Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Good morning All. Coffees on.


KymmieL

Recommended Posts

  • Forum Moderator

Good Morning everyone.  You may have been wondering why I haven't been on lately. Well I have came to the realization that while I am a woman. It is the wrong time for her to emerge. My wife never accepted it. and I haven't "talked" to my oldest son since the spring. Haven't seen him or his family since before Xmas. This is weighing too heavy on me.

 

So, except for work, Kymmie is pretty much back deep in the closet. Her clothes are staying. I have discontinued taking my spiro and E.

 

I did not want to make this post, but I felt I owe it to my friends here to know what happened to me. Like I said Kymmie is still here. just waiting.  It is now a wait and see game.

 

I will be popping back in from time to time. A girl needs her gossip. LOL

 

I Love you all,

 

Kymmie 

Link to comment
  • Replies 16.1k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • KymmieL

    1115

  • Willow

    1244

  • Jackie C.

    883

  • Jamie68

    873

Top Posters In This Topic

Posted Images

1 hour ago, KymmieL said:

Good Morning everyone.  You may have been wondering why I haven't been on lately. Well I have came to the realization that while I am a woman. It is the wrong time for her to emerge. My wife never accepted it. and I haven't "talked" to my oldest son since the spring. Haven't seen him or his family since before Xmas. This is weighing too heavy on me.

 

So, except for work, Kymmie is pretty much back deep in the closet. Her clothes are staying. I have discontinued taking my spiro and E.

 

I did not want to make this post, but I felt I owe it to my friends here to know what happened to me. Like I said Kymmie is still here. just waiting.  It is now a wait and see game.

 

I will be popping back in from time to time. A girl needs her gossip. LOL

 

I Love you all,

 

Kymmie 

Sorry to hear that, but only you know what will work for yourself. Hugs

Link to comment
1 hour ago, KymmieL said:

My wife never accepted it. and I haven't "talked" to my oldest son since the spring. Haven't seen him or his family since before Xmas. This is weighing too heavy on me.

Sometimes there are complications, and we have to make difficult decisions.  And they involve other people we care about.

Hope things go well for you.  You will always be welcome here.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

@KymmieL good for you for realizing what it important in life and what can wait.  I hope you and your family can get back to a point of happiness.  I understand its hard.  Kymmie is still alive.

Link to comment

Hugs KymmieL.

 

Good luck back at in-person work @RhondaS

 

.Good morning.
Today weather is good to drive to IL for another large volume facial electrolysis session.  Plus a 2nd consult with my surgeon. 
I'm hopefully prepared to discuss FFS, BA, and possibly BS ;)

 

 

 

Link to comment

Good morning everyone 

 

I stopped posting about 3 weeks ago for similar reasons as Kimmie.  I came to the realization that I just wasn’t able to look and be the woman I wanted to be.  I wasn’t pushed into this conclusion by family issues although my wife has continued to take issue with me.  She was dealing with it and helping me.  In my case it was my own conclusion that I was not ever going to look right.  I started too late.

 

Willow

Link to comment

@KymmieL Sorry to hear your story, hope that at some point it will take a happier turn.

 

@Maddee One day this week and one day in two weeks.

 

Ran into a handful of people in my work circle....got 3 "whoa your hair"s, 1 "did you lose weight" and 1 "you look like you're 14". 

Link to comment

Kymmie, your reasons for putting yourself on hold are noble and you deserve high praise for considering your family.  I only hope your good deeds will lead to your own self-expression and happiness.  While you wait, you always have us for support.

Link to comment

Willow, I know how it feels to look in the mirror and not see the woman you feel you are on the inside.  But it's true what is said about beauty only being skin deep.  I found a way to see my inner beauty and when that happened, it I made peace with the girl staring back from the mirror.  Don't despair and don't give up on yourself, because I think you can do the same thing I did.  Look beyond the mirror to see your inner woman.  

Link to comment

I do find myself questioning my choices at times.  It has been more lately.

I sometimes wonder if there is some kind of group-consciousness involved.

 

But I don't really have family issues to consider these days.

 

I resigned myself to the possibility of never completely "passing" when I began.  And I haven't tried to hide from the world.  I admit that it would be nice, but…  that's just my reality.

