and then contemplating ending my life. I know that death will always be there waiting for me and really hope to get in some time as my true self before that happens!

Link to post

I already mentioned it's been a pretty good day.

 And then to make it even better - my new shoes came!

I might even blow my diet and go for a bowl of ice cream.

IMG_1889.thumb.jpeg.a4f2d876f2e6c16089943e8ab12f953b.jpeg

Link to post

@JandiI love the new shoes.

 

@KymmieLtake it one day at a time and work towards your goals and you will get there.  You are a lot stronger than what you think you are right now. HUGS

 

I know I don't post often but will try to get out of my shell more.

 

I had a good day as I have been trying to present more often in public when ever I have a brave and confident day. Today was such a day. I visited one of the local pet fish stores for some feed for my pets and some new plants for the aquariums. Rob, who has never met me, only the male (one) was very complimentary and accepting. We chatted for a while then I came home and then went for a short walk in the neighbourhood.

 

All in all it was good - chilly but sunny.

 

Big Canadian Hug to all

JoniSteph

 

Link to post

Other than the my middle son and Daughter in Law and the guys at work. no acceptance in the rest of my family.  nor my former best Friend  who talked me into staying with my wife after her 2nd DUI. As I have read that if they cannot support you through thick and thin they weren't really your friend. I still need to come out to my mom and my sister. Not worrying about my brother in law and my Father in law, the hell with them, the same with my wife. I'll let my wife tell her twisted truth. Once I get a job I am out of here. I cannot stay were I am no longer wanted.

 

I put in for Evidence specialist with a PD in OR. So I am expanding my searches.

 

I have mellowed some. Still upset. The big S hasn't crossed my mind. I am doing OK. Trying not to get on the computer too much not wanting to get my wife upset at me for not staying in the living room. And watching her fall a sleep. Only to Blame me for not talking to her.

 

Kymmie

Link to post
ElizabethStar

Tonight’s adventure. I’m at the emergency vet. My little 35lb Border Collie got into it with one of my brother in law’s dogs, a 90lb Irish Setter. I tell you my little boy’s got spirit but unfortunately he didn’t get out unscathed this time. He got a piece of skin about the size of a dime filleted off his face.    So here I am, it’s bedtime and I’m out getting someone patched up again. I’m also going to have to learn how to do acrylic nails on myself. I managed to break one, separating the kids, a good 1/8 inch of the nail bed is exposed. I’ve worked too hard to get them this long and refuse to cut the others to match. 

Link to post

Good Monday morning 

 

Yesterday started with tension in the air but my wife still said about going to church with me. We walked in to the Quad and she was greeted but a number of friends.  But she felt they were all wanting to know who was with her.  I left to work on the boat.  She went to see a friend that knows about me and greeted us at church.  She came home like everything was normal again.

 

Going to do some shopping today.  We need to decide on a panel for our tub surround so I can finish it. Take back a bra that is way too small.  Either mismarked or something.  And last, stop at the grocery store for some food and last minute Thanksgiving items.  Just the two of us, but it’s been that way most years for at least the last 10.  Covid or not.

 

enjoy your day

 

Willow

Link to post

Finally having drug myself from bed, I have put coffee on to brew. I suppose it's a quiet morning of playing with my aussie and boxer before I head to work. I'm feeling a green tank dress.

 

Cheers to all, and good morning!

Link to post
Heather Nicole
16 hours ago, CallMeKeira said:

Finally having drug myself from bed, I have put coffee on to brew. I suppose it's a quiet morning of playing with my aussie and boxer before I head to work. I'm feeling a green tank dress.

 

I love a nice tank dress :)

Link to post

Hi everyone 

 

Bad night last night. Kept waking up. When I actually got to rem or deep sleep I had a bad dream.  It’s the kind of dream I’m sure we all live at times.

 

in my dream:

 

I was rejected by my friends and family

 

i was alone wishing I had someone 

 

I went to the store to try to get sanitizer, turned out to be Costco.  I found the sanitizer got yelled at by a woman whom I was apparently blocking.  Looked at the price, couldn’t afford it left the store and thought to myself, I ought to walkout in front of a car.  Woke up.

 

now you have to understand I haven’t been completely rejected by family. My children talk to me but don’t acknowledge my situation.  They did yell at me for not keeping them informed.

