Good morning All. Coffees on.

[Bri2020]

1 hour ago, Audrey said:

I feel bad that I'm avoiding it especially because I'm growing increasingly sure she'll be accepting. But it's all because I don't want to add the emotional weight of that to her already intense emotions around my stepfather, who's on hospice. His declining health has been so very hard on her, especially now during the pandemic when it's harder to visit him and connect with other people for support. It's times like this I wish i didn't live all the way across the country.

 

 

 

Love,

~Audrey.

You might be surprised Audrey. If you think she will be accepting then showing her how much happier you are living your truer self, it may bring her joy and hope in this time of sorrow. You may be gifting her with something positive to focus on and thus be helping her.  

It won't be any easier once he has past. There will be stress and sorrow then as well. And you don't know what challenges she will face after that. Point being, there are never "perfect" times in life and as a parent myself I know that I want to know what's happening in my kids' lives not matter what I'm going through.  I want to celebrate their joys and console them when they struggle even when the -crap- is hitting the fan in my world.

[Audrey]

@Bri2020 I've been thinking about that too. She's dropped a few hints that she will be accepting, most obviously asking me how I felt about Elliot Page when he came out publicly back in December. I feel like she knows that I'm trans, but is waiting for me to speak up. I feel she will be overjoyed to know me as her daughter. So maybe it's my own anxiety that I'm projecting to justify holding off.

 

Love,

~Audrey.

[Jamie68]

12 hours ago, Willow said:

Here I am Lord

Is it I Lord

I here you calling in the night.

I will go Lord

If you lead me

I will hold your people in my heart.

 

This is the refrain from a hymn that has greatly affected me and my life.  This time last year God told me I was to be involved in helping people who are transgender just like me.  The one thing he didn’t say to me was how.  So I have been doing my best to help others here, and in my group.  But I believe there is more for me.  
 

For anyone who may be skeptical, please know that God does talk to people.  Maybe not everyone.  But there have been 4, that’s right FOUR times that he has spoken to me and each time what he told me turned out to be true.

Love

 

Willow

Thank you for your help. There are 2 subjects I don't discuss with anyone but my wife. That is God and politics.

I will be driving to Iowa city ( 4 hr. trip ) today. Hopefully the roads will be good. Have a great day all.

Jamie

[Jamie68]

Trying this on my phone.  A bit awkward for me, but looks like it's working. 

[Jamie68]

2 hours ago, Audrey said:

@Bri2020 I've been thinking about that too. She's dropped a few hints that she will be accepting, most obviously asking me how I felt about Elliot Page when he came out publicly back in December. I feel like she knows that I'm trans, but is waiting for me to speak up. I feel she will be overjoyed to know me as her daughter. So maybe it's my own anxiety that I'm projecting to justify holding off.

 

Love,

~Audrey.

Coming out to my wife was the most difficult conversation in my life. If my mother was still alive I would make the effort to tell her too. Your parents love you no matter what. They just want you to be happy.  Hope it goes well for you. 

Sorry to hear about your dad. It's never easy for us. When my dad was passing the doctor called the family to the hospital to be there. It looked like this was the end. Suddenly he woke up and looked around and said, what are you all doing here, waiting for me to die?  You could have heard a pin drop. He passed a couple weeks later. 

Love, Jamie 

[Jackie C.]

1 hour ago, Jamie68 said:

Coming out to my wife was the most difficult conversation in my life.

 

OMG yes. The moment between when I got it all out and her response was the longest hundred years of my life.

 

1 hour ago, Jamie68 said:

If my mother was still alive I would make the effort to tell her too. Your parents love you no matter what. They just want you to be happy.  Hope it goes well for you. 

 

In a perfect world yes. A lot of us get rejected by our parents though. In younger kids it can result in a teenager suddenly finding themselves homeless. I'm glad I was independent from my parents when I came out because my biological mother absolutely rejected me. I've been banished from her sight. I haven't seen her since 2018. When she chased me out of a funeral for an old family friend. I was hoping to reconnect with another friend while I was there, but Doctor C. made it clear I was not welcome.

Dad's fine with having a daughter though. I made him Christmas cookies. He's probably getting a batch of lemon bars for his birthday too.

The point being that you never can tell.

 

Hugs!

[Jamie68]

1 hour ago, Jackie C. said:

 

OMG yes. The moment between when I got it all out and her response was the longest hundred years of my life.

