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KymmieL

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3 hours ago, Elizabeth Star said:

Did I lie to her about it? well, yeah, I did. And that seems to be the end her understanding. The hows, whys and decades of lying to myself become irrelevant.

Oh yeah, I've had a lot of this myself.  Didn't seem to matter that I was telling myself if was just a phase like some kind of mantra and trying to push it away and that in doing so I was causing myself a lot of problems, it all boiled down to the fact I didn't tell her up front 20 years ago...  In the meantime I've been doing the best I can to show her that the "whole" me is a better partner than the "partial" me she had married.

 

I hope you have a fun trip!

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3 hours ago, Elizabeth Star said:

 but I still, and probably always will, think that my feeling will be ignored. I just don't understand why it's so hard for her to grasp the concept that she married a woman. Did I lie to her about it? well, yeah, I did. And that seems to be the end her understanding. The hows, whys and decades of lying to myself become irrelevant.  So if I accomplish only one thing over the next couple days, my wish would be for her to finally see and accept me as the woman I truly am. She doesn't have to like it, just accept it.

 

Liz, that is my wish too. I think deep down my wife is afraid of being seen as a lesbian. She said that she may be able to accept and live with me as a woman. After a few years apart but she did really know.  If the big D ever comes that is it for us. I think the only time I will see her is when she is put in the grave. If she goes before me. I don't know. My emotions are on overdrive again.

 

Kymmie

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On 9/22/2021 at 3:39 PM, Willow said:

I do check here occasionally so don’t write me off.

Willow, we would never write you off. Your valued insight on life is priceless.

 

Hugs,

 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋🏳️‍🌈🦄

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So the mobile doggie spa, “You Dirty Dog” visited Panda, our Giant Schnauzer today, and while she was getting the beauty treatment I painted a rock for the groomer. She needed it after hiking 40 miles around central Oregon last week!

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19 hours ago, Maddee said:

 Work is totally my social life.  I take any overtime I'm offered.  Bring around people has saved me after so much social distance.  I get along well with almost everyone there.  I think I'm well liked.  Guess I'm just hoping for more, like people including me in conversations or even out-of-work activities.  It will happen.  I am not young but am  learning and growing.😊

Work wasn't just my social life but also my life preserver. Pretty much the only time I could get away from my mental torture was when I was working and listening to music. A survival technique, keep the brain busy so you don't slip into that deep dark hole of dysphoria and depression. It worked until after I retired. I kept busy working on my house, but when that slowed down I fell in.

I really feel it was divine intervention that saved me. That's when I came out to my spouse. It hasn't been easy for either of us, but it's improving. I am slowly being able to be my true self now. I'm not young either, but I feel reborn now that i'm on the right path. Hang in there. It will happen. 🙂

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It’s been one year since I came out to my wife and finally began unwrapping the woman inside of me. My current tasks are to continue the ever-ending battle of changing my name on everything and enjoying the clarity and changes of HRT. I’d like to thank everyone here who helped and encouraged me this past year.

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Day one of road trip vacation has come to an end. We stayed at a place called the Weathervane Inn in Montague, Mi. I don’t know if they’re actually LGBT friendly but I was called miss by the desk clerk when we arrived. I got us a room with an oversized jacuzzi tub, fireplace and a king size bed. This place is pet friendly too so maybe next time we’ll bring our kids. 
 

The drive here was uneventful. We did talk a lot but there was to real opening up about our obvious problems. We’re getting an early start today since I t’s another 3-4 hour drive to our next stop. 

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There were two monarch butterfly chrysalises in the garden I'd been keeping an eye on because they were anchored on leafs that were liable to fall before the butterflies hatched. I looked out the window this morning literally just at the moment one of the leaves fell! I ran out to rescue the chrysalis and found the butterfly had hatched just before the leaf fell off and was crawling on the ground. Monarchs need to hang dry for a few hours before they can fly. This sweetie readily crawled onto my finger and let me take him to a bush to hang. The 2nd picture is the other monarch chrysalis I'm still keeping an eye on. It looks like a fancy piece of jewelry to me. The 3rd bonus picture is a cute atala butterfly enjoying some nectar breakfast. 

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1 hour ago, Vidanjali said:

There were two monarch butterfly chrysalises in the garden I'd been keeping an eye on because they were anchored on leafs that were liable to fall before the butterflies hatched. I looked out the window this morning literally just at the moment one of the leaves fell! I ran out to rescue the chrysalis and found the butterfly had hatched just before the leaf fell off and was crawling on the ground. Monarchs need to hang dry for a few hours before they can fly. This sweetie readily crawled onto my finger and let me take him to a bush to hang. The 2nd picture is the other monarch chrysalis I'm still keeping an eye on. It looks like a fancy piece of jewelry to me. The 3rd bonus picture is a cute atala butterfly enjoying some nectar breakfast. 