 

My wife was laying next to me in bed although she is not always accepting.  The dog doesn’t seem to mind.  
 

I hate the holidays.

 

hugs

 

Willow

Link to post

@Willow I'm sorry you didn't sleep well. If it's any consolation, neither did I. Woke up twice. That dream sounds rough. Hang In there

 

Link to post
Erica Gabriel

I’ll join ya’ll on the no sleep train. I’m fighting a virus that may or may not be the dreaded Covid. I’m eagerly awaiting my test result. I hate missing work, but I now have more time to practice with makeup.

Link to post

@Willow @Erica Gabriel I suffer from both lack of sleep and strange dreams often. Luckily most of the dreams I can't remember. Just that I had a weird one.

 

Well I got it. I am the proud owner of a 2020 Ford Ranger Lariat FX-4. Shadow black with black leather interior. I finally got my get away vehicle. I am taking it with me when I leave. MY wife had already told me that she'd turn in my MKZ if we split up. not expecting anything less with the Ranger.

I am thinking she was not 100% into getting the truck. She loved the comfort of the Lincoln. a couple times she teared up while we were waiting.

Oh, Well.

 

Have a great day everyone.

Kymmie

Link to post

Good morning everyone,

 

It's rainy and cold by Indianapolis norms. The coffee was Dark Roast Hot, Strong, and Black.

 

@WillowI'm taking Primidone for my central tremors and the side effects make you drowsy in the early doses until your body adjusts to the medication, as well as weird dreams. I use to only dream if I laid down for a nap or fell asleep while watching baseball or football on TV. That all changed when I started the Primidone, now I dream some of the weirdest dreams in the early AM after my routine 05:00 need to go potty. They are never frightful but very weird involving my wife most of the time, or my business partner on occasion.

 

My wife and I are attending Thanksgiving Day at our Son's house less than a half mile from our home. It's the smallest Thanksgiving gathering my family has ever seen. My late mother's birthday is Nov. 24th, and was cause for my four siblings all of their offspring and my own to gather in a reception hall for Thanksgiving and mom's birthday. Non of my siblings are gathering with each other this year.

 

Hugs,

 

Mindy🐛🌈🦋

Link to post
On 11/21/2020 at 9:03 PM, KymmieL said:

Right now I am still on the verge of water works. And yes the S came to mind. It was fleeting but it was there.

 

You are better than this. You need better than this. There is absolutely nothing wrong with demanding better than this. What good does catering to someone else's desire provide you, if there can be no hope of getting the same in return. Look at all the grief you have over how this is affecting her, when you seem to clearly see that you are not being respected. If it was me, which it is not, I would already have told her to figure herself out while she packs. That's just me and I know that is hard. I've done it. I have my days, when I'm sitting here alone, that I wish none of this had ever happened. It's easy to fall into the same old rut of blaming myself for all of the things that went wrong. Then I remember those times where I was minding my own business and doing chores around the house and she just would suddenly start yelling at me over nothing or cussing at our kids for being in the room while she watched television. I eventually said to myself that if I was going to ever find my own happiness, that I would have to stop putting everyone else's first. It's been a little over a year and things aren't perfect but, I am happier knowing my ex has to actually take responsibility for herself now and it's no longer my problem. I get to live the best I can for me now. Hopefully you will get that too, whatever shape that takes is your choice.

Link to post
On 11/22/2020 at 7:23 PM, ElizabethStar said:

I managed to break one, separating the kids, a good 1/8 inch of the nail bed is exposed. I’ve worked too hard to get them this long and refuse to cut the others to match. 

I break my nails from time to time and I never cut the rest back to match my short one. I just keep working on my cuticles and generally file the rest to keep them neat and smooth until the other one catches up. I doubt acrylic would make me very happy and if they are not done by a professional they tend to fall off pretty easy. If a pro does do them then I would imagine they last longer but the cost seems outrageous for normal day to day life. Maybe if it was a special occasion or something. For anyone that doesn't mind doing their own nail polish, I recently got an led dryer and it makes a world of difference for sure. The polish dries to a hard enough shell within a minute and a half that I can touch something and not feel like I'm going to ruin the finish, plus the polish seems to dry in a smoother coat so they look so much better. Just an fyi. The one I got was only $25 and worth every penny.

