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KymmieL

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Jackie C.
8 hours ago, KymmieL said:

The wife is talking family  counseling.

 

Make sure you find a counselor that works for both of you. You don't need a counselor that's going to gang up on you with her. Ask me how I know. 😜

 

Hugs!

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Bri2020

Sorry to hear that @Willow/ @KymmieL  I think it will be a roller coaster for you all.  It's tough on spouses too and they have a lot to figure out often with zero good support.  Not that it excuses anything but feelings are going to be all over the place. Counseling is great.

 

Coffee goddess I adore you and kneel before your alter this morning.

I got my second dose yesterday and all was going well until 2am when I broke a small fever and massive chills.  I suffer from a low grade tinnitus and for whatever reason it got ridiculously loud last night and I couldn't sleep.

Everything has pretty much resolved by this morning but I really needed the coffee!  If that's all the reaction I have I feel blessed.  It's a small price to pay for the benefits it provides. Looking forward to hugging my sisters , father and friends soon.  

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Good morning 

 

coffees brewing.  I just want to thank everyone for their concerns and comments.  This as a shocker because I started on this ride 3 years ago and by all indications it was smoothing out.  So this hit to me came out of no where.

 

I don’t recall who mentioned not being allowed to undress around her wife.  It is not something I normally do.  In fact I try to dress and undress or shave and all those things away from her.  This was a freak occasion that got way out of hand.

 

time to enjoy my brew. 
 

Willow

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SheenaT
14 hours ago, Willow said:

@ElizabethStar @KymmieL @Lexa83   Liz I think that is great the progress made at your wife’s birthday.  I thought my wife and I were moving in that direction too.  Signs and conversations were seeming to go in that direction.  Then this weekend hit.  First, she got upset because I changed for bed in front of her.  Then Saturday more SHTF.  I’ll never be ok, I’ve told you that!  I can’t look at you anymore.  And more.  This continued Sunday when I told her I wasn’t going to church.  We talked a lot on Sunday and today.  Things are better but this was my worst weekend in a long time.  Depression. Crying, fighting...  the whole gambit.

 

She did apologize.  I said it would be better for me if she didn’t suggest she was doing better about me and then explode.  She said sometimes she thought it be easier if I was full time but I pointed out I wasn’t because she didn’t want me out full time.

 

very difficult time.

 

Willow

Wow I'm so sorry. I'm sure I will face a similar fate.

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SheenaT
4 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

 

Make sure you find a counselor that works for both of you. You don't need a counselor that's going to gang up on you with her. Ask me how I know. 😜

 

Hugs!

That is my fear if I let her choose the counselor 

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Bri2020
1 hour ago, SheenaT said:

That is my fear if I let her choose the counselor 

Ideally, she would have her own counselor, you would have yours and a 3rd would do couples work with you all.

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SheenaT
1 hour ago, Bri2020 said:

Ideally, she would have her own counselor, you would have yours and a 3rd would do couples work with you all.

😉👍

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SheenaT
On 3/7/2021 at 2:28 AM, QuestioningAmber said:

 

*sips coffee*

Good morning all, I know it’s been a while since I posted. I thought I would say hello and check in. I have been busy at work, but that has dropped off the face of the Earth again, so now slowness has started again. I decided to add in a new therapist that specializes in supporting those with Gender Identity concerns, which would be great except my emotional life has been shaken on its head. I have come to realize some of my emotional issues are triggered by my “parents” and their lack of interest in my life, even before the discussion of transition and the years of neglect and possible abuse. This has kind of destabilized me again, along with increasing the estrogen about a month and half ago.

*sips coffee*

I am just trying to stay afloat I guess right now, which is partially why I took a step back. We are trying to work through the trauma of the neglect and various events, while also keeping me out of the hospital, as we don’t feel like that would be a safe place for me (it would be non-gender affirming and also with COVID, just seems like a poor choice).

*sips coffee*

So yeah, that’s what has been going on. I am trying to work on a plan to start up a local LGBTQ+ Social Group, because there isn’t one that already exists, and I think something like this would be really nice for a place where I can find like minded individuals to do board game nights, coffee hour, and other social things without it being just solely about support groups. That at least is the pie in the sky dream with it.

 

🤗 its lonely being trans.

