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KymmieL

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Woke up feeling anxious again. That's three days in a row. Not a huge fan of this trend.

 

Excited for today though. A lot of fun stuff to do :3)

I'm going to get to see and old psychiatric center tour and I'm really excited about.

 

-Jazz

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13 hours ago, JustineM said:

Oh great Goddess I am so freaking nervous.  Tomorrow I won’t only be presenting as Justine, I will be doing it in front of 120+ people to perform the wedding of my two best friends. 
 

Ack what the heck did I get myself into?! 

It sounds wonderful and maybe a little intimidating only because there may be a few that won’t know about you. You’ll be fine though. This is actually one of the things on my bucket list….Attend a wedding as true self. I have been to so many weddings over the years and it’s seems odd that I have never attended one without wearing a monkey suit. So sad😙

 

Have fun @JustineM

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2 hours ago, Jazz-per said:

Excited for today though. A lot of fun stuff to do :3)

Oh but so much better than sitting home watching TV, doing housework or worse yet…paying bills. Enjoy yourself, Jazz-per! 😀

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1 hour ago, Susan R said:

It sounds wonderful and maybe a little intimidating only because there may be a few that won’t know about you. You’ll be fine though. This is actually one of the things on my bucket list….Attend a wedding as true self. I have been to so many weddings over the years and it’s seems odd that I have never attended one without wearing a monkey suit. So sad😙

 

Have fun @JustineM

A wedding was one of the first things I did after presenting full time and I was nervous as -crap-!! However, once I got there it was amazing and kinda broke the dam on being out there amping strangers.  I really want to do more formal events now. They are so murmurs fun as my true self now that I’m comfortable.  You got this Justine!! L lol

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1 hour ago, Bri2020 said:

A wedding was one of the first things I did after presenting full time and I was nervous as -crap-!!

You’re lucky, Bri. I have had two weddings I was planning to attend but one was postponed because of covid and the other was changed to trip to the courthouse and so none but a few witnesses attended.

 

@JustineM Make sure you catch that bouquet!😆

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1 hour ago, Bri2020 said:

A wedding was one of the first things I did after presenting full time and I was nervous as -crap-!!

 

That sounds nice. I mean not the nervous part, but going to a wedding. Since I've been full time, I've been to two funerals but at one my egg donor made sure nobody recognized me (she pretended she didn't know me) so she wouldn't be embarrassed.

The second one was more fun, and I got to talk to someone who stood up at our wedding... who didn't recognize me. I don't know WHY I got a kick out of that, but I did.

 

Hugs!

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@JustineM you got this! Love = truth, and who better to perform your friends' wedding than someone who is courageously living their truth. It will be a blessed day all around. 

 

@Jazz-per in your other thread you shared your impending plan to come out to your mom once you feel a bit safer. Plus, you're taking measures to express yourself as you dream to be seen. All this can definitely produce anxiety. It seems paradoxical that taking positive steps should make one feel that way. But, with vulnerability comes some icky feelings of fear. So, know that what you're feeling is normal and try not to judge it. Just keep taking deep breaths and focusing on the positive things in every moment. This too shall pass.

 

Much love, all! 

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Thank you everyone for the encouragement. Still really nervous but I think more about the ceremony than anything. Gonna be a dang good day!

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Well yesterday went off without a hitch, Everyone loved the ceremony.  Only had one person make a comment on me and that was simply “wow you look a lot different from yesterday. Lol. Even met one of the brides friends from the Navy who is FTM. All in all it was a great day. 

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@JustineM what a wonderful experience that must’ve been! And u looked great!

