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20 hours ago, Linda Marie said:

So I'm sitting here today wondering where my future is. I've completed all my obligations, went through

so much hell the past 20 years, and I just can't stop, I'm not complete yet. 

I'm sick of gluing my breast on and tucking myself. I want breast implants, and genital surgery.

My insurance covers it, my wife can't have sex anyway, so what's the problem with me having surgery?

Her!! She feels it is the end and I will leave her. Honestly, that is really how she feels, she told me.

I told her I'm not going anywhere unless she askes me to.

I will have to start over with all the counseling again, get approval and set up surgery date, 1 year of it for my insurance to pay.

I figure why not, not doing much anyway but dreaming and wishing, and all know I'm going to do it anyway, so

here goes, the next round of talks with the spouse. I'm not looking forward to it, but at the same time I am.

I have been using my age as a reason not to go through with it, but now am ready.

I just sent in papers to a surgeon in Chicago to get registered. When I called them to see if they were in network for insurance, they said yes but there is a 1.5 - 2 year waiting list. You might want to check with the surgeon in your area also. There was also a $100 fee for the initial visit. Hope it goes well for you.

Jamie

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19 hours ago, Jandi said:

Out of curiosity, how was their recovery?

They were good as was mine.  One has had a little nerve over-stimulation that is being addressed soon. (that's how I describe it)  They are both active and busy in life.  

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7 hours ago, Heather Nicole said:

It's technically Saturday here now, but for me it's still the late tail end of Friday night. It's been...quite a day. My mom spent about a year and a half battling pancreatic cancer, which runs in the family. Today was the day my brother, sister and I were forced to have her put into hospice. A complicated day.

 

Could also use to have the trans trademark self-doubt and impostor syndrome tuned down a notch or two. It's like, you think you've finally figured yourself out, a few times, and then inertia comes along and tells the brain, "Nope, still cis!"

Good luck Dear,

Don't worry too much about saying stupid stuff, everyone does. She will just know you are there and that's all that matters.

Yea, when life gets stressed it tends to make us doubt a lot of things, even in the non-trans world so just know that's normal.  Advice I got once and try to implement in my life is when you are going through major life events like this, don't put too much stock in your thoughts or make life decisions. Just be there in the moment, and once you pass through that crisis, give yourself plenty of time to process it before trusting you thoughts/life decisions.  We are here for you, just reach out to let us know how you are feeling or what you need

Hugs

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7 hours ago, Heather Nicole said:

Today was the day my brother, sister and I were forced to have her put into hospice. A complicated day.

Sorry to hear this. We've had family in Hospice, and it's hard.

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On 3/17/2021 at 12:58 AM, Jamie68 said:

Good news about the counselling. Family counselling helped me when We had problems years ago. I haven't had any negative changes from transitioning. I'm a better person now. And what's wrong about being a fashionista? I could definitely use some help with women's fashion, LOL.

?

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I am wound up tight right now. I have received my orders and fly out to the west coast on Monday. I have never been comfortable flying and my anxiety goes up just leaving the house to go to the market. At least Paso Robles is a place that i have been before and I can find my way around. Also these 5 day TDY throw my internal clock out of wack so I will probably be a zombie for the next two weeks.

 

Ok, griping over onward with life.

 

 

Rachel

 

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1 hour ago, CD Rachel said:

 

I am wound up tight right now. I have received my orders and fly out to the west coast on Monday. I have never been comfortable flying and my anxiety goes up just leaving the house to go to the market. At least Paso Robles is a place that i have been before and I can find my way around. Also these 5 day TDY throw my internal clock out of wack so I will probably be a zombie for the next two weeks.

 

Ok, griping over onward with life.

 

 

Rachel

 

Not a fan of flying. A couple trips coming up for work. One to Memphis Tennessee 

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I've been missing a lot here over the last couple days. I tried to at least stop in and see what's new. My wife and I are finally talking like adults.