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Jackie C.
1 hour ago, SheenaT said:

🤗 its lonely being trans.

 

It's lonely being ANYBODY right now. I just want to hibernate for a month or three. Preferably while glommed onto my spouse like a tick.

 

Exhausted this morning for no good reason. Imma take a nap. 😴

 

Hugs!

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SheenaT
1 hour ago, Jackie C. said:

 

It's lonely being ANYBODY right now. I just want to hibernate for a month or three. Preferably while glommed onto my spouse like a tick.

 

Exhausted this morning for no good reason. Imma take a nap. 😴

 

Hugs!

I hear that but I have to work.🤔

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1 hour ago, SheenaT said:

its lonely being trans.

It does feel like it can be isolating at times. I had a tough therapy session yesterday in which we talked a lot about transition planning. One thing he did notice and say is a concern is I don't have much in the way of affirmative support in my life. I have a few people who are more passive, where they accept me for me, but not a lot of people who boost my self-esteem or help me build self-worth with the nice statements commenting on what I am wearing when I try to wear something cute. His concern is that without this positive support, I won't have the support to outweigh the negative detractors to me when I am out in public or starting to transition at work.

 

I have been kicking around the idea of starting a Queer Social Group locally, but I do partially feel like I am in a chicken and egg problem. I need to have confidence to start the group because there will be people who say negative things, but I need a group of people to help support me to back up my confidence.

 

This is when my mental health begins to suffer because I don't see a way out (or it is because my mental health, not sure which to be honest).

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1 hour ago, Jackie C. said:

It's lonely being ANYBODY right now.

Indeed.

I hope when I get my second dose of the vax I'll be able to get out and about more.  We'll see.

 

Just found out my ex son-in-law passed.  He was suffering with a brain tumor for years.  I always liked him.  I kinda feel their split was due more to my daughter than him, but…

They have one child, my granddaughter, about 7 now.  She loved her daddy.

Sigh.

 

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SheenaT
1 hour ago, QuestioningAmber said:

It does feel like it can be isolating at times. I had a tough therapy session yesterday in which we talked a lot about transition planning. One thing he did notice and say is a concern is I don't have much in the way of affirmative support in my life. I have a few people who are more passive, where they accept me for me, but not a lot of people who boost my self-esteem or help me build self-worth with the nice statements commenting on what I am wearing when I try to wear something cute. His concern is that without this positive support, I won't have the support to outweigh the negative detractors to me when I am out in public or starting to transition at work.

 

I have been kicking around the idea of starting a Queer Social Group locally, but I do partially feel like I am in a chicken and egg problem. I need to have confidence to start the group because there will be people who say negative things, but I need a group of people to help support me to back up my confidence.

 

This is when my mental health begins to suffer because I don't see a way out (or it is because my mental health, not sure which to be honest).

I only have one cis girlfriend who loves and accepts me. 

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SheenaT
1 hour ago, Jandi said:

Indeed.

I hope when I get my second dose of the vax I'll be able to get out and about more.  We'll see.

 

Just found out my ex son-in-law passed.  He was suffering with a brain tumor for years.  I always liked him.  I kinda feel their split was due more to my daughter than him, but…

They have one child, my granddaughter, about 7 now.  She loved her daddy.

Sigh.

 

😥

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  • Forum Moderator
Jackie C.
1 hour ago, SheenaT said:

I only have one cis girlfriend who loves and accepts me. 

 

For now.

 

Personally, I've found that as I transitioned and love myself more, I attract more supportive friends. My circle of friends is at least twice as large as it was before I started... which makes sense, I'm much more pleasant to be around... and I only attract positive people. Which also makes sense, because I've become a positive and supportive person myself.

 

Hugs!

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SheenaT
1 hour ago, Jackie C. said:

 

For now.

 

Personally, I've found that as I transitioned and love myself more, I attract more supportive friends. My circle of friends is at least twice as large as it was before I started... which makes sense, I'm much more pleasant to be around... and I only attract positive people. Which also makes sense, because I've become a positive and supportive person myself.

 

Hugs!

😉

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SheenaT
1 hour ago, Jackie C. said:

 

For now.

 

Personally, I've found that as I transitioned and love myself more, I attract more supportive friends. My circle of friends is at least twice as large as it was before I started... which makes sense, I'm much more pleasant to be around... and I only attract positive people. Which also makes sense, because I've become a positive and supportive person myself.

