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Good morning All. Coffees on.


KymmieL

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Well, I saw my endo today and she started my HRT. I was so relieved, but there was a problem with the pharmacy and my insurance. I think it's been straightened out, but by the time I found out, it was too late to get my script today. I'm glad I didn't sit outside the pharmacy and wait, like I wanted to. It took hours and it is... so cold here. I am so nervous and excited. I have wanted this for so long. I just hope I can sleep tonight.

 

@Erica GabrielThanks for pointing out the blogs. I hadn't made it that far yet. I read your first year, which I thought was pretty interesting and well written, and I read a couple of other posts as well. I hope I can tell my story too!

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Saw my GP this morning and things went well ...... She said that she sees a BIG difference in me since I came out as female. Attitude, happy, confident, everything is different for the better. She has never known me to be other than depressed, lack of self esteem, self-depreciating etc. over the years.  I thanked her and felt humbled by her comments but extremely elated by knowing I am doing something right. :)

She did a breast exam at my request and said yes they are growing and the hurt / tenderness is normal. 1.5 inches in 3 months.

She called me into office as she had seem a swollen lymph node on an ultrasound. She is not worried about it as it should go back to normal.

All in All a very positive day even with the high wind chill.

 

Big warm Canadian Hugs

Joni Steph

 

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4 hours ago, Mattie Anne said:

Well, I saw my endo today and she started my HRT. I was so relieved, but there was a problem with the pharmacy and my insurance. I think it's been straightened out, but by the time I found out, it was too late to get my script today. I'm glad I didn't sit outside the pharmacy and wait, like I wanted to. It took hours and it is... so cold here. I am so nervous and excited. I have wanted this for so long. I just hope I can sleep tonight.

 

Oh, sorry about the delay, but otherwise: Congrats!!! 🎉

 

I was in much the same position just a couple weeks ago, got the HRT prescription but had to wait to get it filled. Definitely an odd mix of frustration and excitement! Hope it goes really quick for you and you can get it next day!

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@Mattie Anne congrats! what an exciting time for you.

@Elizabeth Star I feel you. You've had to hide things for so long and then face emotional trauma when you finally started revealing things. Your hiding things is just a conditional response for both of you now. Gonna have to break that cycle which will be challenging. She probably won't change her responses for quite some time but if things are to get better, unfortunately you're going to have to suffer through some blowback for awhile. I wish you the best.

 

I was sitting in my hotel room after a day of avoiding reality when the phone rang and the caller ID said it was the hospital I'm scheduled for FFS at.  I almost didn't answer. My heart just sank as I picked it up expecting the cancellation notice. Turns out just to be the people who do insurance stuff for pre admissions.  They had no info on where things stand regarding "elective" surgeries being cancelled or not.  30 minutes later I go an email from my surgeons office saying that I had a message from them in my patient portal.  I logged on with dread. 

Turns out to be good news on a different front. I"M SCHEDULED FOR VAGINOPLASTY SEPT 20th!  

I hate this emotional roller coaster.

OK, off to avoid reality again and do some diving.

Pic of me avoiding things yesterday with my new double tank sidemount system:25B1B14C-449D-465B-84E6-C3B51105E398_1_201_a.thumb.jpeg.12b717faf1c81b4c3a6ce5420d2cf1fa.jpeg

 

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Day two....

She's still angry. When I got home from work, As usual I went straight to guest room to change my clothes and just said "hey" as I passed as I passed her. I worked on out kitchen for a few minutes but decided to get some cleaning done instead. With the number of dishes in the sink, clothes on the bathroom floor and small random pieces of garbage on the floor, I feel like I live with a teenager. Regardless, I got it all cleaned up and even put away the Christmas tree. It wasn't until I tried to watch some TV that she wandered out to make her dinner (something I rarely ever see) and yell at me some more. Yes I had agreed to hold off on any major changes until after her transplant but that was many, many months ago when she told me the cigarette in her hand was the last one. As she was explaining her reasons for not quitting (the fight she started with her family, her health and of course me) I was having a hard time trying to not crack a smile. Her excuses seem extremely counter productive and for lack of a better term...pathetic.

 

Later on she needed me to get something from our neighbor. What threw me off was that she yelled Liz across the house to get my attention when I needed to go next door. It was a first. Upon hearing my name I snapped to attention and went to the neighbors.

 

It was also offered that I could return to our bedroom to sleep. I had literally just moved and plugged in my chargers when she said it. Without a word I stayed my course. I think we need a little separation. Besides, the guest room is a lot warmer and I have control of the TV. If I returned to our room it would be a matter of days before we start fighting again. I'm done fighting.

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1 hour ago, Elizabeth Star said:

Day two....