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❤️❤️

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1 hour ago, Elizabeth Star said:

Day one of road trip vacation has come to an end. We stayed at a place called the Weathervane Inn in Montague, Mi. I don’t know if they’re actually LGBT friendly but I was called miss by the desk clerk when we arrived. I got us a room with an oversized jacuzzi tub, fireplace and a king size bed. This place is pet friendly too so maybe next time we’ll bring our kids. 
 

The drive here was uneventful. We did talk a lot but there was to real opening up about our obvious problems. We’re getting an early start today since I t’s another 3-4 hour drive to our next stop. 

That’s a good first day on the road. ❤️
 

I hope you have a wonderful trip and fine a real connection as a loving couple.

 

❤️❤️

 

Miny🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

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One of my sisters said she would come back as a butterfly.   I have had them land on me when I've been working outside.   It is always something special.

 

Lovely pix.

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1 hour ago, Vidanjali said:

There were two monarch butterfly chrysalises in the garden I'd been keeping an eye on because they were anchored on leafs that were liable to fall before the butterflies hatched. I looked out the window this morning literally just at the moment one of the leaves fell! I ran out to rescue the chrysalis and found the butterfly had hatched just before the leaf fell off and was crawling on the ground. Monarchs need to hang dry for a few hours before they can fly. This sweetie readily crawled onto my finger and let me take him to a bush to hang. The 2nd picture is the other monarch chrysalis I'm still keeping an eye on. It looks like a fancy piece of jewelry to me. The 3rd bonus picture is a cute atala butterfly enjoying some nectar breakfast. 

20210924_094227.jpg

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This is the dream I have for some day.

 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

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3 hours ago, Vidanjali said:

Monarchs need to hang dry for a few hours before they can fly. This sweetie readily crawled onto my finger and let me take him to a bush to hang.

Will your friend be taking a road trip to Mexico one day? 

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10 hours ago, AgnesBardsie said:

Will your friend be taking a road trip to Mexico one day? 

 

Good question, @AgnesBardsie. What's interesting is that here in South Florida there is a local population of monarchs who do not migrate. They're retired, lol! Unfortunately, because they don't migrate they are much more vulnerable to a protazoan disease called ophryocystis elektroscirrha (OE). Monarch butterflies are hosts for OE and usually it is not a problem (like how humans naturally have bacteria populations in the gut). But when several generations of monarchs are born in the same vicinity, they spread OE to each other at an accelerated rate and when the protazoan load becomes too great, it causes disease. I've researched this a lot to learn to keep my local monarch babies as healthy as possible by taking appropriate precautions. I endeavor to educate local butterfly gardeners too so that together we can help the monarchs thrive. 

 

Btw, love the rocks, and cute pup!! 

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3 hours ago, Vidanjali said:

I endeavor to educate local butterfly gardeners too so that together we can help the monarchs thrive. 

 

Btw, love the rocks, and cute pup!! 

You are educating more than just the locals! I don’t recall seeing many where I live (Vancouver WA). Maybe I just haven’t been attuned to them?!  I will have to keep my eyes open when I take my “pup” for a walk in the future! If I see any I will post pictures!

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Well, Mrs and I had another chat last night.

 

Seems like we're committed to staying together but she's still in mourning over the straight marriage we had for 19 years, but at least is more pleasant about it. 

 

Very worried about how people will perceive her and how we might get bigots making our life less fun. 

 

She has a friend who says this is the third such husband decides to transition during covid in her circle of friends. 

 

And she doesn't want to coach me (but her personality is she really enjoys coaching people whether they want coaching or not!) 

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2 hours ago, RhondaS said:

Seems like we're committed to staying together but she's still in mourning over the straight marriage we had for 19 years, but at least is more pleasant about it.

 

Well, if she's like my spouse, she'll relax a bit once she starts to realize how much happier you are. The psychological benefits make me MUCH more pleasant to live with.

 

Congratulations on your spouse sticking it out though. Not all do, but transitioning is ever so much easier with the support of the person who matters most in your life!

 

Hugs!

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7 hours ago, RhondaS said:

She has a friend who says this is the third such husband decides to transition during covid in her circle of friends.

Interesting.  But maybe not surprising.  

Perhaps some people had more time and reason to reexamine their lives.