 

I've always been on the edge of the bellcurve anyway, so I'm kinda used to that aspect.  Being trans is just another layer to my weirdness.

 

We all just try to do the best we can with the hand we're dealt.

Link to comment

@KymmieL and @Willow, I think Jandi has it right. We are all trying to do the best we can with what life throws at us. None of us asked for this. My wife is now good with whatever I do, but I stay just barely under the radar because of my family. Kudos to both of you.

 

Hugs,

Mike

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

I don't know @Jandi. I think we get too hung up on passing. I know I'll never have the body I want. That ship sailed back in my 20s. The mental benefits I get from running on E though? I can actually THINK clearly for once in my life. I don't think I could give that up.

 

Hugs!

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

@Jackie C. My ship also sailed many moons ago. I will never have the body that I adore. A girl can dream. Yeah, I could possibly have that body but it would cost in the 6 figure range. An still never achieve it.

 

Like I said before I am still Kym at work. And yes it makes me cringe every time someone says, Sir to me. I did have a young tech student call me Ma'am multiple times yesterday. It made me feel better. And it wasn't a sarcastic tone either. I just wonder if he has a trans person in his life. never know.

 

Hugs,

Kymmie

 

Link to comment
1 hour ago, Jackie C. said:

 I know I'll never have the body I want.

 

1 hour ago, KymmieL said:

 I will never have the body that I adore.

Something to bear in mind is that these kinds of thoughts are common among cis-women.  Even the most beautiful Hollywood/supermodel women find themselves spending obscene amounts of money trying to become... I don't know what, because these women seem like they already have it all from my point of view.  My wife warned me when I came out to be wary of toxic beauty culture - it is insidious and self-destructive.

 

I am not immune to it, by any means.  Lord knows I have my wish list of what I would love to change, but I try to counter it by paying attention to what I see i the real world.  Women with narrow hips, square jaws, broad shoulders, deep voices.  True, I'd never mistake these women for men, but it reminds me that none of my features are too masculine to be feminine.

Link to comment
2 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

The mental benefits I get from running on E though? I can actually THINK clearly for once in my life. I don't think I could give that up.

This.

One of my fears is losing my access to it.

 

Even at my age I have some physical changes.  And sure it affects my thinking.   I'm just not sure how much of that was already there.  I wasn't exactly "normal" before.  LOL

 

I have no desire to go back.

Link to comment

Wow @Elizabeth Star That study is shocking so it seems we found another good reason for our receiving E

 

@Willow As I have just started HRT (3 weeks today) a few days ago the doubt part was screaming at me that you waited to late to start this, and like you I don't really like how I look but with the help of my therapist I have calmed the doubter down a little. 

Link to comment

Hi everyone 

 

thaks for the encouraging comments.  I do think I need to meet with my therapist or psychologist again.  But whatever I do I won’t be publicly out as Willow anymore.  I had more stares and gawking in one week in an lgbt friendly place than I do in a state that tries to put us down, and make life difficult.  Tired of fighting I guess.  I just want a life, my life and to be happy for whatever years God gives me.  As I told my sister (a school teacher) you could walk out of school on the last day and get run over by a school bus.  I could go out on my boat and get run over by a tug pushing a barge.  None of us really know when our time is coming.

 

If you have the means, and not the direct conflict put up by family, I don’t suppose it matters when you come out and how far you go.  So give it your best!

 

Willow

Link to comment

Willow & Kymmie total respect for an excruciatingly difficult decision.
 

Before I officially came out to myself I wondered if I would be facing the same decision. After a few months on hrt I’m coming to realize that I’m actually detransitioning from the male persona I put on. I acted male to fit in. I feel free to feel like myself no matter what anyone else thinks. It’s not that I’m acting female, it’s more like I’m not acting male and I’m now in default mode, and it feels good.

 

physically from a distance I have the profile of an older athletically built woman, maybe, I hope? The closer my physical appearance becomes feminine the happier I feel. Regardless of how much progress I make or the negative comments I get from former church acquaintances I have no desire to put on a male facade to please anyone.