 

I got my paper work together to get my name changed. I needed to get one of the form notarized and as it turns out the director of HR at work is also a notary. He was happy to help. I jut need to find time to take them down to the city clerk. I could probably submit them on-line but I don't want to take any chances. As I was leaving to get back to my building I ended up in a conversation about boobs with some of the other girls. it was weird to say the least but probably considered normal.

Back at the office one our tech's was whining about something. I offered him my man card. I really though he could use a new one. I don't need mine and obviously his expired. It was amazing that was all it took to get him to shut up and get back to work.

 

 

Gotta get some house cleaning done.

Edited by Jani
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Good work!  Its a slow process getting all your ducks in a row, but it will come together :)

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1 hour ago, ElizabethStar said:

I offered him my man card. I really though he could use a new one. I don't need mine and obviously his expired. It was amazing that was all it took to get him to shut up and get back to work.

 

 

Bwahahahahaha

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. Taxing down the runway, then roaring off into the sky. Look at all the little houses and cars down there. Then a few minutes later where did the little cars and houses go?

Then around 38,000 feet the ride gets boring, 

Then decent, oh look the little cars and houses are back....non eventful flight, yey!

Well one flight I was on flying around Atlanta because we were caught in a bad storm and couldn't land, then

BLAM.. Yeah and I'm seated just in front of the wing, and lightning hits the wing and a big ball of fire blew out from the engine.

I nearly soiled myself. Still I love flying, beats driving in city traffic. 

I've only flown about 40 times in my career, but that strike was terrifying. 

Another time we were flying out of Atlanta and this drunk guy was in front of us and a big party of kids

going to the Billy Graham church  was in front of the drunk guy, and again we were flying out into a major storm.

So they let the drunk guy board, the kids get on and my work partner says to me, we will be okay, all those church kids

are on board. I looked at him and replied, those are the ones god choses, and if god calls them, guess what happens to us.

I never heard a peep from him the rest of the flight. All went well and we finally landed safely.

 

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@Heather Nicole I am so sorry to hear you are putting your mother in hospice. My mother in law had to go into hospice but never made it out of the hospital, just moved to the hospice floor.  My wife, her brother and I were all in the room with her when she took her last breath.  
 

our granddaughter was also on hospice her last 6 weeks. That was really difficult.  But it’s best they get the care they need so they don’t suffer.  Know they are going to a place with no more pain and suffering.

 

Willow

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10 hours ago, CD Rachel said:

I have received my orders and fly out to the west coast on Monday.

Take care @CD Rachel.  I trust all will be well.  

 

Jani

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My in-laws came over today. It was their first time seeing the new place. They like the place just not the super-steep driveway. While they were her one of the topics that came up was how due to the hills in our yard our privacy fence doesn't give any privacy for the pool. I mentioned how I didn't want to be on display this summer.  Wife says something about how it's different for me now because I have boobs. She said this in front of her parents.

 

Later she wanted to buy some clothes. As usual we sat together while she shopped. When she was done she insisted that I buy myself something. I take forever to decide so she ended up leaving me alone while I picked a few things out. I got a couple tops and bottoms.

 

Things have gotten so much better around here.

 

 

 

 

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@Heather Nicole I'm so sorry about your mother. That has to be really hard.

I agree with @Bri2020. When we are stressed our brain goes into "surviving mode", sticking to its old patterns in order to conserve as much energy as it can. It is normal that you don't feel connected to your transness at this moment. Just don't give too much attention to your thoughts around it right now. Just take care of yourself and your family. Sending you a hug.

 

Here, me and my kids are dealing with Covid. We are ok - flu-like symptoms only. Not that flu is nice, but we are ok.

 

I came out at work three weeks ago. Amazing how scared I was, even when I thought it would be ok. It has actually been way better than ok. Both the boss and my colleagues have given me their full support, they are calling me by my name and pronouns and they rarely slip. My boss had my new email done 4 hours after I told him. Since coming out at work I feel more secure in my identity and way more connected with myself - both because the fear is gone and because being adressed as myself is a huge affirmation.

