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KymmieL

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Linda Marie

Oh dear, that horrible depression. I battled that for 3 years. It blindsided me, came from no where.

I had everything going for me then that hit. I did kind of what Jackie said, I started talking to it, silly I suppose, but it worked after a long battle. I did set up my camera and was ready for my last day, that was when I woke up and went to battle.

I have 5 purses, I love my purses, just to lazy at times to empty then and change purses, lol.

Ginger my cat was a feral cat that showed up in my basement a few years ago. I fed her, then trapped her and took her

to the vet's and had her spaded, and all her shots, I even put a cat door and food bench in my basement for her and her son, Fuzzy, trapped him also and shots and fixed. They both have been with me now for a few years.

 

Cat..jpg

Cat2.jpg

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Most recent first, Yes I agree the more you manage to come out and (ok why can’t I turn this back off?) are accepted, the better you feel.  

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Trying this again, the worry is alway lack of acceptance but it’s never as bad as you imagine.  My wife was my worst and she has given her concerns to God.  We are doing a whole lot better.

 

Purses, I don’t carry all that in my purse, but I will say after carrying one, I don’t understand why the MURSE never caught on.  I wear glasses in case you hadn’t noticed so a glasses case with my prescription sun glasses, or vice versa, lipstick, hair brush, keys, phone, a compact, I try to carry tissues but use them and don’t think to replace them, a face mask, and my wallet.  It matches the purse.  My wife makes purses and matching wallets out of different materials.  The one I’ve been using is cork.  But she makes quilted, foleather, and others and she usually manages a matching wallet. Sometime my wife and I want the same one and have to share.  Ok, I give in to her most of the time but I have a couple she made specifically for me.

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Linda Marie

Out of the blue I get a call. I'm retired and have to go to a business meeting.

Do not know what this about, all I know is I text back and told them, I'm wearing polka dots.

They said please come as you are.

LM♥️

 

Today31.jpg

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KymmieL

When I carry my purse. I usually just have my wallet, some makeup, my keys, and maybe some protection. That is about all I can fit in my purse.

 

 

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Well… 

I kinda have an interest in historical clothing.  And since we were posting purses and stuff, I thought this was interesting in regard to historical women's pockets.

 

 

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Susan R
7 hours ago, Linda Marie said:

Out of the blue I get a call. I'm retired and have to go to a business meeting.

Do not know what this about, all I know is I text back and told them, I'm wearing polka dots.

They said please come as you are.

LM♥️

 

Today31.jpg

And yet another lovely outfit...lookin good girl!😘

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Jamie68

It seems universal that the depression mostly goes away when you come out. It was the same for me. I quit all my destructive habits. Feel much better about myself and want to live now. There will be moments of depression when we see how long it takes to accomplish all the stuff that needs to get done, and especially when you see how much you have turned upside down the lives of your loved ones. My wife tells me I'm being selfish. Well, I guess I am. It's my turn now to do something for myself. It's something that I MUST do if I'm going to survive.

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Elizabeth Star
1 hour ago, Jamie68 said:

It seems universal that the depression mostly goes away when you come out. It was the same for me. I quit all my destructive habits. Feel much better about myself and want to live now. There will be moments of depression when we see how long it takes to accomplish all the stuff that needs to get done, and especially when you see how much you have turned upside down the lives of your loved ones. My wife tells me I'm being selfish. Well, I guess I am. It's my turn now to do something for myself. It's something that I MUST do if I'm going to survive.

Pretty much sums up my life.

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LusciousTheLock

I also agree with the above. The physical transition hasn't been the main cure. Its been letting people know that there is someone else in this shell. The real me that's been hiding and peering through my eye holes. The reason why I sometimes act odd (Well, feminine. I am odd though). Acceptance and the correct treatment of myself by others and the understanding that goes with it.  Being able to relax as myself, rather than putting on an act. Accepting myself for who I am.  

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I am pleased to hear that I am not alone in the depression lessening throughout your journeys. Not much happened on Sunday, was preparing to play some Final Fantasy XIV with a friend, but they never responded to me, hoping they are all right.

 

 I am preparing for another day at work, then I look at my calendar and it has one item on it, so that isn’t any good for my day normally. I was hoping to have more in the way of meetings and such to keep me busy. I am also (trying to be patient) waiting for the next touch base with HR, so I can get the answers that I am waiting for. Then I can setup the meeting with HR, my boss, and myself. I also need to call the clerk of courts I think to see if they can or have scheduled my hearing for the name change. Not work-related things to do, which makes me feel bad because well, I am being paid then to handle my personal life it would seem instead of doing something else. -shrug-

 

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On 4/9/2021 at 1:21 PM, Jandi said:

This is what we do when we get a few miles on us.