For a lot of us that transition later, it didn't seem like an option (if we even knew about it) when we were younger.  And then we just took the easier path to try and fit in.

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12 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

 

Well, if she's like my spouse, she'll relax a bit once she starts to realize how much happier you are.

 

I wish my wife would see that. I am happy when I dress feminine. She would rather see me like I am. and have been for 50 some years. mostly meloncoly.

 

Well had a nice thing happen today. One of our professional customers mechanic came in. I have know him for a few years, worked at Wally world until he deployed in the nat guard. As I was returning with the part he asked for. One of the other guys asked if he needed help. He said no, My coworker said, Oh She is helping you. Once I got back to the counter. My friend asked, "Are you transitioning?" in which I replied"yes, but slowly." He never change his expression or tone of nothing, Just went on with our conversation. It was like OK you are transitioning Ok, next subject. I thought it was nice.

 

Kymmie

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7 hours ago, KymmieL said:

 

I wish my wife would see that. I am happy when I dress feminine. She would rather see me like I am. and have been for 50 some years. mostly meloncoly.

 

Well had a nice thing happen today. One of our professional customers mechanic came in. I have know him for a few years, worked at Wally world until he deployed in the nat guard. As I was returning with the part he asked for. One of the other guys asked if he needed help. He said no, My coworker said, Oh She is helping you. Once I got back to the counter. My friend asked, "Are you transitioning?" in which I replied"yes, but slowly." He never change his expression or tone of nothing, Just went on with our conversation. It was like OK you are transitioning Ok, next subject. I thought it was nice.

 

Kymmie

Those moments are the best

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What prompted this latest big discussion with Mrs was her invite to accompany her to a friend's party...she always lets me decline such invites due to my established introverted personality. 


At least she now knows that the message that "there'll be guys there he can hang out with" isn't a good selling point with me. 

 

Went in guy mode but since starting on the happy pills I am not as closed up as I used to be, and she's the one who wanted to leave first for once.

 

If this happens a few more times, to @Jackie C.'s point, she'll realize that I really am happier and nicer to be around if I'm not hiding away defending a fortress of solitude and it will end up helping her deal with all the angst she has over 'losing'  her husband. 

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13 hours ago, KymmieL said:

 

I wish my wife would see that. I am happy when I dress feminine. She would rather see me like I am. and have been for 50 some years. mostly meloncoly.

 

Well had a nice thing happen today. One of our professional customers mechanic came in. I have know him for a few years, worked at Wally world until he deployed in the nat guard. As I was returning with the part he asked for. One of the other guys asked if he needed help. He said no, My coworker said, Oh She is helping you. Once I got back to the counter. My friend asked, "Are you transitioning?" in which I replied"yes, but slowly." He never change his expression or tone of nothing, Just went on with our conversation. It was like OK you are transitioning Ok, next subject. I thought it was nice.

 

Kymmie

It takes time with wives. Mine is slowly getting better all the time. It's been about 9 months since I came out to mine.

 

I love hearing the good stuff like this. Congrats. We went to a family function yesterday. I gave my neice a hug goodby and she wispered in my ear, "You look pretty today". It was a good feeling.

 

I thought there was only one other trans woman besides me in my town of about 12,000 people. I found out there is at least three others here. One is a nurse. I suspected I wasn't alone. Every once in a while I see someone when i'm out, and my brain says "something is different with that person". I don't ask. It would be pretty awkward if they weren't, like asking an overweight woman when the baby is due when she's not pregnant.

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2 hours ago, RhondaS said:

Went in guy mode but since starting on the happy pills I am not as closed up as I used to be, and she's the one who wanted to leave first for once.

 

Oh yeah. Still introverted, but I'm much more likely to do the outgoing, social thing until my batteries are down around 20%. I just did a meetup with a bunch of other LGBT+ people last night. I had a room full of strangers , we just talked about stuff for three and a half hours over drinks and shared contact information. I had a blast.

 

1 hour ago, Jamie68 said:

I thought there was only one other trans woman besides me in my town of about 12,000 people.

 

Well, mathematically, there should be about 60, though we tend to congregate in city enclaves more than small towns. Though thinking about it, an entire trans town would be kind of awesome.

 

Hugs!

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I was just thinking about the fact that DES may be the reason that i'm trans. 

In the long run, it really doesn't matter why I am what I am.

It is nice to know though that there really is a reason for it. Turns out I'm not crazy.

I'm still a freak of nature, but a happier one now that I know i'm not the cause of it.

Another fine example of what happens when we mess around with mother nature.🤨

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