It's been a blessing that has surpassed the loss of a good friend that couldn't cope with it.

 

And... I have an appointment with the transgender care doctor in April. Here we do informed consent, so it will be up to me if I just want information or actually ask for T already. Going in circles about if I should give myself more time or not.

 

 

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6 hours ago, ElizabethStar said:

 

Later she wanted to buy some clothes. As usual we sat together while she shopped. When she was done she insisted that I buy myself something.

That sound great Elizabeth. Glad it is getting better with your wife.

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7 hours ago, ElizabethStar said:

Things have gotten so much better around here.

I'm super happy for you! ?

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2 hours ago, Gabriel said:

I came out at work three weeks ago. Amazing how scared I was, even when I thought it would be ok. It has actually been way better than ok. Both the boss and my colleagues have given me their full support, they are calling me by my name and pronouns and they rarely slip. My boss had my new email done 4 hours after I told him. Since coming out at work I feel more secure in my identity and way more connected with myself - both because the fear is gone and because being adressed as myself is a huge affirmation.

It's been a blessing that has surpassed the loss of a good friend that couldn't cope with it.

That's fantastic though I'm sorry to hear about your loss of your friend. To your upcoming masculinizing HRT. ?

 

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Really happy for you @ElizabethStar! I'm glad your spouse is onboard. I expect that you'll both be much happier.

 

Hugs! 

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3 hours ago, Gabriel said:

@Heather Nicole I'm so sorry about your mother. That has to be really hard.

I agree with @Bri2020. When we are stressed our brain goes into "surviving mode", sticking to its old patterns in order to conserve as much energy as it can. It is normal that you don't feel connected to your transness at this moment. Just don't give too much attention to your thoughts around it right now. Just take care of yourself and your family. Sending you a hug.

 

Here, me and my kids are dealing with Covid. We are ok - flu-like symptoms only. Not that flu is nice, but we are ok.

 

I came out at work three weeks ago. Amazing how scared I was, even when I thought it would be ok. It has actually been way better than ok. Both the boss and my colleagues have given me their full support, they are calling me by my name and pronouns and they rarely slip. My boss had my new email done 4 hours after I told him. Since coming out at work I feel more secure in my identity and way more connected with myself - both because the fear is gone and because being adressed as myself is a huge affirmation.

It's been a blessing that has surpassed the loss of a good friend that couldn't cope with it.

 

And... I have an appointment with the transgender care doctor in April. Here we do informed consent, so it will be up to me if I just want information or actually ask for T already. Going in circles about if I should give myself more time or not.

 

 

That's awesome Gabriel! I'm retired so didn't have to deal with coming out to coworkers. As for me, I say why wait. If you are sure about your gender, there's no good reason to wait if your health is good.

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8 hours ago, ElizabethStar said:

My in-laws came over today. It was their first time seeing the new place. They like the place just not the super-steep driveway. While they were her one of the topics that came up was how due to the hills in our yard our privacy fence doesn't give any privacy for the pool. I mentioned how I didn't want to be on display this summer.  Wife says something about how it's different for me now because I have boobs. She said this in front of her parents.

 

Later she wanted to buy some clothes. As usual we sat together while she shopped. When she was done she insisted that I buy myself something. I take forever to decide so she ended up leaving me alone while I picked a few things out. I got a couple tops and bottoms.

 

Things have gotten so much better around here.

 

 

 

 

Wow, I'm so happy that your wife supports you so much now. 

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3 hours ago, Gabriel said:

I came out at work three weeks ago. Amazing how scared I was, even when I thought it would be ok. It has actually been way better than ok. Both the boss and my colleagues have given me their full support, they are calling me by my name and pronouns and they rarely slip. My boss had my new email done 4 hours after I told him. Since coming out at work I feel more secure in my identity and way more connected with myself - both because the fear is gone and because being adressed as myself is a huge affirmation.