 

Hugs!

I find even in the little things, growing out my hair, piercing my ears etc. I am a bit happier.

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Bri2020
1 hour ago, QuestioningAmber said:

 

I have been kicking around the idea of starting a Queer Social Group locally, but I do partially feel like I am in a chicken and egg problem. I need to have confidence to start the group because there will be people who say negative things, but I need a group of people to help support me to back up my confidence.

 

This is when my mental health begins to suffer because I don't see a way out (or it is because my mental health, not sure which to be honest).

The UU church in Columbus has LGBT group. Contact them about facilitating or just asking if they do any kind of TG support/fellowship.  The UU church pastor in my area is actually trans and leads support groups.  

Screen Shot 2021-03-09 at 10.13.26 AM.png

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KymmieL
1 hour ago, SheenaT said:

🤗 its lonely being trans.

Yeah, even in your own home. So it started when my wife came to get the computer to use for her AA meeting. Then my son shows up He leaves in a huff. Then the texts start. My wife is going to bring home boxes to start packing. I messaged back don't bother I am the one moving. Then my son calls I'm busy so it goes to voice mail. He leaves me a vulgar voice mail. I finally ask the boss if I can head home because the SHTF. I get home my wife is on the phone with her AA friend (the more liberal one) I wait patently. My son is on the phone to a friends mom. 

 

Me and my son go at it. almost a cat fight. My wife is POed about me bringing up the past. Her 3 alcohol  related incidents. We finally calm do Actually joke a little. I go back to work.

 

Kymmie

 

 

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SheenaT
1 hour ago, KymmieL said:

Yeah, even in your own home. So it started when my wife came to get the computer to use for her AA meeting. Then my son shows up He leaves in a huff. Then the texts start. My wife is going to bring home boxes to start packing. I messaged back don't bother I am the one moving. Then my son calls I'm busy so it goes to voice mail. He leaves me a vulgar voice mail. I finally ask the boss if I can head home because the SHTF. I get home my wife is on the phone with her AA friend (the more liberal one) I wait patently. My son is on the phone to a friends mom. 

 

Me and my son go at it. almost a cat fight. My wife is POed about me bringing up the past. Her 3 alcohol  related incidents. We finally calm do Actually joke a little. I go back to work.

 

Kymmie

 

 

😥

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Sux

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@Bri2020 Thanks for the info, I will reach out to see what they offer as far as Groups. I know I am hoping to find more of a social group because that's how I ease my anxiety in the form of playing games and things like that. I will see maybe if they hold a support group or something like that because I have found typically those don't hurt me to have more of (I know a local Medical Provider Equitas holds one, as well as one other).

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Bri2020
1 hour ago, QuestioningAmber said:

@Bri2020 Thanks for the info, I will reach out to see what they offer as far as Groups. I know I am hoping to find more of a social group because that's how I ease my anxiety in the form of playing games and things like that. I will see maybe if they hold a support group or something like that because I have found typically those don't hurt me to have more of (I know a local Medical Provider Equitas holds one, as well as one other).

Ours in the area usually have a "speaker" at the group/meeting, more often than not someone from the group that presents a topic and then a "social" afterwards

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2 hours ago, QuestioningAmber said:

I have been kicking around the idea of starting a Queer Social Group locally, but I do partially feel like I am in a chicken and egg problem. I need to have confidence to start the group because there will be people who say negative things, but I need a group of people to help support me to back up my confidence.

 

Often, queer groups guard their publicity and meetings, for safety and security reasons, and figure out how and when to be public facing. For example, our church hosted a city wide trans chorus for weekly rehearsals for some years. The church didn't list it in its public bulletin of activities, but plenty of LGBTQ publications did.  In appreciation for our space, the chorus then performed at one of our Sunday morning services for everyone, to the delight of all.  

 

For Zoom meetings of any kind, we use a waiting room, so that the host can screen anyone unfamiliar before admitting them.  This eliminates issues with "Zoom bombing" from unfriendly/hostile individuals.

 

In these ways, we can isolate negative folks while, as you say so well, keeping the group of supporters to back up your confidence.  

 

I applaud your thinking about doing this.  Tangible support is vital for so many of us!

 

Astrid

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