She's still angry. When I got home from work, As usual I went straight to guest room to change my clothes and just said "hey" as I passed as I passed her. I worked on out kitchen for a few minutes but decided to get some cleaning done instead. With the number of dishes in the sink, clothes on the bathroom floor and small random pieces of garbage on the floor, I feel like I live with a teenager. Regardless, I got it all cleaned up and even put away the Christmas tree. It wasn't until I tried to watch some TV that she wandered out to make her dinner (something I rarely ever see) and yell at me some more. Yes I had agreed to hold off on any major changes until after her transplant but that was many, many months ago when she told me the cigarette in her had was the last one. As she was explaining her reasons for not quitting (the fight she started with her family, her health and of course me) I was having a hard time trying to not crack a smile. Her excuses seem extremely counter productive and for lack of a better term...pathetic.

 

Later on she needed me to get something from our neighbor. What threw me off was that she yelled Liz across the house to get my attention when I needed to go next door. It was a first. Upon hearing my name I snapped to attention and went to the neighbors.

 

It was also offered that I could return to our bedroom to sleep. I had literally just moved and plugged in my chargers when she said it. Without a word I stayed my course. I think we need a little separation. Besides, the guest room is a lot warmer and I have control of the TV. If I returned to our room it would be a matter of days before we start fighting again. I'm done fighting.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I've said this before, you and I have such similar wives and situations that we must be related. Life really sucks at times. Take a deep breath and listen to some good music. You can't change her. All you can do is take care of your own well being. She knows all your trigger points. Don't let her use them against you. Be calm and precice with your conversations. Just like the judicial system, anything you say and do can and WILL be used against you. If it possibly can be misconstrewed in her favor, it WILL be. Wives don't forget anything. I hope you gals can weather through this.❤️

Jamie.jpg

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@Elizabeth Staryour difficulties with your wife are hard for me to read because it hits to close to home. My previous marriage had a similar dynamic and it was no surprise to anyone I knew when I left her for someone else. I hope you’re able to experience unconditional love in your lifetime.

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14 hours ago, Jani said:

They don't know your deep down thoughts or love you on the level that your spouse does.  Losing her would be devastating; on a totally different level.  So that's why many have trouble telling their closest friend.  I know I did.  My counselor had to prod me to do it.  Coming clean is hard but it can be cathartic.  Staying clean with no secrets is liberating.  I would recommend working on it.  You may find life is easy overall.

Good morning everyone,

 

The house is quiet, just the ticking of the kitchen clock can be heard over the muffled chirps of the birds at the feeders. Well just as I typed that peaceful line, the furnace kicked on... Because it's 12° F and sunny outside.

The coffee is HOT, black, and strong in my thick ceramic mug.

 

@JaniThis advice you shared with @Elizabeth Staris so sound, we all should practice it. I'm also pained in telling my Suzie, about my real fears, and discomfort. Thank you for sharing it with us.

 

Hugs, (masked where required)

 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

 

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12 hours ago, Teri Anne said:

A lot of it was my fault for not speaking up and challenging her or telling her no.

She told me that if I had been less of a "nice guy" and not so understanding it might have worked out.

When I came out to her she was not surprised al all.

My situation was similar in some ways.  I was, and still am, a mostly passive sort of person.  My ex was always bothered when I wasn't assertive enough (when she wanted me to be).  I just wasn't one of those Alpha-type guys - which is not surprising, considering.  And I had learned to keep my true feelings quiet, so I didn't really want to argue when I thought she was wrong about something.  I mean, it was just my opinion anyway, right?

She had insisted on separate rooms for about a year before we actually split - which hurt me a lot.

I was not out at the time and still fighting my internal transphobia.

I actually was the one that left, but really it was over anyway.  And I didn't want her to have to find another place to go.  It still hurts.

 

On the plus side, it was only when I got away from what had become a toxic situation that I was free to dig into my self and admit there was a girl inside.  

 

I am still friends with my ex.  When I came out to her she was not surprised either.

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  • Forum Moderator
17 hours ago, HaraSurya said:

I rejoined Facebook after several years away for the laser specific reason of joining local trans groups. First order of business was basically to block anyone I knew who I wasn't ready to tell.

 

Second order of business for me was to block the creepy old dudes who kept hitting on me. Ew.

 

Hugs!

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It is a delicate balance between spouse's/partners regardless of the situations.

For my spouse it was the fear of me walking out, she felt 'Linda' stole her husband from her.

When she realized I wasn't going to leave her and the kids, the talks began, and concessions started

and we worked it out. 

 

 

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4 hours ago, Elizabeth Star said:

Day two....

She's still angry. When I got home from work, As usual I went straight to guest room to change my clothes and just said "hey" as I passed as I passed her. I worked on out kitchen for a few minutes but decided to get some cleaning done instead. With the number of dishes in the sink, clothes on the bathroom floor and small random pieces of garbage on the floor, I feel like I live with a teenager. Regardless, I got it all cleaned up and even put away the Christmas tree. It wasn't until I tried to watch some TV that she wandered out to make her dinner (something I rarely ever see) and yell at me some more. Yes I had agreed to hold off on any major changes until after her transplant but that was many, many months ago when she told me the cigarette in her hand was the last one. As she was explaining her reasons for not quitting (the fight she started with her family, her health and of course me) I was having a hard time trying to not crack a smile. Her excuses seem extremely counter productive and for lack of a better term...pathetic.