 

It's a trip.  I'm getting old, but HRT makes me feel like a teenager most of the time.

Jandi, this is so reassuring to hear. Congratulations on getting your court date set too.

 

Hugs,

 

Mindy🐛🌈🦋

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KymmieL

magic brown elixir in hand. I am also like Jamie. I think that I have been neglecting me to be someone I am not. For the longest time I cared nothing for myself only my family. Then I changed to me being #1. then recently changed back. I am way down the list again. I know I shouldn't do that but I do.

 

I have read that most crossdressers have a great fear when they first go out dressed. My first time I had none of that. I was free finally being myself. Oh, I did have fear but I sucked it up and stepped out my head held high. If you don't like it, Screw all of you I am a woman.

 

Kymmie

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Jackie C.
1 hour ago, KymmieL said:

I think that I have been neglecting me to be someone I am not. For the longest time I cared nothing for myself only my family. Then I changed to me being #1. then recently changed back. I am way down the list again. I know I shouldn't do that but I do.

 

 

This is a really hard habit to break. I have a friend who reminds me every day that you can only love others as much as you love yourself. She's not wrong, I've become a much more loving and caring individual since I've started looking after myself and, more importantly, started loving the girl looking back at me in the mirror.

 

Hugs!

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Bri2020
1 hour ago, Jackie C. said:

 

This is a really hard habit to break. I have a friend who reminds me every day that you can only love others as much as you love yourself. She's not wrong, I've become a much more loving and caring individual since I've started looking after myself and, more importantly, started loving the girl looking back at me in the mirror.

 

Hugs!

^THIS!   I have been such a better spouse, friend, etc since I came to terms with who I am and loving myself for who I am.  The trick is to love your family and other, and prioritize them to, but not at your own expense.  There's a delicate balance if you want to be healthy, and have healthy relationships

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KymmieL

I was on the bottom of the list for the longest time. then slowly came up. but has since fallen again. Right this minute I am not important at all. right now no one is. It must be bad not even chocolate will bring it up. LOL.

 

Yesterday I had on pandora while I was playing Minecraft.  Bill Joe,l just the way you are. came on. My wife says that is how I like you. I said, I haven't changed. but I don't think she heard me. I know full well she is compromising just letting me be Kym at work.

 

Hugs,

Kymmie

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Jackie C.
2 hours ago, KymmieL said:

I was on the bottom of the list for the longest time. then slowly came up. but has since fallen again. Right this minute I am not important at all. right now no one is. It must be bad not even chocolate will bring it up.

 

Was it good chocolate? I had a Hershey's Kiss this morning to see if it was as bad as I remember and I don't see how that waxy, nasty stuff could move ANYBODY up. Bleah.

 

Hugs!

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Bri2020

Well, my wife and marketing officer is pushing my "being out there" boundaries again and we are using this image in a direct mail hiring campaign. Nothing like "coming out" to thousands of strangers

923463959_ScreenShot2021-04-12at1_04_37PM.thumb.png.a65fdef129b8a0f56fa695e7ab25154c.png

 

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@Bri2020 I think you look great in that picture from the flyer! I think it will be a challenge to be out and proud for any of us at times, especially with complete strangers that you want to hopefully hire. I think you can use it as showing how you are welcoming and inclusive. Good Luck! :)

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KymmieL
9 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

 

Was it good chocolate? 

Nah. Just a Hershey's mini dark. It is what I had. LOL I think that i would need a whole lot more than one  piece and much better too.

 

Kymmie 

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On 4/11/2021 at 7:43 AM, AmberM said:

 

Good morning everybody.

 

I hope everyone had a good first half of their weekend. After having a good interaction with HR on Friday, I made an appointment to have my ears pierced for the first time at a tattoo/piercing shop. First, I took a friend to get their hair done at a place that I went, and they remembered me after only one interaction which was great. After that, grabbed some lunch and then I had the piercing appointment. The shop was great, and shared in my excitement in doing my first ear lobe piercing. It didn’t really hurt, which was great. Then we went and played games for the rest of the day at the friend’s house.

