Good morning All. Coffees on.

[Heather Shay]

WPATH provides guidelines but each state and surgeon can add requirements so I'd check with your surgeon's office to verify exactly what you need.

[Willow]

Thank you everyone for your replies it is all helpful.  I have:  reached out to my original therapist; reached out to my current therapist; reached out to the Urologist.  I have not reached out to my regular Doctor yet but I know I’ll need clearance for any surgery.

 

@Charlize I forget that there are specific forums here like for surgeries.  We all talk to each other during coffee hour about most everything it’s just too comfortable to hear from the people I talk to most every day.  ?

 

Hugs

 

Willow

[Charlize]

It is just a reminder dear....not a reprimand.  What is shared in specific forums may help someone in the future and it is good to keep that in mind.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Elizabeth Star]

16 hours ago, KathyLauren said:

Someone mentioned in a recent post about googling one's own name. 

I just tried it. I got nothing. Either I don't exist or I'm so unique Google can't find me.

[Elizabeth Star]

Not much else gong on. I wasn't able to get to the DMV for a new ID yet. The line are ridiculously long on the weekends. I mentioned to my supervisory I was gonna have to get out there super early this Saturday to get it done. He took it upon himself to block-off my schedule for this Wednesday morning so I can get it done. There are some nice people out there, just hard to find.

[Delcina B]

10 hours ago, Elizabeth Star said:

I just tried it. I got nothing. Either I don't exist or I'm so unique Google can't find me.

 

Elizabeth, I'm going with you are your unique beautiful self. The alternative isn't possible 'cause Google knows everything ? That's wonderful your supervisor adjusting your schedule to help you.

 

Hugs!

Delcina

[Jackie C.]

11 hours ago, Elizabeth Star said:

I just tried it. I got nothing. Either I don't exist or I'm so unique Google can't find me.

 

Oh that's too funny. If I drop my middle name, I get two results. One is another BT who lives about two towns over. The other is a mortgage officer in Tennessee.

 

Hugs!

[KymmieL]

11 hours ago, Elizabeth Star said:

I just tried it. I got nothing. Either I don't exist or I'm so unique Google can't find me.

And that is a bad thing? Google not finding you. I need to do it to see if I can be found. But I didn't know I was lost.

 

Is it to early for a bad pun?

 

My Friday, have an appointment with my foot dr tomorrow, then I am getting my eyebrows waxed. I don't want anything to feminine just clean up the mess. It is at Ulta beauty so I will be doing some shopping as well. Being that ulta is in the mall. this girl is going to do some shopping. May visit Vicky while I am there. Just to look

Then Thurs I have an appointment with my PCP. I have a couple things I want to bring up. least of all my swollen ankles.

 

Have a great day.

 

Kymmie

[Vidanjali]

Good morning, everyone. I hope you're all feeling well and peaceful today. It's my first time writing on this thread. The coffee smells delish, lol - cheers! 

 

The last two nights in a row my dreams included other trans people with whom I interacted. This is new, remarkable and fascinating to me. I have been recovering from PTSD for 20 years. For most of my life, I had hideous and often recurring nightmares nearly every night. I've done a ton of therapy and self-improvement work the last 20 years, and a session I had with a hypnotherapist in 2018 provided a breakthrough regarding nightmares; since that session, I now rarely have nightmares. However, my interaction with people in my dreams typically has an element of shame and alienation to it. This has improved over time, but a residue of shame seems to linger. Both in the dream last night and the night before, I felt content and in my element! I felt love and felt loved! I am certain that this is connected to my recent interaction with this community. I am so grateful to you all. 

 

Here's a description of the dreams, if you're interested. Apologies for the lengthy post! Also, if there is a thread about dreams, maybe someone could advise me if there's a more appropriate place to share such content in the future. 

 

Two nights ago, I dreamed neighbors spontaneously stopped by our house bearing lots of food for a pool party. The dream neighbors were different from waking life neighbors. The first to arrive were a couple who ostensibly appeared as a man and woman. The woman appeared to be wearing a bikini, and was holding a stack of tupperwares of food which obscured her upper body. When she put down the containers, she revealed she was only wearing the bikini bottom but no top and her chest was flat like a boy. She was lively, confident and beautiful. Other neighbors arrived in quick succession. I found myself sitting sandwiched between the woman I just described and a person of ambiguous gender who had hair like the comedian Mae Martin. They were teasing me because I was wearing a scarf on my hair. There was a sense that they were encouraging me to "uncover" myself. (That there was a lot of food in the dream was meaningful to me too because I'd suffered many years of food insecurity and had recurring nightmares about going hungry too.) 