Link to post
2 hours ago, Mmindy said:

My wife and I are attending Thanksgiving Day at our Son's house less than a half mile from our home. It's the smallest Thanksgiving gathering my family has ever seen.

My Daughter in law invited my to their place.  It's about an hour and half drive.  But I'll be driving by myself.  And they are pretty far out in the country.

 I reluctantly turned down a ride with one of my daughters to visit the other son and new grandchild.  But that would have been a much longer trip, northern Virginia - a good day's drive one way.

Link to post
3 hours ago, Mmindy said:

Primidone

I was prescribed this medicine and I lost track of several weeks in time. I was forgetting when or if I even took the medicine and eventually I fell asleep behind the wheel of my car. I almost killed myself and lost one of my jobs when that happened. Be very careful with this. I refuse to take it now. I'd rather have the tremors than how that almost went.

Link to post

I told my wife about my dream and we talked about it particularly the no friends or family part.  She said about all the friends I have here and on Facebook.  I value all my friends here but no offense it’s not the same as having a friend I can call up and go have a coffee or beer with.  I don’t have friends that live near us that know about me.  I pointed out she too has face book friends but more importantly she has friends that live here and that she can go out to lunch with and talk face to face.

 

well thanks all of you for being here and being my friends.  We should meet up for coffee.

 

hugs

 

Willow

 

Link to post
Heather Nicole
1 hour ago, Abi said:

I recently got an led dryer and it makes a world of difference for sure.

 

Those are for gel polishes, right? Or it is also for any liquid polish?

 

3 hours ago, KymmieL said:

Well I got it. I am the proud owner of a 2020 Ford Ranger Lariat FX-4. Shadow black with black leather interior. I finally got my get away vehicle. I am taking it with me when I leave. MY wife had already told me that she'd turn in my MKZ if we split up. not expecting anything less with the Ranger.

I am thinking she was not 100% into getting the truck. She loved the comfort of the Lincoln. a couple times she teared up while we were waiting.

 

I know things are difficult, but I'm very glad to see you taking steps to have some much deserved freedom on the horizon. I'd be the last person to feel I have room to give anyone relationship advice, but everyone deserves to be surrounded by people who accept them, not by frenemies, and I'm glad that you're working to have a much less toxic environment in your future. You deserve that.

Link to post
1 hour ago, Heather Nicole said:

Those are for gel polishes, right? Or it is also for any liquid polish?

Yes, for gels and gel base or top coats. The majority of polishes are gel so it works real well for me.

Link to post

@KymmieLI'm glad you'll have a reliable vehicle once you're out on your own.

 

@AbiWow, I'm glad you survived the Primidone events. I've been on it for a year now and other than the late AM dreams, I'm pleased with the results. I take a large dose in the morning with my other daily meds. and breakfast, later in the early evening I take a small dose to carry me through to bedtime. My tremors are now under control enough that I can eat soup with a spoon in public again.

 

@Willow, I feel your pain of not having anyone to talk to other than your wife and counselors. While my daughter is a supporter of my transition, she's unavailable to visit with because of how strict she is with COVID compliance. She and her husband have two boy that we haven't seen other than through their picture window since June.

 

Hugs for y'all,

 

Mindy🐛🌈🦋

Link to post
  • Forum Moderator

Hi all,

Just put my tiny holiday tree up in the window, have my (electric) stove on with a fireplace scented candle burning which smells sooo good, and am watching the snow fall outside my window. 

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf🐾

Link to post
1 hour ago, Mmindy said:

My tremors are now under control enough that I can eat soup with a spoon in public again.

I am really glad that your experience has helped you. I think it actually made me have them worse at the time but I've been off of it for month's now. Still having tremor's and happy I don't dream much.

Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   3 Members, 0 Anonymous, 71 Guests (See full list)

    • MiraM
    • DeeDee
    • HollyNoel
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.