 

We did have a conversation that was interesting. It is an observation that my depression has improved vastly since starting to come out. After years of suppressing the real me, that may have been a source of my depression, and how now that I have been leading depression groups, I kind of feel like an imposter. Not from a gender identity perspective, but as someone who identifies also having a mental health disorder. The more that I live authentically, the better I get, and it is also the more I can apply the coping skills I have learned over the years. I feel like I might be shedding a layer of my identity which is hard for me. Has anybody else experienced this phenomenon?

 

On 4/11/2021 at 7:43 AM, AmberM said:

Yes, AmberM. I agree about the connection to happiness coming from being authentic. I like to write and last year I wrote a story about authentic music. The story had two songwriters who pledged to do that instead of chasing hit songs. In the course of writing songs together, one character gradually came out as non-binary trans to the other. I fought against the idea, because it was too "left-field." However, this experience of writing the character (Him to Her) brought it out in me. And I resisted that until I found myself feeling happy whenever I wrote new dialog from Him/Her. I had to remind myself that the theme of the story was Authenticity, so I followed along to see where it would go. That led, of course, to breaking my egg and getting a therapist, joining a local trans community, and joining TransPulse. Happy to be here now.

Thanks,

Davie

 

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Britany_Relia

Good Morning Everyone!!!

I'm feeling so positive today, and I feel like today is such a great day for getting to the next level! I'm ready! We're ready!! For new waves of happiness and positivity~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~

SO MUCH LOVE, 
BRIT

Brit_coffee1.jpg

Brit_GoodMorning.jpg

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Good Morning everybody!

 

Yesterday was fairly slow for me, I am still waiting for my HR Representative to have their meeting with their boss to see what the process is for my company. I am kind of at peace, kind of just wanting the answers. I did have an interesting session with my therapist, in which we talked about how to handle people that will try to invalidate my experience as a woman. His thoughts were two-fold. First is something that I am already doing with people who I know have issues, hold them at a bit of a distance. I don’t let my mom in close because she tries to invalidate my feelings in some way, so I know to keep her at a distance, so why not keep most people at a distance until they prove themselves first? The second layer is to remind myself I don’t need external validation that I am a woman. My therapist reminded me there are women that from many backgrounds, upbringings, and statuses. They are still women, so I am no different.

 

I thought bringing up therapy today would help someone else, because it is useful to share some insights gained through therapy when it is affirming. It was also helpful in adding to my toolbox for when something doesn’t go right.

 

I hope everybody has a manageable day.

 

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KathyLauren

I had my second shingles shot yesterday.  At my age, it is a good one to have.  The nurse warned me that the second shot would hurt more than the first.  Holy @#$%!!  Was she ever right!

 

I got up in the night to pee, and I was freezing cold and shivering.  That never happens normally.  When I woke up this morning, all my joints and muscles hurt.  And I had the worst hangover that I have had in 40 years!

 

The good news is that a reaction means that my body is making antibodies.  I am taking it easy today.

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KymmieL

Balmy 21 degrees out. Getting cold weather all this week. I hope it warms up soon. I need to get some stuff done on the wagon less than a month before We head to Bowling Green.

 

Been in a low mood. I think since I stopped my blockers my T has come back with a vengeance. I can barely go a day before my facial hair is feelable. 

 

Oh, well. Still smile when I put my hand on my E patch.

 