It's been a blessing that has surpassed the loss of a good friend that couldn't cope with it.

This is so great Gabriel.  I'm so glad you stood up to your fear and found that you were better than ok...it's inspiring.  Sounds like there was a cost, but something's lost, and something's gained in living every day.  

 

Hope your all well soon.

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On 3/19/2021 at 8:07 AM, Tasha Marie said:

It’s so crazy how all this goes. We know what we want and need, but all we do is question everything. So what I’m saying is we question whether we should transition and we question ourselves because all we do is think about what everybody thinks like our spouses what  our work is going to think what our friends is going to think what the world is going to think so we question  and we question and we question we know what we need why the heck can’t we just do it without worrying about everybody else. With that being said I still do it too and it’s so hard to stop. We need to say screw everybody else and do what we need to do, think about ourselves but that is so hard to do.

 

On 3/19/2021 at 8:43 AM, Linda Marie said:

Think about ourselves, so hard to do.(Tasha Marie)

Powerful words, and yet so true.

I really didn't come here to re live all that. 

I'm starting to cry now. Still I'm glad to live it, I am

who and what I am. Still, I'm an outcast, I'm the freak, and will always be.

Doesn't matter what I've accomplished through out my journey, all they see

is someone to talk about to others, yes we know that, we have feelings also, and

we see. 

So this is the life that others say I chose for myself, I'm here to say I didn't chose this life, it chose me.

Life in the trans lane....what a life, so full of happiness and pain. 

Would I change it, no, I would not be me if I changed my life, I would be someone else.

So here I am, no different than anyone else here, still scared, still hurt, still trudging on.

So what next? Hmmm, next will find me, I'm not hunting for it, just resting up for it. 

LM♥️ 

I've been really busy with some projects lately, so I haven't been posting much, but I follow along and just wanted to say that I thought these were both very honest and eloquent observations that left me feeling less alone.  Always questioning for sure...and I wouldn't change things either.  Trans is hard...but trans is also wonderful.

