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KymmieL

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6 hours ago, Heather Nicole said:

 

 

I came across a really interesting talk online that theorizes about there beind a very good evolutionary purpose for gay males, and I guess apperently there's some research behind it, too. Listening to it, I can't help wondering how much it might also apply to transwomen, and even the rest of the lgbt sprectrum:

 

 

I watched the video and had some misgivings. It seemed that the presenter pursued this line of reasoning to assuage his own struggle with personal guilt at having brought a gay son into the world. While he presents ostensibly as an ally, in my opinion an apologetic approach diversity inclusion based on gay exceptionalism ultimately falls short because of the dearth of research, the practically endless multitude of variables in attempting to measure intelligence and emotional intelligence, and the idea that we need to understand gay people as exceptional and utilitarian in order to accept them. That's my take, for what it's worth.

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So today I get to go back to work in person for the first time since March 11 2020. One of two days in person scheduled for me this month, involuntarily. The only reason I've heard is that they need people there 'just in case', despite no serious issues that have come up in that year plus.  Oh, and at some point in the day management is doing one of their zoom from home meetings where they tell us we're not all going back to the office until at least January now.

 

Only a fraction of the number of people who would typically be there will be there today. Since it was covid lockdown that pushed me over the edge it'll be the first time in there during my gender evolution and I'm not seeing a need to come out there yet and won't be hanging out with people it sounds like so there won't be too much scrutiny I suppose.  

 

In other news, my wife, a year plus into her mourning period over the loss of her dream husband, when we were at a touristy instagrammable spot the other day wanted to take pictures of me and us. If i had known that was going to happen I would have tried to do better with my hair!

 

 

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Good Morning everyone.  You may have been wondering why I haven't been on lately. Well I have came to the realization that while I am a woman. It is the wrong time for her to emerge. My wife never accepted it. and I haven't "talked" to my oldest son since the spring. Haven't seen him or his family since before Xmas. This is weighing too heavy on me.

 

So, except for work, Kymmie is pretty much back deep in the closet. Her clothes are staying. I have discontinued taking my spiro and E.

 

I did not want to make this post, but I felt I owe it to my friends here to know what happened to me. Like I said Kymmie is still here. just waiting.  It is now a wait and see game.

 

I will be popping back in from time to time. A girl needs her gossip. LOL

 

I Love you all,

 

Kymmie 

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1 hour ago, KymmieL said:

Good Morning everyone.  You may have been wondering why I haven't been on lately. Well I have came to the realization that while I am a woman. It is the wrong time for her to emerge. My wife never accepted it. and I haven't "talked" to my oldest son since the spring. Haven't seen him or his family since before Xmas. This is weighing too heavy on me.

 

So, except for work, Kymmie is pretty much back deep in the closet. Her clothes are staying. I have discontinued taking my spiro and E.

 

I did not want to make this post, but I felt I owe it to my friends here to know what happened to me. Like I said Kymmie is still here. just waiting.  It is now a wait and see game.

 

I will be popping back in from time to time. A girl needs her gossip. LOL

 

I Love you all,

 

Kymmie 

Sorry to hear that, but only you know what will work for yourself. Hugs

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1 hour ago, KymmieL said:

My wife never accepted it. and I haven't "talked" to my oldest son since the spring. Haven't seen him or his family since before Xmas. This is weighing too heavy on me.

Sometimes there are complications, and we have to make difficult decisions.  And they involve other people we care about.

Hope things go well for you.  You will always be welcome here.

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@KymmieL good for you for realizing what it important in life and what can wait.  I hope you and your family can get back to a point of happiness.  I understand its hard.  Kymmie is still alive.

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Hugs KymmieL.

 

Good luck back at in-person work @RhondaS

 

.Good morning.
Today weather is good to drive to IL for another large volume facial electrolysis session.  Plus a 2nd consult with my surgeon. 
I'm hopefully prepared to discuss FFS, BA, and possibly BS ;)

 

 

 

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Good morning everyone 

 

I stopped posting about 3 weeks ago for similar reasons as Kimmie.  I came to the realization that I just wasn’t able to look and be the woman I wanted to be.  I wasn’t pushed into this conclusion by family issues although my wife has continued to take issue with me.  She was dealing with it and helping me.  In my case it was my own conclusion that I was not ever going to look right.  I started too late.

 

Willow

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@KymmieL Sorry to hear your story, hope that at some point it will take a happier turn.

 

@Maddee One day this week and one day in two weeks.

 

Ran into a handful of people in my work circle....got 3 "whoa your hair"s, 1 "did you lose weight" and 1 "you look like you're 14". 

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Kymmie, your reasons for putting yourself on hold are noble and you deserve high praise for considering your family.  I only hope your good deeds will lead to your own self-expression and happiness.  While you wait, you always have us for support.