 

well I’m almost recovered from my world wind trip to Miami and back in one day to see my dolphins embarrass themselves 😭. 20 hour day.  I’m to old for this shot. Lol. It was great seeing all my old football fan friends. I used to be one of those people who dressed up crazy and ended up on the jumbo screen frequently and had a huge group of other crazy fans I would tailgate with. Most were men with various levels of toxic masculinity on display. When I came out, I change my social media accounts and didn’t add the 1100 or so “friends” so most didn’t see my change over the last year.  While no one “ rejected me” and many congratulated me it was interesting to see that the guys didn’t engage with me at all after we said hi. The women however, were very supportive and brought me right into their “cliche “. I saw the game in the section with all the super fans like I used to but hated the experience.  All the guys screaming and cussing and in full male peacock mode just made my skin crawl. I sat back and just watched with a few of the girls and enjoyed that part so much more. Might have to talk to them about having a “ girl crew section” lol. B749D531-535C-4284-BD69-E6F287BDE6E5.thumb.jpeg.f2e03fe6664c5e1e4444a20de7523407.jpegC4F71F90-B443-47DE-BA0F-014B39136D23.thumb.jpeg.f5e2d508c039efe19b80daa349db981c.jpeg8BB727B2-2339-4607-903C-D4079C4A64A9.thumb.jpeg.a64e763feaa19f94d007b31f799c1fca.jpeg
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Today I head in for my surgical consults!!!  So excited but anxious as well. I’ve been putting some thoughts and questions for the dr on paper this morning, 2 hours before consult.. reminiscent of school last second cramming for a test. Lol. Feels surreal that it’s finally happening after all the hoops I’ve gone through.  

image.jpg

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Good luck with your surgeon Bri!

 

I’m enjoying a small organic melon from a friends farm this morning.  The hay is in for the year and I’ll be mowing pastures today

 

Hugs

 

Charlize

6A30EE9D-B52C-463D-B0BB-4B0DC6D47A5E.jpeg

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First day in almost a week where I didn't wake up anxious and feel more normal waves of it at expected times.

 

Also, yesterday an old friend of my sisters stopped by to say hi and tell us he got engaged. He's gay so it was nice to see my mom being happy for him and gave me some hope with her that things will be fine when I come out. It was really good for me.

 

@Charlize That watermelon looks awesome! What a great way to start your morning!

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On 9/14/2021 at 7:27 AM, KymmieL said:

 

I did not want to make this post, but I felt I owe it to my friends here to know what happened to me. Like I said Kymmie is still here. just waiting.  It is now a wait and see game.

 

I will be popping back in from time to time. A girl needs her gossip. LOL

 

I Love you all,

 

Kymmie, I’m just now seeing this six days behind.

 

I hope you have a way to get back on track soon. 
 

Hugs,

 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

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On 9/15/2021 at 1:49 AM, Willow said:

She was dealing with it and helping me.  In my case it was my own conclusion that I was not ever going to look right.  I started too late.

Willow, I’m sorry to hear this, but support your steps of choice. 
 

My most important prayer for you is to find happiness in retirement and family.

 

I’m still on the slow train hoping my Suzie becomes more supportive.

 

Hugs,

 

Mindy🏳️‍⚧️🦋

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On 9/17/2021 at 7:39 PM, JustineM said:

I will be doing it in front of 120+ people to perform the wedding of my two best friends. 

Justine,

 

It’s Monday evening and I’m just catching up with the Forums. I’m sure you knocked it out of the park, officiating the Wedding.

 

Hugs,

 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

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Thank you for the warm wishes.... Anxiety will be high this week waiting for that first session and being able to see how receptive she is to therapy vs how I imagine her commentary post session. 

Hugs to all,

Lexa 💜

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Hi everyone,

 

Been busy getting everything ready for our trip at the end of the week. I decided I needed to talk to my partner about her expectation from me during vacation. We had already had one talk. It was about when we visit Mackinaw island. One of the things they have is carriage rides/tours of the island. For years we've both wanted to ride in a horse dawn carriage. Sadly, she wants me to be (dress and act) a "guy" when we take the tour. I had already explained the difficulty (as I pointed to my boobs) in giving her what she wants. So, tonight I asked what she wanted from me for the rest of the trip. She said to just be myself rest of the time and seemed a little annoyed that I thought it needed to be talked about. I still felt it needed to be asked.

 

Me trying to go guy mode is gonna be a freakin' joke. I was horrible at being a guy. Maybe I can act butch-ish?

 

Otherwise things are pretty slow around here. We haven't been able to see our friends since their kids are sick and we don't want any part of whatever it is.