 

 

In a perfect world yes. A lot of us get rejected by our parents though. In younger kids it can result in a teenager suddenly finding themselves homeless. I'm glad I was independent from my parents when I came out because my biological mother absolutely rejected me. I've been banished from her sight. I haven't seen her since 2018. When she chased me out of a funeral for an old family friend. I was hoping to reconnect with another friend while I was there, but Doctor C. made it clear I was not welcome.

Dad's fine with having a daughter though. I made him Christmas cookies. He's probably getting a batch of lemon bars for his birthday too.

The point being that you never can tell.

 

Hugs!

Sadly, you're right. Sorry to hear about your experience with your mom. We all are at different levels of enlightenment. Hopefully she will catch up. 

Jamie 

[Mmindy]

5 hours ago, Willow said:

I have decided to take a break.  Anyone who needs to talk to me, use the messaging and I promise I will get back to you.

@Willow, you'll always be in the hearts and minds of many friends here at TransPulseForums and we understand the need to take a step back from many forms of social media.

 

Best wishes, stay positive, and safe

 

Mindy???

[Elizabeth Star]

I’m starting to think one of co-workers has adopted me as her mother. Sometime last week, when I wasn’t paying attention, she addressed me mom. I had initially just thought it was a weird fluke but she’s been doing it more since. Well, not just mom but also mother and mama. A couple of things that send this further down the rabbit hole. I’ve known her since she was 6 and I was good friends with her dad. Actually, (l don’t believe I’m saying this) I was in love with him but at the time neither one of us could accept our own selves so nothing ever happened that I consciously remember.  After he passed away I swore to myself I would never have feelings for a guy again. But thinking about it, if thing had gone differently, I could have been her step-mother. 

[Ivy]

@ElizabethStar That is interesting.

[Mmindy]

1 hour ago, ElizabethStar said:

I’ve known her since she was 6

@ElizabethStarthat's great that you've maintained contact with her after the passing of her father. I have people in my life who are not blood relatives, but have always been a part of our family activities. Fostering an adult leadership role in their lives has been so rewarding. Especially when you know they've overcome a tough existence, and see you as an elder.

 

Hugs,

 

Mindy???

[Confused1]

21 hours ago, Willow said:

This is the refrain from a hymn that has greatly affected me and my life.  This time last year God told me I was to be involved in helping people who are transgender just like me.  The one thing he didn’t say to me was how.  So I have been doing my best to help others here, and in my group.  But I believe there is more for me.  
 

For anyone who may be skeptical, please know that God does talk to people.  Maybe not everyone.  But there have been 4, that’s right FOUR times that he has spoken to me and each time what he told me turned out to be true.

Love

 

Willow

 

Yes He does Willow! I never would have dreamed what has happened to me this past year and where God would put me.

 

PM me if you are so inclined.

 

Hugs,

Mike

[Jamie68]

4 hours ago, ElizabethStar said:

I’m starting to think one of co-workers has adopted me as her mother. Sometime last week, when I wasn’t paying attention, she addressed me mom. I had initially just thought it was a weird fluke but she’s been doing it more since. Well, not just mom but also mother and mama. A couple of things that send this further down the rabbit hole. I’ve known her since she was 6 and I was good friends with her dad. Actually, (l don’t believe I’m saying this) I was in love with him but at the time neither one of us could accept our own selves so nothing ever happened that I consciously remember.  After he passed away I swore to myself I would never have feelings for a guy again. But thinking about it, if thing had gone differently, I could have been her step-mother. 

You love who you love.  Nothing wrong with it. 

[KymmieL]

Love is love no matter what. 

 

Kymmie 

[Audrey]

Good morning everyone, happy Tuesday.

 

Looks like we made it through the winter storm okay here in NYC. About 18 inches of snow total locally I would guess. Going to go outside in a bit when the daylight is a little better to take a few pictures to share. And not before coffee!

 

Last night was pretty emotional for me. It's been a while since I had a big cry like that. I ended up searching for some of my old writing from my college years that I mentioned in the thread about dreaming. While I didn't find any of my old journals, I did find some of my academic work from back then saved on my computer (I move all my files when I get a new computer, have been using Macs since the 1990's). Reading it now, more than twenty years later, it's abundantly clear I was working through my gender identity issues in the topics I chose for assignments. Seeing my younger self struggling so much just overwhelmed me with sadness, remembering that painful time of my life where I'd become certain of being transgender but too fearful to share it directly with anyone. I wonder how my life would be different if I had confided in someone, and if it was obvious to the professors who had read my writing.

