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Good morning All. Coffees on.


KymmieL

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Hi, I know it’s late but like some others I can’t sleep.  Partly because I can’t do anything but sit around right now  partly because this huge wrap around my foot is uncomfortable to say the least.

 

thanks for all the thoughts of concern for my wife and I. You know something I have learned through my ordeal is sharing or unloading your concerns makes the load lighter.  I do wish I’d understood myself much younger and been brave enough to tell at least my mother.  I don’t know how different things would be today but they would be different.  
 

yes, I am sure we are both concerned about the other. I don’t want to be an embarrassment for my wife or myself.  I do believe there is something I am to do.  I realize most people don’t share my beliefs, but I KNOW God or his Angel has spoken directly to me several times.  Our minister believes me but admits he has never been spoken to directly.  My wife studies her Bible everyday and she has never been spoken to, so why me?  Al I can say is there is something I have to do still, he told me last year during lent.

 

my wife does her level best to accept me and allow me to be me.  And similarly I do my best not to push her or anything that would cause her to withdraw.  We are both relatively shy people, except Willow is not shy. Dead me wore dark blue, black or brown.  Willow wears bold colors. Yellow, pink, baby blue .  So Willow is a very different person than I was.  Willow likes wearing makeup but not outlandish eyes.  I used to not like being kissed with lipstick not I like wearing it.  Strange.

 

anyway. I have to figure out how to convince my wife that no one wants or needs her to die.  And can’t just ask god to tell me something it doesn’t work that way.

 

good night

 

Willow

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2 hours ago, Vanessa Michelle said:

 I'm sorry you had such an experience with your ex!

I never yelled or said mean things ever. I was happy being a homemaker as long as the hurtful comments weren't coming but, they grew as the years went by. I just shut off when the feelings of being worthless were amplified through screaming and manipulation. I am better than when I first got out a bit but, it haunts me so.

 

Illinois is not the worst place to be trans and maybe it will get better everywhere in quick fashion. Biden's first day seems promising in that regard.

 

Thanks for your kindness,

Abi

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Chloe Cozee

Good Morning to everyone! I am dragging this morning, coffee in hand preparing to go to work. Have a wonderful and safe day!

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Good (early) morning everyone, happy Thursday.

 

This girl has been up and down all night long. Preoccupied, I guess. Hoping for a mellow day working today but I know that's not too likely unfortunately and I hate the feeling that I'm constantly behind and playing catch-up. There is a full staff meeting this morning and the first one since I came out to one of my coworkers the other day. Also my face is still particularly red and itchy from Monday's electrolysis treatment, much more so than the other sessions before it. Not sure why, she didn't do anything differently. I worry about scarring from this one but we'll see how resilient my skin is.

 

@KymmieL Sorry to hear that the analyst job you were opening for didn't pan out as you had hoped. I'm hopeful another opportunity will come your way soon. Cheering for you!

 

Hope you all have a wonderful day,

 

Love,

~Audrey.

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Elizabeth Star

Good morning everyone,

Already finished my coffee. My wife is feeling much better today. Thankfully it's Thursday, I'm exhausted and looking forward to sleeping all weekend.

 

Have a great day!

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Good morning 

 

looking waaaaay back in time, my mother had her best friend. And most mornings she would go to her house and they would sit at the kitchen table drinking coffee and talking.  Thinking about it now they were each other’s therapist.  And that’s what we are to each other, therapy sessions while sitting here drinking coffee.

 

my usual dark roast, black.  Just like I prefer my brown liqueur, straight up not mixed.  Ok I do like a good Manhattan but I haven’t had one of those in a long time.

 

Nothing has changed since last night except the weather so I’ll be back later.

 

hugs

 

Willow

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Again up early on my Saturday. Just can't seem to sleep in no matter how hard I try.  I guess the ol gray matter gets switched on and then no hope.

 

@ElizabethStar that position is with a Caterpillar dealer doing service dispatching scheduling service and maintenance calls. not sure if it a position for a girl like me.

 

I can't see how any of you or anyone else can drink coffee straight. yuk. JK all My parents did. My coffee habit is my wife's fault. she is the one who started me on drinking this cup of hot goodness.

 

Well going to be a $$ day as I need to pay the taxes on our new truck and get the plates. Luckily the plates will be no charge as I have disabled Vet plates and it is no cost to me.

 

Have a great day everyone.

 

Kymmie

 

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Hi everybody. 

It's not morning, but my schedule is upside down, and just feel like posting, since I have a minute.