 

 

 

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2 hours ago, Elizabeth Star said:

Me trying to go guy mode is gonna be a freakin' joke. I was horrible at being a guy. Maybe I can act butch-ish?

Liz, you should be able to pull off the Femboi or butch-ish look. Give her the chance to be the girly girl in the Carriage. You’re going to love Mackinaw Island, my Suzie and I were there last October.

 

Hugs,

 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

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Yeah, I don't quite get the 'guy mode for me' idea, guess it's kind of like role playing in the bedroom? 

 

Anyway,

 

anyone else have that 'can't sleep during a full moon' thing?

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8 hours ago, Mmindy said:

Liz, you should be able to pull off the Femboi or butch-ish look. Give her the chance to be the girly girl in the Carriage. You’re going to love Mackinaw Island, my Suzie and I were there last October.

 

Hugs,

 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

Yea, I can't even wrap my head around trying play femboi and there's the connotations that go with it. I'll just wear a flannel and call it good.

 

Part of what is bothering me is my therapist seemed upset when I mentioned it to them. They literally said "you're a woman, don't do it". At least that's how I remember it.

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as a duly appointed representative of the State of Michigan (yeah, right?) I may need to point out it is actually Mackinac with a C.  People usually think it ends with a W because it's pronounced Mack-in-ah with a silent C. :)  Sorry, I couldn't resist.

 

My folks live up there and they say the fall colors are great right now so it should be beautiful.  Don't fall for the "buy 2 get 1 free" scams at the fudge shops, that's a TON of fudge and way more expensive than it seems on it's face.  Well, it's not really a scam, it's just the slabs are pretty expensive so before you know it you're spending over 20 bucks on a lot of fudge and if you don't eat it within a couple days it starts to get not great ;)  Dress warm for the ferry ride over unless you plan on riding inside (where's the fun in that?!).

 

More on-topic, half the cis women up there wear flannels and gender neutral sweatshirts this time of year anyway so if you go that route you may fit right in regardless.  Throw on a U of M sweatshirt and a baseball cap and nobody will think twice (unless they are an MSU fan).  The carriage rides (last time I was there) aren't like the ones you see in central park New York on TV where it's this romantic 2 person thing...  the ones I remember seat like 15 people and the driver is basically a tour guide talking quite a bit so it might not be what she is picturing.  It's possible they added some a little more intimate than that, but that's what I know :) 

 

Be warned that northern Michigan and most of the UP are very much Trump Country.  I was up that way in August and didn't really have any problems but it can be a little scary at times.  Also if Covid is on your mind at all Northern Michigan is currently known for its low vaccination rates (and thus high transmission/case rates) right now so be mindful of distancing and masks.

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12 hours ago, Elizabeth Star said:

Me trying to go guy mode is gonna be a freakin' joke. I was horrible at being a guy. Maybe I can act butch-ish?

 

To be fair, a woman in a tux is hot as all get out. Probably too dressy for a carriage ride though. You could dress down a little. Jeans and a t-shirt is appropriate for buggy rides and you'd look more ambiguous. If the shirt is loose enough, it might give your spouse what she wants without being too hard on you.

 

Failing that, buy one of these and go period:

 

Amazon.com: Women's Tuxedo Gothic Tailcoat Jacket Steampunk VTG Victorian  Coat Wedding Uniform : Clothing, Shoes & Jewelry

 

Honestly, looking at that jacket... I WANT it. Damn that's pretty.

 

Hugs!

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1 hour ago, Jackie C. said:

 

To be fair, a woman in a tux is hot as all get out. Probably too dressy for a carriage ride though. You could dress down a little. Jeans and a t-shirt is appropriate for buggy rides and you'd look more ambiguous. If the shirt is loose enough, it might give your spouse what she wants without being too hard on you.

 

Failing that, buy one of these and go period:

 

Amazon.com: Women's Tuxedo Gothic Tailcoat Jacket Steampunk VTG Victorian  Coat Wedding Uniform : Clothing, Shoes & Jewelry

 

Honestly, looking at that jacket... I WANT it. Damn that's pretty.

 

Hugs!

No doubt. I went WOW when I saw this.

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