  • Topics With Zero Replies

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      72,918
    • Total Posts
      668,727
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      7,913
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Jamie68
    Newest Member
    Jamie68
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Athena
      Athena
      (25 years old)
    2. Crypygan
      Crypygan
    3. Miss_Y
      Miss_Y
      (34 years old)
  • Posts

    • Ethereal
      Sadly, us AFAB have to deal with having an "F" in certain places because of healthcare. I wish it was easier, but they still think that just because we have a vagina then we must be a woman. This happens a lot when visiting the OBGYN. I dread thinking about going to the doctor after my transition because of this.   I am glad that you were able to find a better solution
    • Ethereal
      Hi, I hope this thread isn't inappropriate or in the wrong sub-forum.   I identify as a homosexual trans guy, although I don't accept my sexuality fully. I also have doubts about it. After I came out of the closet, I started meeting more LGBTQIA+ people and I found out that I was attracted to transgender women too. Maybe androgyny played a part in this attraction, which worries me a bit, because I know that certain characteristics may actually be a dysphoria trigger for some. I see trans women as women. And my feelings are not purely sexual. I worry a lot about this, I don't want anybody thinking that I am objectifying them even if subconsciously. I would date them with no problem - many of the trans girls I've seen were intelligent and artistic, which impressed me in a good way, as they are qualities I seek for in a friend and a partner. I've kissed both cis and trans ladies and I liked that. However, they probably saw me as butch female since I don't pass completely yet. I've always been into men - masculine, feminine or any variation of that... I don't care if they are cis or not, either. However, my attraction to cisgender women is almost null, it only happens rarely and doesn't last long. I'm slightly curious, but not enough to seek them out just to experiment sexually or to have a relationship.   I feel extremely conflicted regarding this issue.   I've considered the label "bisexual homoromantic" before and it fits somewhat, although I'd still rather identify as gay because I am still primarily attracted to males, and gay culture is a bit more relatable to me, though not 100% as I'm not into stereotypically gay interests such as pop divas and musicals. I may start using the term "queer", but I don't know yet.   Is it wrong for me to be this way? Would a MtF person be offended by my interest?
    • Ethereal
      This is extremely sad. I am very sorry to hear that this happened. It is unfortunate that we still have to deal with bullying and transphobia - coming from adults, no less. Like others have said here, the very person who should have protected her, didn't. This is a crime. The counselor absolutely needs to be fired and potentially prohibited from working as a counselor ever again at the very least.   Here in Brazil, there is a lot of transphobia too. What a shame.
    • Ethereal
      Are you Japanese? Your English is very good. I'd love to learn Japanese. I'm not non-binary so I may not be able to assist you very much...  I think that dysphoria can change depending on the day and situation.   At first, it is very odd to hear someone call you by a different name but you get used to it after a while. You might be more comfortable using a different pronoun and name around certain people, there is no issue in that, although you may need to correct someone once in a while. You can always have a pseudonym, too, and if you're up for experimenting, there are gender neutral names such as Makoto or Tsukasa.
    • Vanessa Michelle
      I am a police and fire commissioner and a former volunteer firefighter. I love our first responders and am so thankful for them (you) all! ❤️
    • Ethereal
      Thanks Appreciate the support.
    • Ethereal
      I still have a bit of internalised transphobia within me as well as internalised homophobia. I don't accept myself as a real homosexual male because I didn't have a cisgender experience and because there are gay guys who aren't attracted to FtM at all. Some aren't kind about it and this triggered dysphoria for me.   I once made a comment without thinking and got called homophobic which deeply scarred me, too, because I don't want to be prejudiced towards anyone, and it would be hypocritical for me to be homophobic.   I am a trans man who also grew up in a conservative environment, and I grew up hearing transphobic jokes. I even laughed at them. My family, even after I came out of the closet, doesn't accept me very well and mocks me, so there are times where I hate being transgender. I'm not a stereotypical FtM either since I don't want to present overly masculine. I also like makeup. I feel out of place in the FtM community. Most of the trans guys I know identified as lesbians before they figured out their gender identity. I seem to have almost nothing in common with them, which doesn't help the feelings of isolation and alienation.   I tried getting back to living as a woman but it didn't work out - I was only trying to fool myself. I had an epiphany that I really am a man no matter if I transitioned or not. And I'll have to accept my trans body.   It took me a while for me to get comfortable with male pronouns. Before I came out, when I presented as male online, I feared being "found out as a girl" and called out as an impostor.   But now I've relaxed. The only issue I have is that I don't pass very well yet so I have to make an effort to look more masculine. After my transition, I won't care too much.   It's better to live as ourselves than pretend to be something we are not.