 

I spotted a t-woman today, while doing errands.  Good hair, good figure, but walks with a slight awkward hunch (like I probably do too.) 

We know each other from a long-defunct support group. It'd been quite a while, but we remembered each other and had a short warm comfortable conversation in the supermarket aisle.   She asked me to join her on Facebook, which was nice.

I haven't viewed a FB page in seven years....

 

Have a good day y'all.

 

My heart is with those I read struggling with pain and loneliness.  I'm no stranger to them either.

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Well now a little over 1400 more in debt.  Taxes paid on the truck.  Got to keep the same plates so I don't need to remember a new #. 

Me and the wife talked last night about splitting the taxes.  She called  earlier for me to call and see what they were.  Than on the way to the courthouse.  I get a text. "Do I have to pay more. You have my$600. "(Second stimulus money)

I didn't think I married someone so stingy. 

 

Kymmie 

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Jackie C.
1 hour ago, KymmieL said:

Well now a little over 1400 more in debt.  Taxes paid on the truck.  Got to keep the same plates so I don't need to remember a new #. 

Me and the wife talked last night about splitting the taxes.  She called  earlier for me to call and see what they were.  Than on the way to the courthouse.  I get a text. "Do I have to pay more. You have my$600. "(Second stimulus money)

I didn't think I married someone so stingy. 

 

Kymmie 

 

Yikes. My spouse and I don't have individual money (outside of gifts, gifted money is sacred). It's all just our money. If we ever divorce it would probably be a nightmare, but I have no experience with anything like this day to day. We just share.

 

Hugs!

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Well I got an extra day off today, just not how I would like. Got really dizzy at work and started to go down. Luckily a friend was nearby and managed to grab me before I could do the “let’s go for stitches” face plant. I’m resting at home right now, thinking about taking some time to practice my eye makeup. Feeling a little better so hopefully I’ll be good to work tomorrow. 

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My wife is making me mad. I don't know the technical term but, She had our youngest get a nicely printed picture of her brothers and cousins taken years ago. I know 4 of these people, beside my wife. my brothers in law, and 2 of her cousins I knew from High School. (never knew the relations until we were engaged.)

 

So she puts it in a frame and is going to hang it on the wall. We have a picture of her brothers from years ago hanging up. A picture of her mom from our wedding on our headboard. Yet none of my side of the family. Some of our kids and grandkids (printed on our inkjet printer)

 

Jackie, Yeah, I had thought that it was our money too. I guess I was wrong. I guess I will make sure that I withdraw what ever we get from the next round that Joey is looking at. And make sure she gets HER money. Should I really piss her off and just file my taxes, (file married but filing separately) and let her deal with the IRS herself. I have noticed that when filing We are getting a refund then I add her income and now we owe.

 

Now I am not sure if the VA will provide the E. I checked my meds list and E isn't on there. My blood thinners are no E though. I guess I will get a hold of my endo and have him send it to a local pharmacy to get filled.

 

What having a hopeful week. now like normal it crashes and burns. I guess the story of my life. Nobody wants me.

 

Kymmie

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Jackie C.

I'm sorry to hear you're having a very bad, no good, awful day today sweetie. I'm not sure we need a technical term for "mad" though. Furious? Outraged? Extremely annoyed?

I think the picture is a portrait though. I'm not 100% certain, because I haven't seen it, but in my experience any picture of one or more family members in a grouping counts as a portrait if it was done by a professional. Once upon a time I worked for a photographer. Mostly we took pictures at golf outings. I think those pictures were just called, "boring." We usually got snacks from the clubhouse though. That was neat. I usually got sunburned (I go up like a magnesium flare in sunlight). That was less neat.

 

Even if E isn't on the list, it's not very expensive. I just checked the price and, without insurance of any kind (because my yearly deductible is not yet met), my 90 day supply comes to $32.80.

 

I don't like your wife very much. She doesn't treat you very well and seems really focused on her own stuff to your detriment. Through therapy, I've come to realize that I put up with a lot of abusive behavior from people around me because I didn't like myself very much. I think a lot of us struggle with that. We think that we deserve the abuse or that an abusive partner is all we'll ever be able to get. It's a hard cycle to break.

You deserve better. Meditate on that for a while when you get a moment to yourself. I know you're planning on leaving this all in the dust when you get the chance, but in the meantime, remind yourself that this is only for now. It's not forever. There's no reason to let whatever bug is up her behind hurt you. You're a wonderful person. You deserve to be happy with someone who loves you as much as you love them.

