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Good morning All. Coffees on.


KymmieL

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1 hour ago, Teri Anne said:

But sit down and really think sensibly no body can erase anyone and why in the world would anyone think that.

You have the same rights as anyone else. Sure her parents don't have to accept her but she can move out on her own too.

I am sure neither of my parents would have accepted me being trans but I lost both mine when I was in my teens and 20s.

To this date not one single friend of mine from years past tried to "erase" me for being trans 99% have gotten used to it.

That's great for you, but many of us don't have that experience, and are continually faced with erasure. Just please try to be empathetic with those that don't have that. Also, many of us will never look like a "woman". Pronouns and such are important. I do understand where you're coming from, but please don't take your experience as that of all of us. If I'm reading you wrong, please accept my apologies in advance. Big hugs to all ❤

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My wife is my rock and my whole world.  We’ve just had an emotional and beautiful conversation about my fears for the future. I have been afraid that I would lose her eventually as I slowly transition into becoming Diana full time.

She told me I’m the love of her life and she can’t see herself being with anyone else. She is in this for the long haul and whatever comes we will face it together.  We have been married 16 and a half years and we do have an uncommon love.

I don’t know what I did to deserve such an amazing woman. I feel blessed and incredibly lucky. I love her with all my heart and I’m feeling more hopeful that we can take this journey together.

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2 hours ago, Becoming Diana said:

She is in this for the long haul and whatever comes we will face it together. 

What a beautiful sentiment!

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We had freezing rain and drizzle on Saturday night and I never really considered how steep my driveway is. For safety with driving in bad weather we decided to use my Jeep as our primary vehicle and have been parking it at the top of the driveway. Anyways, I needed to get out to the store Sunday morning. As soon as I put it in gear I started sliding. I was able to get in 4wd within a matter of seconds but it didn't help. I ended up sliding backwards down the drive. I hit the garbage can and launched it into the front of my work car. By this time I was way off course and with with my wheels spinning forward, turned half sideways, sliding backwards, met the garbage can at front of my work car. This is going to be fun trying explain how I wrecked it while it was parked at my house. I see payroll deductions in my future. I was able to finally get my Jeep back to the top and took my partner's car which was parked in the garage at the bottom instead. Of course when I returned an hour later the ice had all melted.

 

I told my partner about my new consult date and she exploded. I fully accept that I have a problem with holding things in and not talking about them. Wonder why? I was sent to sleep in the guest room...again. She mentioned that it'll interfere with her transplant. I pointed out she's not even on the list yet (bad idea). Supposedly that doesn't matter. I'm also now/still a liar for not talking with her about it first(?). From what I'm able to gather, I'm supposed to talk with her (get her permission) before I do anything for myself. On the plus side, I wasn't told to cancel it. Four months is still a long time for things to change.

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16 hours ago, Bri2020 said:

Sitting here on vacation just waiting for the phone to ring telling me my FFS is cancelled due to hospitals overcrowded :(. Maryland is just being hammered with admissions. I'm 90% confident I'm not getting my surgery in less than 2 weeks from now.

Maybe I should go hit the bar ;)

 

Happy thoughts sweetie. I got in and out with my revision because the doctor didn't have to keep me overnight. No overnights meant I wasn't taking up a bed. Maybe you'll get the same.

 

Hugs!

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12 hours ago, AgnesBardsie said:

My understanding is that the Old Testament Hebrew is a lot more nuanced than how it's translated into English. Jesus summary is pretty clear: Love God and Love your Neighbor. Interesting how many times the word Love appears.

 

@AgnesBardsie, you are correct about OT Hebrew being more nuanced. This is especially true of the King James Bible, translated in 1603, and language use and meaning has changed a bit over the past 400 years. You're also right about what Jesus taught. He also said that God gave us three great gifts--Faith, Hope and Love and the greatest of these is love. Pretty clear, imho.

 

As for the Old Testament, gay love is mentioned in Genesis, Leviticus, 1 Samuel, 1 Kings and in Ruth. It is divided into at least 3 categories including sexual love, platonic love and romantic love and not all are condemned. 

 

@Willowgender dysphoria is NOT mentioned at all in the Bible--Old and New Testaments. In fact, it's only been recognized as a "thing" within the last 30 years or so. The church as a whole is divided on this issue, and as our understanding of the human condition grows, so does our understanding of Scripture.

 

Anyway, this thread is probably best continued on the Christianity forum or via PM.

 

Hugs.

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10 minutes ago, Marcie Jensen said:

 

Anyway, this thread is probably best continued on the Christianity forum or via PM.

Probably.

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14 hours ago, Jamey said:

That's great for you, but many of us don't have that experience, and are continually faced with erasure. Just please try to be empathetic with those that don't have that. Also, many of us will never look like a "woman". Pronouns and such are important. I do understand where you're coming from, but please don't take your experience as that of all of us. If I'm reading you wrong, please accept my apologies in advance. Big hugs to all ❤

People these days always take me the wrong way so thats nothing new Jamey.