 

Last night I dreamed I was in a shopping mall with my husband. I went to use a restroom at a cinema in the mall and encountered a "boy" I went to grade school with. This boy in "real life" was kind of mean and sometimes made fun of me; he has occasionally appeared in dreams as someone who mocks me. In the dream, he was carrying a big purse, and looking at a list of names "he'd" written. I heard "him" say in a falsetto voice that "he" was having a hard time choosing a name. I asked, "are you transitioning?" SHE said she was. She asked me to come into the theater and talk with her before the show began. Her list of names was pretty far out - names that she'd invented. The only name on the list I remember was "Eunde-de" because I looked at that one and told her I thought "Dede" was a cute name and more understated that those on the list. We talked for a while and my role was to provide comfort to her - to validate and support her. 

 

Dreams are fascinating. My general interpretation of these dreams is that there is some profound integration occurring in my subconscious. Very cool!! 

 

Have a blessed day, everyone. ❤️

 

 

[Heather Shay]

@Vidanjali I find dreams fascinating as well. For most of my life I've had dreams of running away from something and couldn't ever move fast enough or could never find why or where I was running to. Since finally accepting myself the dreams have all but vanished.

 

Speaking of hypnotherapy - I was told by several therapists that I wasn't a good candidate for hypnosis or hypnotherapy but recently (2 -3 months ago) I came across Suzanne Roubichaud a Registered Clinical Hypnotherapist in Vancouver and she has a multitude of sessions on YouTube that have been so refreshing and rewarding for me. AND on a multitude of topics that been really helped me. I was told I was too much a thinker but it all comes down to WILLINGNESS. Here is a good sample:

 

 

[Mmindy]

On 6/27/2021 at 1:34 PM, Jandi said:

strongly suspect that my mother took DES while she was carrying me.  But like you say, what does it matter? We are what we are.

Good morning everyone,

 

Wow, I took a five day social media break while on vacation with my wife Suzie. It took me nearly 3 hours to catch up on this feed alone. I'm so happy for all the good news that has be shared here. Congratulations to all.

 

My Suzie and I had great conversations about my (our) transition and how it is affecting us, and those who I'm out to. After researching Children of DES, I feel the same as @Jandi. My mother and aunt must have been a part of the DES program, because I have a cousin who is truly intersex, raised female, and today goes by the name VIC. Our family always wrote her off as Tomboyish, and where shocked when she came out as lesbian. Vic has been in a 40 year relationship with Nancy, and the family has grown to love them both as family. My fathers side of the family have all passed away, and my mothers side is very selective in their support for the LBGTQA community. Gay or Lesbian, Okay. Anywhere else on the rainbow spectrum, is sick and demented. To quote the Joker in Batman: "Wait till they get a load of me" when I come out publicly!

 

I'm thinking about recommending my Suzie, takes a look around TransPulseForums seeking support for and from others who have spouses in transition. She's doing her own research reading a few blogs, and sees the steps I'm taking as a normal process in transition. She asked me how I was doing and did I still feel the need for therapy? I told her that my therapy has eased to once a month because of the support and relief I get from being associated with TransPulseForums. To be able to talk freely with her, is my biggest release of burden. We're both having to find different health care providers because once she retires, we loose access to the company doctor, and clinic. They've been really good to us, and we'll miss them. However, I'm looking forward to being up front with my new doctor about my trans status, and picking up the pace of my transition.  We've come to use on of my early responses to answer her question as a joke line now. The response to her various questions are... Yes I'm interested in that, or Not Yet. It's the "Not Yet" phrase that we say back and forth during questions. During our vacation she pointed out several Pride events and promotions that give me comfort in her acceptance.

 

Thank you everyone for being so helpful and supportive,

 

Mindy???

[Vidanjali]

@Shay you hit the nail on the head with willingness being the key. I'm also quite the thinker, lol, and it's been my goal to learn to use that gift for good. Thanks so much for sharing the video. I used it this morning with my meditation. It was excellent. I'd like to share that the practice of yoga nidra, which is the yoga of sleep, has been a literal life saver for me. It is a self-hypnosis practice (not physical exercise as most folks would think of as yoga). You choose a positive affirmation or deep desire stated in the present tense and cultivate a safe and beautiful space within where the seed of that desire is planted and cultivated. It can be a challenging practice because one is guided to invite in feelings and their opposites, thoughts and their opposites, and sensations and their opposites; and to experience them all with equanimity. The goal, so to speak, is to realize oneself as pure expansive blissful awareness itself. There were so many days where I felt I was being ripped apart by anxiety, and I'd practice yoga nidra throughout the day. Eventually I became stronger and experienced increasing grace in life. 

[Heather Shay]

@Vidanjali sounds like something I will try. My therapist is a practricianer of ACT (Acceptance Commitment Therapy) developed by Dr. Steven Hayes and that has some of the elements you speak of and as Hayes points out, many of the Eastern ways have been ignored in Western culture yet they have a lot to offer.