    • Vanessa Michelle
      @EtherealWelcome to the group!! So glad you joined us! Sexuality and gender are not black and white and that's ok. We all identify in a way that best suits our internal sense of self. I'm glad to see you processing and exploring yours as well. Congrats on starting HRT! Thank you for sharing your story with us! I trust you will find this a welcoming and friendly place. ❤️
    • Ethereal
      Hi! I'm a 22 year old trans guy from Brazil. My name is Thanassis, but you can call me by my username since it is easier to remember. I'd been questioning my gender since puberty, but things got more complicated when I turned 20 and I finally came out around that time. It was very painful and confusing. I'm still trying to come to terms with my gender and my sexuality. I identify as gay but I might really be slightly bisexual. It is difficult for me to deal with. I am also somewhat androgynous, I want to look like the man I am, but I would not mind wearing makeup or feminine clothes sometimes. Of course, I would love to have a beard and be able to wear a suit too. I am heavily inspired by subculture fashion and artists who defied gender stereotypes, so it makes sense. But sometimes I feel out of it in the FtM community. I haven't come out to everyone yet, but I will have to do that soon. I started HRT around October last year.   I'm into music and art in general, different cultures, technology, video games and other niche interests. Nice to meet you all.
    • Ethereal
      @Vanessa Michelle I will do that, thank you!
    • Ethereal
      I think that is awesome. There needs to be more acceptance of variances in gender expression. I've seen bullying towards MtF who did not present stereotypically femme and I have seen bullying towards FtM who were not macho. It is sad to see that. I am a FtM guy who is androgynous. I want to be able to wear makeup and feminine clothing, at the same time that I want to have a beard and wear a suit and tie. Being feminine as a woman felt constricting to me and like I was putting on an act. I am gay so it may be expected for homosexual men to disregard gender expectations, but the point still stands.    It is completely ok for you to be a straight woman who is butch. There are guys who are into that, but keep in mind that you might also get hit on by lesbian or bisexual ladies. Before I came out, I looked butch/androgynous, and I had interest coming from both heterosexual guys and queer women.   Don't feel like an odd duck - this is all completely fine
    • Ethereal
      I am similar to you. I've had depression since childhood and dysphoria made my symptoms worse. I think it is not at all unusual. I'd classify my dysphoria level as medium  - it took me ages for me to come out as trans since I was able to tolerate my body until the year 2018, when my dysphoria was off the roof and I was very emotionally unstable.   I had been doubting my gender identity since I was 12 - I came out at 20. It was a hard year for me and I even started dissociating because I was unsure of what I was. I wanted to be a man, but still had doubts about it. I knew that I was not opposed to androgyny. I wanted to have different genitals, and a flat chest, etc. But I was unsure about having a different voice and things like that. It was a fear of the unknown.   There were days in which I could look down and see my body and almost be content with it, but there was something that still bothered me. People would tell me that I sounded like a non-binary person, but as it turns out - I am just a man, in my own terms. I will wear what I want and do what I want. I don't want to be a macho man at all. I will wear a suit in some days and I might use makeup when I feel like it. And that's ok. Even after I came out, I still went back to being a "girl" because I was repressing myself. It just ended in trouble.   You do not need to adhere to any "rules". Transition the way you think is best. It is your life, your mind and your body. Experiment with pronouns and a name. It will be odd at first - I feared using male pronouns for the longest time because I thought someone would think I was an impostor. It was a silly thought.   Try dressing up more masculine and see if that clicks with you. Get a short haircut or even buzz your hair off, etc. Present as a male online. See how you feel about it. I hope you find the path that works for you.
    • KymmieL
      Unfortunately, I haven't been employed at one place long enough to eek out a retirement. Luckily I have my VA disability. But I am at least 10 yrs from SS. Don't have to worry about medical VA pays for it all. (hopefully soon my HRT.)   Work was as boring as I thought or maybe it is me. However I did get in my new work shirts. Ladies with Kymbrill on them.  Actually afraid to wear them.   My wife was talking about summer travel plans. I have worked on my own plan. Just hop on the bike and just ride. just me and the open road for a week. Take some time for me.   Have good evening everyone.   Kymmie
    • Vanessa Michelle
      @EtherealSweet!! Welcome to you too! Please start an Introductions post for yourself as well and share your story if you are comfy. We are glad to have you here too and can't wait to get to know you!! ❤️
    • Vanessa Michelle
      Awesomeness, will do. Thanks Vicky!
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...