 

the biggest detransition hurdle is my voice, getting it from a nice baritone to a tenor or alto. I can’t just rely on the default process. I have to work at it. Oh well

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
7 hours ago, MetaLicious said:

Something to bear in mind is that these kinds of thoughts are common among cis-women.

 

Hips. In my case I'm CLEARLY talking about hips. Darn growth plates fuse in you early to mid 20s and then that's it. No hips for Jackie.

 

OK, narrower shoulders would be nice too, but I can deal with what I've got.

 

6 hours ago, Elizabeth Star said:

I get these weird ideas to look up things and stumbled across some research being done in regards to COVID. 

 

I'd read something along those lines... gosh, almost a year ago now? Where they were noticing that women in general had milder symptoms than men and were looking at hormonal links.

 

Hugs!

Link to comment
1 hour ago, Jackie C. said:

d read something along those lines... gosh, almost a year ago now? Where they were noticing that women in general had milder symptoms than men and were looking at hormonal links.

I did find a few more studies going on but I also find it interesting that none of this is mentioned in the media. 

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   3 Members, 0 Anonymous, 76 Guests (See full list)

    • Ticket For Epic
    • Natnewgirl
    • rachel w
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      76.5k
    • Total Posts
      717.4k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      9,501
    • Most Online
      8,356

    CipherKai
    Newest Member
    CipherKai
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. blackcatkittycat
      blackcatkittycat
      (30 years old)
    2. Charlize
      Charlize
      (74 years old)
    3. GamerGirlEmily
      GamerGirlEmily
      (23 years old)
    4. Madelyn
      Madelyn
      (32 years old)
    5. Michelle F
      Michelle F
      (68 years old)
  • Posts