 

Later on she needed me to get something from our neighbor. What threw me off was that she yelled Liz across the house to get my attention when I needed to go next door. It was a first. Upon hearing my name I snapped to attention and went to the neighbors.

 

It was also offered that I could return to our bedroom to sleep. I had literally just moved and plugged in my chargers when she said it. Without a word I stayed my course. I think we need a little separation. Besides, the guest room is a lot warmer and I have control of the TV. If I returned to our room it would be a matter of days before we start fighting again. I'm done fighting.

@Elizabeth Star
OMG girl my heart goes out to you.As I read this the memories of my late wife came flooding back, as I my experiance was so simular. My wife was an alcholic and had sever liver disease and was on a transplant waiting list provided she quit drinking. She never did and her excuses was to blame everyone and everything for inability to quit and so the disease won. I was not out back then but I was secertly cross dressing and battleing gender disphoria which at the time I didnt even know what that was I just knew that this female inside of me was making my life miserable. I will be keeping you in my thoughts and hoping that your partner will have the courage to stop and that you two can eventually have a good life togther.

 

Hugs

Billie.

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Well, for those of you who need a laugh, I put a couple cakes in the oven. They now look like a couple of mushrooms. I looked at the instructions again and it reads pour into 2, 8" round pans. I totally missed the 2 part. Poured it into 1 pan. 🤨

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2 minutes ago, Jamie68 said:

Well, for those of you who need a laugh, I put a couple cakes in the oven. They now look like a couple of mushrooms. I looked at the instructions again and it reads pour into 2, 8" round pans. I totally missed the 2 part. Poured it into 1 pan. 🤨

 

I would never laugh at your mushroom cake, but... yeah. Two layers so you can put frosting between.

 

Hugs!

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4 minutes ago, Jamie68 said:

Well, for those of you who need a laugh, I put a couple cakes in the oven. They now look like a couple of mushrooms. I looked at the instructions again and it reads pour into 2, 8" round pans. I totally missed the 2 part. Poured it into 1 pan. 🤨

Correction. 9" round pans 

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6 minutes ago, Jackie C. said:

 

I would never laugh at your mushroom cake, but... yeah. Two layers so you can put frosting between.

 

Hugs!

Thanks. I think I can shave the crown and make a 3 layer cake 🎂 

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Hi everyone

 

My wife and I are sitting in the library.  No the boat doesn't have one.  We figured we could go to the public library to be warm.  I know for many of you this is warm, down to 30 last night.  But, when you are on an uninsulated boat, a 1500 wat electric heater doesn't do much.  it was 58 inside this morning.

 

Lots of good medical news today.  congratulations!

 

Some not so good.  Liz, sorry you are still have a bad time.

 

@Bri2020 Are you a deep diver a cave diver or what?  I the picture of the side mount tanks.  I am an open water instructor for Naui and SSI.  But I have not paid for insurance for a number of years so I can't actually instruct anymore Not worth the $700 minimum.

 

I think I will look for a different heater.  possibly one that doesn't use electricity.

 

Willow

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Always good to read the instructions more than once. LOL.

 

My second ex always liked starting fights even when her Mom would visit and talk about awkward that was. Her Mom would say what is wrong with her?

I would say you got me she does this all the time.

My guess is she wanted me to leave.

Being my second wife she bugged me about putting her on my bank account and on the the mortgage and I would never do that.

She had her own bank account so I am sure she had a not so nice reason for wanting into my financial affairs.

After my first marriage ending in a cheating wife I never trusted women all that much.

Being crapped on twice by women made it hard when I dated an old female friend..

I just couldn't commit and yes I had come out to her about being trans before we started dating.

She was more than understanding and we even went out together as two women.

She would get off as two women kissing or holding hands in public which was fine with me.

But my lack of commitment issues and being hurt in many relationships I had reached to point I had to cut it off with her.

It was really painful but we are still friends.

 

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What to chime in here today? First boats, If my wife and I were going through what a member is going through,

my wife would of sunk the boat with me in it.

 

Relationships. Wife and I have a joint account, and we both have separate accounts.

 

Shaving the crown. I'm going to cry now. My hair used to fall on my breast, then

I went mental and shaved my head. I even got rid of everything 'Linda'.

 

Mushroom cake, sounds interesting. Will I enter Alter State? (shroom movie)

 

 

 

Today26B.jpg

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Oh, I forgot the separate bedrooms.

When the kids moved out, I moved out of the master bedroom and took one of the rooms.

Wife is a light sleeper, I snore, separate bedrooms brought us closer.

It also gave us much needed freedom. I don't live in the basement, just can't take

pictures upstairs. 

 

 

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My separate bed room. Not sure how many years ago.(I know it is before I went mental).

Wife did the decorating for me. 

 

We also went on to build our own rooms to our own liking.

I still use the master bath, I mean gosh, I just spent $10,000 on the remodel.

 

So my life at home, little by little, comes out.

LM

 

 

thumbnail_LM zy2011_12 Pink on Line (On line with my friends) 2011.jpg

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