Kymmie

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    • Carolyn Marie
      Thank you for expressing your thoughts so very well, Mary Jane.  Like you, I have had times in my life when I raised the same question; why keep living.  About 20 years ago I suffered a defeat and humiliation at work, and I thought about that question.  I gave life another shot, and a wonderful colleague may have saved my life by offering me a job and a chance to redeem myself.  If I had succumbed to the desire to end it all, I would have never known about that chance.  No matter how bad things seem, something almost always comes along to give us reasons to keep living.  I hope you always find those reasons, hon.  I hope that anyone who asks themselves that question finds the reasons to keep living.   HUGS   Carolyn Marie
    • Becoming Jordan
      I will have to update tomorrow since im about to lay down. But this girl is going to be sleeping with a giant smile and im gonna be having some very nice dreams. Good night yall and sweet dreams 
    • KymmieL
      Well the wagon wasn't finished. So, we are driving our new Ranger to Bowling Green.  Currently staying the night in Kearney, NE. I'm a little bummed about it. but gives us a chance to get the wagon more complete.   Kymmie
    • Susan R
      I’m so sorry you had to go though that BS, Kimber. It’s something many of us experience. I have been treated badly in the past as well.   Earlier in my transition, I was treated very differently at my nail salon. My cis g/f and I went for the same gel french tips. When she was rung up she was charged $37. Then five minutes later I was charged $53 and our nails were identical. I was going to make a big scene about the discrepancy but the place was packed and I just wasn’t in the mood. Besides, I have much better things to do with my time. I just never went there again. Before Covid I spent a fortune on my nails…their loss.   Susan R🌷
    • Kimber M
      Found a new hair salon to get my hair done on Monday.Last one retired on me and had to look for another one.Took me a second try and the owner said how about Thursday at 9:00 AM,it works for me saying yes.Did see there was something about me and kindly asked me if I was transgender telling her yes,said I am welcomed in her hair salon treating transgender women the same.First one told me to leave and I wasn't too happy about it at all.
    • Susan R
      Welcome to our forum @claudia1 It’s a pleasure to meet you.   It sounds like you found what works for you and where you’re most comfortable. Everyone’s journey is unique. One of the most important things you’ve got is a supportive partner that can help you along in your journey. So many of us in the community have to forego this wonderful benefit and go though it alone or with a unsupportive partner. You have been blessed.   I’m glad you’re here and joining in on the fun.   Warmest Regards, Susan R🌷
    • Linda Marie
      I have been posting music videos of my guitars, and Mable (my sax) just sits there weeping when do you play me? I am still just a beginner on the sax (5years). I've learned the scales and learned one song on it then the accident.  Still before the accident I was doing pretty good with it. I really love the sax.  She is very temperamental, meaning I will have to clean her up, boil the mouth piece and change the reed, a little polishing up, tune it back up and make a fool of my sax playing here. I look forward to it and so does Mable. She is getting lonely just sitting there.  LM♥️        
    • Mary Jane
      No one needs to help I really just need to get this out, sorry if this is in the wrong forum thing   Why keep living? I’m different, who would even want to be friends with me?, I know I can be a bother and why keep trying?   why keep living? I guess because of good experiences the many I’ve had, trips to the arcade I like, watching movies I love, playing games that has made life great (well while the games are good for me)   but I’m different 😔 and yet why care right? As more and more people get more competitive I can enjoy games more than others as in just enjoy it not enjoy the competition, I’m kind and this world needs more kind people, I even try to help even if I’m pretty bad at it or I’m down too, and I haven’t done it since start of last school year but I can make myself not feel sad anymore it’s mostly because I mostly look for any positives which now I’m trying to do again   Yet who wants to be friends with me? I i know I’m mostly boring plus can be a bother... but it can also be worth it to get to know me    why keep trying? That I don’t really know, things try to mentally kill me yet things try to keep making me keep going all the good like video games, movies, cartoons, everything else that’s good keeps trying to keep me going. I’m mainly trying for me but I’m happy there’s one more reason: for my best friend
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      Thanks, Delcina    Good comments. You must be a writer yourself to say it like that. Actually, the voice of the poem is a mtf six-year-old, so his syntax is a bit taxed. My stories get supported (in a subconscious way) by my poems. This won't actually be in the story itself, but it's essential to find the right voice and poems do that. The whole thing is very early work-in-progress. cheers, David PS: It'll probably take a year to finish, if I'm lucky. That's a time lapse.
    • Teri Anne
      Looks like fun Bri enjoy yourself.
    • Timber Wolf
      Hi Claudia, Welcome to Transpulse. I'm glad you're here!   Lots of love and a big welcome hug, Timber Wolf🐾
    • Ellie Jean
      Same way I feel about my dad lol...Well, actually I can't cut him completely out of my life yet because of the half-million dollar life insurance policy my 70 year old mother has on him; it's set up to transfer over to me in the event mom dies before dad dies, so both me and mom are actively wishing for my father's death lol. (They got divorced years ago; he screwed her out of hundreds of thousands of dollars by letting the farm in Alaska she bought go into foreclosure so that she couldn't sell it. The bank owns my childhood home now and my siblings and father have all been kicked out of it. ....If I ever become independently wealthy I'm totally gonna by our old farm back. ...Lotta horrible memories there....but a lot of good ones too. 😥
    • Jackie C.
      Oh that does look nice. I need to pamper myself more.   Hugs!
    • Ellie Jean
    • Mary Jane
      Yep I've felt this even now, I don't know how I keep going or why but there's things that just won't let me give up not till I really 100% mean it and you aren't being selfish everyone's problem can't be measured and compared by the problem they can only be measured and compared by how the person feels    And remember that other post you did searching for friends? You don't need to worry about me leaving you because I give multiple chances, in fact I'm practically friends with someone that used to bully me thanks to it. There's better people to be friends with than me but I'm always an option at least   And sorry that I can't say more
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