 

@Willow Take care - we'll all miss you! I'm really happy to read that you are going to be Willow full-time at home and that your wife is supportive!

 

Love,

~Audrey.

[KathyLauren]

We've got the big snow storm now.  I woke up to a @#$% winter wonderland, and it is still snowing like crazy.  I drove the car down the driveway just to make sure it is passable.  It is, but just barely.  It is supposed to turn to freezing rain and then heavy rain later.  That's gonna be messy!

 

Weekday = tea instead of coffee.  I hope everyone has a good day.

[Petra Jane]

Unable to get my morning walk/exercise in today due to the weather, so instead spent part of the morning shoveling snow from my drive, and also an older neighbours path as she has terminal cancer and has no one else seems willing to help out.

 

I then made a Victoria Sponge cake and although my first attempt, it is delicious though the buttercream icing was a bit of a disaster, it is really nice! Oh, and I ran out of icing sugar for the dusting

 

Lovely with a nice cuppa!

 

[KymmieL]

Well woke to a beautiful blue sky and in the 30s. I hate to say it we need some moisture.  We need what the NE got, a major snow. Possibly some tomorrow.

 

Been doing good with my E so far. On my second patch. Nothing on the job front. a little down about it. I know something will come.

 

Have a great day.

 

Kymmie

[KymmieL]

Heard from Willow. She is not abandoning us like a couple other girls have. She is just having a break to be with her wife. Some issues have surfaced.

 

I hope everything works out and she is back with us.

 

Kymmie

[Ivy]

2 hours ago, KymmieL said:

I hope everything works out and she is back with us

Yes

[CD Rachel]

Hello all,

 

Sharing a couple of pictures of Snowmageddon 2021. These were taken from my home out the back and front doors. It is still snowing here as of 1300 hrs. looks like we had a total of about 22 inches here so far.

[KathyLauren]

I spent the afternoon wrestling with the snowblower.  I am tuckered out and I hurt, but at least the rain and warmer temperatures on the way will melt what's left.

 

My electrologist called yesterday to cancel today's appointment because of the weather.  A good call.  However, I try to give her a 4-day grow-out to work with.  We are rescheduled for Friday, so she'll have a 7-day grow-out.  I am not planning to go anywhere in the meantime, and, if I do, I'll be masked, so it's not a big worry.

[Audrey]

@KathyLauren Good call for sure! I would have had an appointment yesterday but it's just as well I canceled it because of the weather but also my slow healing from the previous time. But now most of the redness and all of the scabs are gone.

 

@KymmieL Glad to hear that E is going well so far! It must be such a relief to not have the stress of wondering if and when you'll start on your mind.

 

It's been hard to concentrate today on work stuff. A little preoccupied I guess, but we all have days like that sometimes. Going to focus on being kind to myself this evening!

 

Love,

~Audrey.

[Bri2020]

I think I have some past things to work through.  Last night I had a dream where I was walking my dog- but it was a mix of my childhood dog and my current one. I was presenting as my current self. I walked up to some men and handed them the leash and they took the dog to go put to sleep. I started to cry and turned to walk away and my mom was there to comfort me and we hugged (she passed 20 years ago)  I woke from the dream absolutely sobbing like I've never done before.  My wife obviously can sleep through a tornado with her ear plugs in because I couldn't control my grief for an hour and she never woke up. I'm glad because there wasn't anything she could do and I hate waking her. She NEEDS her sleep. lol. 

I'm pretty confident I grieved appropriately when my mom passed but my recollection of my past  isn't too good since going through a bunch of ECT when I was really depressed.  I do know that I wish my mom could have known me as Bri though.  I think she would have loved having me as her daughter.  As for the dog symbolism, I'm not sure there. My parents got rid of our dog when my dad came down with emphysema. I suspect they had him put down but no one ever fessed up to it. "went to a farm" statement was all we got.

And now I'm a mess again just writing this out.... 

[Aggie1]

11 hours ago, Audrey said:

 Seeing my younger self struggling so much just overwhelmed me with sadness, remembering that painful time of my life where I'd become certain of being transgender but too fearful to share it directly with anyone. I wonder how my life would be different...

Audrey. You are making me tear up! I had a similar experience. I just accidentally did a function in Facebook which creates a movie out of selfies and I can clearly see Agnes’ eyes looking back at me. Even with a variety of facial hair styles like sideburns and a full beard. I tried to mask the boy but the girl keeps looking back at me saying “what the hell are you doing!” LOL