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Willow, I know how it feels to look in the mirror and not see the woman you feel you are on the inside.  But it's true what is said about beauty only being skin deep.  I found a way to see my inner beauty and when that happened, it I made peace with the girl staring back from the mirror.  Don't despair and don't give up on yourself, because I think you can do the same thing I did.  Look beyond the mirror to see your inner woman.  

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I do find myself questioning my choices at times.  It has been more lately.

I sometimes wonder if there is some kind of group-consciousness involved.

 

But I don't really have family issues to consider these days.

 

I resigned myself to the possibility of never completely "passing" when I began.  And I haven't tried to hide from the world.  I admit that it would be nice, but…  that's just my reality.

 

I've always been on the edge of the bellcurve anyway, so I'm kinda used to that aspect.  Being trans is just another layer to my weirdness.

 

We all just try to do the best we can with the hand we're dealt.

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@KymmieL and @Willow, I think Jandi has it right. We are all trying to do the best we can with what life throws at us. None of us asked for this. My wife is now good with whatever I do, but I stay just barely under the radar because of my family. Kudos to both of you.

 

Hugs,

Mike

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I don't know @Jandi. I think we get too hung up on passing. I know I'll never have the body I want. That ship sailed back in my 20s. The mental benefits I get from running on E though? I can actually THINK clearly for once in my life. I don't think I could give that up.

 

Hugs!

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@Jackie C. My ship also sailed many moons ago. I will never have the body that I adore. A girl can dream. Yeah, I could possibly have that body but it would cost in the 6 figure range. An still never achieve it.

 

Like I said before I am still Kym at work. And yes it makes me cringe every time someone says, Sir to me. I did have a young tech student call me Ma'am multiple times yesterday. It made me feel better. And it wasn't a sarcastic tone either. I just wonder if he has a trans person in his life. never know.

 

Hugs,

Kymmie

 

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1 hour ago, Jackie C. said:

 I know I'll never have the body I want.

 

1 hour ago, KymmieL said:

 I will never have the body that I adore.

Something to bear in mind is that these kinds of thoughts are common among cis-women.  Even the most beautiful Hollywood/supermodel women find themselves spending obscene amounts of money trying to become... I don't know what, because these women seem like they already have it all from my point of view.  My wife warned me when I came out to be wary of toxic beauty culture - it is insidious and self-destructive.

 

I am not immune to it, by any means.  Lord knows I have my wish list of what I would love to change, but I try to counter it by paying attention to what I see i the real world.  Women with narrow hips, square jaws, broad shoulders, deep voices.  True, I'd never mistake these women for men, but it reminds me that none of my features are too masculine to be feminine.

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2 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

The mental benefits I get from running on E though? I can actually THINK clearly for once in my life. I don't think I could give that up.

This.

One of my fears is losing my access to it.

 

Even at my age I have some physical changes.  And sure it affects my thinking.   I'm just not sure how much of that was already there.  I wasn't exactly "normal" before.  LOL

 

I have no desire to go back.

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Wow @Elizabeth Star That study is shocking so it seems we found another good reason for our receiving E

 

@Willow As I have just started HRT (3 weeks today) a few days ago the doubt part was screaming at me that you waited to late to start this, and like you I don't really like how I look but with the help of my therapist I have calmed the doubter down a little. 

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Hi everyone 

 

thaks for the encouraging comments.  I do think I need to meet with my therapist or psychologist again.  But whatever I do I won’t be publicly out as Willow anymore.  I had more stares and gawking in one week in an lgbt friendly place than I do in a state that tries to put us down, and make life difficult.  Tired of fighting I guess.  I just want a life, my life and to be happy for whatever years God gives me.  As I told my sister (a school teacher) you could walk out of school on the last day and get run over by a school bus.  I could go out on my boat and get run over by a tug pushing a barge.  None of us really know when our time is coming.

 

If you have the means, and not the direct conflict put up by family, I don’t suppose it matters when you come out and how far you go.  So give it your best!

 

Willow

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I wonder if certain transphobes would refuse Estradiol treatments for covid?  

They might end up with BOOBS !!!

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Willow & Kymmie total respect for an excruciatingly difficult decision.
 

Before I officially came out to myself I wondered if I would be facing the same decision. After a few months on hrt I’m coming to realize that I’m actually detransitioning from the male persona I put on. I acted male to fit in. I feel free to feel like myself no matter what anyone else thinks. It’s not that I’m acting female, it’s more like I’m not acting male and I’m now in default mode, and it feels good.

 

physically from a distance I have the profile of an older athletically built woman, maybe, I hope? The closer my physical appearance becomes feminine the happier I feel. Regardless of how much progress I make or the negative comments I get from former church acquaintances I have no desire to put on a male facade to please anyone.

 

the biggest detransition hurdle is my voice, getting it from a nice baritone to a tenor or alto. I can’t just rely on the default process. I have to work at it. Oh well

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