 

Hugs!

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I'm back! The update messed up my profile and wouldn't "format" the forum so I could only lurk as a guest for the last 2- 3 days. Hopefully Petra will get my old profile figured out but until then I created a new one.  

@KymmieLI'm with Jackie on this, the stories I hear about how you are treated make me so mad. You don't deserve that, no ones does.

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Jackie C.

Well @Bri2021... at least you get to be Newest Member again.

 

Hugs!

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In some respects it’s very similar to what abi was telling us earlier.

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Elizabeth Star

@KymmieLi agree 100% with Jackie and Bri. 
OMG golf is boring. If anyone ever questions if they have the emotional fortitude and patience to transition have them try to caddy for a summer. 

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3 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

Mostly we took pictures at golf outings. I think those pictures were just called, "boring." We usually got snacks from the clubhouse though. That was neat. I usually got sunburned (I go up like a magnesium flare in sunlight). That was less neat.

 

1 hour ago, ElizabethStar said:

OMG golf is boring. If anyone ever questions if they have the emotional fortitude and patience to transition have them try to caddy for a summer. 

I actually enjoy going golfing. I'm not great at it, but there are two nice small courses pretty close to home that I'll play on a few times a year during the warmer months. I haven't played since starting HRT so I wonder how my swing will feel in the spring. Hmm. Watching golf on TV or caddying, on the other hand, is about as interesting as watching linoleum curl on a humid summer day.

 

@KymmieL I'm very saddened to read about the emotional warfare your wife is subjecting you to. She is quite literally using emotions as weapons and the toll it's taking on you is considerable especially with the other stress you're under looking for work and the uncertainty starting HRT. As Jackie said, you absolutely deserve better. In the meantime, I'm sending lots of positivity your way!

 

@Bri2021 Welcome back, hope you can get your account restored!

 

It's almost Friday. I can make it to the weekend! Today's fun was that NYC canceled about 20,000 upcoming vaccine appointments citywide because of the extreme shortfall in the supply. My phone blew up with calls all day asking if I could fix it. I wish I hadn't burned out my magic wand from the other day. I'm exhausted and feel like just treating myself to food delivery from the local Thai restaurant. Some red curry sounds really good right now.

 

Love,

~Audrey.

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Another one, My wife texts me, He friend still quarantining because her husband has Covid. So would I like to join her for coffee and pie after she gets off work. I say sure. I get there early and order us our coffee. I wait. She shows up, first thing she grips about the door hinge in her car. It won't stay open. she gotten hit in the leg. No hi, honey. or thank you for getting me coffee. just b!tches. I thought that if she b!tches one more time I will plop $10 on the table and walk out.  We were there about 45 min to an hour.  I think we talked maybe 4-5 times. 

 

A few times I felt like breaking down and crying. Why do I have such strong love for this woman yet she treats me as she does. I guess I am just a gullible idiot.

 

Kymmie

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Jackie C.
2 hours ago, KymmieL said:

A few times I felt like breaking down and crying. Why do I have such strong love for this woman yet she treats me as she does. I guess I am just a gullible idiot.

 

Nah, just human. Maybe with a bit of a self-esteem problem, but a lot of us struggle with that. Nothing at all wrong with having a good cry when you need it. It's one of our womanly superpowers: You have a good cry and get the sad out of your system. Then you get back up and kick the bejabbers out of whatever made you cry. I mean in this case it's spousal abuse and more of a intangible, but you you kick its backside by working on your self-esteem, learning to love yourself and demanding better from the people in your life.

Love and relationships are a two-way street. Both parties have to want them and work for them. Your spouse has made it clear that she wants no part of Kymmie. Her loss. Kymmie is pretty neat.

 

Hugs!

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Emily michelle

Hi everyone! The hr person at my work approved my fmla paperwork for my surgery at the end of February. And she notified my supervisors. She also wants to talk or get together to go over the meetings planned for my coming out at work. I’m excited that I will finally get to be myself and also really nervous as to my coworkers reaction even though they can’t harass or discriminate against me.

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Chloe Cozee

Hi Emily,

 

That sounds wonderful! I am glad that HR is on your side! 

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Emily michelle

I really hope things get better for you mummies. The service writer job at the cat dealer would be good job , you already work parts now I don’t see why you couldn’t be a service writer. 

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Chloe Cozee

Good Morning! Sipping coffee, day off of work but I have to call the dentist : (

 

Have a nice day everyone!

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