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    • VickySGV
      We have had some real dillies come out as the initiative sort of thing, but as @Carolyn Marie said, very few make it out of the petition signing seasons.  I am not surprised at the origin site of this thing, it is probably one of only 3 regressive leaning counties we have in the state. We actually had one of these initiatives started to make it mandatory for police to shoot dead on site any Gay behaving individuals wherever they found them.  For the most part the matters are poorly written in ways to be unenforceable even if enacted.  Thus most never become law or get to the voters.
    • Carolyn Marie
      You make some good points, AYS.  But there are usually already too many ballot propositions each election, so the proponents know it's best to wrap it all up into a nice package.  Plus, it's easier for the signature gatherers.  Otherwise they have to have a separate clipboard for each proposition.  Too much paperwork, dontcha know?   This kind of proposition is a loser in CA, so the only possible way the proponents can succeed is to give it the scariest title imaginable and try to put one over on the voters before they get wise.  Bottom line; an ice cube on a hot summer sidewalk has a better chance of success.   Carolyn Marie
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Reading that article, it seems like the attorney general gets to call it whatever unless its an outright lie.  Given the nature of politics in CA, it seems like one side has the bully pulpit for sure.  Labeling it "Restricts Rights" vs "Protects Kids" is very much a matter of perspective.  Unfortunately, that matters since many voters don't bother to read.  Perhaps a better (unbiased) way to handle it would be to simply give the ballot measure a number with no title, forcing folks to read it.    I think it would have been better to handle the various issues covered by the ballot measure separately, rather than all at once.  For example, issues relating to disclosure of medical and social information to parents.  That could be its own ballot measure, rather than lumped in with everything else.  Besides, shorter and more succinct measures are more likely to be read completely. 
    • Carolyn Marie
      https://calmatters.org/education/k-12-education/2024/04/trans-youth/     Yup, the existing title sound perfectly appropriate and accurate to me, too.   Carolyn Marie
    • Adrianna Danielle
      Seen my hrt specialist this morning and nothing but good news,estrogen levels looked good.Boyfriend was with me and I admit he has been learning well about my transition showing his support.Our relationship is going great and we both see each other much happier now.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      This reminded me of an individual who, due to child sexual abuse, lived as a woman for 15 years, detransitioned and noisily insists that all trans people have his story.  His name comes up fairly often because it fits the narrative.   I don't know that anyone actually has been railroaded.  People may say it, they may look back at what happened and decide that happened.  It's a he said / she said, but it feeds a narrative that is useful for those who are already convinced that trans people are abuse victims first and foremost.  That the detransition rate is so low tells me that railroading is not actually a problem, and I regret giving the impression that I thought it was.  That so few detransition is a success story.   What is pertitent at heart is that people hear and believe all the stories out there, and the story we have to tell is not heard, because TG folk are, after all, untrustworthy in their view and unworthy of an audience.  Somehow it needs to get out there as to what the real situation is. 
    • Ashley0616
    • Ashley0616
      I'm not saying that Christianity is wrong but at the same time there were more than 30,000 changes to it. The Bible doesn't state anything against transgender. The only point that can be proven by them is that people are giving into their desire. 1 John 2:15-17 ESV "Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride of life—is not from the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever." I would love to challenge them by asking who watches a movie, reads books, and listens to music that isn't Christian based because then they would be guilty as well. 1 Corinthians 10:31 ESV "So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. Probably not a single hand would still stand that they don't participate in everything they do gives glory to God. "
    • VickySGV
      My neighboring state got lucky a couple years ago. 
    • VickySGV
      https://www.wpath.org/soc8   I had been looking for this to respond to a member and could not find it .  Pinning it for now.
    • VickySGV
      @Abigail GenevieveSomewhere in the Forums here, we have a link to the World Professional Association for Transgender Health's Standards Of Care, now at revision 8 but it is available in plenty of places.   https://www.wpath.org/soc8.    These are the canons for the allied medical fields that deal with Trans people and are the guidance for those professionals.  I personally know members of the Association and have toyed with the idea of becoming an associate member since I am not a medical professional but because I like to keep on top of what is going on medically.  There are a number of Trans people who think they are overly oppressive as far as the gatekeeping goes, but the medical / psychological profession members who follow these guidelines for there patients WILL NOT be forcing their patients into unneeded or harmful surgery or medications.  I read my first pitiful and heart-rending  "detransitioning" story 60 years ago when I snuck a tabloid newspaper behind a comic book down at the neighborhood convenience store when I was 16 years old and reading it off the rack which should have been adult only.  I am afraid that it was the first thing I ever read that told me about Trans and Transsexual people, it would be another 30 years before I actually figured out my own story.  The story I later found out, was NOT written by a Trans person, but a well known Porn scribbler who wrote many fantastic and gory stories about what he thought Trans people were.  We are not anything like his imagination, but he was a "press agent" for Trans people of the time.  We do have some well known and noisy, negative view Detransitioners who have been found to have gone to multiple psychologists and lied their way Transitioning, one of the most infamous actually hid Dissociative Identity Disorder, right therapist wrong Identity that was being counseled.  It is a messy story.  The public, like my first encounter, was NOT getting their information from the scientific journals of the time, they were getting it from Adult Entertainment and Tabloids   We need to be careful of where we get some of our ideas from. Evidence is good that the person at the heart of this thread gets most of his information from us from the slanted and non-scientific sources most people get theirs.   OOPs, I( may have sent this off track here, but but but.    
    • Ivy
    • Ashley0616
      Yet another failed attempt. Glad to know that we are more important than education or health care to them.
    • Mmindy
      I agree with you.   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • Mmindy
      Well said, and I agree @VickySGV   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
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