    • Lydia_R
      I'm feeling a little better today.  Susan is spot on here.  For me, right now, it is a matter of financial security.  I just want to be out of the business of paying interest.  I had to deal with paying a whole year of taxes in April and I'm just now recovering from that.  I need to build up some savings, or rather financial progress, before I can justify spending any more.   My plan today is to schedule an electrolysis session to real feel what that is like.  Then my thought is to wait about 2 years to jump into this.  At that time, I should have a new roof on my house and have my mortgage below $200K.  And if I can have a nice emergency fund/buffer in my finances, then I should be able to feel good about spending money on this venture.   I plan on doing a full transition and paying out of pocket for the whole thing.  If I do it at all that is.  I have a good career.  My career path has been shaky.  It's been a rough journey.  And whether I transition or not, I'm going to have a frugal retirement.  But I absolutely can afford to do this.  I've worked it out in my budgets.  I think that the more financially sound I become and the closer to retirement I get, the more I'll feel that this is the right path for me.  The activities that I've setup for myself in retirement are absolutely free and even have the possibility of earning income.  Although I could imagine having a better house, there is no need for that.  My house is wonderful and has architectural features.  I drive a $5,000 car and work from home.  I don't even need the car and have spent a good 20% of my adult life without a car.  I biked 700 miles last year.   I don't know what else I would spend my money on.  I just know that I don't want to be spending it on interest!   The big question is will I still want to do this in 2 years?  I'm curious about how healthy I'll feel in 2 years.  I'm a little nervous that HRT and surgery would be  bad for my health.  Are there stories on this site about people who have had bad outcomes with surgery?
    • Mx.Drago
      Remembering my grandfather's, the one I lost and the one I never met. Also, remembering friends of the family. But I don't usually reserve the holiday for time off, I usually always work.😔
    • Mx.Drago
      😁Elegantly put! Love it. Thanks!👍
    • KathyLauren
      Nice to see some positive news for a change!
    • KathyLauren
      After I started HRT, it was about two months before the girls had grown enough that they were at risk of being noticeable.  By that time, I needed to wear a bra.  (Not for support: five years later, I still struggle to fill an A cup.  More for motion control.)  I was able to hide it under thick winter shirts, but as the weather warmed in spring, that became less of a possibility.    The final straw was playing in a concert band's spring concert.  The uniform was white top/black bottom.  There was no way to hide a bra under a white shirt, so I had to go out and buy a (man's) white tank top to go under it to hide the bra.    Shortly thereafter, I ended the charade and came out, exactly three months after starting HRT.
    • Ticket For Epic
      I'd like to preface (that's how you spell that?!  Who knew?) this by saying that I know everyone responds differently, at different rates and with a staggering range of ultimate outcomes, so I would take any reply with a grain of salt.  That said, how long might someone have before they start to raise eyebrows amongst those aren't "in the know", but have known you for years.  And how long might someone have before... say... a lesbian leaning bisexual sister that married a trans man and has been close friends with several (trans men) but has (I'm relatively sure) had little interaction with trans women, (same for me, runs in the family I guess) start to ask questions, if at all?  Though I'm assuming that's unlikely.   Why is this one so hard to hit submit on!?  Huge wave of anxiety!
    • Mmindy
      🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋🇺🇸
    • Tellington
      I looked it up and they actually have an English version of their website! I thought they were French but they're just in Europe. As I said i didn't test their gym binder, but I quite like their extra-compressive one.
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      @Mmindyis correct.  This goes back all the way to the Revolution.  Earlier, even.  On one side of my husband's family, every generation has served...all the way back to the colonial militia in Jamestown in the early 1600s.  Kind of interesting to study the history.
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      To me, Memorial Day is about those who served and died, and also about those who survived but carried pain and trauma afterwards.  We should remember the cost of maintaining our way of life, and also the cost of careless politics.  And our leaders should see the cost, and be inspired to choose peace where possible.     My husband served in the National Guard. Won't talk about it.  His father was in the Army in Vietnam, and his mother was a military physician.  They don't talk about it.  There's something unspeakable that those in service go through, and often it is a family tradition.  This weekend, they're decorating the graves of military veterans... including friends and family.  While we're enjoying sports, barbecue, and time off....we enjoy it because others have secured this time and place for us.
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      @LearningWhoIAm I really feel for you.  It must be awful to have such a negative reaction.    However, all is not lost.  Your husband cried because he loves you and your life together.  It is possible that love may prevail.     Based on what he said, it seems like he has two issues.  He's unable to absorb the idea that your personality isn't changing, and he is worried about being or appearing to be gay.  The first one can work itself out in time. The second may take some counseling, but he may be able to overcome that also.   IDK what vows you said at your wedding (if any).  Mine were the standard set of "for richer/poorer, in sickness/health, etc" until death.  Men often live by a code of honor, so returning to a specific promise like that might influence him, or at least begin a calmer discussion?  
    • Jackie C.
      Tragically, that's me always. My "tan" is a scattering of small freckles, no closer than one inch apart or I burn like a magnesium flare. The sun is NOT my friend.   If you don't already, I'm also going to suggest moisturizer. It's a girl's best friend for maintaining a youthful and healthy appearance.   As always, the laughter is free. Glad you appreciated it sweetie!   Hugs!
    • Ticket For Epic
      @Jackie C. The "white-out" Comment had me in stitches!   I feel the pain!  That's me in winter but I'm a "day walker" and tan an orangish color come summer.  Luckily, I'm freckled everywhere but my face, oddly they faded permanently after a couple seasons of roofing in my twenties.  The sun has done me no favors (it's not THATa bad but...)20 years of a beard however, saved the lower half of my face.  Problem is, there is now a notable complexion difference at my beard line and I'm certain it would call attention, should I ever go out without a mask.  I may never go out in public without a mask again, even if I never come out and boy-mode for the rest of my life...  Sublime!   I just need one damned girlfriend!   Don't get me started on the anxiety feel walking down the makeup isle.  What the hell does an orange girl do for foundation!?  Try finding that on YouTube.   Anyway, thanks for the advice, which I will take and the laugh, which was much needed.   Much luv
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      @Vidanjali Awesome!  Glad you already have projects, and celebratory ones at that.  Cute shirt too!  If I was a bit bolder I'd totally wear one ☺️
    • Jackie C.
      Whelp, I'm "can use white-out as concealer" pale, so I think I feel what you're saying. On my skin, a little bit goes a long way. I usually just do some eyeliner, MAYBE some eye-shadow, lipstick and then call it quits.   As a ginger, if you're freckled... you've got two choices: Either do what I do, or run concealer over everything to cover them up. Personally, I adore freckles but you have to do what feels right for you.   Hugs!
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...