I've always been a believer in trying to never tell anyone how to live but plant good seeds and give support and that is my way of trying to learn and pass over experiences that have given me thought. I have a little mantra - Bitter or Better - every experience offers you a chance to learn but you have a choice - when you experience something hard - you can grow bitter or better from the experience - I try to get better.

[Stefi]

Started HRT last Friday. I made a big mistake in not telling my wife right away. I had told her that I was going to start transition but  not that I already had started. Needed to build up courage. Anyway, she went into my bag, took my patches  and and will not give them back. I had to get a new prescription and pay full price ($84 using a RX card). Am at my sisters house now, waiting for things to cool down. 

 

Stefi

[Vidanjali]

@Shay "Bitter or Better". Very well said. May we all be blessed with equanimity, wisdom and courage to realize varied circumstances as opportunities to get better. ❤️?❤️

 

 

[Vidanjali]

@Stefi I hope things will cool down soon and that you and your wife will come to some understanding. Meanwhile, stay strong and take care of yourself. 

[LaurenA]

I googled my birth name and discovered there is a famous baseball player with the same name.  I have no idea how many pages come up with a match for him before I find a link for my old self since I stopped after 20 pages.  Almost as good as not finding any links.  Checked my new name and found several people with the same name.

[Heather Shay]

@LaurenA that sounds like fun. Since legally changing my name a few weeks ago I haven't even ever thought of doing that. 

Heather

[Elizabeth Star]

19 hours ago, Stefi said:

Started HRT last Friday. I made a big mistake in not telling my wife right away. I had told her that I was going to start transition but  not that I already had started. Needed to build up courage. Anyway, she went into my bag, took my patches  and and will not give them back. I had to get a new prescription and pay full price ($84 using a RX card). Am at my sisters house now, waiting for things to cool down. 

 

Stefi

I’m so sorry to hear that happened. I did the same thing. I didn’t tell my wife, she figured it out on her own after 4 months. Thankfully she didn’t do anything to my meds but I also didn’t keep them anywhere she would stumble across them. It’s been well over a year and she hasn’t forgiven me. 

[Maddee]

Good morning.

 

I'm glad that you are able to find ways to take hormones, since that's what you want to be doing.

 

I do not usually play well with others, and have not let them tell me what I can or can't do.

 

It's been kind of a lonely life.  

 

But it's getting better all the time!!!

 

Today I'm trying to focus on small steps I can do, and not fixate on things that I cannot control. 

 

I'm crawling.  Forward.

 

Envisioning positive results will mitigate my fear of the path getting there.

 

[Willow]

Good morning 

 

lots going on with a lot of replies today.   
 

I find it interesting that my wife and I can see advertising on the internet and Facebook for women’s clothing and when we see something cute or that might look good on each other we share.  She doesn’t get upset when I show her things I like.

 

she has even commented, sarcastically, about the possibility of what may come from my urologist referral.  As we are cleaning and packing our closet for our move I have given away most all of my male clothes, just retaining and absolute minimum should I have a need to present male.  Also a few work clothes for when I’m going to get dirty working on the boat.

 

packing is about to slow down dramatically then right at the end be super hectic.

 

hugs

 

Willow

[KymmieL]

Stefi, Sorry that happened. While I haven't flat out told my wife. My patches are in plain sight. right next to my other meds.

 

When I googled my formal name, nothing. When I did Kymmie Lorain only things that came up were the stories I posted on a TG story site.

 

Hugs,

Kymmie

 

[Heather Shay]

@Stefi I made that mistake 10 years ago when I went on gray market HRT and my wife caught me. Went to therapy then?and it helped a little but treated for wrong thing... Just depression. Last year when it roared back I told my wife I had to try doctor supervised HRT and find gender identity therapist and that went a long way towards acceptance. I still?struggle with being open and honest and not keeping secrets but after a lifetime of secrecy it is so hard to break the habit but openness and honesty is the only path to have a chance to save a marriage if that is what you want.

[Jani]

4 hours ago, Maddee said:

But it's getting better all the time!!!

"I used to be angry young man..."

 

Chipping away at old habits will give you the results you seek.  Good point about not worrying about things that aren't within your control.  Its a waste of your valuable time.  

Jani

[Stefi]

Back on schedule with new Estradiol patch prescription. Am still at my sisters house as while my wife and I are having a cool off period. Next hurdle is Covid vaccine. She is adamant that we do not get vaccinated, and I am ready to comply with the government's request. If the HRT transition doesn't drive her to be more angry with me, the Covid shot will. I do not want to hurt her any more, but I need to do this for my body and mind.

 

Stefi