I know everyone is different as are their situations but people these days are too sensitive and think you are talking about them personally when you aren't.

Too many people have a victim mentality and stay perpetually offended.

I have worked with the LGBT and dealt with trans youth and adults and that is an observation I have made over many years.

I can't tell you how many I have had to pull out of a perpetual victimhood  mind set.

When they realize they don't have to be a victim their lives get a lot better.

Of course its up to them to get out that kind of situation I just gave them the key.

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11 hours ago, Jandi said:

I personally think trying to reconcile being transgender with the Bible is a bit of a stretch.

 

I mean no offense to the Christians here.  

Good morning everyone 

 

second cup better than the first.

 

I often write as if everyone knows what I am saying.  Clearly did it again.  I wasn’t trying to say the Bible said it was ok, only that the Bible didn’t speak directly against us like it does in the Old Testament specifically about gays.  May wife is very conservative on such matter and has a difficult time with me.  She still loves me or she’d be long gone.  She also has a hard time with sexuality verses gender.  And Sex verses Gender.  (We can have some rather deep discussions at times.j

 

if I am reading a book that has a paragraph or a chapter that I think will help her understand me I have her read it. 
 

Speaking of books to read, I recommend reading “The Alphabet of Hope”. It’s is an Amazon book available for Kindle or in paperback.  It is a series of essays written by different people who are all part of the LGBTQI group.  My good friend Lillith is listed as the author and she was certainly a large contributor but with all the contributions written by others I don’t think author is really the correct term.  She gathered the stories and an editor arranged the order and may have gotten some of the stories as well.  
 

There is a very emotional essay written by Lillith about a close friend that committed suicide.

 

Willow

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3 hours ago, Elizabeth Star said:

I fully accept that I have a problem with holding things in and not talking about them. Wonder why?

@Elizabeth Star Fear is a strong motivator when it comes to the Why?  But it's a double edged sword. Give it up and be an open book.  You will still experience some grief but you'll be happier in the long run.  

 

Sorry about the car.  I recontoured my driveway a number of years ago because it was steep.  We had slid down every angle possible.  

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One last comment here anything further will be moved.  The Bible does mention transgenders but usind the name they were called in biblical times.  Eunuchs!  People like us have been around for thousands of years not just the last 30 (I may be taking your comment wrong here). Gender Identity Disorder was the name first used by DSM and it was changed when DSM 5 was published just a few years ago to Gender Dysphoria because of the connotation of the word “disorder “

 

And scholars agree that through the many translations and versions of the Bible many words have lost their meaning from Ancient Greek.  They are trying to retranslate but that is difficult 

 

Willow

 

and now I’m getting ready to go out.  See you later.

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3 hours ago, Elizabeth Star said:

From what I'm able to gather, I'm supposed to talk with her (get her permission) before I do anything for myself. On the plus side, I wasn't told to cancel it. Four months is still a long time for things to change.

Lizzy, I'm sorry you're on such a roller coaster of emotions, with your partner.

Did the your jeep and company car actually impact or did the trashcan soften the impact? I hope the insurance companies work out any repairs that need to be taken care of.

 

Hugs,

 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

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I remember one of my talks with my father before he passed.

My two younger brothers had passed, my mother had passed.

Youngest brother of aids, next younger brother of a heart attack, mom of cancer.

I asked my father, how did you survive losing two sons and a wife?

He said, "I lost 3 sons and a wife".

This is a true story.

LM.

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Forgot to mention, father didn't dis-own me. He still loved me. 

 

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2 hours ago, Mmindy said:

Lizzy, I'm sorry you're on such a roller coaster of emotions, with your partner.

Did the your jeep and company car actually impact or did the trashcan soften the impact? I hope the insurance companies work out any repairs that need to be taken care of.

 

Hugs,

 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

My Jeep impacted. my Jeep is fine btw, big surprise. Not a mark on it. 
 

2A6180C3-F32C-4438-B50D-839A3EC184A4.jpeg

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2 hours ago, Jani said:

 Fear is a strong motivator when it comes to the Why?  But it's a double edged sword. Give it up and be an open book.  You will still experience some grief but you'll be happier in the long run.  

It’s the “why?” Part I’m questioning. When I comes to friends I have no problems with my words but just can’t with my partner.  I feel it’s a trauma response. I see my GT tomorrow and it just so happens that she also works with trauma victims. I’ll see what she says about it. 

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5 hours ago, Elizabeth Star said:

I told my partner about my new consult date and she exploded. 

Whenever I get a reaction like that from someone, I smell manipulation. My first thought is that it’s likely an attempt to change a decision through fear and intimidation. It’s a short circuit of the discussion process where two people disagree on something and rather than try to come up with a compromise which can take a lot of effort it slams the door shut on even the prospect of talking about it.  My wife struggled with this phenomenon for years. She went through counseling and got prescribed ADHD medication. Vast difference. Apparently there was a short circuit in the executive function in the brain which she couldn’t override no matter how hard she tried. ADHD presents itself differently in women than men, and not all therapists are up to date on new research we found. The important thing to take away from this is that you can’t take the blame for her reaction. It’s not a rational way to have a discussion about differences of any magnitude. Think of it this way. Some people are built like Jeeps and others are not.

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The issue of a life partner being upset is understandable to me. It is a difficult thing for anybody to find out that their loved is not what they thought they were getting when they married. Decades ago when I was married, we struggled to have a child. I thought it was me at first. Then more history came out about my ex-wife's endometriosis---one miscarriage turned out to actually be five elective abortions before she ever met me. That and a few other things (not really working when she said she was called into the hospital when supposedly on-call, conveniently arranging her work days to coincide when I was off. 

 

Not everybody is going to be supportive of their partner changing gender. It is a difficult journey at best. I am fortunate right now in that I am on my own. It is much easier in that regard. 

 

Regarding the religious aspects, I had the opportunity to tell both an aunt and uncle who are devout Southern Baptists. I prefaced everything I was going to tell them that we often talk about the body being a shell. I explained to them that what makes us, us, is our soul. I then went on to explain that I believed my soul has been in the wrong shell/body since conception. This resonated with them. I then answered every question they had. They have embraced me more than their kids have.

 

Relationships can be fraught with all types of communication issues. In many ways I got lucky. I cannot fathom having to tell a life partner. I would be scared to death. 

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1 hour ago, Elizabeth Star said:

It’s the “why?” Part I’m questioning. When I comes to friends I have no problems with my words but just can’t with my partner.  I feel it’s a trauma response. I see my GT tomorrow and it just so happens that she also works with trauma victims. I’ll see what she says about it. 

I wass talking to my good freind who is also transgender and she said that because of what we go through before admiting that we are transgender that we have PTSD. I never reall thought of it that way but it does make since.

 

Huggs

Billie

 

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2 hours ago, Elizabeth Star said:

My Jeep impacted. my Jeep is fine btw, big surprise. Not a mark on it. 

My knee jerk reaction is... Oh that'll buff out... In reality I hope it's just a simple replacement of the plastic bumper cover. As a former accident investigator for a trucking company. We quit calling them accidents in the 1980s, and started calling them crashes. Taking the weather conditions into consideration, I would list this as an accident, and hope your insurance company has an accident forgiveness program.

 

GoJeep,

 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

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2 hours ago, Elizabeth Star said:

I see my GT tomorrow

Hugs, and all the positive energy sent your way as you go to therapy.

 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

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I rejoined Facebook after several years away for the laser specific reason of joining local trans groups. First order of business was basically to block anyone I knew who I wasn't ready to tell.

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5 hours ago, Elizabeth Star said:

It’s the “why?” Part I’m questioning. When I comes to friends I have no problems with my words but just can’t with my partner.

@Elizabeth Star The "why" goes back to the original word, Fear.  Friends are largely replaceable, so if they reject you its a loss you can easily get over.  They don't know your deep down thoughts or love you on the level that your spouse does.  Losing her would be devastating; on a totally different level.  So thats why many have trouble telling their closest friend.  I know I did.  My counselor had to prod me to do it.  Coming clean is hard but it can be cathartic.  Staying clean with no secrets is liberating.  I would recommend working on it.  You may find life is easy overall.

 

Jani 

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10 hours ago, Katie23 said:

The issue of a life partner being upset is understandable to me. It is a difficult thing for anybody to find out that their loved is not what they thought they were getting when they married. Decades ago when I was married, we struggled to have a child. I thought it was me at first. Then more history came out about my ex-wife's endometriosis---one miscarriage turned out to actually be five elective abortions before she ever met me. That and a few other things (not really working when she said she was called into the hospital when supposedly on-call, conveniently arranging her work days to coincide when I was off. 

 

Not everybody is going to be supportive of their partner changing gender. It is a difficult journey at best. I am fortunate right now in that I am on my own. It is much easier in that regard. 

 

Regarding the religious aspects, I had the opportunity to tell both an aunt and uncle who are devout Southern Baptists. I prefaced everything I was going to tell them that we often talk about the body being a shell. I explained to them that what makes us, us, is our soul. I then went on to explain that I believed my soul has been in the wrong shell/body since conception. This resonated with them. I then answered every question they had. They have embraced me more than their kids have.

 

Relationships can be fraught with all types of communication issues. In many ways I got lucky. I cannot fathom having to tell a life partner. I would be scared to death. 

I too have found religious people to be very understanding and accepting if you just explain everything. I have several very religious friends and they had lots of questions and when I explained everything calmly it was like a light went on and they understood I was not some evil piece of the devils minions out to get them.

 

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Liz I feel for you and your situation sounds a lot like everything is to be done her way and you and your opinions don't really matter.

My 2nd ex was a complete control freak and if I spoke up I had to suffer her wrath.

Days on end of the cold shoulder.

A lot of it was my fault for not speaking up and challenging her or telling her no.

She told me that if I had been less of a "nice guy" and not so understanding it might have worked out.

When I came out to her she was not surprised al all.

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